Democracy can withstand anything but democrats. RUSH (noun): Conservative adrenalin. POLIT

---
Master Index Current Directory Index Go to SkepticTank Go to Human Rights activist Keith Henson Go to Scientology cult

Skeptic Tank!

Democracy can withstand anything but democrats. RUSH (noun): Conservative adrenalin. POLITICS: poly (many) + ticks (blood sucking parasites) Cthulhu in '96! When You're Tired of "The Lesser of Two Evils"! Kennedy Family favorite sexual position: Defendant. Clinton defense #14: Wrote my campaign speech on April 1st! Vertically Challenged: Politically Correct term for short people. Horizontally Challenged: Politically Correct term for sluts. Pigmentally Challenged: Politically Correct term for blondes. Folically Challenged: Politically Correct term for bald people. Metabolically Challenged: Politically Correct term for dead people. "We kill Pirates." "I'm no pirate, I'm a lawyer" "KILL THE LAWYER!" Kennedy Family favorite sexual position: Defendant. What's all this fuss about Russian jewelry? SYNTAX!? Why not? They tax everything else. "We are upping our standards... so up yours." - Pat Paulsen. A liberal's generosity is limited only by your income. Making a deal with Congress is like paying a cannibal to eat you last A penny saved is a Congressional oversight. You can always tell a liberal, but not much. Melanin impaired - Politically Correct for white people Parasitically oppressed - Politically Correct for pregnant women Oxymoron #51: Government Savings Oxymoron: Tax Return. Clinton's birthday? Send candy; he's already had Flowers! Ever notice how Hillary's lips move when Bill speaks? Be a travel agent AND a cousin of the president - get rich quick. Clintonism: To be for and against it at the same time. Clinton Sandwich: $5 worth of baloney, $20 tax Bill Clinton, he doesn't Tax and Spend, he Spends and Taxes. Bill Clinton --> What happens when cousins breed. First Hillary, then Gennifer, now us. The American dream: Smoke pot, cheat on your wife, & become president! Gays should serve...Gays should not serve: Clinton Quote "I agree" Vote Democratic - it's easier than getting a job! Bill's tax infoline: 1-900-SCR-EWME - $100 1st min, $75 each extra min Politically Correct Smart-ass: Intellectually Gifted Anus. Heisenberg may or may not have slept here. Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug. Here's a quarter, call someone who cares... What kind of fool do you think I am? Holding on to nothin' but the wheel. You got a thing or two to learn about me baby... Lord have mercy on the working man. No time to kill... Some gave all...all gave some. "Your love's better than money in the bank." NOT! Love is the rhythm of two hearts beating, poundin' out a message... Maybe it was Memphis. Maybe it was you, maybe it was me... Something's gonna change your mind. Now the whiskey, ain't working anymore. Oh touch me, turn me on, and burn me down. Ain't nothing but beer and bones. Ain't goin' down till the sun comes up. If your heart ain't busy tonight, maybe it'd like to get with mine? Life's a dance, ya learn as ya go. I should've been a cowboy! Prop me up, beside the jukebox if I die! "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" Clintstones, ..meet the Clintstones... Make...the Taglines go awaaaaaaaaaay.... Wreck the Malls with Cows on Harleys... ! HEY! DON'T PICK UP THAT PHO^^@*#(@%&};">*#@/+^!| !!WARNING!! SAFESEX.ZIP is a Trojan. !APATHY ERROR! Don't bother to strike any key... " ... A day for FIRM decisions! Or, is it?.... " "A man is as young as the women he feels!" "Any Moderators here?" <> "Any more?" "BALLS?!" cried the Queen. "If I had them, I'd be King!" "Beam me up -- it ate my phaser!" "Benji! Don't run out in the stree@#$%&! NO TERRIER. "Dash for the Bathroom" by Willy Makit, illus. Betty Wont "HOLY BATSHIT, FATMAN! I mean..." - Robin "Hex Dump" - Where Witches toss used Curses. "How can anyone flunk sex education?" "How to Fix a TV Set" - by Yul B. Sorry "I am Ahnold of Bohg. Pwepahe to be muscled." "I am Bart of Borg. Assimilate my shorts!" "I am Geordi of Borg. I still can't get any women!" "I am Sisko of Borg. Now I have an excuse for no emotions." "I am Wesley of Borg. Even THEY don't like me!" "I hate you, you hate me, let's hang Barney from a tree!" "I'b got bouthwash up by dose!" Unknown Sysop. "I'm looking forward to my first Purple road kill..." "Idiot Proofing" assumes a finite number of idiots! "If it tastes good, it's trying to kill you." "Iraq has won the toss... and elected to receive." "Look - in the crosshairs - A REAL LIBERAL! shoot! SHOOT!" "Missing your cat? Don't look under my wheelchair, haha" "My opinion is uncluttered by facts!" "Rhythm doesn't work." ...Mother of Ten. "Scotty! Hurry! Beam me uraghhh^*.*L" NO CARRIER. "Sensors show a Tag-Line thief in this sector, Captain." "Sex will age you if you enjoy it." "Sure, when..." OINK FLAP OINK FLAP... "Well I'll be damned!" "Thieves demand your money or your life... women want both" "When I was a boy, pot was something you sat on!" "You only have a curfew if we don't like him." - Unknown Parents "You... you uploaded Windows to the Borg?". Jean-Luc Picard $ not found! (A)bort (R)efinance (D)eclare Bankruptcy ? (said huskily) Oh, yes! Scan me NOW! |#||||#||#||#|| *** A naked person fears no pickpocket *** ***** WARNING ***** Brain cramp in progress! .drawkcab ni deggulp draobyek ym tog ev'I kniht I 20,000+ towns and I chose this one. Shheeeshhh. 4 out of 5 people think the 5th is an idiot. 50 states, and I had to pick this one... <<< Tagline Stolen By Nat'l Endowment for the Arts >>> ?ksa uoy od yhw ,thgir lla sgnihtyreve evitisop m'I A bird in the hand can get pretty messy. A credit card is nothing but a plastic coated mugger. A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and . A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse. A small bird or mouse, left on the bed, tells them you care. - A Cat. A smart man will marry a dumb blonde; if she's smart. A wife has to have selective hearing. ASCII and ye shall receive. ASCII stupid question... Get a stupid ANSI. Act like a lady until married. Then let him have it. All else equal, fat people use more soap than thin. All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? Always use tasteful words. You *may* have to eat them. Always wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident American contact sports are always between the sheets. And the laughter echoed off the darkened walls as he disappeared. Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors? Are you running under Windows, or just using an XT? Arkansas cancelled Thanksgiving: The Turkey went to D.C. Armadillos are a Motorcyclist's nightmare... Armadillos are just Texas' speed bumps... BEWARE: Premises protected by attack fuzz balls!! BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding. BYTE ME..BYTE ME..BYTE ME... Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch! Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic Be afraid. Be VERY afraid! Behead a Sysop for Allah! Being placed on a pedestal is a RIGHT, not a privilege. Bless their smiley faces Blind people always do it in the dark. Blind people do it with feeling... Bored at 3:00 a.m.? PSSSTTT - got a modem? Borg Cola: The ONLY choice of the next generation! Boxer or Jockey shorts? What counts is what's in them! Boy who sleep on sex problem wake with solution in hand. Boy, I Love Losing Superbowls! [Buffalo Bills Acronym] Brain on vacation. Body on Autopilot. Bumper sticker I saw: Horn busted! Watch for finger. But! Sleeping is my favorite exercise! By God, for a moment there, it all made sense... By the way ladies, I can part my hair with my tongue. C:\MAN: Easy to Unzip, hard to install. CRUD! The Tagline Fairy has struck again! Can you say "Hard disk failure?" - I knew you could. Cap'n! The twit shields canna take much more o' this! Cats are evil, they must be stopped. Chastity - most unnatural of the perversions. Christians aren't PERFECT, just FORGIVEN! Climb your way to the top, that's why the drapes are there. - A Cat. Clinton taxed my taglines, so I had to lay them off. Clinton/Gore - DC's version of Beavis and Butthead! Clinton/Gore elected then Beavis & Butthead appear. Coincidence? Clinton/Gore is to the Presidency as Beavis & Butthead are to cartoons. Coming soon! Son of God part II! You don't want to miss it! Computers are like women. Both are into Commands! Confusious say: "He who chases car will get exhausted..." Contraceptives: to be used on all conceivable occasions. Curiosity? Nah... I got THAT cat with the lawnmower... D.A.M.N.: Naked Men Against Dyslexia DO IT -- It's easier to get forgiveness than permission DOS Error #666: Computer Possessed! Dachshund: Half a dog high by a dog and a half long. Daffynition - Deciet - De thing you sit on! Dafynition #287: TSR=Trash System Randomly Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. Dateline: ENERGIZER BUNNY ARRESTED! Charged with Battery. Debt is the certain outcome of uncertain income. Deja Phew! It still stinks the second time around! Diagonally parked in a parallel universe. That's me... Did she point while she was laughing? I * hate * that! Did you know that trees break wind too? Do Not Attempt to Traverse a Chasm in