WHAT THE. . . ? The News You Can't Do Without. No. 1 12/93 e.v. A WOULD-BE BURGLAR IN BRAZ

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WHAT THE. . . ? The News You Can't Do Without. No. 1 12/93 e.v. A WOULD-BE BURGLAR IN BRAZIL AND YOU THOUGHT HOTDOGS BAD? was arrested in November when The Japanese have developed he attempted to steal a quan- an experimental sausage made tity of glue from the factory. from recycled Tokyo sewage. Seems he accidentally knocked A company spokesperson was over a couple of containers quoted as saying, "Sewage while in there... police nab- does have a slight image bed him some 36 hours later, problem. I don't think people still stuck to the floor. will be content eating some- thing they know has been ex- creted by humans." LORENA, LOOK OUT. . . In April, a Filipino man who exposed himself to a woman FROM 7 A.M. ON FEBRUARY 4TH on a street in Dasmarinas, of this year, through 7 a.m. Phillipines, was shot in the the following morning, no penis by the irate viewer. murders, bank robberies, or fatal arsons were reported anywhere in New York City. IT'S ILLEGAL TO SHOOT A camel in Arizona, to put pennies in your ears in A MAN IN CONNECTICUT MADE Hawaii, or to drive more more than 30,000 obscene than 2000 sheep down phone calls, according to Hollywood Boulevard. Mean- police. He allegedly call- while in Kentucky, the law ed women at random and states that "No female told them to stand outside shall appear in a bathing their homes naked. He was suit on any highway ... successful about once every unless she be armed with 100 times... somewhere, a club." A later amend- there are 300 embarrassed ment added that this law women! doesn't apply to "females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 A RECENT STUDY SHOWS THAT pounds; nor shall it apply men who are married live to female horses." Just longer than single men... thought you'd want to know. if those single men cook the way I do, it's no wonder! A TURKISH SAILOR WHO JUMPED ship in Australia asked to sent home after only three WE CAN ALL SLEEP SAFER AT days. Seems he was walking night, knowing that alert down a road and saw a number officers are keeping dan- of harmless fruit bats. The gerous criminals off the seaman became convinced that streets. In the last few the sky was full of vampire years, the following bats out for his blood, and perpetrators were put be- has asked to be flown back hind bars: a girl caught to Turkey. picking tulips for her Grandmother's grave; an- other girl in the same MAYBE THEY'RE BROTHERS? county who was late re- A farmer in Turkey had to turning two videotapes; be rushed to the hospital a 9-year-old girl who after drinking insecti- was hauled away in hand- cide because he had swal- cuffs for throwing pebbles lowed a fly and was afraid at another child; and an it would multiply inside 88-year-old woman who con- him. fiscated a kickball that landed in her garden. Meanwhile, convicted drug MEANWHILE, BACK DOWN UNDER, offenders in Portland, two medics who were trans- Oregon, was choose to under- porting a man by ambulance go acupuncture treatment who had drunk insecticide instead of going to jail. (must be something going around?), had to be treat- ed for inhalation of nox- WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR THIS ious gasses because of the month. Netmail your con- fumes coming from the man's tributions to this madness body. to me at: Christeos Pir 1:109/235.0 or 31:1000/3 ===== [Er, I don't believe it. --drice]

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