From news.interserv.net!news.sprintlink.net!its.hooked.net!chum.hooked.net!not-for-mail Thu Aug 31 10:51:15 1995
From: email@example.com (Earle Jones)
Subject: Open letter to Woody: Job opportunity
Date: 30 Aug 1995 16:44:47 -0700
The American Rescue Mission
Rev. E. Washington Brown, Pastor
Winona, MN 55987
August 30, 1995
Mr. Rick Sherwood
Church of Scientology
Perhaps you have heard of me and my nationwide campaign in the cause of
temperance. Each winter for the past fourteen years, I have toured the
midwestern United States, and have delivered a series of lectures on the
evils of drinking.
I have been accompanied each year by my young friend, Clyde Pasternak.
Clyde, a young man of good family and excellent educational background
is a pathetic example of life ruined by excessive indulgence in whiskey
and wild women.
Clyde would appear with me at the lectures and sit on the platform staring
at the audience through bloodshot eyes, wheezing, sweating profusely,
picking his nose, passing gas, fondling his genital area, and making
obscene gestures. Whereupon I would point him out as an example of what
over-indulgence can do to a person.
Unfortunately, last fall Clyde died. A mutual friend has given me your
name and suggested that you would be qualified to replace Clyde. I wonder
if you would be available to take Clyde's place on my 1995 Winter tour?
With reverential awe,
Rev. Elton Washington Brown, Pastor