Two Leaps. Do mimes listen to blank tapes? Do not remove this tag, under penalty of law! Do not urinate on the drumsticks of power... Docking starships involves Berth control. - M. Scott. Don't ask anyone how they feel ... They'll tell you! Don't be corrupt & steal. The gov'mnt hates competition. Don't be so open minded that your brains leak out. Don't let your good vibes activate his vibrator. Don't read True Romances; you'll end up pregnant. Drive C: Error, (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore (K)ick (S)cream ERROR! Windows found! Formatting Drive C:! ERROR: RUM&COKE.DRK unexpected EOF...Operator Loaded. Eat junk food to get it out of the house! Enough research will tend to support any theory! Epitaph for an Atheist: All dressed up and nowhere to go! Error in REALITY.SYS. Run BIGBANG.EXE? (Y/N) Experiencing tagline difficulties, please stand by. F.A.R.T.S.: Fast Acting Relief of Tummy Stress Fatal Error in LIFE.SYS: Deleting User... Feel good? Don't worry; you'll get over it! Feet smell, nose runs? You're built upside down. For the millionth time, don't exaggerate! Fresh flowers are acceptable. Fresh mouths are not. From a mind... far, far away.... Giggle, snort, Damn!... The beer came out my nose! God made Adam and Eve... NOT Adam and Steve! Golf: The game where ya gotta get it up to get it in. Golf: You gotta have the balls, to play. Grandchildren were made for young people. Great! Clinton has finally put poverty within my reach! HEADLINE: President & VP change names back to Bill Beavis & Al Butthead. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Have YOU ever heard a duck fart underwater? Have an affair. It will break up the monogamy. Have you flamed your cat today? Hefty Condoms....for when you pick up real trash!! Hello?? ...Directory Assistance? ...Where am I? Help! I'm a prisoner in a tagline factory! Her kiss was warm and soft as vomit on a summer sidewalk. Here's a quarter, Call 1-800-CRY-BABY! Hey Santa! Where's that naughty girls mailing list? Hey!? Was that thunder I heard @yS#L/*++F/#&+eu, Hi, I'm Chip. Micro Chip. Eight-O-Three-Eighty-Six! Home Safety Tip #1. Don't iron whilst naked. Home is where you can scratch ANY place it itches. Honk if you love obscene gestures! How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? How do you make a Kleenex dance? Blow a little boogie in it. How to hack a Computer: Step 1: Take axe and... I am Hamlet of Borg. To assimilate, or not to assimilate I am the world's formost authority on my opinion! I can spoil them! I'm their Grandma, I'm supposed to! I can't be overdrawn. I still have checks left I got lost in thought.....it was unfamiliar territory. I invest in Negotiable Blondes. I live alone....... it's a Court Ordered thing. I shot the Moderator, But I did not shoot the Sysop. I still miss my Ex... But my aim _is_ improving! I will NOT reply to this topic ... I will NOT reply to... I wish I knew what I was doing! I wonder why you park in a driveway and drive on parkway? I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on the last one. I'll never forget good ol' what's-his-name. I'm NOT worthless!! I can always serve as a bad example! I'm as old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it? I'm just verbally wizzin' on your Corn Flakes! I'm not a Sysop, but I if I were... BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? I've been seduced by the Chocolate Side of the Farce. If I throw a cat out the car window, is it kitty litter? If he likes sports, you be his athletic supporter. If it's Tourist season, why can't we shoot'em? If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. If you don't wear a bra now, you'll need a crane later. If you hear an Onion ring... Please answer it! If you think YOU feel good. Then you should feel ME! :) Illiterate? Write for free help... In just seven days, I can make you a true wo-mmm-an! Innuendo is NOT an Italian suppository! Iraq has won the toss... and elected to receive. Iraq? Oh, you mean that crater next to Iran? Iraqi Bingo: B-52..F-16..A-10..F-18..F-117..B-2... Is it necessary to have purpose? It's a man's world? So let him think so. It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a hobby... JESUS ROCKS! World Tour II! Coming Soon! Jesus saves. He passes to Moses. Moses shoots. He scores! Knock firmly but softly. I like soft firm knockers. Krispy Kitties - Breakfast for Champions! Learn the difference between a warm heart and hot pants. Let's see your tagline hunting permit! Life is hard, then you nap! Life's dessert is a wait-and-see pudding. Like mother, like son: he's a real fruit of the womb. Like to make people angry? Tell the truth to make them livid. Limit Congress to 2 terms...one in office & one in jail. Little babies are big tyrants. Look lovingly into their eyes and say, "Why do you ask?" Lotto, is a tax on stupidity.. Ma Bell, lines so quiet you can hear a carrier drop! Mammals have hair. Whales are mammals.. Shave the Whales! Man has his will, but woman has her way! Man who fights with wife all day gets no piece at night! Manual Labor. Isn't he the Vice Pres. of Mexico? Marriage is a gas! Pardon me while I lift my cheek. Marry for love, but be sure he has plenty of money. Mary had a little lamb... And the doctor fainted. Memo to Clinton: Blow the sax - not the country! Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Mobile - [Mo-BEEL'] -n. Cultural center of the Universe Monkey in blender = Rhesus Pieces. Most men never get much older than twelve. My Dog thinks he's human. My cat thinks she's a Goddess! My Dogma's chasing your karma again.. My Stud finder must be broken. It keeps pointing at me! My cat just loves to play - Hide-And-Go-Puke! My cat thinks he's a dog. Really! He goes "MEARF MEARF!" My children must love me....they call me collect. My dogma is bigger then your karma! My modem can beat up your modem! Nyaaaa! NERD : Nursing Electronic Reality Delirium NEWS! 2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter NEWS! British left waffles on Falkland Islands NEWS! Cold wave linked to temperatures NEWS! Drunk gets nine months in violin case NEWS! Drunken drivers paid $1000 in '84 NEWS! Enfiels couple slain; Police suspect homicide NEWS! Enraged cow injures farmer with ax NEWS! Eye drops off shelf NEWS! Farmer Bill dies in house NEWS! If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while NEWS! Iraqi head seeks arms NEWS! Is there a ring of debris around Uranus? NEWS! Juvenile court to try shooting defendant NEWS! Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years NEWS! Man is fatally slain NEWS! Miners refuse to work after death NEWS! Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over NEWS! Plane too close to ground, crash probe told NEWS! Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers NEWS! Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead NEWS! Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted NEWS! Shot off woman's leg helps nicklaus to 66 NEWS! Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says NEWS! Soviet virgin lands short of goal again NEWS! Squad helps dog bite victim NEWS! Stolen painting found by tree NEWS! Survivor of siamese twins joins parents NEWS! Teacher strikes idle kids NEWS! Two soviet ships collide, one dies NEWS! War dims hope for peace NO! NO! Nurse! I said PRICK HIS BOIL!!! NO, MY CAPS LOCK KEY ISN'T MALFUNCTIONING, I'M SCREAMING! Never Argue With a Skunk, Mule, Woman or SysOp. Never invest in anything that eats or needs painting. Never let a computer know you're in a hurry. Never take a beer to a job interview. Never trust a smiling Dungeon Master! New members urgently required for Suicide Club! Next time you wave, use all your fingers. No, I don't know what apathy means, nor do I care... Not tonight.... I've got a modem... Now I'm a TAGLING - one day I'll grow up to be a TAGLINE. Now which one does Bill Clinton play in the show, Beavis or Butthead? Number of phone rings = number of steps from commode -1. OHhhh... Chips, dips, chains and whips. ON-LINE? Hit then to test your I.Q. Oh... I forgot the tagline... but it was funny! Ok, if you're so smart. Set your VCR clock! Okthat'sit,I'vehadit,who'sthewiseguythattookmyspacebar?! Old Photographers never die, they just lose their views. One hour optical shop slogan: "20/20 in 60 Minutes" Oooohhhhhhhhhhh. Slap him again! SLAP HIM AGAIN! PKUNZIP -d CLINTON.ZIP...Exploding ECONOMY.USA People don't get better or worse, they only get more-so. People in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses. Pepsi not found: (K)ill (C)rush (D)estroy (:N) ? Played poker with Tarot cards. Got a flush. 5 people died Please continue the petty bickering... It intrigues me... Please! Go play. You're helping me too much. Post No Bulletins * Post No Bulletins * Post No Bulletins Practice safe sex... ...wear a wedding ring. Press "+" to see another tagline. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. Prison = Clothes, Food, Bed, TV, Books, Recreation = Comfort. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Psychiatrists deal with mental gore. Psychic Convention cancelled due to unforeseen problems Quick, call a Witch Doctor. My witch is sick! Quoth the Raven, "Eat My Shorts!" Radioactive Halibut? OH! You mean fission chips... Relativity all depends on how you look at it. Remember! Service with a snarl... Revenge will put the bloom of health in your cheeks. Rush Limbaugh has Adolf Hitler's spleen! Rush Limbaugh: Commanding General of the Army of Ignorance Rush Limbaugh: The Pillsbury Doughboy on acid. Sage advise this: Don't tap dance on the toilet. Save the Whales -- Collect the entire Set! Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved She offered her honor, I honored her offer!! Shoplifters with the runs take Clepto Bismol Silly Wabbit... QWK's are for kids! Since cows have HORNS, why do they MOO rather than HONK? Smoreplay is what Smurfs do before Smucking. Snot waits for no one... "Tim Andrews". So what if he's short? Walk on your knees and have fun. Sometimes I think civilization is a passing fancy. Sometimes I wake up Grouchy, sometimes I let her sleep. Sow's things asked the boar, nobody knew what the pigment. Squeeze me! Tease me! Please me! Then get outta here! Stalemate: ex-spouse. Stick-to-your-ribs food? Stick-to-your-hips food! Strike any user to continue... Sununu resigns. Then Pan-Am goes bankrupt....Hmmmmm? Supporting the Lord from the Grass Roots Movement. Sympathy... it's between Sex and Syphilis in Websters! Tag Line thievery... Comin' up next on Geraldo! Tag(line) applied for ... Tagline engaged. 15 seconds to punchline... 14... 13... That's not line noise -- my modem speaks in tongues! The $ is never to low for people to stoop to get it. The Electric Chair Choice: Regular or Extra Crispy? The Human Race? Still in Beta Test... The Navy! Not just an Job! It's a Date! The Navy! It's not just an Adventure! It's a Date! The World is coming to an End. Please log off properly. The above does not necesarily reflect common sense. The male ego cannot be legislated away. The more you stir a stink, the more it stinks. The most decent thing a politician can do? SHUT.UP The only affair I ever had, was catered. The universe is laughing behind your back. Just like the Sysop. The worst kind of pollution is verbiage garbage. There is no substitute for incomprehensible good luck. There is plenty of law at the end of a nightstick! There's always room at the top - After the investigation They say I'm a miser, but I don't buy that. This TAG line made from completely recycled electrons. This Tag Space Intentionally Left Blank. This Tagline is identical to the one you are reading. This is my brain.... This is... Wait!! WHERE'S MY BRAIN?? This tagline is umop apisdn. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's tagline. Throw rocks at birds...Leave no Tern unstoned. Tons of blubber circling endlessly. Congress or Shamu? Uh-uh! The program ain't over till the FAT table sings! Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted! Vegetarians eat vegetables. What about Humanitarians? Virgin: a tagline that has not been stolen. Voters want a fraud they can believe in... WARNING! No user serviceable characters in this tagline. Wait a minute! This tagline was supposed to go THERE! We aim to please... We shoot to kill... What do you mean my Birth Certificate expired!?!?!? What is the national bird of Iraq? Duck. What wind through yon tagline breaks....? Whatever hits the fan is not evenly distributed... When I'm good, I'm VERY good. When I'm bad, I'm BETTER! When in doubt... Cop an attitude! When you quote Holy Scripture... You've said it all! Why Johnny Can't Read" -- Now available on VHS... Why ask Why? Why not ask Why? Why didn't Noah just SWAT those two flies??!! With relatives, long distance is better than being there. Wop Bop Ba Loo Bop Ba Wop Bam Boom Would advice from Q be considered a Q-tip? Yes Money does talk... Mine says "Goodbye!" Yooouuu wouldn't him like when he's hungry... You always were a source of repressed pride. You can tuna piano, but you can't tuna fish... You can't take a career to bed with you. You must learn to be assertive, but not with me. You should only have a child like you. You show me yours and I'll show you... HA HA HA HA! You start with stealing "only" taglines, then... You wanted a Hard DISK? Gee, I'm so sorry, I misunderstood. You're never too fat. You're just too short! ZMODEM! Big bits.. Soft Blocks.. Tighter ASCII.. [PICK ANY NOSTRIL TO CONTINUE] a bird in the hand makes it hrd tf typedfs.... hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? ? o+>+*b*+++f <--- Tribbles living near Three Mile Island. tHE cAPS-lOCK kEY dOESN'T ever ACT UP!!!! + + + This tagline is nailed down to prevent theft + + + Amoeba to the Protozoa: Shut up, a cell is a cell is a cell. Human to Amoeba: Ha, ha -- I have more cells than you do. Amoeba to Human: Ever think about what's in your drinking water? To Split, or not to Split -- that is the question. -Amoeba And women think pregnancy is tough.Tried splitting in two lately? I'm not stupid, I'm "Cerebrally Challenged." Those responsible for this tagline have been sacked. What're you going to do? Nibble me bum? Know what I mean know what I mean? nudge nudge, wink wink... Now bring us........A SHRUBERRY! Oh I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay....... NI! Go away you silly K-nigget or I shall taunt you again! One dead unjugged rabbit fish later... Oh, spank me, too! And me! And me! 'ow d'you know she's a witch?........ "She looks like one" And I believe you're working on an anagram version of Shakespeare? Taht si crreoct, ta the mnemot I'm wroking on "The Mating of the Wersh". Looking up, he sees the faces of three young women dressed all in white. Welcome, gentle Sir Knight, to the Castle Anthrax! And then...... spank me! And spank me! And me! And me! And me! A spanking, a spanking, there's going to be a spanking tonight!!!!! The oral sex, the oral sex!!! Well, I could stay a *bit* longer... Galahad: Oh, let me have just a *little bit* of Peril? Oh, that's an *unladen* swallow's flight, obviously. Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please. DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS! But I came here for an argument!! Oh! I'm sorry! This is abuse! Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary position! >DING!< Thank you, that's it. Ah HAH!! Well if I didn't pay, why are you arguing??? Not necessarily. I *could* be arguing in my spare time. Well I can't hear a thing! Let's go to the stoning. I wasn't picking my nose ... I was scratching. I think it was "Blessed are the Cheesemakers." I wasn't going to pick my nose. I was going to thump him. I think it was "Blessed are the Greek." Whaddaya want with yer jugged fish? Well, what fish 'ave you got that isn't jugged? Rabbit. All right, I'll have the dead unjugged rabbit fish. Rat cake, rat sorbet, rat pudding, or strawberry tart. "Strawberry tart?" "Well, it's got *some* rat in it." There's another dead bishop on the landing, Vicar Sargeant! Disgusting! Right! Men, the chase is on! Now we should all kneel! O Lord, we beseech thee, tell us 'oo croaked Leicester! Right. I'll now ask you all to conclude this harrest with a hymn. How about "A Hundred and One Ways to Start a Fight"? That's "G-R-A-T-E Expectations," also by Edmund Wells. Er, how about "A Sale of Two Titties"? Er, how 'bout "Biggles Combs his Hair"? Ah...oh, I know! "Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying". Arthur: There it is! The Bridge of Death! Robin: Oh, great. Look! There's the old man from Scene 24! Robin: Hey...I've got a great idea! Why doesn't Launcelot go? Bridgekeeper: Right, off you go. Robin: (excitedly) Ask me the questions, Bridgekeeper, I am not afraid. Bridgekeeper: What...is the capital of Assyria? Bridgekeeper: (off) What...goes black, white, black, white, black, white? Blue! No! YELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!! Bridgekeeper: What...is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? Huh? What? I...I don't know that... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGHHHHHHH! Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce. Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum! That's a strange expression, Bruce. She's a good Sheila Bruce, and not at all stuck up. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Mind if we call you "Bruce" to keep it clear? Oh Lord, we beseech Thee, Amen!! Crack two! (Bottles opening) and is also in charge of the sheep dip. Rule One: No Poofters! Rule Three: No Poofters!! Rule Four: Now this term, I don't want to catch anybody not drinking. Rule Five: No Poofters! Rule Six: There is NO ... Rule Six. Rule Seven: No Poofters!! And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks! "Your buttocks." "Oh, me bum!" "Sshhh!" Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride...to CAMELOT! We're knights of the round table, we dance whene're we're able. We do routines, and border scenes, with footwork imp-e-cable; We dine well here in Camelot, we eat ham and jam and spamalot. We're knights of the round table, our shows are for-mid-able Though many times, we're given rhymes, that are quite un-sing-able We're not so bad in Camelot, we sing from the Dia-phragm alot! Between our quests, we seek incest and impersonate Clark Gable, On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place. Violence in reality is quite different from theory..Spock.. As a Toon, I find your faith in Reality amusing.... Everybody talks about reality, but nobody does anything about it Let us eat and drink; for tomorrow we shall die..Old Test., Isaiah "If this is another flashback, I'm leaving." -- Joel Robinson "Does this seem weird to anybody else?" "He did too much LDS in the 60s" The sacred lies in the ordinary. The ultimate quest has no ending. There is an absolute truth, but language fails miserably. "A! talking! horse! ?" "He's Ed, Jim." "Alas, poor Yorick." "He's dead, Jim." "Bones! It's EnsignGoodyear!" " He's tread, Jim." "Bones! That! feels! wonderful!" "It's head, Jim." "Bones" McCoy, DDS He's DEAD, Jim. Get his ears. - Spock "Bones, Check Lt. Pillsbury" ... "He's Toast Jim!" "Ellie! Clampett's! Dad! ?" "He's Jed, Jim." "Ensign Pillsbury? He's BREAD, Jim!" "Ensign Pilsbury?" "He's Bread, Jim." "He's a potato Jim!, Let's gouge out all of his eyes" "He's dead Jim! Hey, get away from him Dahmer!" "He's dead Jim! Kick him if you don't beleve me!" "He's dead Jim, you get his phaser, I'll grab his wallet." -Bones "He's dead Jim." "Grab his wallet, Spock!" "He's dead Jim." "I've got dibbs on the white meat." "He's dead Jim." "Nag, nag, nag." "He's DEAD, Jim. Get his ears." Spock "He's dead, Jim. Kick him if you don't beleve me!" "He's dead, Jim. Pass the ketchup!" "He's dead, Jim." " You take his phaser, I'll get his wallet." "He's dead, Jim; kick him if you don't believe me." "He's Jim, Dad" McCoy introduces Kirk to his family. "He's terminally inconvenienced, Jim." "I can't believe it, Jim. The shields held out the ENTIRE battle!" "It's Admiral Hungry!" "He's FED, Jim!" "It's Bobcat Goldwaite!" "He's ZED, Jim!" "It's Ensign Hoover. He's a Fed, Jim." "It's Ensign Kennedy!" "He's TED, Jim!" "It's Lieutenant Flintstone. He's Fred, Jim." "It's Mr. Wordstar." "He's QED, Jim." "It's V.I. Lenin!" "He's a RED, Jim!" "It's WORSE than that, he's DEAD JIM, DEAD!" "Its Ensign Inkblot." "He's bled Jim." "Its Ensign Ketchup." "He's red, Jim." "Its ensign serta" "He's Bed, jim" "Its ensign Single" "He's wed, jim" "Its Lieutenant Beggar." "He's pled Jim." "Its Lieutenant Rasmussen." "He's fled, Jim." "Its! Admiral! Flinstone!" "He's Fred, Jim." "Jim Henson's Edgar Winter Babies!" -- Joel Robinson "Jim Henson's Exodus Babies!" -- Joel Robinson "Jim Henson's Last Picture Show Babies!" -- Crow T. Robot "Jim Henson's Misfit Babies!" -- Crow T. Robot 113 grams, 10 milliliters ... He's lead, Jim. 764 copies of "he is dead, Jim. You tak*" found, Deleting Bjorn Borg He's DEAD, Jim. Bones of Borg: He's assimilated, Jim. Bones, examining the yeast creature, "He's bread, Jim." Bones, it's Ensign Flintstone. He's Fred, Jim. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil... IBM: Inferior But Marketable. Fact: Fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate. "A VERY small joke, ensign..." - Spock He's mostly dead, Jim. Get Miracle Max. Cross between the Borg and Dr. McCoy - "He's irrelevant, Jim." Ensign Editor? He's TED, Jim! For God's sake get off! She's dead, Jim! He who dies with the most Taglines is dead, Jim. He's alive, Jim. Where did I go wrong? He's braindead, Jim. He's dead Jim -- Grab his wallet! He's dead Jim! He's dead Jim! Hey, get away from him, Dahmer! He's dead Jim! If you don't believe me, just kick him! He's dead Jim! Get his phase and I'll grab his wallet. He's dead Jim! get his phaser, I got his wallet. He's dead Jim! Get his tricorder, I'll get his wallet. He's dead Jim! You get his phaser, I got his wallet. He's dead Jim, pass the ketchup! He's dead Jim, Spock took his tricorder, I got his spleen. He's dead Jim, you take his tricorder, I got his He's dead Jim. Are you as hungry as I am? He's dead Jim. Get his phaser, his wallet's mine! He's dead Jim. You get his tricorder, I'll get his wallet. He's dead Jim. Bite him yourself if you don't believe me He's dead Jim...... Grab his wallet Spock! He's dead Jim...get the steak knives! He's dead Jim..get off of him! He's dead Jim; kick him yourself if you don't believe me. He's DEAD, Jim! Go to Sick Bay and get the Maggot Master! He's DEAD, Jim, but as if alive... Captain! He's dead, Jim. But I *really* like his watch. He's dead, Jim. Dibs on his boots. He's dead, Jim. Get his phaser, I got his wallet. He's dead, Jim. Go get the steak knives. He's dead, Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his watch! He's dead, Jim. Just like your career. He's dead, Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me. He's dead, Jim. Tell the Klingons that dinner is ready. He's dead, Jim. Tell the Klingons that dinner is served. He's dead, Jim. Uhm... are you as hungry as I am? He's