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| There Ain't No Justice |
| #73 |
- Retrospection -
by Agnostic Messiah
boo! it's me again, you're friendly neighborhood messiah. just got done
looking through the older tanj files for some inspiration. didn't help much..
but that seven derfs is a good one.. definately.. boffo yuks.. anyhoo..
things have changed so drastically since last year it isnt even funny.
just reading over old buffers, old tanjes, and old derf files bring back
memories.. wwowowowo. back then the big thing was to 'bash goober!'. still
is, sorta, to some people. i dunno, he/i/everyone is just plain different
nowadays.. everyone seems to get along a helluva lot better.. i dun get why.
it's kinda depressing, ya know, seeing yer good friends going off to college
and all. wow, lets see, kari, gleen, creon, spart.. umm umm Im missing many
others Im sure, and my apologies to them.. they're just plain not gonna be
here anymore. weird feeling. i suppose new geeks will turn up, as they always
have a habit of doing.. like kitten, and willis.. oh well, whatever happens,
happens, i suppose.. still gonna be strange. hmm.
i was sitting here, plopped in front of the computer for a good long time,
talking to da geeks on c/c about some guy with the handle "Dr. Love", who
tries to help people. i suppose helping people is a great plan and all, but
this Doc doesnt know when to shut the fuck up. people say he's helped them
out a great deal.. i dont get it. how can a complete stranger help?! isn't
that why people have friends?! so they can talk to them and feel secure that
they wont flip out on you or say, "my god, you're one fucked up bastard!"
i dunno. people always say, "oh, people are so confusing," or "men are so
confusing," or "women are so confusing,".. bleh. people are never confusing
when you know their thought processes.. which is something i often try to do.
i think, "why does this person say that? why do they do the things they do?"
usually helps me understand people. might work fer you.
i'm still just this guy.
it's weird.. whenever i see something(someone?) i want, i go for it, but
it's not really there. is it just me!? anyone!? "yes loc, it's called being
frustrated" why thank you, disembodied mind.
bbsing is a strange world, it is it is. i call up the friendly chat system
local to me often, to get the latest news&rumors, for a good time. i smile
when i hear of all these guys jumping over a certain female (she knows who
she is!), which is a perfectly natural occurance. but i find it completely
fucked up when guys, who havent even MET this female in question, decide
that she is 'theirs' and that she, of course, must be his. usually, i laugh
at these people. not in their face tho. maybe i should start that, just to
make them take a second look at how completely ridiculous they are being.
i, of course, at one time had an interest in the female in question.. she
probably knew/knows.. but it just changed into a really good friendship. i
dunno how else to explain it. hmm.
i read on the friendly "wall" on this local chat system how
cyber/relationships never work.. and I laugh once more.. as I see good friends
of mine with the same partner for about a year.. i dunno.. just like life
I suppose.. then again, this is my life..
and why is that so sad in your mind? "aww, poor guy, lives his life off a BBS,
how lame." well, well, well, its not the BBS you slly narrowminded SOB, its
the people there. ug.people should shut the fuck up more often and think of
what they say. me included, i suppose, i don't pretend to be an all-knowing
why yes, this file *is* babble. it is, of course, fit for human consumption.
you really shouldnt write files like this at 5am. brainwracking.
there are a few people that like to bash people who babble in this way..i
suppose it can be annoying when you are trying to kill the monster-o-da-day
in the local arena and someone is trying to express their emotions.. hmm.
now that i look at it in this way, perhaps its not the babble thats annoying
people, it's when it's being presented.. perhaps i'll recommend to this
certain yonderbabbler to present it all in one big file, like this, and
spare those who havent the time, patience, or intelligence to read it online.
"why yes, these are bugle boy jeans"
or something. Im not one who watches TV much. TV is just plain evil, thats
all there is to it. no interaction what-so-ever. i cant wait for the fun
VR technology.. no more of this TV bullshit.. no more of this computer
bullshit even.. wont even see a keyboard like the one Im using now.. instead
of booting up a term program and telling it to call your local chat system,
the PVR system (personal virtual reality) would call up the local chat and
project a fun hologram of you into a virtual room, full of other holos.
and of course, it'll be complete with Tele-Arena v. 23.0, where you actually
wear the appropriate armor and use the right weapon.. I wonder if Sean will
have the game done by then.. Prolly not.. Bleh.. Im just looking foward to
when people can walk into their PVR system, load up a Star Wars hologram game,
and fly an Xwing. that would be spiffy-as-hell.
why did i mention all that? because i wanted to get it off my chest.. thats
why. if ya didnt like it.. well.. tough. :)
5:25am. i hear birds.
i can't believe how much i've changed since january of this year. i wonder
why it is.. could it be stuff i've learned talking to friends? could it be
the most intense emotional experience you can have(acid)? timothy leary once
said, "people need to leave their minds before they can come to their senses."
right on, man. nowadays, i can cope with things a lot better. i don't flip
out on the wrong people anymore for no reason. i'm usually in a decent mood,
too. i dunno why. it just happened. hmm.
my grandparents were here earlier (last night?). got a nice big lecture on
the importance of school. and the importance of joining activites in HS. I
pretty much shot down the idea of joining clubs.. I was told to join a writing
club.. i said, "why? i don't get along with most of the people in school, why
should i put my time and effort into working with them?" sigh. whatever
happens, happens. i just cant wait til i'm out of here.
maybe i'll end up like mij, who now appears to have taken a renewed interest
in schooling and stuff of that nature. or maybe i'll keep on the same
mental track i'm on now, that college and all of the bullshit that goes with
it is pointless, as it doesnt matter what you do in the practical world of
colleges and things of that nature.. blarg! it's a complicated issue. we'll
all end up the same when we're dead, right? right.
oh, yeah, well, suicide is always an alternative, but it's just doesnt turn
me on as much anymore. prolly because nowadays i'll just talk to friends about
it,and see how they're in the same boat.. midas well enjoy it then.
"sheesh, he's not done YET!?"
i still think religion is a scam. the basic teachings of the religions are
useful tho. i really enjoy the basic ideal of Wicca "and if it harm none,
do what thou wilt." or something of that sort, Im probably greatly offending
some Wiccan with botching that line up, but, oh well, shoot me.
i think i'll wrap this up now, and send it off to who should get it. i feel
like saying hey to a few people first, so bear with me.
Kari/Dreamer/Bitch/Obnoxious One/Banana Girl/Jungle Woman/Rasta (wow, and you
say I have a lot of nicknames ): i can't believe yer going off to college
and leaving us silly geeks back here in dumpy NJ. i dunno how some people
will react to you leafin', but i'll miss ya. nono, it's not a hormone thing,
you've been a real good friend for the past year now, and i'm sad to see you
leave. see ya at thanksgiving tho! :)
Zodiac/Lupus Yonderchild/BiONiC FlEa/Zawd: heh, well, no big long sad goodbye
for you :). you and i seem to be on the same wavelength a lot, especially
in writings and stuff like this, so i'll send this off to ya first.. you've
been pretty cool in the past year, no matter what some assholes might have
said about you (you know who they are, and if you need me to spell em out, ask
wow. these things are getting pretty long. oh well.
Flammable Fuzzball/Fuzzball/Fuzzy/Syd the Hindu-Satanist Transvestite/Webster
Watcher: hmm. i dunno what to say, yer prolly one o' the coolest people i've
met on that evil chat system. and i'm glad i've found a fellow Websterite! :)
Ulycees/Blade Runner/Yooly/Paul #2: I DONT HAVE YOUR RUNESTAFF! AGGGG! oh
wait, you didnt ask. sigh. anyway, we dont always see eye-to-eye on a bunch
of issues, but you've been pretty cool over the last year. thanks a lot for
the free GnR exposure too :).. I think you brainwashed me or something to
turn me into a GnR fan.. i dont get it. :)
Subroc/Joon/Joon the Baptist: not many people seem to be able to get to know
you very well, since you always have that cheerful "fuck off" demeanor :),
but i'm pretty darn glad to count you as a friend.
Specter/Spectre/Maniac/Goober/Fizban/(endless different handles with typos in
them): ack. we went from being pretty much enemies last year to friends this
year. last summer was really all outta wack. i kinda miss being growled at
every 5 minutes because I said hi to Dreamer :).. (kidding!) but i'm glad we're
pretty good friends now.
ack. this is gonna take forever. :)
Kitten Kaboodle/Hippy Chick/Kara/Kanoodle/
Nood-a-licious-Nooooooooooooooooooooooooodle/etc etc: eep. after pestering
you to call c/c last year, you finally started calling regularly. and at the first c/c fest you were
at, you practically ignored me. :( But in 6 months you've become a real good
friend o' mine.. dont go nowhere! :)
Zoso/Willis/B A S S master/Half-Assed Monkey Boy/Spectre Rejectre/etc: you
seem to be pretty much in the same boat I was in last year. dont be so down
alla time, learn to live with it. it aint so bad. btw: women aren't
everything! :) i'm serious.
lets see.. who did I miss.. oh yeah..
Spartacus/KelAnth/James/Spart/Spurt/etc: hmm. we've known eachother for over
10 years now (thats scary), and now yer goin' off to Pitt fer college. i still
think thats fucked up, yer goin' to college before me.. sigh.. well anyway..
I pretty much said my piece in yer yearbook.. but to reinterate.. You've been
a great friend, and I'll miss ya when ya go to college.
Urethris/Pisstube/Urine Luck(I love that one)/Whipped Boy :>: yeehaw. you went
from full-time sick0 geek (remember "sick sick sick"?) to part-time anti-TA
geek. i dont blame ya, really. You said once a few weeks (was it months?)
how you didnt feel like a geek anymore. well, show up to more fests damn it!
we miss ya, pissah! :)
only a few more.. it's the home stretch! :)
Midnite Raider/Midnite/Mij/Bloaf/Jim: you've probably helped me the most by
telling me the absolute truth in situations when I needed it. theres just
waaaaaay too many situations to recall to bring them all up here. but i thank
last but not least..
Marauder/Cyberwolf/Gleen/HoM BoY: yer another great friend o' mine over the
last year.. i'm too tired now to go into great detail :)..
and to everyone I missed who will be really pissed off since I didnt say hey
to 'em (meaning Phil/Nap, Baz, Burd, JD, Kelvin (sorry about the rug