Subject: MY STORY: PART 1 Date: Fri, 18 Nov 1994 06:31:12 GMT THE FIRST CONTACT: My ex and
Subject: MY STORY: PART 1
Date: Fri, 18 Nov 1994 06:31:12 GMT
Organization: University of Cape Town
THE FIRST CONTACT:
My ex and I met shortly before President Mandela was released. It was a time
of much change and turbulence in the country. For the first time, ever, I
felt free to pursue a personal life. When we met, he told me about
Scientology - the spiritual side, nothing about the "Organisation". To cut a
long story short, we fell in love and married. I went into Cape Town Org
with him to find out more about Scientology.
The person I was to see was wearing what looked like a navy uniform. I
thought this was a bit odd at the time, but remembered that the Salvation
Army also wear uniforms. I shall refer to him only as "G". He started off by
talking to me about my life, what I thought about spirituality, etc. Did I
think help was possible? Did I think I could be helped in any way? At the
time, I had to say frankly, no - I felt in pretty good shape, but I did want
to learn more. The conversation continued:
G: "All right. Do you feel it is possible to give help?"
I laughed. "Yes, absolutely. In fact I would like to improve my
ability to help others."
"That's great!" he replied, and beamed at me.
Then he said, "How do you feel about control?"
"Hmm," I replied, if you're talking about the kind of control our
government uses, then I think it is bad."
"Well, OK. How about if I told you to pick up that book over there
and pass it to me?"
"Do you want me to do that?"
I picked up the book and gave it to him. He looked at me earnestly.
"Now was that so bad?"
"Was what so bad?"
"I just excersized a form of control over you."
"Oh. Well, no, that was fine, " I replied.
"Excellent! Now, have you noticed in your life that if you do
something you feel bad about, you tend to do more bad things after
"Hmmmm," I pondered this for a while.
"OK", he said, " Give me an example - tell me something that you
did wrong in your life."
I became uncomfortable for a bit, and then said "Ummm, I ducked out
of University for a while and hitch-hiked around the country with
this guy, and we did drugs."
"Very good! Now what happened after that?"
"Umm, well I had to lie about where I had been to several people".
"Exactly! Now do you see how that one bad act led to more?"
I nodded, feeling a sense of relief, and an odd "rush".
G then got down to business: "well, I can see that you are MUCH more aware
than the average person that walks in off the street here - willing
to talk, no comm lag (time taken to receive and answer a
communication). You are VERY up-stat (able), and A to B (able to
look at things directly). How would you like to help, REALLY help,
in one of the greatest purposes on this planet?"
I became stirred, excited. "I would - what would I have to do?"
"Join staff, here -join our group, and help to free mankind!!"
It sounded great, so I agreed. I signed a contract to join
Foundation Staff. (I had a day job, so could not work there during
the day). The hours were 7.00 pm to 10.00 pm, Monday to Friday,
and 9.00am till 6.00 pm, Saturdays and Sundays. This was a bit much
for me, newly married and all, but my ex was delighted.
I'm going to stop at this point, and look at what lay underneath the above
THE HIDDEN AGENDA:
What I did not know at the time was that G was a veteran Sea Org member,
down in Cape Town on a mission to recruit staff for Cape Town Org. He had to
achieve his "stat" (number of staff members recruited) by Thursday, 2.00
pm. The interview took place on Wednesday night. He had also been drilled
thoroughly on a standard technique of how to interest people in Scientology.
Here is the drill:
1. By two-way comm get the person to admit that help is possible.
2. By a little direction of his converation or motions, or by two-way
comm on good or bad control, make the person see that control is
not always horrible.
3. By showing the person that overts (bad acts) lead to more overts,
get the person to mention some of his or her own overts. This
brings about a raised willingness to talk to you.
4. Close the person (to buy the book, the course, or in this case,
sign a staff contract.)
I fell for it, hook, line and sinker. I thought we were just having a
conversation, and did not realise that I had just had my first piece of "
tech" applied to me.
WHY I WAS VULNERABLE TO IT:
Chris Schafmeister referred in another post to the exploitation of weakness
by FSMs. This is the type of thing that can make an unaware person
1. I genuinely had a desire to help people.
2. I felt flattered by the attention and interest I received.
3. I wanted to impress my ex.
4. Deep down, I was bored with life, missing the old "edge" from days gone
by, and needed excitement.
5. I was (and still am) aware of a spiritual reality, had explored many
other religions, but had not found any one of them to "be for me".
6. I have never been a "high profile" person - my political activities
were always in the backgound, strategic. G made me feel important.
7. I agreed - let's get this straight - no-one forced me - yes, I was
manipulated, but I am the one who agreed into it.
8. Even deeper down, I liked the APPROVAL I received - I was more insecure
at the time than I had thought, and needed the approval of others.
This raises some very interesting philosophical questions. Scientology is
not alone in using a technique designed to bring a person round to their way
of thinking - governments do it, sales people do it, advertisers do it.
What, however of the ETHICS of doing this? The old "ends justifies the
means" adage. To what extent is it justified to manipulate a person mentally?
WHO is to say what "cause" is correct, or the best for humanity? Invariably
it is a few people who have decided this. What individual, or group ever has
enough data, enough facts to hand to make such a decision? In view of the
fact that this is a constantly changing universe, how can a group determine
that ONE paradigm of thought is THE answer, for ever more?
That's the start of my story. As I examine and review the process of
assimilation into Scientology, I will share what I think may be of interest.
The very personal parts will be omitted, but I am striving to be honest
about MY share of responsibility in this saga. I went into it as an adult,
reasonably intelligent, but yet naive in many other ways, and with personal
weaknesses that made me susceptible to it. It is these personal weaknesses
that I am examining ruthlessly - Joe and Flemming's posts on "Rules on being
human" spring to mind - "you will repeat a lesson until you learn it."
*shudders*. I don't want to repeat THIS lesson, thank you very much!
More to follow in a few days.........
Able to think again.
Subject: MY STORY : PART 2
Date: Mon, 21 Nov 1994 14:44:18 GMT
Organization: University of Cape Town
I am taking a brief detour from the auto-biographical component of my story
to examine a deep depression I was in recently. I mostly feel great about my
decision, but on Sunday I felt very unstable, desolate, a great emptiness,
lonliness and a sense of total isolation. I liken this to withdrawal
symptoms from a drug. (I am fighting fit again, as I write this, by the
I do not have the benefit of an exit counsellor - I am dealing with this on
my own. My friends on a.r.s, a.r.s itself and Bent Coryden's book are a life-
line to me. I do not have a "live" person, who was IN Scientology to speak
to in the city where I live, though. So, I am "counselling" myself. I looked
at that isolation and despair that I was in, and forced myself to analyse
it, to conquer it. My goal is NOT to "cave in" as they would have me do, I
aim to recover to the point that I am happy and prospering again.
Here is what I have come up with:
SOME THOUGHTS ON LEAVING A CULT...
Cults, by their very definition, are marginalised from society. When one
joins a cult, one learns gradually to accept a unique construct of reality.
Scientology, in particular, has developed a whole language to support that
definition of reality. Just as an inability to speak French precludes a
German from understanding a conversation amongst a group of French people,
so the "language" of Scientology precludes understanding by those who have
not learned the dialect.
This is a very subtle emotional trap. Because if the cultist wants to leave,
s/he is faced with social isolation. S/he has this reality which cannot be
shared with friends who do not know the dialect. How do you explain the
following to someone who knows nothing of Scientology? (Note: translation
"Your ethics are out, so your dynamics will cave in. You need to be
CAUSE over your Bank, and stay connected to Source. If you don't,
I will KR you, and depending on how out-ethics you are, this will
That was an example of fairly low-level jargon. To an "outsider", it means
nothing. Translated into English:
"You have violated the moral code of Scientology, and the various
areas of your life will be adversely affected as a result. You need
to keep your Reactive mind under control, and keep studying and
applying the philosophy of L. Ron Hubbard. If you don't do this, I
will report you, in writing, and depending on how serious your
crime is, it will be reported to higher authorities within the
The deeper into Scientology you go, the more difficult it is to translate:
"You have flipped into an SP valence - you are stuck in an incident
on your time-track, and dramatizing. You will be denied Eligibility
if you continue, and you will miss all those LFBD's. Disconnect,
(Said to me some weeks ago by a Sea Org member).
"You have assumed the identity of a suppressive person. (By
definition, a suppressive person is hostile to Scientology). You
are acting out a role, not being the real YOU, from one of your
past lives. If you continue to behave like this, you will not
be allowed to do the OT Levels (upper levels of auditing in Scn),
and you will miss getting rid of all that "charge" (which measures
on the e-meter by a specific kind of needle reaction). Stop reading
a.r.s., or else!"
There are even deeper levels than this. These two "light" examples are
sufficient to demonstrate the subtle mechanism which excludes the cultist
from normal social inter-action. The deeper the cultist goes, the more
dependent they are on fellow cultists for communication and social
interaction - and the more difficult it is to leave and re-integrate into
I am sure that these thoughts are not new, but I thought I'd share them, as
they are very real to me right now. I understand why people commit suicide,
and how difficult it is to leave a cult. I have no intention of giving them
the satisfaction of doing myself in. I have every intention of surviving,
getting my true personality back, using my experiences to help anyone
else recover, and of re-integrating into society, doing well, and being
In part 3, I will continue with the autobiographical story.
Fighting fit, and getting stronger by the day - hey, it's not easy, but I
WILL triumph! And I WON'T shut up!
Subject: MY STORY : PART 3
Date: Thu, 24 Nov 1994 09:45:24 GMT
Organization: University of Cape Town
In Part 1, I described my first contact with Scientology. In part 2, I
detoured to examine the emotional impact of leaving the cult. I now look at
my first "service".
MY EXPERIENCE OF THE PURIFICATION RUNDOWN:
Having signed my 5 year contract, and full of enthusiasm to "save the
planet", I went into Cape Town Org the following evening. G told me that my
first step was the Purif. (Purification Rundown, an excersize, vitamin and
sauna program designed to flush out drugs and radiation from the body). I
was a bit skeptical about this - how did this address spiritual issues? G
explained that spiritual progress was impeded by residue drugs and
radiation. I bought it (in both senses of the word, it cost me R1500).
My ex left for Johannesburg for 3 weeks to complete a work project. Two
nights later, after a medical check-up by a specifed doctor, I arrived to
begin the Purif. I was given a vast quantity of vitamins, including niacin,
and told to go jogging until I felt a prickly sensation. I did this, and
G was waiting for me, and said : "Right. You are the new HAS."
"HAS - Hubbard Area Secretary. Read this - it's a Hat write-up
(job description) - while you're in the sauna. Spend at least 4
hours in the sauna, and come out when you're feeling good - take
water and salt."
Somewhat overwhelmed, I trundled off to the sauna, and started reading my
Hat write-up. I didn't understand a word of it. Jargon and terms
everywhere. I started feeling panicky as a result. Five hours later, I still
didn't "feel good", but gave up and went home.
The following night I returned, and continued the program. When in the
sauna, I was still trying to make sense of the "Hat write-up" when I started
feeling dizzy. I took water and salt. And then I passed out. I was told that
I was in the sauna like that for an hour. I "came to" with a lot of shouting
and someone hosing me down with water - I remember the panic on the faces of
the staff. Clearly something had gone badly wrong. The next day, people at
my place of employment remarked on how pale I was, and I felt shaky the
I returned to the Org that night and stated my reluctance to continue the
program. Eventually, I agreed to continue on the understanding that they
would check on me regularly to see that something like that did not occur
again. I continued for another 5 nights, and nothing much happened. They
attested me (a declaration, made on the e-meter that you have completed a
Scn course or program), and asked me to write a success story. I didn't want
to, but they said that I had to if I wanted to attest to completion, so I
wrote down something about "feeling cleaned up", and that was the end of the
G had left, in the meantime, having completed his "mission". I said that I
was not ready to go on staff, I needed to find out more about Scientology.
They were not at all happy about this, but eventually agreed to let me go.
WHERE THEY WENT WRONG:
In fairness, I must point out that they did not apply their OWN policy
correctly. Firstly, I should have been given the Purification Rundown Manual
to read before going on the program. I should have had at least one other
person doing the program with me. I should not have been given a "Hat write-
up" to read in the sauna. A lot of people have done the Purif - some really
enjoyed it, others were indifferent, and others did not like it at all.
In mitigation on MY responsibility in the issue was the fact that I was
brand new, and did not know that there was a manual to ask to see. I only
found that out later.
ABOUT THE PURIF:
I am not a doctor, or a scientist, so I am not going to attempt a scientific
study here - others have addressed this issue more adequately than I can.
However, to my non-scientific mind, the whole credibility of the Purif rests
on the premise that Niacin flushes out radiation and drugs.
Niacin is nicotinic acid - a vitamin of the B group, which is prepared
SYNTHETICALLY in a process that includes the oxidation of nicotine. The
toxic effect is the DILATION OF THE VEINS, and this leads to hot flushes -
high dosages also lead to abdominal cramps, tiredness and skin blemishes.
Hubbard had this to say about niacin:
"Niacin's biochemical reaction is my own, private, personal discovery. In
the middle of the 1950's I was doing work on radiation, and I worked out
that it must be niacin that operated on radiation...Niacin runs out
radiation. The outpoint in medical thinking has been that they thought
Niacin itself turned on a flush. Niacin all by its lonesome does not turn
on any flush. What it starts to do is immediately run out sunburn or
- From HCOB 1978RB, reissued 31 July 1985, "The Purification
Rundown replaces the sweat program."
No-where in this, or other bulletins does Hubbard explain exactly HOW he
reached this conclusion - he tells us "he worked it out", but HOW?
Where is the evidence and proof of this? I am willing to bet that if you
gave someone niacin, who had NEVER been exposed to radiation, they would
still turn on a flush, by the mere fact that their veins had been dilated.
Also, the fact that something DID go wrong with my particular program,
even though it was "off-policy" (not a correct application of Hubbard's
policy) raises this question: how can amateurs be allowed to administer
this program? Why are there no safety precautions? Who is to say that this
program is "safe"? Hubbard, who was neither a doctor, a biochemist nor a
scientist, is the sole author of this program. Apparently doctors
scrutinised the program, and found it to be rigorous, but not harmful.
But again, in the hands of unqualified personnel......
More to follow in Part 4.
Flourishing and prospering! ;-)
Subject: MY STORY : PART 4
Date: Tue, 29 Nov 1994 06:12:14 GMT
Organization: University of Cape Town
I have been wrestling with the rest of my story - trying to find some way to
omit the spiritual aspects, but I just cannot. I happen to believe in past
lives, and I have memories of them that are real to me. Now before some of
you dismiss me as yet another "nut", I ask you to take the following into
consideration: if something is true, it should stand the test on all
levels - physical (material), intellectual (philosophical) and spiritual
(metaphysical). If one of these levels is not real to you, then discard that
level, and judge my story on the philosophical level - judge the logical
consistency of the thoughts presented.
SAVING THE PLANET:
After the Purif, I did not renege on my purpose to save the planet, and so I
withdrew for a while to read some books on Scientology (Dianetics, Science
of Survival, History of Man, The Phoenix lectures, Scientology 8-80 and
8-008) to get a better grip on the subject. I found the concepts intriguing,
and strangely familiar.
My ex returned from Johannesburg and we went into Cape Town Org to determine
what to do next. I looked at the Grade Chart (the various levels of Scn,
divided into two aspects : one on receiving auditing, one on learning how to
audit others). I liked the part about learning how to audit others, and I
was interested in the level of Clear Certainty Rundown (CCRD). They did
various tests, assessed my IQ, and did an OCA (Oxford capacity Analysis - a
personality test), and then we looked at the results. My IQ score was high,
and the OCA showed no area needing attention. They then asked me some
questions on the e-meter. I told them that I thought I was "Clear" already.
The net result was that I was told my next step was the CCRD, which could
only be delivered in Johannesburg, and that I should buy an auditor training
package. I did (it cost me R8000, I took out my first loan from the bank -
fortunately I did not need to buy an e-meter, books or tapes - that would
have added another R11 000 to my bill).
THIS was how I was going to save the planet - at last I could channel that
urge I had to heal people, spiritually.
THE STUDENT HAT:
I walked into the Academy. All I will say at this stage is that it was very,
very familiar to me, and I fitted in with ease. The Student Hat teaches you
how to study - clearing up misunderstood words, demonstrating concepts in
clay, etc. I enjoyed it. The only part I didn't like is that if you had a
question, the Course Supervisor never answered it, he showed you a Hubbard
policy. This is to avoid "Verbal tech" - ONLY Hubbard's policy is allowed. I
passed the exam with 100%.
