The Book Of The SubGenius Lunatic Prophecies For The Coming Weird Times This is not the en

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The Book Of The SubGenius Lunatic Prophecies For The Coming Weird Times This is not the entire book of the SubGenius. Yes, it contains all the chapters, and most of the writings are here, but this simple Text file cannot contain nearly the amount of SLACK that the book has. I have type the whole thing, under the directive of "Bob" himself, so that you may gain some insight into the Church Of The SubGenius (TM) and then go out and by the book. This file also makes a handy reference when the book is in your excremeditation chambers, where it belongs. We, the Anonymous Scribes, realize that this file has been written without the consent of the publishers and "authors" of this fine book, namely His Greatness, The Sacred Scribe Of The SubGenius Church, The Reverend Ivan Stang, and therefore this file is illegal. We ask for forgiveness from This Holy Person, but we also know that this will generate book sales by bringing the Word O'Dobbs to the remote, hidden SubGenius who know nothing of their Inner Slack. So, I'm telling you. This file is not nearly as good as the Book and is actually an advertisement to sell the Book. To order the Book, either go to your nearest book store, or obtain it from the Foundation by writing to The Church Of The SubGenius P.O. Box 140306 Dallas, TX 75214 USA You can order the book for $11.95 + $3 S/H. There is also an order form at the end of this file, where you can find out how to receive ordainment and lots of other Holy Junk. When ordering from the Foundation, please mention That The Anonymous Scribes provided you with the information. This will help us in our case. "Bob" is looking out for us, but his perfect imperfection may cause him to forget us in a lawsuit. Also...Don't say WHERE you saw this file. The Book Of The SubGenius Sometimes a book goes too far. Sometimes...is NOW. First -- there was The Gilgamesh Then... The Bhagavad-Gita Then... The Torah, The New Testament, The Koran Then... The Book of Mormon, Dianetics, I'm OK you're OK. And now... ----------------------- THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS ---------------------- THE BOOK YOU NOW HOLD IN YOUR HANDS COULD CREATE A NEW INQUISITION - A SELF-PERPETUATING FASCIST STATE THAT WILL LAST TO THE END OF HUMANITY - OR IT COULD BE THE FOUNDATION-STONE OF THE PROMISED KINGDOM OF PEACE AND HARMONY. WHICH WILL IT BE? --------------(How To Prosper In The Coming Weird Times)----------------- Yes, YOU can rape your own mind. YOU can finally relax in the safety of your own delusions. This epipastic for the brains of Epoptics, Beholders, and Initiates,works an authentic magician's spell that will drive OUT the foreign person- alities and id-demons. Protected by its own occult roots in the most extreme forms of para- and mech-psychology, it places the reader within a "shell" of Weird Phenomena which Must be used for good And evil. Its system of Mystik Correspondences' has already given SECRET POWER to the Church of the SubGenius - the world's first Industrial church, the prophesied End Times cult of screamers and laughers, scoffers, blasphemers mockers, sinners, and the last true holymen in America today. KEEP THIS BOOK NEAR YOU - in your pocket, your bathroom, your glove compartment. Study it. Memorize it. Find within its pages a NEW DIRECTION- a NEW WAY - a HIGHER yet LOWER REALITY - just as thousand before you have done! Copyright 1983 by THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION All Rights Reserved. Printed in the United States of America. Except as permitted under the copyright act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means or stored in a data base or retrieval system, without prior written permission of the publisher. I The Book Of The SubGenius 'Do What Keepeth Thou from Wilting, Shall be The Loophole iin the Law' The Church Of The SubGenius is an order of Scoffers and Blasphemers, dedicated to Total Slack, delving into Mockery Science, Sadofuturistics, Mega- physics, Scatalography, Schizophreniatrics, Morealism, Sarcastrophy, Cynisacreligion, Apocolyptionomy, ESPectorationalism, HypnoPediatrics, Subliminalism, Satyriology, DistoUtopianity, Sardonicology, Fasciest- iouism, Ridiculophagy, and Miscellaneous Theology. "Researching The Public's Fear Of The Unknown Since 1953!" The TriPrimality: "Bob" is. "Bob" becomes. "Bob" is not. Nothing is; Nothing becomes; Nothing is not. Thus: Nothing Is Everything. Therefore: Everything is "Bob." Abracadabra. II The Book Of The SubGenius This Book Was Begun in 1953 by J.R. "BOB" DOBBS High Epopt of the Church of the SubGenius Revised in 1979 by D. Phigo U. Drummond, 01 Dr. X Rev. Ivan Stang, A.0. Board Of Directors of The SubGenius Foundation appointed in 1980: Puzzling Evidence St. Sterno Keckhaver LIES Doug Wellman St. Janor Hypercleats St. Paul Mavrides HellSwami John Hagen Drs. for "Bob" Sir Guy Deuel Pastor Buck Naked Pope David Meyer III Glassmadness Cookie Drummond F.G.O.T.R. J. Erickson someone else Additional Sacrifices, 1981, by: High Priestess Eileen Keller Capt. Hugh M. Smith Dr. Bootmokus Tribunal Overdrive Alexander D. Smith Stefan Hammond Rev. Larry Sulkis Rev. David Boone Shrendi Chisholm Dennis Keller Bob Black, St. Byron Werner THE LAST INTERNATIONAL R. Wollard Dr. Jay Kinney BurnMartyr Dr.Snavely Eklund St. Joe Schwind Severn Institute Pope St. D. Lee Lama St. Poonflang dammerung Kerry Wendell Thornely Pope Mike Danger Hector Hilldale Autumn Deuel Leslie Gaspar Drelloid tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE 1982 Illiterati: Dominatrix Candi strecker, Dr. Gary Hughes, Rev. Brian Curran, Rev. Garth Danielson, Bishop Buhle, Bishop Huey, St. Karen Srego, Mechapope Monika Vidi, Apostle G. Don Trubey, Fair Use Empire, Pope Michael Flores and The People's Temple, Sir Hal Robins, Krononautic Organism, Rev. Bob Lee, Nick West, St. Patricia Daley, Stigmatic Ted Early, Mastress Freddie Baer, Political Bizarro Luke T. McGuff, Maestro John Crawford, Prof. Mark Mothersbaugh, St. Becky Block, Radio Popes Kates, Chusid, Brown, Ginsburg, Nelson & Opinion; John Steakley, St. Rick Hoefle, Will (Lord) Small 888 Final Word Wrangling By: Rev. Ivan Stang "Bob's" face and "The Church of the SubGenius" Are Trademarks of the SubGenius Foundation, Inc III THE SOURCE: JEHOVAH-1 (a.k.a. WOTAN, YAHWEH, RA, etc) THE TEACHER: J.R. "BOB" DOBBS THE GOAL: SLACK THE OBSTACLE: THE CONSIPIRACY AND ITS DUPES, THE NORMALS THE WAY: THE CASTING OUT OF FALSE PROPHETS THE WEAPON: TIME CONTROL SLOGANS: "Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke" "Too Much Is Always Better Than Not Enough" "Pull The Wool Over Your Own Eyes" "You'll PAY To Know What You REALLY Think" "Give Me Slack, Or Give Me Food, Or Kill Me" "If I Can't Whup It, IPIRACY Go DOWN" "Bleeding Head Good, Healed Head Bad" "If You Act Like A Dumbshit, They'll Treat You As An Equal" "SCIENCE DOES NOT REMOVE THE TERROR OF THE GODS" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTENTION!!!! DO NOT ALLOW TO FALL INTO ENEMY HANDS WARNINGS & DISCLAIMERS: If you think there's nothing wrong with the world, don't buy this book; if you are offended by your own sick rage when viewing literature alien to your repressive behavior code, go ahead and Purchase the book, but DON'T read it. The Church of the SubGenius may drive you Crazy. The Roman Catholic Church had driven people crazy, Scientology has driven people crazy. So have Satanism, Islam, The Boy Scouts, the government of the United States, Judaism, traffic jams, LSD, the C.I.A., Taoism, kids, parents, TV, war, and peace. Some people drive themselves crazy. This Book will not drive Subgeniuses Crazy. It will supply them with the Slack they need to drive others crazy. Many idiots will object to this publication. The techniques and secrets revealed herein have been passed through the headquarters of many terror- ist organizations (including the FBI and CIA) for years. This knowledge will also enhance your professional capabilities and aid you in protect- ing against THEM, but it is not meant for the young or irresponsible. J.R. "BOB" Dobbs is endowed with the full range of ESP abilities.Although "Bob's" accuracy has never been questioned by previous "clients." no SacraMentalist can claim infallibility. With "Bob," especially, it is only a matter of time before he falters in a big way; he is farther from so-called "perfection" than most of us could be if we worked at it. Therefore, "Bob," his associates, promoters, empolyees, sponsors, agents, followers, and writers must disclaim all liability to all person or groups who act upon ESP impressions given by word of mouth, print, tele- IV DISCLAIMER & WARNINGS CONTINUED.... phone, film, tape, or holograph recording now or in the...the future. The Secrets of the Elder Gods are not offered in an attempt to persaude any peson of the supernatural powers of rites, rituals, amulets, talismans, seals, incantations, or other ideas and devices mentioned herein. No magical claims are made and medical problems should be attended by lic- ensed physicians. IGNORE THIS: FNORD: To practise and preach the same things is utter mad- ness. Sometimes communication must be made More Difficult and Irritating Than Necessary, in order to conve certain dangerous complexities. The knowledge must not fall into the wrong hands. "SCIENCE DOES NOT REMOVE THE TERROR OF THE GODS" The SubGenius knows that a Godlike alien space monster calling himself "Jchingh-1" Is watchig us and making us dance like cheap puppets for His own ends. he demand that we worship Him, and so we surely must. And if you say that the SubGenius is deceived, that there is no alien God of Wrath, then the SubGenius will attack YOU! you are wrong; we are right; WOTAN told us so and we believed it. Alright? Now roll over and go back to "sleep"...(By "God's Third Leg," you'd think these humans didn't know what religion was For!!) A note about the word "he" as an alneurpose pronoun: we use it because constantly saying "he or she," "s/he," or "it," sounds STUPID. However, notice also that while JHVH-1, God, Jesus, and a few others are called "He" with a capital H, "Bob" is merely a "he." These spellings are in accordnace with the express wishes of the respective deities. "Bob" de-deifies himself whenever possible to counterbalance the tendency of his followers to go overboard. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Church is not responsible for the actions of individuals which may result from their mere possession of this Book. Any resemblance by char- acters in these pages to any person, living or dead, except where intend- ed for direct satirical purposes, is strictly "Coincidence." That's right, it's all a big joke! Ha ha! "The Conspiracy" - what a laugh! Ha ha! 3,000 children starving to death in Mexico City every day, ha ha! Radio- active waste canisters rotting in the ocean! Ha ha ha! Mind control by horrible secret societies - yuk, yuk, yuk. CAUTION - MAY BE HABIT FORMING. Do not drive motor vehicle or operate heavy machinery while under the influence of this book. V PROPHECY CRUSADE WE THE SUBGENIUSES OF THE POST-HUMAN RACE, in order to preserve life on this planet from immanent destruction, reestablish intelligence, regain Slack, cast out the False Prophets, smother forever the fear of fear itself, receive the questionable gifts of the Beforelife and of the Space Dwellers, become as Overmen, unmask the Conspiracy, grip the reins of human evolution, control reproduction and mutation, decipher the Code placate the Stark Fist of Removal, achieve Time Control, see That Which Must Come to Pass, become as gods, find the Twin with the Scissors of Sight, aver the Rupture of the Equilibrium, and secure the financial blessings of Jehovah-1 the God of Wrath for ourselves and our descend- ents, do hereby admit ourselves as such and thus ordain this Advertise- ment of the SubGenius Race of Earth. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- CONTENT Ch. 0 TruthStinger Barrage.......................................1 Ch. 1 Don't Laugh................................................5 Ch. 2 The Miracle of "Bob's" Tyranny............................16 Ch. 3 Earth Is Hell.............................................NA Ch. 4 The Curse of "Bob"........................................NA Ch. 5 The Secrets of Slack......................................NA Ch. 6 Creative Truth............................................NA Ch. 7 Salvation $1 and the Perils of False Slack................NA Ch. 8 Your SubGenius Heritage...................................NA Ch. 9 Shut Up or Stand Up - "The Brag"..........................NA Ch. 10 We Dare Call It Conspiracy................................NA Ch. 11 The UFO Made Me Do It.....................................NA Ch. 12 Dateline for Dominance....................................NA Ch. 13 The Prescriptures.........................................NA Ch. 14 ANSWERS: Money and Jobs...................................NA Ch. 15 ANSWERS: Sex - The Divine Battle..........................NA Ch. 16 Health, the Industrial Diet, and Bad Things...............NA Ch. 17 Starting Your Own Church..................................NA Ch. 18 Your Instructions.........................................NA Ch. 19 Paths to Frenzy...........................................NA Ch. 20 Your Move: A Letter from "Bob"............................NA APPENDIX..................................................NA VI

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