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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$ HOLY TEMPLE of MASS CONSUMPTION $$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$ *N*E*W*S* $$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$ Issue #12: Free Money $$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ the best things in life are F R E E F R E E For more info, send all your money to: *********************************** * AUTHENTIC SACRED RELICS * Holy Temple of Mass Consumption * 22nd SubAtomic Dobbs Devival * PO Box 30904 * enclosed in random mailings * Raleigh, NC 27622 * May include: Devival fliers * * Cards from Overman pinata' * NEWS since the last time: * Dobbs-blood soaked MONEY... * *********************************** PHENOMICON '92 in Atlanta: DOBBS DEVIVAL - heads successfully launched! Possibly the best convention yet to hit Atlanta- with tons of conspiracies, vampires, sleaze, face-fucking bats, and SLACK-ful anti-music supplied by the Swingin' Love Corpses Anti-Music Dissemination Corp and Recreational Chemical Analysis Brigade. Terrific videos too- with 2 fantastic 24-hour movie rooms...and the Bob Tilton Fart Video. Full-scale devival included: Rev. Ivan Stang, Sister Mary Squared, Papa Joe Mama, Janor Hypercleats, and a host of others performing schisms, miracles, rants, launchings, and "Bob" killings. Don't miss this next year! Memorable quotes: Sister Susie the Floozie: "Without slack, life is like a bowl of shit with the handle on the inside" Sister Mary Squared: "Feed me, pet me, milk me, eat me." Janor Hypercleats: "To join the Church of Don, you must TAKE A LIFE!!" Rev. Ivan Stang: "Haven't they released those bats YET?" $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Comics: Fabulous Furry Freak Bros. #12 by Sheldon and Mavrides Rip-Off Press - PO Box 4686 Auburn, CA 95604 (also ask for 1992 Fall/Holiday catalog) Savage Henry #23, Tequila with Clint Ruin. (Also from Rip-Off Press) Ren & Stimpy #2, Marvel comics. Sick and twisted, as it should be. 387 Park Ave. South, NY 10016 ****** The Church of Tina Chopp has transmutated into....... ******** The Church of Hemp! Dedicated to fight to re-legalize the PO Box 1511 sacred Cannabis plant! Still with the Bellingham, WA 98227-1511 GREAT Jack Chick-ripoff comic books!! Also check out the book "The Emperor Wears No Clothes" by Jack Herer, $14.95, available from: Help End Marijuana Prohibition, 5632 Van Nuys Blvd #210, Van Nuys, CA 91401 (213) 392-1806 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This news article was transcribed during a trance session. Mr. Ambasgun, completely zonked on 'Frop [TM] (Trade Name for Hazafropzipulops Herb Blend), apparently viewed it precognitively during a trance rant at the Chicago chapter of The Clench of the Stark Fist of Removal. T_Deacon transcribed the session, with annotations by T_Rev. BYRNE AND BYRNE BURN BYRNE, THEN BURN CHICAGO(UPI) - The bodies of famed entertainer David Byrne, comic book writer John Byrne, and former Chicago mayor Jane Byrne were identified this morning as apparent victims of a murder-suicide pact at the former site of the 3 Penny Theatre. Firefighters were alerted by the theatre's fire alarms almost immediately, but their attempts to control the blaze proved futile as the structure burned to the ground. The bodies were found near a locked iron box, which escaped the flames undamaged. The box contained old campaign posters, several recent issues of _Superman_, and Laurie Anderson's album, _Home of the Brave_. Police detectives also discovered an encrypted note describing in detail the motive and means of the murder. "It appears that John Byrne, in his final effort to subjugate women, enlisted the aid of the musician in a bizarre plot to protest women in politics and boost his employer's sagging sales in the comics industry," said police captain Margaret Sawyer. On the subject of the murder/suicide's details, Captain Sawyer explains, "It was a pretty grisly scene. We believe that John and David immolated the ex-Mayor, then doused the theatre with gasoline and set it ablaze, dying on their own pyre." Preliminary autopsy reports, including dental records, indicate a strong resemblance between Ms. Byrne and supposedly deceased Chicago political "Boss" Richard Daley. Pop psychologist Eric Berne, author of _I'm OK, You're OK_, was unavailable for comment. The comics and music industries have been badly shaken by the news. DC Comics released a statement that performance artist Laurie Anderson will take over the plotting and scripting of _Superman_. Many changes are in store for Anderson's Man of Steel. Anderson said, "As my new colleague Chris Claremont pointed out, 'Is there any reason why this character _can't_ be a woman?' I'll be exploring the implications of this in the months to come." Aforementioned comics writer Chris Claremont will be taking over David Byrne's mantle as songwriter/lead singer of the rock group Talking Heads. "I believe that the band will be reissuing _Life During Wartime_, and I personally have an idea for a Jerry Harrison limited series. Crossover characters will probably include Wolverine, Kitty Pryde, and Janet Van Dyne. Also, Louise [Simonson] has suggested that Power Pack be included." A lead to a possible link between the tragedy and a pornography ring based in the harbors of Chicago is being pursued. Any citizens having relevant infomation should contact the Chicago Police Department. [Soul-saving graphics here] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "You'll pay to know what you really think" - Dobbs I'm here to quote various SubGenii sources and do a mini-Rant while waiting for Stang or someone to come rant for a while. Thanks to BoB TeCH (or however it's capitalized these days) for the group and the first introductory rant. Perhaps someday soon I'll do a real rant, for now though, I'll slack off... "We lie constantly and DO NOT TRICK YOU. The Conspiracy lies constantly and TRICKS YOU. We talk in absolutely _no-bullshit_ fashion about a FUCKED-UP WORLD, and the Conspiracy hems and haws and bullshits and FUCKS THE WORLD UP" - St. Clair McNutt non-pervert and Dad, in the _Stark_Fist_of_Removal_, "A Short Hate Rant On The Word "FUCK" And The New Child Sex" "`Bob's` surreavolutionary doctrine of PATRIO-PSYCHOTIC ANARCHO-MATERIALISM has found ever-larger number of zealous adherents despite relentless persecution by the FBI and other robot engines of the Conspiracy" - SubGenuis propaganda pamphlet For those of you who have not achieved slack, have not attended devivals and do not understand Bulldada, there is time. Yes, For J.R. "Bob" Dobbs is the perfect "Bob" to ask when you need someone to cut you some SLACK. He alone, I say that he ALONE represents on Earth the true manifestation of SLACK so necessary to the SubGenuis. Take the first step in fighting of the Conspiracy and avoiding the pinks. Quit your Job! Slack Off! dammit [Neuro-hypnotic graphics at the bottom of this page] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Prom Night Do you get tongue-tied, flustered, and turn to jello when an Johnny was excited. Prom night was attractive woman propositions finally here. He had been waiting for you? Well, world-famous author this day for two months. His knees were Snavely Patch is here to help shaking. "Is she gonna like me? Geesh, I you with his highly acclaimed hate first dates. Why did I have to make manual..... our first date Prom?" He donned his tuxedo and went down stairs. HOW TO SAY "Doesn't our little boy look so grown up!" "NO" TO WOMEN "Mom...stop that. When are you going to let me grow up?" "She means well son. Come here a minute, [graphic] I want to talk to you," his dad said as he ushered him off to the corner. "You need some money?" YOU WILL LEARN: "No dad. Well on second thought I could use a little, 'ncase I run out of gas or * Humiliating put-downs that somthing." will devastate women so thoroughly they will think "No sweat, how about a $50?...That's twice before ever molesting what I thought. Uh... Johnny, do you have you again your party hat?" * Rejections that don't "Dad, nobody wears top hats anymore, sound corny. c'mon..geesh!" * Subtle reflex maneuvers for "No Johnny, what I mean is, well, uh... diverting their grasp from Are you planning to fuck your date tonight? your genitalia. "Oh. Yes Dad I have my Party Hat." * Where all the "icebergs" Johnny couldn't believe it. His dad, never hang out acted like this before. "Prom must be something special," he said to himself as * 101 uses for a properly he left to get his date. "After all, it slung sidearm. isn't every night that a Catholic priest offers to give his illegitimate son condoms CALL BEFORE MIDNIGHT - $29.95 to fuck his companion on their first date. Visa/MC/AmEx 1-800-555-BLOW A GOVERNMENT DOES NOT HAVE TO [more graphics] PUT CHAINS ON PEOPLE WHO WILL PUT THEM ON THEMSELVES. WHAT ARE YOU CHAINED TO? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Blatant ad for:] Church of the SUBGENIUS Radio Show 12pm Sunday Night KZSU 90.1 FM [Great graphics by Dr. Howl] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Subject: Illuminatus Official Doc. 46364 Organization: A.I.S.B., Jim Jones Cabal, Sphere of Bureaucracy, Age of the Yog-Sathoth. Keywords: I'm afraid there have been some rumours floating around that the Ancient Illumi- nated Seers of Bavaria have had a hand in 1. Kennedy's Assasination, 2. George Bush's Public Vomiting, and 3. The Church of the SubGenius founding, and administration. We here at the Jim Jones Cabal would like to get a few things straight right now. We HAVE NEVER been a part of the JFK assasination, except for hiring the killers, co-ercing the CIA and the Dallas Police into 'turning the other way' for us, getting Lee Harvey Oswald to play the part of Dupe and take the fall for the whole thing, securing the weapons and ammo., getting the killers into position, hypnotising all of the members of the Warren Commision, blackmailing Oliver Stone into putting out "JFK" to further cloud the issue, and coming up with alt.conspiracy so that our little mis-information games could continue. We at the A.I.S.B. however are entirely responsible for the LHO shooting though. After all, he was the Head Honcho for the Chaos branch of the A.I.S.B. and we couldn't allow him to remain alive. We hope you understand. As for George Bush's Public Vomiting, except for one of our Secret Service contacts slipping a canister full of synthetic Stomach Flu virus into the Presidential Suite two nights before, we did nothing. The Flu was synthesized at the POEE's SphincterZone Labs in Umbrage, Vermintown, Atalantis (which is, BTW, the official name of Atlantis, which is the commonly used name). We have had the labs check the Prime Minister of Japan Brother Oliver Stone is hard at work on this one as well. The Church of the SubGenius, though, is another bowl of tumours entirely. The Church has been completely infiltrated by the A.I.S.B. and is being finely tuned to bring the majority of those identifying themselves as "the SubGenii", mostly college aged males, into line with official A.I.S.B. and POEE mindset. Thus, as has been hypothesized before, the Church of the SubGenius and all of its publications, trademarks, and upper ecshelon are all Illunminatus puppets. "Bob" himself, who was, according to Jim Jones files, born in Gary, Indiana in 1403 and 1924, and was killed officially, only once, on May 23, 1985 (5/23/85 for all you numerology buffs), was first conceived, in vitrio, in the same SphincterZone Labs. The date for X-day; July 5, 1998; has been set, because that is the day when the Eschaton will be immenantized. On this day, the Illuminati will return to South America, and the Cracking of the Great Pyramid will occur, taking all of the Illuminati to the safe havens under the ground. This is where all of the SubGenius fantasies of the X-ists came from. Unfortunately, we have already chosen the desirables from the UnFit, so becoming a card-carrying member is pretty pointless. This doesn't mean, however, that you should stop sending money; it goes to pay for our doughnuts. Sorry. Novus Ordo Seclorum --><-- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Prince Reverend Doktor Lord Sam Widgets of Pendleton; Prince of the Milky Way; Doktor of the Forbidden Sciences; Grand Master of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria, Jim Jones Cabal; Wise Siviast of the Ancient and Primitive Memphis-Misraim Rite; Knight of the Black Cross of the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite; Magister Templi (8=3) of the Ancient and Noble Guardians of the Rosy Cross. C. Arnold gorilla@cats.ucsc.edu ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ FACTSHEET FIVE Electronic version is now available. Finally, the fantastic zine listing/review magazine that went to shit after Mike Gunderloy left it is *BACK AGAIN*, but for the time being, only for people with Internet access. To subscribe, send e-mail to: jerod23@well.sf.ca.us Updates, issues, or both methods are available; specify what you want on the subject line. Updates are sent out as they are completed, issue subscriptions will have 20-30 messages sent out all at once to your mailbox. An issue subscription will generally insure that large file won't be lost. Printed versions may be available later. ----------------------------- R A V E S ------------------------------------ SOUNDSHOCK presents | SAT DEC 5 - Groove to Moove 2 "earth 2 elvis" | 10pm-230am at Cedar's, downtown | Youngstown, OH. Call for directions Fryday * December 4th | (216) 743-6560. Cedar's is a little Hosts: Rick Phifer & Graflin | bar in BFE but the first Groove to One for the money...Two for the Show! | Moove night was a BLAST so you'd Been away too long...It's time to | better come out for this one. Live TECH * TECH * TECHNO!!! | performances by Body Release, Big "LIVE" Elvis | Engine. DJ's: Mike Filly (Cleveland), | Nik Popa (Akron) DJs: O'Die from Memphis |--------------------------------------- DAZ from Memphis | SAT DEC 12 - Jive Alive and the Chip B from Nashville | Everlasting Gobstopper. Nashville TN with T-Zer Visual Attacks | Info: (615) 780-3730 |--------------------------------------- Smart Bar by Flip & Dip | Fallout Shelter - 2 S. West St. 50000 Watts of Sound by Space Bass | Raleigh, NC. Mondays and Wednesdays $10 Cover * $12 w/o invite | Industrial Dance Nights Lights & Visuals by Technocolor |--------------------------------------- Live performance by SoundShock | 88.1FM WKNC Raleigh, NC - Night Waves Omni New Daisy on Beale Street | Wednesdays feature rave music, but info 901.763.8064 | ignore Spam&Eggs, the reviewers *** Memphis, TN *** |--------------------------------------- | Depot - Raves with U.N.I.T.Y. ---------------------------------------| 300 E. Washington St, off Market St. ELECTRONIC RAVES LISTINGS: | Greensboro, NC SE-RAVES, southeast coast. |--------------------------------------- to subscribe, send an empty message | Wilmington, NC: Metropolis to: dickendj@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu | Located 1 block back from docks with subject: "SUBSCRIBE SE-RAVES" |--------------------------------------- | MW-RAVES - midwestern region | Detroit: VOOM rave in the basement of to subscribe, send an empty message | the "Bank". First date is Sat, Nov 21 to: ajbennett@miavx1.ac.muohio.edu | FOR INFO, CALL (313) 433-2129 with subject: SUBSCRIBE | =============================================================================== C O N V E N T I O N S December 11-13, 1992 (Louisiana) SMOFCON 9. Doubletree Hotel, New Orleans LA. Convention for convention organizers. Memb: $40 until 9/30/92, more after (checks payable to William Jensen). Info: William Jensen, 8331 Donoghue St., New Carrollton MD 20784. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Sing-song of the dead @@@@@@^^~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~^^@@@@@@@@ --------------------- @@@@@ @@@@@@ An (ahem) original work. @@@@ w ww wi @@@@@ (c) 1990 by Senkrad Latot. @@@, ~ ~~ ~I @@@@ @@@' ; ,-@< @@@@ I saw Elvis selling candy to the @@@ _eW@@@ `@@@ children on the corner @@@ @@@@@@@q j@@@@@@@ O @@@ He grinned and winked at me @@@ @@@@@@@@w___,w@@@@@@@@ @ @@@ Right then, I knew he wasn't dead @@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ } @@@ He and Mr. Freedom drink tea at Mae's @@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I @@@ on Sundays @@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@*@[ i @@@ Don't ask me how I know @@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@~ ; @@@ The proof is in my head @@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@[] | ]@@@ @@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@[][ | @@@ Buddy Holly cuts my hair- @@@ ~_._ ~@@@@@@@~ ____~ @ @@@ he's got a knack for it @@@ ;;- `@@@@@' @@@ Just a bit of a snip or two @@@ _~ ,en, `@@@~ en `@ ]l J@@@ He always gets it right @@@ -()- @@@/ _-()- @ ]L @@@ Morrison sacks groceries at the @@@ , @@w@ww+ @@@ww``,,@w@ ][ @@@@ five-and-dime on Bellevue @@@ . @@ @ @@@~-zz..@@@ ][ @@@@ You really can't tell that it's him @@@, @@@@www@@@ @@@@@@@ww@@@@@[ @@@@ Unless the light is right @@@. @@@@&&&@@@ @@&@@@@@@@@@@@[ @@@@ @@@@ || @@@@@@P' @@Q@@@@@@@@@@@[:C@@@@ Saw Stevie Ray on Jeopardy-- @@@@_ @@@@@@ @@ @@@@@@@@@@ ;$@@@@ he came in second place @@@@@w| '@@P~ ,@@@@-w, wU@@w'],@@@@@@ Didn't know all the answers @@@@@@ @@ P]@@@=~j ~Y@@^ ] @@@@@@ But still he played the game @@@@@@_ !@@t+ ~~ ]]@@@@@@ Janice J. and Jimi own a KAO in Flagstaff @@@@@@[ - -J@@T# @@@@@@ They run an honest business @@@@@@@,@ @@, _,,,,,,,y ,w@@[ ,@@@@@@@ Though they don't use their real names @@@@@@@ @ @@ C !@@ @@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ i @w. ====--_@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ Some day soon the dead @@@@@@@@ @2' '@@@@~ @@@@@@@@ will arise @@@@@@@@@`,P~ / ~^^^^Y@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@ before your eyes @@@@@@@@@@. y @@@@ @@@@@@@@@ to your surprise @@@^^=^@@^ ^' .@@@@@ _@@@@@@@@@@ But not mine @@ , ,ww,w@@@@ _@@@@@@@@@@@ @@_xJw w , @@@@@@@&~_@@@@@@@@@@@@ They'll have a word or two @ @~ ~ ,@ @@@@@@@P _@@@@@@@@@@@@@ for all you grievers @ U. ,@@@,_____ _,J@@@@@@@@@@@@@ non-believers @ v; @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ deceivers @L `' ,@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Of your own depressing minds @~ _-@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ They will say "Be happy don't worry Holy Temple of no hurry Mass Consumption mustn't scurry PO Box 30904 Around feeling down--it's all wrong Raleigh, NC 27622 "We should all be living "Why No Holy Vegetable?" for the day let us play 'cause if we may We'd like to have you join us in a song" [George Bush La la la la la la la ..... graphics here] Liberace is dead I saw him die And I don't know why


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