dead, Jim. Uhm... Are you as hungry as I am? - Bones He's dead, Jim. You get his phaser, I'll get his wallet. He's DEAD, Jim. You get his teeth. - "Bones" He's dead, Jim. Get his ears. - Spock He's dead, Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me. He's dead, Jim... Go get the steak knives! He's electroencephalographically challenged, Jim. He's Jim, Dad -- McCoy intros his CO to his family. He's mostly dead, Jim. Get Miracle Max. He's Ned, Jim. Put him over a log and make him squeal like a pig. He's not dead Jim! He's metabolically challenged. He's only mostly dead, Jim. Beam in Miracle Max He's terminally inconvenienced, Jim. Logarhythm... birth control for lumberjacks? Sign Here x___________________________________________ Ah!!! Sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!!! Brainstorm? No, but I got a braindrizzle once... If Bones were the DM and Jim a PC:"He =looks= dead, Jim." It's Ensign Band-Aid.... He's bled, Jim! It's Ensign Club...he's MED Jim! McCoy It's Ensign dog.... He's shed, Jim! It's ensign Flintstone! He's Fred, Jim! It's Ensign Kennedy.....he's TED, Jim! It's Ensign Metal.... He's lead, Jim! It's Ensign Pillsbury ... he's BREAD, Jim! It's Ensign Pillsbury, Jim. He's bread. It's Ensign Pillsbury. He's bread, Jim. It's Ensign Rose...She's Red, Jim. It's Ensign Scarlet.... she's red, Jim! It's Ensign Zeppelin, Jim...He's LED!!! McCoy It's Ensign Zeppelin..He's LED, Jim! It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is ... Dead, Jim! It's worse than that, it's physics Jim! Its Ensing Pillsbury...he's BREAD Jim! McCoy Kirk: Bones! It's Ensign Pb! McCoy: He's lead, Jim McCoy, DDS He's DEAD, Jim. My God Jim! I`m DEAD! Politically Correct: "He's metabolically challenged, Jim." Since I've used up all my sick time, I'm calling in dead, Jim. Spock, I thought you died? I REBOOTED JIM! Why didn't Bones ever say, "He's alive, Jim! He's alive!" You won't find me posting "He's dead Jim" taglines. Afraid of heights? Not me, I'm afraid of widths! Please remit payment for taglines to I.R.S. Dan Quayle Virus: Sumthing's rong, ewe just can't figyour out watt... "After all, tomorrow is another day." - Scarlett O'Hara "Can I take your helmet? Oh, it's your hair." -- Crow T. Robot "Jeez! Tolkein couldn't follow this plot!" -- Crow T. Robot "Never vacation on an active volcano." -- Crow T. Robot "Please tell me this isn't happening..." -- Joel Robinson "Speaking of tedium..." -- Crow T. Robot "Tuesday is Human Sacrifice Day at the Sizzler." -- Tom Servo "We don't need to see this shot!" -- Tom Servo "What was that? Was that a plot point?" -- Crow T. Robot "Wierd, wierd, wierd..." -- Crow T. Robot "Could you be a little more vague?" -- Tom Servo "Define normal." -- Tom Servo "Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?" Albatross! And now for something completely different! Every sperm is Sacred! First Shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin! If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy, would it! A nod's as good asa wink to a blind bat. Stop that! Stop that! You're not going into a song while I'm here! Now go aweh or Ah shall taunt yeu a second tahm-e! Eh, Dennis! There's some lovely filth down 'ere! I loike traffic lights... Ouch! That's my real nose - I AM a witch! "I'm invincible!" "You're a looney!" The first rule of not being seen is...not to post! Cardinal Biggles, tie @N@ to the RACK! Stay here & make sure he doesn't leave til I get back! But I don't WANT to go on the cart! I feel HAP-py... But Father, all I want to do is siiiiiiiiiiing... Fetche la vache! SPROING!!! "One...two...five!" "Three, sir." "Yes, three!" "Camelot." "Camelot!" "CAMELOT!" "It's only a model.." "Shhh!" Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR! The person that posted the message has been sacked. Help! Help! I'm being repress... OUCH... HEY...STOP! Never wear spam shorts while hanging from your toes on a Thursday. I'm sorry sir, the cat's eaten it. A European swallow, or an African swallow? "You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs!" "Always look on the bright side of life" "Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?" No, not the Comfy Chair! NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!!! "THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!" "You know better than to trust a strange computer!" - Threepio "You'll find I'm full of surprises!" - Luke Skywalker 'It's Not My Fault!' -- Han Solo & Lando Calrissian Counting the days till the next Twinkie This tagline followed me home-- can I keep it, Mom?

---

E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank