Here are my +quot;psychic predictions+quot; for the second half of this year, 1996. - dric
Here are my "psychic predictions" for the second half of
this year, 1996. --- drice
#1) The President, Ms. Clinton and L. R. Hubbard will be
named as "Unindicted co-conspirators" in the Whitewater
land fraud case. Hubbard will claim immunity from
prosecution on the grounds that he is dead. So will
#2) Sally Field will make a come-back movie as The Flying
Nun. The plot will include her getting struck by a
jumbo jet and being saved by a flying saucer piloted
by Jesus. Shirley McClain will produce the movie.
#3) Uri Geller will promote a line of jewelry, each piece
of which he will claim has been "charged" by his super
"psychic powers." For a mere US$954.00, you, too, can
have your wrist turn green with Uri's special
#4) Orenthal James Simpson will get on national T.V. and
wail about how badly he has been abused and victimized
by women all through his life, and in a fit of tears
whimper "th' ho' bitch had in commin'."
#5) Charlton Heston will finally snap completely and
declare that yes, indeed, he really =IS= both God,
Moses, and the Omega Man. G. Ted Armstrong will
believe him. So will Henry Morris.
#6) Nutrasweet(tm) will be found to cause memory loss and
penile shrinkage. Pepsico and the Coca-cola Company
will be sued out of business by sexually frustrated,
girlfriendless men who can't remember why they are
#7) James Randi will be hit by the asteroid that was
reciently named after him. Just before impact, Randi
will be overheard muttering in astonishment "I don't
believe this is happening." Uri Geller will take
credit for psychically changing the asteroids orbit.
#8) Jean Dixon will later claim she psychically saw the
#9) The Mars Explorer will mysteriously reapear on JPL's
and NASA's telemetry, and it will just as mysteriously
be sending back to Earth the message, over and over
again: "Open the pod bay doors, HAL."
#10) Ralph Reed will anounce that he and Marion Gordon
"Pat" Robertson are lovers. This will be the final
straw that causes President Clinton to sign the bill
that outlaws "same-sex marriages." Ralph and "Pat"
move to San Francisco, take up co-habitation, and
Ralph will change his name to "Ralph Robertson."
E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank