There Ain't No Justice Number 046

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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oOOOO OOOO. OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" .OOOOOO OOOOOo OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO oOOOOOOO OOOOOOO. OOOO oOOOO OOOO .OOOO OOOO OOOOOOOOo OOOO OOOO" OOOO oOOOO OOOO OOOO "OOOO. OOOO OOOOo .OOOO' OOOO .OOOO" OOOO OOOO OOOOoOOOO "OOOO. oOOOO OOOO oOOOOOOO..OOOO OOOO "OOOOOOO OOOOoOOOO" OOOO .OOOO"""OOOOOOOO OOOO OOOOOO "OOOOOOO' OOOO oOOOO ""OOOO OOOO "OOOO OOOOOO |-----------------------------------------------------------------------------| | | | There Ain't No Justice | | | | #46 | | | |-----------------------------------------------------------------------------| - Country Music Saved My Soul - By Beaker This is my fictional tale about my brief but enlightening trip to Hell. Yes, it's kind of obvious where this story is going, but there are a few surprises, so pay attention, ok? Fine then, here we go. .. __________________________________________________________________________ It was just a regular Saturday morning. I woke up, got changed, ate some sort of food substance for breakfast, and headed downstairs towards the computer room. I had no idea that my life was about to change in a matter of minutes. As I flicked on the power switch on my computer, the whole room filled with a light, a kind I had never seen before. Then, without warning, Satan pops out of my moniter. Now, it isn't every day that Lucifer himself appears before you, let alone out of your moniter, so of course I was a bit fascinated. I asked him what he wanted. He said "You are scheduled to die. Time to claim your soul. " Well, I wasn't about to die without a fight, so I grabbed a knife off my desk (yes, I happen to have various types of weaponry lying around my room for an incident such as this one), and plunged it deep into his chest. He flinched, then laughed. "Puny mortal, you cannot be rid of me so easily", he said as a portal in the floor opened. He then grabbed me and jumped through the portal. I saw a bright flash as I passed through, then my eyes began to focus again. I took a quick look around, and comfirmed what I thought had happened. I was in Hell. Limbo, as I prefer to call it. It isn't really as anyone figured it. It's basically...nothing. Nearly nothing anyway. No fire and demons like we were led to believe. It was basically just miles and miles of plain flat land. As Satan led me through Limbo, we arrived at a group of holding tanks, which held the souls he captured. These tanks were labeled, as to identify the different types of souls he had. As I passed by, I saw "Accountants", "Lawyers", "Door-to-door Salesmen", "Used Car-Dealers". Then we reached the tank labeled "Politicians". I looked inside, and saw thousands of politicians, whether they were senators, mayors, governors, vice-presidents, presidents, or whatever. They were all sitting there, passing a joint, and laughing at how every one of them had screwed over Amerikkka. I looked away, and couldn't help but shiver at the sight of them. Then Satan spoke, "Ok, we've arrived at our final destination. In you go. " No. I wasn't going to die like this. It must be a mistake. It must be. I even explained this to Satan. "Satan NEVER makes mistakes, eh!", he said. At that, I frantically began to form a plan of escape. Then it dawned on me. There was only one thing that could save me now. Country music. There was only one problem : I didn't have a guitar. Thank god Elvis was there to give me his (wait a minute, what's Elvis doing in Hell?? Hmm...) So I played my song(I call this song "My wife's a fucking BITCH!"): o/~ I'm tired of working my ass off For some crappy, cheap-ass pay It's time to break out the ammo Cause I fell like a'killing today! (refrain) Oh, I never thought my life would turn to shit My life was fine, I paid my dues, I wasn't even rich But that fateful day that I got married I found My wife's a fucking BITCH! Well, I grabbed my knifes, and I grabbed my guns And went out in a psycho-rage I saw an old lady across the street And killed her with my twelve-gauge Then I went right back to my place of work Saw my boss as I opened the door Took a big-ass knife and gutted him good Left his entrails all over the floor So I went back home and found my wife She looked all nice and neat I ripped out her heart and cut off her head And had a nice meal of fresh meat o/~ With that last note, Satan screamed in agony. "You're too annoying for me!", he said. He snapped his fingers, there was another bright flash, and I was back in my bed. I thought it was a dream, until I noticed Elvis's guitar on the floor. .. __________________________________________________________________________ Well, that was the day I made history as the first soul to be rejected from Hell. So remember, if Satan ever comes to claim your soul, turn to country music as your savior. 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