THE KEY TO LIFE COURSE:
After completing the Student hat, there was a great push on the release of
a new course, the "Key to Life" - which was THE answer to communication. On
completion of this course, you were meant to be able to fully "duplicate"
(understand) others, and have others "duplicate" you. The course cost R6000,
I didn't feel like taking out another loan, and frankly, I didn't feel I
really needed it, communication being one of my stronger points. However, I
ended up converting the money from my auditor training package, at the
insistence of the Reg. (Registrar - one who gets you to buy courses).
The materials of the Key to Life Course are confidential. It is a long
course, and has to be done with a "twin" (study partner - you are
responsible for getting each other through the course). All I can say is
that one of the books is called "The new Grammar" - and I can say this,
because some promo showed a picture with the cover of the book removed - so
draw your own conclusions.
(As an amusing aside - the Key to Life promo was glitzy - one of the
pictures showed a husband and wife fighting, then doing the course, then
being all happy. My ex and I started to twin on this course, and we had so
many disagreements that they had to separate us, and twin us each with
someone else. It was quite funny, because we went in all happy, and at the
end of the course, we were fighting like cat and dog. I don't attribute this
to the course, though, there were other things going on).
I emerged from this course with an ability to "duplicate" alright - I could
duplicate Hubbard's policies with lightening speed. However, I noticed that
my ability to read any other material was definitely lessened. I happened to
be studying an additional course through a correspondence University here in
South Africa (already had a degree and a post-grad qualification, this was
just for interest). When I wrote my exam on this course (Business
Economics), I passed with the lowest mark I had ever received in my life -
52%!! I was horrified! (Never had anything below 72% before).
Without going into too many details, it is relevant to mention that by this
stage my marriage had deteriorated badly. My ex was Clear, trained to Level
0, had become very unhappy in his job. He blamed me for everything that was
wrong in his life, and whenever I completed a Scn course, he said I'd made
"no case gain" (no spiritual progress). We fought over money - he earned 3
times what I did (he is in the field of electronics engineering, I in the
field of tertiary education, which just does not pay as well), yet I was
contributing 50% of the living expenses - when I objected, he replied that
"you don't reward a down-stat". He had a brief affair with someone. Etc, etc.
The point is, I was under extreme emotional stress at this time - and I was
disgusted at my own inability to "handle" the marriage. It was at this
point, having completed the Key to Life, that I was asked to join staff
again - this time on the TTC (Technical Training Corps) to become an auditor.
I had finished courses quicker than anyone in Cape town had before - they
were all "impressed" at how quickly I picked up "the think". (This
rattled my ex as well - the old ego thing).
I will describe my experiences on Staff in Part 5.
Subject: MY STORY : PART 5
Date: Mon, 5 Dec 1994 12:01:09 GMT
Organization: University of Cape Town
I am at the point where I have finally joined staff, at the Cape Town
Foundation Org (means I worked from 7.00 pm to 10.30 pm, Monday to Friday,
and Saturdays and Sundays, from 9.00am to 6.00 pm, without pay). I also had
a day job, and found this to be a gruelling schedule. During the day, I had
a department to run at the University of Cape Town, and was responsible for
30 staff memebers. I also had to run the home (shopping, cooking, etc), and
essentially I had no time to myself.
THE TTC (Technical Training Corps):
There are various steps a new staff member has to go through when joining
and Org. You have to establish a production record, and you receive training
on being a staff memeber. It is called "indoctrination". Never did like that
word. I learnt about ethics, and about how in order to stay out of trouble,
it was best to be an "up-statistic" (every aspect of working in a Scn org is
measured by statistics). My natural inclination was to resist such rigid
control - I hated authoritarianism. BUT, I was there to save the planet, and
if this required submitting to an imposed discipline, I would do it.
I was given a program of training to becoming an auditor. My statistic was
"student points". (Points are allocated according to the amount of material
studied), and I was on full time training (7.30pm to 10.00pm). However, I
was assigned other tasks, and in order to complete them, I often had to stay
on till 11.00pm, sometimes midnight. Then up again, at 5.00 in the morning,
to do the work involved in running a home, before going to my day job.
After I completed the preliminary steps, I was ready to begin training. I
had to do the "post-graduate" course of the Key to Life, the Life
Orientation course. The materials of this course are confidential, so I won'
t go into it. I flew through the course, getting a lot of student points and
quickly established myself as an "up-statistic". I was expected to be there
at 7.00 pm, sharp, for "roll call" and muster. If I was late, I was sent to
Ethics. The fact that I had a responsible day job did not consitute a valid
excuse for being late, not did the fact that I had to make supper for my ex
and I. Pressure! Something had to take a back seat, and my day job
suffered - I was tired and distracted. Add to that, constant fights with my
ex - I started getting the "fixed stare" often attributed to Scientologists.
The next course I did was the PRO TRs (Professional TTraining Routines).
This teaches you to confront, and to resist responding to anything your pc (
preclear) may say to you in an auditing session. It teaches you not to
respond to anyone pushing your "buttons", to ask an auditing question, to
get it answered, and to acknowledge it. One of the drills - TR0 - you have
to sit for 2 hours and "confront" another person - without twitching,
moving, or excessive blinking. You definitely feel stronger after getting
through this - able to control things and people. Horribly intoxicating.
Next, was the Upper Indoc TRs (Upper Indoctrination Training Routines). Here
you learn to get a person to follow your commands, despite any resistance on
their part. For example, you say: "Walk over to that wall. Thank you. Touch
that wall. Thank you. Turn around. Thank you. Walk over to that wall..."
etc., over and over again. You are trained to issue the commands with
Intention (called Tone 40), and if necessary, physical force. I did my
drills with a guy who was over 6 feet tall, and very well built - to get him
to follow my commands gave me a sense of "Power". Horrible.
The rigid schedule, the long hours, the discipline, wore down my ability to
analyse what was happening to me. I became irritated by normal life and
people, and LIVED for the time when I could go into the Org, impress
everyone with how good at it I was, my high student points, etc. The
indoctrination was starting to bite, I was starting to enjoy it to a point
that I would describe as a sick lust for that "power".
More to follow in Part 6.
Non Interference Zone
(My new sig is a pun - in Scn, there is an area on the Grade Chart where you
may not receive auditing until you are through a barrier. I put this here as
a tongue in cheek pun, because I have had a couple of people trying to bring
me around to THEIR way of thinking, since I left Scn. No thanks, I am free,
I am not a pawn in someone else's little (and I mean LITTLE) game.
Subject: NEWSFLASH : Summonsed AGAIN!!
Date: Wed, 7 Dec 1994 06:15:20 GMT
Organization: University of Cape Town
Dammit!! I thought they couldn't hurt me any more, but they have struck deep.
I was called by OSA Africa the night before last to go in for a Security
Check. I said no.
Last night, H phoned me. She and I were very, very close friends - a deep
friendship, and we loved each other. She is OT8, Class 8, and in Scientology.
The conversation went something like this:
"Why don't you want to go in for your Sec Check?"
"My reasons are personal, I have left Scientology."
"But WHY? You KNOW you can tell me, I'm your friend, I care for you very
much. Remember all I have done for you in the past - I mean you no harm."
"Please, H., can't you just accept that my reasons are personal?"
"Yes, but you can tell me. WHO are you connected to, who is enturbulating
you like this?"
"I have made my own choices, no-one has influenced me."
"Yes, but WHO are you still in contact with?"
"I will not tell you."
"How can you do this to me, Kim, you are hurting me deeply by refusing me
"After all the times we have shared, after everything, how can you turn
around and do this to me?" OUCH, OUCH, OUCH.
"H, please, I don't want to hurt you."
"Then tell me WHO they are?"
"Kim, I NEED you as a friend, you know there are no other terminals of
comparable magnitude here in Cape Town for me - I NEED you Kim, don't desert
me, don't betray me, don't leave me alone!" OUCH, OUCH, OUCH!!!!
"H, I won't tell you."
"Are you treating me like an SP now? Have you turned enemy on me too?" OUCH
"Yes." OUCH, OUCH, OUCH!!!!!
"Well then, you have ARC broken me. Some day you can come and repair the
break." (tears in her voice)
Goddammit! The pain and guilt, oh Jesus. I had a very, very dear friend with
me at the time, who heard the whole thing, who understands. He just held me
while I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I'm crying as I write this now.
Bastards! You FUCKING BASTARDS! How can you take that which is so precious
in life, a deep friendship, and use it to turn friends against each other?
HOW CAN YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT???
Yes, OSA, you hurt, and you hurt me bad. Take a win. Nailed the SP. Well,
FUCK YOU, I am NOT going back, I am NOT going to stop telling my story, I am
NOT going to shut up. I said NOTHING will stop me, and I meant it.
Yes, I am crying, yes, you hurt me deeply, yes, I know there will be more to
come, and NO, I will not go back, EVER.
I will keep everyone informed on the Internet of any further attempts you
make to get me back, of any open or covert attempts you make to stop me.
I still have not gotten to the part in "my Story" of what happened last time
I was summonsed - I'm still getting there.
In deep pain, but not going back - I have broken the final tie now.
From: KIM@uctlib.uct.ac.za (Kim Baker)
Subject: MY STORY : PART 6
X-mailer: Pegasus Mail v2.3 (R4).
Date: Mon, 12 Dec 1994 09:34:18 +0000
All right. My response to OSA's latest attempt to silence me is to
continue telling my story - I am exersizing my human right to free
will and free speech.
ABSORBED BY THE CULT
I was now totally absorbed by the cult - my whole life was taken up
with it, and the only time I had free was Saturday and Sunday
evenings. And I found that I could not enjoy normal human activities
- such as going to movies, etc. They lacked the intensity that I had
become addicted to.
After completing the Upper Indoc TRs, I did something called Method
One Co-Audit - it is where two people work through a list, looking
for words that were not understood in past subjects studied. It is
done on the e-meter. I then studied OEC Volume 0 (Organisation
Executive Course - there are 7 volumes, this one dealt with being a
staff member in a Scientology organisation). It was at this time that
an order came down from the Case Supervisor in Johannesburg that I
could not receive my Clear Certainty Rundown (an auditing action to
confirm that you are Clear) in South Africa - I had to go to an
Advanced Organisation - which meant that I was now looking at R30 000
just for a CCRD! Further, the instruction was that I was not to
receive ANY auditing of any kind until I had been to an Advanced
Organisation. Never did find out the reason for this.
TURNING ON MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS
This is one of many parts that I am deeply ashamed of. While on
Staff, my mother became very ill, and was hospitalized. I RESENTED
it, God help me, I resented the intrusion into my cult activities. I
wrote up a CSW (Completed Staff Work - a request, in writing, with
information and a solution, to a senior) to get time off to visit
her. It was denied. I re-wrote it, promising to make up the time off,
and it was granted. The time I was allowed off was minimal - an hour
a night - to visit her. I visited her out of a sense of obligation -
I had no compassion, and she knew it. She recovered, but there was a
distance between us after that. I bear a deep guilt about this today -
then, I had no guilt. I became distant from my friends, and lost
touch with them. I belonged to the Church of Scientology - and my
"stellar" performance on their courses made me a favourite of theirs.
LIVING WITH CONTRADICTIONS
By now, I had learnt to accept contradictory facts. Sometimes,
though, the contradictions were too much for me. One evening, at roll
call, a tape by Hubbard was played. On it, he spoke of how he had met
Hendrick Verwoed (Hendrick Verwoed was one of the founding fathers of
Apartheid in South Africa - he created the system of "Bantu"
education, designed to give Black South Africans an inferior
education so that they would be forced to seek employment as
unskilled labourers - an unspeakably evil system that still has
effects to this day).
Hubbard said that Verwoed was "a great guy". The dissonance jarred me
deeply. I asked that they stop the tape, and re-play that part - I
wanted to be sure I heard correctly. I did. Unfortunately, I don't
have the reference of the tape - all I remember is that it was part
of the Organisation Executive Course (probably being edited out by
the Church now, as I write!). I stood there with my jaw hanging -
"How can that be???", I asked my fellow staff members. Here we were,
supposed to be saving the Planet, freeing people from their
"reactive" minds - and here was our leader, saying that one of the
most suppressive people in our country was "A GREAT GUY"???? The
other staff members just shrugged it off, saying Hubbard must have
had his reasons. I couldn't. I kept my disagreement to myself after
my initial outburst - didn't want to have to go through "False Data
Stripping" (a process whereby any disagreement with Hubbard or
Scientology is handled to the point that the disagreement is
SO WHY STAY IN THE CULT?
Is the question you must be asking. Here was something that struck
against the very core of me - it struck at that which I had spent my
whole life fighting, at that which I considered to be utterly evil -
racism. Yet I stayed on in the cult. Why? WHY?? I have been beating
myself up over this one - because I DON'T KNOW why I did not walk out
at that point. This frightens the hell out of me. What more reason
did I need to see through the cult? Yet I stayed. Would I have stayed
if I had found out that Hubbard was a mass murderer too? Jesus, I
DON'T KNOW!!! What had happened to me?????
More to follow in Part 7
From: KIM@uctlib.uct.ac.za (Kim Baker)
Subject: MY STORY : PART 7
X-mailer: Pegasus Mail v2.3 (R4).
Date: Mon, 12 Dec 1994 09:34:09 +0000
THE "DARLING" OF THE CULT
I continued with my auditor training - from Level 0 to Level 1. I
learnt how to audit people, and I spent a lot of time auditing. I
always had excellent results on my pcs : in metered sessions, I got a
lot of TA motion (Tone arm motion - a measurement on the meter of how
much "charge" is gotten off the person) - I always got "Very Well
Done" grades on my sessions and (guilt!) some people joined staff,
and even the Sea Org (when Johannesburg came down to recruit), after
I had audited. I never ONCE made an error with my auditing.
So, my sessions kept people "winning" and as a result, endeared them
to the cult. GUILT! I have SO much guilt over this - then, I enjoyed
the "power" of being able to run sessions so well, of having
vulnerable people get deeper into Scientology because they got "wins"
from my application of Hubbard's auditing technology. This is not
easy for me to admit publically - but by sharing those parts of me
that I am deeply ashamed of, I am aiming to help people understand
how human failings DO play their part in this cult - the cult would
not be able to continue as it is without these human failings to
A LUCKY ESCAPE
At this stage, a recruitment team came to Cape Town, from Flag. They
took one look at me, at the results on my pcs, even though I was
only auditing the lower levels, and they decided they wanted me, and
wanted me BAD. They put the pressure on - to join the Sea Org at Flag
and do the Class 8 Auditor Training program. I was so far gone, I
wanted it too - more than anything I had ever wanted.
Ironically, it was another human failing that saved me - (grin) my ex-
husband's ego! He just could not STAND the thought that I would
"progress" in Scientology way ahead of him. He was already having
great difficulty in dealing with my "success" at the local Org, this
was just the end for him! Not that he would have minded going to the
States, or joining the Sea Org, but he was PEEVED that they
didn't offer it to him. He said that if I went, he would divorce me,
and make things VERY difficult for me financially.
I still loved him, even though our marriage was such a monumental
failure - I was not prepared to give up on the marriage yet. And so I
resisted the VERY professional pressure that Flag put on me to join.
The pressure I was under, the long hours, the discipline, the adverse
effect on my day job, my buried disagreeements slowly began to take
their toll - something deep, deep inside of me was beginning to
revolt at being on staff. I was like a shooting star that burnt out -
because despite my success on staff, the SPIRITUAL side of me had
virtually died. The reason I joined staff - to help people - had been
perverted into a fast-paced intensity of stats, power-hunger, ego-
stroking - in fact it had very little to do with my concept of help.
I had lost my ability to love and care (dirty words in Scientology
vocabulary), I lost my self-determinism, my ability to be analytical -
and I had become hard, cold, manipulative, charming, forceful,
aggressive, cruel and very, very impatient with slowness. My marriage
was in tatters, and I had treated my family and friends abominably.
Something deep, deep inside of me cried out - ENOUGH !!!!!!
And so, I routed off staff. They couldn't give me a security check,
because of the order that I could have no auditing (by the way, the
Jhb Case Supervisor, D. K. is now in the RPF - Rehabilitation Project
Force - I am VERY upset about this), and so they couldn't stop me
from leaving. The Cape Town Case Supervisor, J., who had been on
staff for 6 years before I joined, and was my senior, was shocked
that I wanted to leave. She wanted to know why - basically I told her
that the spiritual side of me was dying. She was affected in a MAJOR
way by this, and left 2 weeks after I did. She cited my leaving as
the reason for her leaving.
I was hit with a Freeloader Bill of R9500 for the courses I had
studied. Like an idiot, I took a loan out from the Bank, because I
still wanted to continue with Scientology. I had also taken out
another loan, while on staff, of R5600 for a life-time membership to
the International Association of Scientologists. This was a result of
an aggressive money-raising campaign by the IAS to combat the
"suppression" of Scientology in Germany.
The debts were getting deeper and deeper.
More to follow in Part 8
From: KIM@uctlib.uct.ac.za (Kim Baker)
Subject: MY STORY : PART 8
X-mailer: Pegasus Mail v2.3 (R4).
Date: Mon, 12 Dec 1994 09:34:09 +0000
After leaving staff, I was very difficult to live with. I took a
break from Scientology, but could not settle into normal life. I was
irritable and aggressive, felt empty and purposeless. The intesity
was gone, and normal human life irritated and bored me. My ex was
much nicer to me - he was pleased that I had stepped out of the
"lime-light" - now HE could get some attention, and ironically, our
marriage improved a while. But, I was restless.
BEING "PUBLIC" AGAIN
I missed the Org, and Scientology, and so I signed up for two more
courses - the PTS/SP course and Level 2 Auditor Training. (Cost:
R3000, and a further loan from the Bank). I went back onto course,
and everything felt "right" again. The PTS/SP (Potential Trouble
Source/ Suppressive Person) course deals with Suppression, and
vulnerability to Suppression. It teaches the Scientologist how to
"handle" any criticism of Scientology or Hubbard, and includes the
policy on "How to handle Black PR" (Black propoganda is assumed to be
any criticism of Scientology). This is a very, very interesting
course, and VERY revealing as to how the cult responds to criticism.
Of course, there are deeper levels, and I have seen these (won't say
how or who) - deadly stuff, if used correctly.
I started my Level 2 course, and was almost finished, when something
happened that altered my life dramatically.
THE END OF MY MARRIAGE:
It was December 1993, when my ex was offered a job in Johannesburg.
Much more money, and closer to a much bigger Org. He accepted it, and
at the end of January, 1994, he left. Just like that.
He told everyone up there (I only found this out fairly recently)
that I hadn't gone with him, because I didn't love him anymore. In
fact, I hadn't joined him, because I didn't have time to find a job
up there, and I knew that he would NEVER support me financially while
I was looking. I had all these debts, and I couldn't just stop
working. So, I stayed on in Cape Town, but started to look for
employment in Johannesburg - not knowing, at this stage, what he had
By June, 1994, I had negotiated a job, and he flew down to discuss
the logistics of moving. It soon became apparent that he did not want
me to join him. I later found out that if I did, it would ruin the
new "image" he had built up for himself in the Scientology community -
the image that people had seen through in Cape Town. After some
predictable and protracted fights, we agreed to divorce. He didn't
want to do it - didn't have time, he said, so I instituted
proceedings, and the divorce went through, uncontested, in August
1994. He will NEVER be called to book for his actions within the
Church of Scientology, by the way - their so-called "justice" system
is flawed - because he makes (and gives them) a lot of money, they
will never make him answer for any of this. So much for their
It was in August that I discovered a.r.s. I had been cyber-surfing
for months before, and stumbled on it by accident. I was fascinated,
amazed at how much people dared to say. I lurked for quite a while,
and then "boldly" started posting a few articles - on racism, sexism -
and a few minor disagreements that I had had. OSA Africa phoned me
shortly after that, and read back some of my articles to me. I
received quite a shock, I did not realise that they were aware of the
board. OSA Africa, by the way, does not have a connection to the
Internet, yet, so OSA International must have informed them.
Someone flew down from the Sea Org, in Johannesburg on a mission.
Part of the mission was to "handle" me. C did an "ethics" handling on
me. Something in me rebelled at the objection of the Church to my
postings, and I posted my annoyance to the net. Remember, although I
had posted a few critical articles, I had not, within myself, made a
break from Scientology. My criticism stemmed from the contradictions -
the racism isssue, many others, and the fact that my ex-husband had
behaved in a way that I couldn't reconcile with him being "Clear."
After I had posted my annoyance to the net, i.e had disobeyed their
order to "shut up" they, sent in the heavies. Now I KNOW everyone
wants to know about this part the most. I would ask everyone now, to
please respect my right to privacy on this one - there is a very,
very good reason that I don't post this - in that it enters the arena
of legal action - I am not going to sue, but I would like to have it
as a trump card if ever the harassment gets too much. Please respect
this right, and accept that it may be my only defence against them if
the need arises. It is sufficient to day that my "handling" was co-
ercive in nature, and that it succeeded in "snapping" me back into
the mind-set of a Scientologist. Which upset a great number of the
More to follow in Part 9
From: KIM@uctlib.uct.ac.za (Kim Baker)
Subject: MY STORY : PART 9
X-mailer: Pegasus Mail v2.3 (R4).
Date: Mon, 12 Dec 1994 10:26:21 +0000
BEING A SCIENTOLOGIST ON A.R.S
And so, I started posting as a Scientologist to a.r.s. I received
private communications from a few Scientologists who lurk here -
"Welcome back to the Theta world" type of thing - there weren't many -
about 5, after the infamous "Doubt announcement" posting.
I was not allowed to join the Scientologist forum, "Theta-L" until I
had worked my way up into a condition of "Normal" (this would take
QUITE a while). And that's when they made their first mistake.
Because at that stage, I was totally committed to being a
Scientologist. They denied me communication, as a punishment, I
suppose, but they did NOT realise how much communication I was
receiving in private from the members of a.r.s - "Delete all entheta
mail" they said - but how could I delete messages which showed
nothing but care and concern? To me, those messages were NOT entheta,
and so I read them, each and every one. To all of those who wrote to
me then, I say THANK YOU - your strongest weapon was the fact that
you CARED, you genuinely CARED, and that reached deep, deep in, below
all the mind-control, and touched me. It played a MAJOR role in
helping me finally break with the Church.
A NOTE ABOUT DENNIS AND I
Most of you will remember the fracas between Dennis Erlich and I,
when he posted my private e-mail. He took MAJOR heat over that, and I
feel it necessary to explain my part in it. When I first arrived on
a.r.s., I befriended him in private, and we became good friends.
Then, when I suddenly turned, I stopped communicating with him. He
became convinced that I was an OSA operative, and thought I had been
all along - I DON'T BLAME him - when you have been in as deep into
the Church as he has, when you have been betrayed by double-double-
counter agents as many times as he has, what else could he think?
In fact, and THIS is the REAL danger of mind-control - NO-ONE
instructed me to go for Dennis, I decided, from my Scientology mind-
set, that Dennis was to be attacked, because he has been declared a
Suppressive person. And now I am going to open up and expose a part
of myself that I am DEEPLY, deeply ashamed of. I had seen the
hopelessly incompetent attempts of the Scientologists to try and
"handle" a.r.s. - embarressingly stupid. Brian Wenger's posting of
Dennis's files onto the net was just IDIOTIC. All that did was
So, I saw what was needed and wanted - "handle" a.r.s - start by
exposing Dennis Erlich as a Suppressive. But let him do it HIMSELF.
So, I provoked Dennis. I manoevred him into a position where he had
no choice but to attack me (CRINGE - I knew he cared enough to do
it, if he didn't care, he would have left it, because he's no fool,
he knew EXACTLY what I was doing - I USED his care for me against
him!!) He also knew, that I was a bit brighter than most of the
Scientologists here, and he knew that I was dangerous - he tried to
warn others, and with good reason - because I knew what I was going
to do next to handle a.r.s. - go for the sharp ones, individually -
Martin had quite a tussle with me, in private, but I backed off. I
couldn't coninue with it, it sickened me.
And so Dennis went for me. Only he and I knew what was really going
on. He got flamed. My strategy was a success. It turned many people
(not all, some saw through it) against him. How were you all to know
what you were dealing with??? THIS is the deviousness that mind-
control creates. I am really, really sorry everyone. If you feel
disgust for me, I understand. I feel utter disgust for myself, that I
sunk to such depths. And that I was so good at it.
No, I still don't think publishing private e-mail without the
person's permission is acceptable. But in this one instance, it was
all Dennis could do. Dennis and I are friends again. We have made up,
he has forgiven me. He understands. I am still ashamed of it, I still
have to work through my guilt.
More to follow in Part 10
From: KIM@uctlib.uct.ac.za (Kim Baker)
Subject: MY STORY : PART 10
X-mailer: Pegasus Mail v2.3 (R4).
Date: Mon, 12 Dec 1994 11:39:50 +0000
So, I had gained the admiration of some of the Scientologists on the
net with my "success" in "exposing" Dennis. They are divided on the
a.r.s issue - some feel that a.r.s are just a "bunch of misfits" and
that Scientologists should NOT post to a.r.s., and give the "SPs" a
"game" - they think that if there are no Scientologists posting,
you'll all get bored and just go away. Hah! Others feel that
something should be done to handle a.r.s., and those were the ones who
were very, very impressed by my "handling" of Dennis. Ironically,
(and here comes ANOTHER contradiction), they all felt that I had done
MAJOR damage to the Church with my first few "critical" postings.
Yet, they consider a.r.s not important!
If they respond to my public confession at all, it will probably be
to quote "The code of a Scientologist", and say that my "handling" of
Dennis was a violation of this code, and therefore I was not acting
as a Scientologist should. Hah! That is double-think, and a classic
way that they set people up to take the fall for something, while
denying any part in it themselves. An old strategy. No, I was acting
EXACTLY as a Scientologist should, when dealing with a "Suppressive".
THE FINAL BREAK FROM THE CULT
The episode with Dennis shocked me - at what I was capable of. It
resulted in me splitting into TWO DISTINCT personalitites - the real
me, and the "Scientologist" me. I was still waiting for the famed
Security Check that I had agreed to go in for when I first "re-
converted". I went through one of the most intense inner struggles
that I have EVER been through, and I became impatient for the
Security Check and Clearance, which would enable me to go back into
Scientology. I knew that the "Scientology" me was losing the battle.
And this is the second mistake the Church made. If they had got me in
for my Sec Check, at this stage, I would have been lost forever. It
was THAT close. Fortunately for me, and many others, their own
incompetence and slowness delayed the Security Check. In the
meantime, while continuing to read a.r.s., I saw the affidavits, and
then the exposure of Scientology infiltration into our new government
here in South Africa by a South African newspaper. Well do I know
that WISE is a front group for Scientology. This, combined with the
hundreds of private communications I continued to receive from
concerned members on a.r.s, who would not give up on me, and my deep
guilt over what had happened with Dennis, and what I nearly did to
Martin (and others) in private - all cumulatively led to the TRUE me
Deep, deep inside, I made the break. I posted to a.r.s for the first
time in ages, in response to the article on South Africa. This
brought in several stern reprimands from Scientologists on the net.
I had been ordered NOT to read a.r.s anymore. I ignored them. I
continued posting, and the ME, the REAL ME came flooding back, with
FORCE. My cult persona was finally dead! I was BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been REVELLING in my freedom to communicate again, and since I
started posting the "my story" series, I have been FLOODED with
communications from around the world. OSA must have panicked,
realising that they had bungled over the Sec Check, because their
last, most subtle attempt to silence me, using my dear friend H to
get me back, was the most deadly on their part. That was the true
test for me. In breaking with her, I have broken my last link to
them, forever! It hurt like bloody hell, but I had seen enough to
know. I can never trust her again, she is answerable to Flag by virtue
of being an OT8, and I know she will lie to me, or trick me, if it is
I WILL BE ATTACKED SOON
They will probably declare me a Suppressive person, in my absence,
and not inform me. Now that they have realised that I am not going
back, that I will NEVER go back, they will haul out their tired old
"How to handle Black PR" policy - and they will try to discredit me,
ruin my reputation, expose my "overts", and if this fails...well,
THAT will be interesting, because, per the policy, "ONLY
COUNTERATTACK handles" - so I am prepared for some very real attacks
on me now. Open attacks, covert attacks - I am in for it, I know.
For daring to speak out. For daring to depart Scientology publically.
I have set up an elaborate system whereby if anything happens to me,
you will all be informed of it. Newspapers will be informed of it.
Several agencies will be informed of it. And everyone will be
informed of many other things too.
So, OSA, if you DO resort to covert means, the end result will be
VERY embarressing to you. I would advise you to leave me alone.
More to follow in Part 11
Subject: MY STORY : PART 11
Date: Thu, 15 Dec 1994 07:26:19 GMT
Organization: University of Cape Town
The personal part of my story is now told. The telling of my story has been
like a confession, and exorcism - and I didn't have to pay for it!! It has
helped me finish with the Church of Scientology, and the massive feedback I
have had tells me it has helped many other people as well - which is
wonderful. The support I have had has been nothing short of ASTOUNDING - I
thank you all for your encredible caring, support and love. I love you too!
WHERE TO NOW?
I have to finish healing, personally, on my own now. In a few days, I am
going to take a holiday - mountains, sea (it is summer here!), forests, old
friends, art, music, good times! I am going to reclaim my life for ME before
I consider what I will do next. I am not the type of person that can just
forget an evil, and go on with my life - so I will be back next year. The
CoS will no longer dominate my life, but I WILL give a portion of it to
opposing this evil - and focus the rest of my energies on being creative -
on working towards constructive goals, so badly needed here in South Africa.
In closing, I'd like to offer some of my thoughts, and my position as
regards the Church of Scientology.
The profile of the participants on a.r.s is very interesting: out and out
sceptics, scientists who see the "religion" aspect as a complete fraud; ex-
Church members who have either rejected Scientology and any form of
spirituality completely, or who have continued using the religion while
rejecting the Church, or who have taken up a new religion; people who have
never been in Scientology, but are concerned about the cult aspect, and
occasionally, even some Scientologists!
WHY SINGLE OUT THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY FOR ATTACK?
Everyone's attention has been captured by the ACTIONS of the Church of
Scientology (as distinct from the religion/philosophy of Scientology).
The Church is UNIQUE in its aggressive litigation and harassment of
critics - unique from any religion, any cult. This draws attention to it,
and distinguishes it as an organisation needing closer scrutiny. It is
UNIQUE in its copyrighting of its materials - "religious scriptures" - while
calling them "trade secrets". It is UNIQUE in the exhorbitant charges it
levies at its adherents - called "donations" - where in fact these
donations are fixed, and services cannot be taken WITHOUT them, and without
membership of the International Association of Scientologists (a registered
business). The Church is UNIQUE in its exploitation of legal loop-holes,
using an armery of highly paid lawyers, paid for from its billion dollar
"War Chest". It is UNIQUE in its use of front groups, such as WISE,
NARCANON, Education Alive, etc.
It is THESE aspects that provoke such anger and outrage from society - these
aspects that explain the continued attacks on the Church, the singling out
of it from other cults.
IT FITS THE PROFILE OF A CULT AS WELL
Then, there are other practices that the Church uses, which parallel those
used by other cults - the "shunning" of critics, punishing of dissenters,
subtle mind control, emotional manipulation, the COMPLETE absorbtion of
people's lives, demands for loyalty, etc.
The mind control aspect is a whole subject on its own - I could write
VOLUMES in it - I may still do, as in this world as it stands now, mind
control needs to be researched and understood in order to effectively combat
it - too little is known about it.
MIND CONTROL - THE ANTITHESIS OF FREE WILL
For now, I will limit myself to just saying this: ANYTHING that demands the
relinquishing of your own thoughts, your own FREE WILL, and the total
acceptance of another's thoughts, without question, is mind control. How do
I justify my conclusion that the Church uses mind control? The founder of
the Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard, had this to say:
"We have learned the hard way that an individual from the
public must NEVER be asked to DECIDE or CHOOSE...you can teach
them anything, particularly the truth. But never ask them to
decide...by processing up through the grades, this person will
soon begin to see and be there and understand and decide. And
she'll surely decide she's a Scientologist, as its true all
From HCO Policy Letter 16th April 1965, "Handling the Public Individual",
by L. Ron Hubbard.
There you have it. No free will, free thought or choice is allowed UNTIL you
become a Scientologist. Once you have accepted their way of thinking, free
will is no longer a threat - because of course, you now think like them.
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, in a nutshull, is mind control.
WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?
To dismiss the philosophy of Scientology as a complete fraud is dangerous.
To ban the Church outright, is wrong. Because this will only kill off the
evil of mind control, without UNDERSTANDING WHY this phenonmenon persists -
and all that will happen is that it will re-group, and emerge in another
form. To deal with it effectively, we have to UNDERSTAND it. And there is
only ONE way to do that.
GET THE COPYRIGHTS LIFTED! Let the public SEE these materials, and judge for
themselves. There are several people working on this - give them any support
you can. Contact the experts via FACTNET. Get the whole subject of
Scientology BACK INTO THE AREA OF FREE WILL, OF CHOICE. In this way, those
who see the philosophy as a load of rubbish, can continue to reject it out
of choice. Those who are interested in the philosophy of Scientology can
explore and use it WITHOUT being bankrupted, hurt, forced, manipulated,
brainwashed, co-erced, controlled, brutalized and used.
In this way, the litigation, the harassment, the use of front groups, the
infiltration of governements, the goal of world domination, the danger of an
Orwellian 1984 nightmare, can be avoided. It is the only way. AND IT IS WHAT
THE CHURCH FEARS THE MOST.
HOW CAN WE DO THIS?
Simple. Tell everyone about it, get literature on the crimes of the
organisation and show it to people. Educate, educate, educate! When there is
enough awareness, and enough support, lobby your governments. I can tell
you from personal experience, there is NOTHING any government, any court of
law can do to oppose THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE. South Africa is the proof of
this. Contact FACTNET (sorry guys, I know you're overloaded), and get
guidance from them. DON'T take on the Church on an individual basis - that
is why they have continued to persist , as it is very easy for an
organisation to crush an individual. TAKE THEM ON WITH THE WILL OF THE
Personally, I have not decided on my own spiritual future. When I do, when I
am ready, it will be by CHOICE - I can be a sceptic, a buddhist, a freezoner,
a Christian - who knows? I have reclaimed the right to DECIDE for myself!
And that is my story. Thank you all for listening. I love you!
Comments: Gated by NETNEWS@AUVM.AMERICAN.EDU
Date: Mon, 6 Mar 1995 15:28:49 SAST-2
From: "Kim Baker"
X-PH: V4.firstname.lastname@example.org (Cornell Modified)
X-mailer: Pegasus Mail v3.22
X-Listprocessor-Version: 7.1 -- ListProcessor by CREN
I am not reading this newsgroup at the moment, but I thought it
relevant to post this.
Today would have been my ex-husband's and my fifth wedding
anniversary. (We rushed off to a magistrate, all in love, all full of
hopes and dreams, etc). He is still a Scientologist in good standing,
and despite the fact that he walked out on me over a year ago, and
all that happened between us, I would be lying if I said I did not
still have some feelings of affection for him.
He phoned me a short while ago, and the conversation went like this:
Him: "Hi, how are you doing?"
Me: "OK, thanks."
Him: "Remember 5 years ago?"
Me: "Yes - it all seemed so wonderful then"
Him: "Well, I'm pleased you're sounding cheerful"
Me: "Yes, I decided not to get all heavy about it."
Him: "Good. By the way, I have just been informed that I will soon
have to disconnect from you." (means I am about to be Declared
a Suppressive person)
Me: "Oh. Are you worried about your elibility for OT levels?"
Him: "No, not at all - I am set for heights you will never see"
Me: "Well, I'm very happy for you"
Him: "Anyway, have a nice day."
Me: "What about all our mutual non-Scientologist friends? They'll
want to know what's going on - do I tell them you've been
forbidden to talk to me?"
Him: "You'll tell them _nothing_!"
Me: "OK, if you've wanted to upset me, you've succeeded."
Him: "You dug your own grave, and you're not going to stop _me_ going
Now, I ask myself, why did he have to choose this particular day to
say that? Are they pressuring him to hurt me, so that he can get his
eligibility? Did he just do it to get another "dig" at me, of his
own accord? It *did* hurt, but I won't go on too much about that, or
I'll be accused of "flitter and fluff."
I am reminded of a quote from George Orwells' 1984: " We have cut the
link between child and parent, and between man and man, between man
and woman. There will be no laughter, except the laugh of triumph
over a defeated enemy."
Cape Town, South Africa E-Mail: Kim@uctlib.uct.ac.za
"Yeno lo! my Africa - Masikishwe la si kanya sodwana - Sikishwe
sibekwe e Tala!" - Vusamazulu Credo Mutwa -
(Awake, my Africa - show the world your light, do not hide your
From: Kim Baker
Subject: PUBLIC STATEMENT - 1
Date: 29 May 1995 15:53:02 +0100
Organization: Demon Internet News Service
X-mailer: Pegasus Mail v3.22
It is now eight months since I left the Church of Scientology and I'm
getting on with my new life very nicely. A rude reminder of the past
arrived in the form of a "Suppressive person" Declare recently. It's
the Real Thing, printed on goldenrod paper, and I notice, copyrighted!
I don't know if it is usual practice to copyright SP Declares, but
seeing as I'm the subject of this document, I am going to apply fair
use laws, and most most of it now, with a commentary.
I'd really like to be able to tell you all that this thing had no
effect on me, but that would not be honest. It did, and there's a
small story that goes with that, which I will relate at the end of
the Declare posting. So, here we go: (my comments will be indented and
S E A O R G A N I S A T I O N
CLO AF ETHICS ORDER 801 6 April 1995
SUPPRESSIVE PERSON DECLARE
Kim Baker, public from the Cape Town field, is hereby declared a
[Charming. This means - an anti-social personality,
which wishes to destroy everything in sight, full of evil
intentions toward humanity in general.]
During approximately August 1994 Kim started putting entheta
communications on an international computer communications network
[The details of this whole saga are covered in "my story"]
At the time, an ethics handling was commenced with Kim. Kim went
through the Doubt condition and decided to remain with the Church.
[This says so little of what actually happened. I may yet
one day tell that part of my story - for now, it is merely
relevant to say that there was pressure, intense pressure,
to remain in the Church. One of the many things strongly
suggested to me was that if I continued in the way I had
(posting my disagreements to the Internet), I would end
up Declared, and if I was Declared, I'd "cave" myself in, and
have a car accident, or get very ill. This becomes relevant
at the end of my posting.]
However, a short while later Kim went back into Doubt and posted
further entheta communications on the Internet.
[This skips the whole part where I defended Scientology
and the Church on the Internet, and pulled that slimy stunt
on Dennis Erlich as part of the Doubt condition requirement
of "strike an effective blow to the enemy", while awaiting
a security check. It was only after this that I became sickened
at how I had betrayed my own integrity, and had a really good look
at what I was actually doing. Only then did I start posting
critical articles again, and published "my story". By then,
I was not in Doubt, I was certain in my break with the Church.
(But not the Tek, I was still ADDICTED to it, for a long
while - have finally broken free of that now].
During October 1994 Kim forwarded distorted information to a national
newspaper to write a sensationalised and distorted article.
[Yes, it didn't follow the PR line, therefore it was "distorted"!
This was a real judgement call for me. I had heard David Miscavige
brag at the 1994 IAS event on how they had made headway in our
new government, working with Inkatha (The Inkatha Freedom
Party is a major player in the new SA govt, led by Minister
Buthelezi, and very opposed to the ANC - the party favours Zulu
I also had inside information on the contract WISE had
taken out with the IFP. What got me about all this
was the covertness. And so I took the story to the
Weekly Mail and Guardian here in South Africa, and they
published it as a headline article.
Now here, we tread a very fine line. I do NOT, and
NEVER will advocate the persecution of individuals
for their religious beliefs, so long as those beliefs
HOWEVER, when a religous organisation OPENLY brags
to its flock on how it has made headway in
penetrating a government, while hiding the fact from the
general public of the country concerned, I blow the
whistle. I don't regret doing it, and I will do it
again, if it becomes necessary.
(Continued in Part 2)
From: Kim Baker
Subject: PUBLIC STATEMENT - 2
Date: 29 May 1995 15:53:03 +0100
Organization: Demon Internet News Service
X-mailer: Pegasus Mail v3.22
(Continued from part 1)
During January 1995 Kim did take action to correct the effects caused
by the article in the national newspaper to correct the misconceptions
she had given to the newspaper for the original article. This letter
was printed in the newspaper.
[This was after a visit by an OSA official. Again, a
judgement call. The side effect of the original article
was that everyone backed off from the investigation
into abuses in black psychiatric hospitals, because
they didn't want to be associated with Scientology.
My purpose in writing the letter was to call for
the investigation to continue, as a separate, human rights
issue. The letter was approved by OSA before publication.
The investigation is now continuing, but CCHR are trying
to get in on the act. This bit is for OSA to read and print
out and get to OSA in South Africa (which will take three weeks),
so that David can phone me again, but this time, my phone number
has changed, and it's unlisted, I DARE you........
To OSA: I am watching, very closely. I have my sources.
I know when Lawrence Anthony went to LA for his briefing,
and what his brief re the Investigation is. I also know
your EXACT movements in regard to the ANC.......]
However, of her own volition, Kim made a choice to remain in
allegiance with the squirrels.......
[Bottom line: I refused the Security Check, which had been
designed to find out who I was "connected" to. There was
just no way I was going to betray the people I had befriended,
who had done me no harm. There was NO WAY I was going to allow
the Church to dictate to me whom I could communicate with.
I refused to stop communicating with the "SPs and Squirrels".
I told them that I had used Free Zone materials, although regarded
myself not really a Free Zoner, but that as a self-determined
individual I had a right to make my own choices with regard
to my religious beliefs.]
By her actions, Kim has been guilty of the following Suppressive
1. TESTIFYING OR GIVING DATA AGAINST SCIENTOLOGY FALSELY OR IN
GENERALITIES OR WITHOUT PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE OF THE MATTERS TO
WHICH ONE TESTIFIES.
[These crimes are from a list of "Suppressive Acts" and so
are not very specific - the crime is meant to fit into the
category. Note, however, that ANY testimony critical to the
Church, or Scientology, is considered suppressive - there
is no attempt to determine the authenticity of the testimony,
since it is considered that Scientology and the Chruch are never
wrong - a fallacious assumption that would never be accepted
by society as a workable legal system - and a fundamental flaw
in the Scientology "justice" system.]
2. UNAUTHORISED USE OF THE MATERIALS OF DIANETICS AND SCIENTOLOGY.
[This was when I applied fair use laws and quoted from
Scientology documents to support my points in the public
postings I made to the Internet - not illegal, but a no-no
for a Scientologist]
3. DEVELOPING AND/OR USING SQUIRREL PROCESSES AND CHECKSHEETS
[That's because I openly stated that I had explored and used
Free Zone materials. I do NOT consider myself a Free Zoner
any more. I have found that life without Tek is great -
the world is mine! I still talk to, and dialogue with
Free Zoners, a few of whom are really nice people, and
interesting, to boot. But I really have had it with the
"tek" - it took me quite a while to get to this point,
but I have finally gotten it out of my system.]
4. WRITING ANTI-SCIENTOLOGY LETTERS TO THE PRESS, OR GIVING
ANTI-SCIENTOLOGY DATA TO THE PRESS
[I supplied the facts, the Church's OWN reputation
did the rest.....]
5. CONTINUED MEMBERSHIP IN A DIVERGENT GROUP
I'm not part of any "group" anymore, when I left the Church,
I left behind that "pack" mentality. If anyone wants to position
me, I guess you could call me a critic, with a benevolent
disposition to a few of the Free Zoners.
Any and all certificates which Kim may have are hereby cancelled. Kim
is not eligible for auditing or training in any Scientology
[Well, at last they'll stop bugging me for money so that
they can pay their rent! I was on staff at Cape Town
Org for a few months, so I KNOW how it worked - we
still need R7000 for rent - who can we sell what to?
Oh, I know, let's try Ernest - he doesn't have his
Class V paid for yet...think we can get Arlene to
buy a PTS course? She doesn't really need it, but....
Should Kim decide to return to the Church, her only route is by steps
A to E as covered in HCO PL 23 Decemmber 1965 RB Revised 8 January
1991 (who revised this, I wonder, and what was the revision? maybe
the ghost of Hubbard? No-one's meant to touch or alter what he wrote -
could the Church be squirreling???) SUPPRESSIVE ACTS, SUPPRESSION OF
SCIENTOLOGY AND SCIENTOLOGISTS. Her only terminal is the
International Justice Chief via Continental Justice Chief.
[Sorry, bro - once you have tasted freedom, there is no going
approved by D/IJC FOR
Authorised by AVC International
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY
Copyright 1995 CSSA IN SOUTH AFRICA
All of this boils down to two basic things -
1. I wouldn't let them dictate to me who I spoke to, what I read, and
what I explored - and I wouldn't welsh on the people I had
2. I dared to go to the press to alert the South African public to
the FACT that Scientologists were teaching Business Tek to portions
of our government - AND STILL ARE. Again, I emphasize : it was the
COVERT manner in which this was done that bothered me. And it was
the fact that Miscavige bragged about it to his flock, unashamedly
using it for PR purposes.
Now, I draw a very careful distinction here - if someone is in public
office, they should not be victimised for holding a religious belief,
no matter how bizarre that belief may seem to others, as long as it
does not affect their competence in their work performance. Religious
beliefs are a personal thing, and a basic human right. If someone
considers Scientology to be their religion, that's OK, it's their
BUT (before everyone gets hot under the collar), if that person, or
their organisation USES THEIR PUBLIC OFFICE as a PLATFORM to promote
their religion, that is over the line. THAT IS THE CRUCIAL
So no, I don't regret any of the actions that led to this Declare.
And I will continue to speak out if it becomes necessary again.
(Continued in part 3)
From: Kim Baker
Subject: PUBLIC STATEMENT - 3
Date: 29 May 1995 15:53:04 +0100
Organization: Demon Internet News Service
X-mailer: Pegasus Mail v3.22
(Continued from part 2)
I left out one of my Suppressive Acts in Part 2 - I'll just slip it
in here, before continuing:
6. CONTINUED ADHERENCE TO A PERSON OR GROUP PRONOUNCED A SUPPRESSIVE
PERSON OR GROUP BY HCO
[I will NOT and NEVER will stop communicating to a person
just because the Church of Scientology has labelled them
Suppressive. Heavens! Just how Oh Tea is a person if
a bunch of people can command them like this? Just how
Oh Tea is a person if they cannot be allowed to communicate
with an individual, because they are so afraid that
person will corrupt their minds? I was talking to someone last
night, whose own MOTHER has "disconnected" from them, because
they are "connected" to SPs. This is ludicrous!]
OK, I'm almost done with bending your ears - I just have one more bit
to tell. I stated in the beginning of this post that the Declare had
an effect on me, much as I would rather be able to say it didn't.
Here's what happened:
I received my Declare in the post, looked at it, read it, laughed at
one or two things, and then put it aside. Something niggled at me,
deep down. I pushed the niggling thought away and told myself I'm
not going to let THEM affect me. I then forgot about it, and got on
with my weekend.
Two days later, I was involved in a near-fatal car accident.
It so happens that as I was driving, the buried niggling started to
surface, and I started thinking of the Declare. I was therefore not
concentrating properly, and didn't see the Merc coming down the wrong
side of the road at me until the last minute. I swerved, and the side
of my car took the impact. I was the only one injured - not seriously
- cuts, bruises, banged up body parts, and I was out of action for
two weeks. (I'm fine now, by the way). My car, however, was badly
smashed up and is still being repaired. If I had braked, which was
the logical thing to do under those circumstances, and the
positioning, I would not be here to tell the tale.
(No, the other driver was definitely not a Scientologist or OSA).
This was quite a shock to me, mainly because I've never had an
accident before, and am a competent driver. I just don't do this sort
of thing (not concentrate while driving).
NOW - remember the "suggestion"? "If you get declared, you will cave
yourself in - either have a car accident or get seriously ill?"
Co-incidence? Maybe. Maybe not. I tend to think that our own beliefs
are very powerful in the way they affect our lives. Scientific
research bears this out - the placebo effect - where a group of
people take aspirin for their headache, and their headache gets
better. Only, it wasn't aspirin, it was a sugar pill - but their
BELIEF that it was aspirin was sufficient to cure their headache.
At the time that suggestion was made to me, I strongly resisted it.
It was like a modern form of "Curse". Yet, on some deep level, I
believed it. This is what I have concluded snared me - that was the
niggling thought I didn't want to look at. I am NOT saying the Church
of Scientology has the power to CAUSE things like this - that's
baloney! I am saying that your own belief in something can influence
you. And the Church knows this. They are Merchants of Fear, and
exploit "the perceived threat is as effective as the actual threat"
in their campaign against their detractors and critics.
Having realised THIS, I am now immune to them, and I can say that
with certainty - no more niggling. To the Church of Scientology:
MEET THE MIND UPON WHICH YOU CAN NO LONGER CREATE AN EFFECT!
This is what cured me of belief in the Tek. I am still looking for
the Truth - that's the only thing I'm interested in now. Whether the
truth is in science or religion, or just in the way things are here
and now - whatever, it is the TRUTH I am interested in now, and
And now, if you'll all excuse me, I have a happy, adventurous and
productive life to get back to! Thank you for listening.
Cape Town, South Africa
29 May 1995.
E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank