The following is a CSICOP Press release scheduled for
distribution to the media on 12/27/93.
For more information contact: Barry Karr, CSICOP, 716-636-1425
BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON SEPARATE!
MADONNA ARRESTED FOR SKIING NAKED!
FERGIE POSES FOR PLAYBOY!
TOILET PAPER SHORTAGE LEADS TO RIOTS!
These are among the headlines predicted for 1993 by
some of the world's best psychics, who made their forecasts in
supermarket tabloids like the _National Enquirer_, _The Globe_,
and the _Weekly World News_.
You didn't miss these headlines. The predictions never
Gene Emery, a science writer at the _Providence
Journal_, says the psychics scored as poorly in 1993 as they
have each year since he began tracking such forecasts in the
"By saving these predictions for a year, it's easy for
anyone to discover for themselves whether psychics have real
powers or not," said Emery. "And each year, the results
convince me once again that people who consult such self-
proclaimed psychics are probably wasting their money."
According to the psychics, 1993 was supposed to be
the year that:
"Fergie" posed naked for Playboy (as predicted by
John Monti in the _National Enquirer_)
Dolly Parton's left breast exploded during a nationally
televised special (Peter Meers, _Weekly World
Bill and Hillary Clinton split up (Barbara Donchess,
Peter Jennings, Tom Brokaw, and Dan Rather were all
replaced by younger anchormen
(Maria Graciette, _National Enquirer_)
Injuries forced the NFL to switch to two-hand touch
football, and a shortage of toilet paper led
to riots (Joseph Klar, _Weekly World News_)
Princess Diana gave birth to a boy who was fathered by a
U.S. Senator, and Queen Elizabeth abdicated her
throne to enter a convent (Countess Serena Sabak,
_Weekly World News_)
Phil Donahue became an ambassador (Mystic Meg in
Jay Leno was replaced on The Tonight Show by Kathie Lee
Gifford (Hevenly, _National Enquirer_)
The Hubble space telescope discovered alien beings living
on an asteroid (Shawn Robbins,
Emery said that, "Depending on the psychic you listened
to, 1993 was supposed to be the year that: Madonna was arrested
in Utah for skiing naked, she revealed that she was Jim Nabors'
love child, or she remarried Sean Penn and cleaned up her image
to become 'the new Julie Andrews of the film world.' "
While some psychics predicted Mike Tyson's release from
prison, psychic Peter Meers said it would be the year Tyson finds
true love in prison with an inmate identified as "Big Bubba."
Psychic Gerd Peters said that former Teamster boss Jimmy
Hoffa would be found alive; on the other hand, Countess Serena
Sabak predicted that Hoffa's skull would be found inside a shark.
"From what I saw, these psychics missed every major,
unexpected news story of 1993, including Michael Jordan's
retirement, the Midwest flooding, the World Trade Center bombing,
the Israel-PLO peace treaty, and the Bobbit case," said Emery.
"Instead," he continued, "we had psychics predicting
that Michael Jackson would discover a drink that cures addiction
to crack cocaine, or he would run a retreat for troubled children
on a 300-acre compound in rural Nebraska."
After decades of looking, scientists have not found
convincing evidence that self-proclaimed psychics really have the
ability to see the future, find missing people, or help solve
crimes. When psychics are tested under conditions that eliminate
luck or fraud, they typically fail.
Some people argue that the forecasts in supermarket
tabloids are so outrageous that nobody in their right minds would
take them seriously, Emery said.
"But if I told you a year ago that two cartoon characters
named Beavis and Butthead would make national headlines, you
would have been wrong to call me crazy," he explained.
Emery said he is always looking for predictions from
professional psychics who might be able to demonstrate real
talent, as long as the forecasts deal with major, unexpected
events that are guaranteed to make the headlines.
Among the events the psychics have already forecast for
1994: an earthquake will turn Florida into an island, Michael
Jackson will become an evangelist, and thousands will die in
South Carolina when a teenager accidentally detonates a homemade
nuclear bomb in his basement.
"I predict," said Emery, "that it won't happen."
(Gene Emery can be reached at 401-277-7361.)