For Immediate Release!
WORLD'S HEAVIEST ELEMENT DISCOVERED
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
physicists in the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory materials
sciences group. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has
no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of zero. However,
it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons and
11 assistant vice-neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These
312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous
exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Aministratium caused one
reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally
occurred in less than one second. Administratium has a normal half-life
of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice
neutrons, and assistant vice neurtons echange places. Some studies have
shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally
in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as
government agencies, larg corporations and universities, and can usually be
found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level
of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it
is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how
Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible dammage, but
results, to date, are not promising.
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