+quot;A Short Hate Rant On The Word +quot;FUCK+quot; And The New Child Sex+quot; +quot;`Bo
Organization: A.I.S.B., Jim Jones Cabal, Sphere of Bureaucracy,
"A Short Hate Rant On The Word "FUCK" And The New Child Sex"
"`Bob's` surreavolutionary doctrine of PATRIO-PSYCHOTIC ANARCHO-MATERIALISM
has found ever-larger number of zealous adherents despite relentless
persecution by the FBI and other robot engines of the Conspiracy"
- SubGenuis propaganda pamphlet
For those of you who have not achieved slack, have not attended devivals and
do not understand Bulldada, there is time. Yes, For J.R. "Bob" Dobbs is the
perfect "Bob" to ask when you need someone to cut you some SLACK. He alone,
I say that he ALONE represents on Earth the true manifestation of SLACK so
necessary to the SubGenuis.
Take the first step in fighting of the Conspiracy and avoiding the pinks.
Quit your Job! Slack Off!
dammit
[Neuro-hypnotic graphics at the bottom of this page]
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Prom Night Do you get tongue-tied, flustered,
and turn to jello when an
Johnny was excited. Prom night was attractive woman propositions
finally here. He had been waiting for you? Well, world-famous author
this day for two months. His knees were Snavely Patch is here to help
shaking. "Is she gonna like me? Geesh, I you with his highly acclaimed
hate first dates. Why did I have to make manual.....
our first date Prom?" He donned his
tuxedo and went down stairs.
HOW TO SAY
"Doesn't our little boy look so grown up!" "NO" TO WOMEN
"Mom...stop that. When are you going to
let me grow up?"
"She means well son. Come here a minute, [graphic]
I want to talk to you," his dad said as he
ushered him off to the corner. "You need
some money?"
YOU WILL LEARN:
"No dad. Well on second thought I could
use a little, 'ncase I run out of gas or * Humiliating put-downs that
somthing." will devastate women so
thoroughly they will think
"No sweat, how about a $50?...That's twice before ever molesting
what I thought. Uh... Johnny, do you have you again
your party hat?"
* Rejections that don't
"Dad, nobody wears top hats anymore, sound corny.
c'mon..geesh!"
* Subtle reflex maneuvers for
"No Johnny, what I mean is, well, uh... diverting their grasp from
Are you planning to fuck your date tonight? your genitalia.
"Oh. Yes Dad I have my Party Hat." * Where all the "icebergs"
Johnny couldn't believe it. His dad, never hang out
acted like this before. "Prom must be
something special," he said to himself as * 101 uses for a properly
he left to get his date. "After all, it slung sidearm.
isn't every night that a Catholic priest
offers to give his illegitimate son condoms CALL BEFORE MIDNIGHT - $29.95
to fuck his companion on their first date. Visa/MC/AmEx 1-800-555-BLOW
A GOVERNMENT DOES NOT HAVE TO
[more graphics] PUT CHAINS ON PEOPLE WHO WILL
PUT THEM ON THEMSELVES. WHAT
ARE YOU CHAINED TO?
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[Blatant ad for:]
Church of the SUBGENIUS
Radio Show
12pm Sunday Night
KZSU 90.1 FM
[Great graphics by Dr. Howl]
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Subject: Illuminatus Official Doc. 46364
Organization: A.I.S.B., Jim Jones Cabal, Sphere of Bureaucracy,
Age of the Yog-Sathoth.
Keywords:
I'm afraid there have been some rumours floating around that the Ancient Illumi-
nated Seers of Bavaria have had a hand in 1. Kennedy's Assasination, 2.
George Bush's Public Vomiting, and 3. The Church of the SubGenius founding, and
administration.
We here at the Jim Jones Cabal would like to get a few things straight
right now. We HAVE NEVER been a part of the JFK assasination, except for
hiring the killers, co-ercing the CIA and the Dallas Police into 'turning the
other way' for us, getting Lee Harvey Oswald to play the part of Dupe and take
the fall for the whole thing, securing the weapons and ammo., getting the
killers into position, hypnotising all of the members of the Warren Commision,
blackmailing Oliver Stone into putting out "JFK" to further cloud the issue,
and coming up with alt.conspiracy so that our little mis-information games
could continue.
We at the A.I.S.B. however are entirely responsible for the LHO
shooting though. After all, he was the Head Honcho for the Chaos branch of
the A.I.S.B. and we couldn't allow him to remain alive.
We hope you understand.
As for George Bush's Public Vomiting, except for one of our Secret
Service contacts slipping a canister full of synthetic Stomach Flu virus
into the Presidential Suite two nights before, we did nothing.
The Flu was synthesized at the POEE's SphincterZone Labs in Umbrage,
Vermintown, Atalantis (which is, BTW, the official name of Atlantis, which
is the commonly used name). We have had the labs check the Prime Minister of
Japan Brother Oliver Stone is hard at work on this one as well.
The Church of the SubGenius, though, is another bowl of tumours
entirely. The Church has been completely infiltrated by the A.I.S.B. and
is being finely tuned to bring the majority of those identifying themselves
as "the SubGenii", mostly college aged males, into line with official
A.I.S.B. and POEE mindset. Thus, as has been hypothesized before, the Church
of the SubGenius and all of its publications, trademarks, and upper ecshelon
are all Illunminatus puppets. "Bob" himself, who was, according to Jim Jones
files, born in Gary, Indiana in 1403 and 1924, and was killed officially, only
once, on May 23, 1985 (5/23/85 for all you numerology buffs), was first
conceived, in vitrio, in the same SphincterZone Labs.
The date for X-day; July 5, 1998; has been set, because that is
the day when the Eschaton will be immenantized. On this day, the Illuminati
will return to South America, and the Cracking of the Great Pyramid will
occur, taking all of the Illuminati to the safe havens under the ground.
This is where all of the SubGenius fantasies of the X-ists came from.
Unfortunately, we have already chosen the desirables from the UnFit, so
becoming a card-carrying member is pretty pointless. This doesn't mean,
however, that you should stop sending money; it goes to pay for our
doughnuts.
Sorry.
Novus Ordo Seclorum --><--
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Prince Reverend Doktor Lord Sam Widgets of Pendleton; Prince of the Milky
Way; Doktor of the Forbidden Sciences; Grand Master of the Ancient Illuminated
Seers of Bavaria, Jim Jones Cabal; Wise Siviast of the Ancient and Primitive
Memphis-Misraim Rite; Knight of the Black Cross of the Ancient and Accepted
Scottish Rite; Magister Templi (8=3) of the Ancient and Noble Guardians of the
(continued next message....)
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