If you're a member of the 800 Club, you already know how much fun it is to call tele-evang
If you're a member of the 800 Club, you already know how much fun it is to
call tele-evangelists on their toll-free numbers. If you're new to this game,
here's a way to cost those Nazzes (Falwell types) hundreds of thousands of
dollars, and have a great time, to boot. Or should we say, to sabot.
In the last year alone, Pagans, Gays, and others have cost Falwell alone
nearly one-half million dollars, according to Falwell's own figures by calling
the toll free number and hanging up.
If you'd like to get in on the excitement, here's how to play.
First, pick one of the numbers listed below. Dial and let it ring until
they answer. Hang up. You've just cost them a dollar. That's a dollar they
would have otherwise spent on squelching free speech, persecuting Gays,
Pagans, and others, lobbying your representative in Washington, destroying
indigenous cultures, and other Nazztiness.
If you'd like to play the advanced version of this game, engage the phone
operators in conversation. Every minute on the line costs them more money.
Ask for free literature and have them send it to addresses that don't exist.
If you've got a P.O. Box, get on their mailing list--it costs them a full $12
a year to maintain you.
So call up often and ask for pamphlets. Be polite and sound sincere. You
can use the literature they sent to fuel your fireplace in the winter or line
your guinea pig cage. It makes for some spooky reading, too.
Be careful, though. Some will want to convert you on the phone. Just say,
"I'd like to read some of your literature first." They'll send it right off,
and that'll cost them even more money.
Or, just keep them on the phone. Read to them from "How to Make Love to a
Man," or other piece of literary nonsense. They'll often hang on to see how
the book'll turn out and each minute on will cost them more money.
Remember to call often. These people are out to get you. They are not
nice people going about their own spiritual business. It is their stated
purpose to take over the world with their brand of religion, supressing your
life and personal spirituality as they do it. Fight back NOW! Go ahead. You
can do it. It's fun and it works. Dial a nazz today.
And remember, this article is free to any publication or individual who
wants to copy and distribute it. Give one to each of your friends (makes a
great stocking stuffer) and send copies to sympathetic magazines and
newsletters everywhere. The life you save will be your own!
* Some numbers are only on during certain hours. Some groups change their
numbers if we're costing them too much.
1-800-446-0700 The Seven Hundred Club.
1-800-368-3336 Falwell's Pregnancy Hotline--help for pregnant women and
girls. You betcha.
1-800-345-8095 Become a PTL/Falwell Faith Partner.
1-800-548-7000 To adopt and convert a whole village in India by trickery.
They show free movies--the only cost is your soul--and make
outrageous promises to desperate people.
1-800-423-4444 The World Wide Church of God.
1-800-387-0690 Huntley Street, the conservative branch of the PTL.
1-800-522-5397 Mike Evans Ministries to convert the Jews.
1-800-872-6600 Send bibles to Russia--as if they don't have enough problems
1-800-HIS-LOVE Prophecy Countdown--these people are very off the wall and
outspokenly anti-Pagan and anti-Gay.
1-800-648-5555 Christian Broadcasting Network.
E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank