#: 123 01-Jan-87 10:42 MST Sb: APtx 12/31 TOP-Texas Guest Colu Fm: Executive News Svc. [72

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#: 123 01-Jan-87 10:42 MST Sb: APtx 12/31 TOP--Texas Guest Colu Fm: Executive News Svc. [72135,424] To: 72135,424 By ERIC GERBER The Houston Post HOUSTON (AP) -- As usual, Houston's foremost mystic and soothsayer, Sufi Sales, had changed locations since my last visit. He moves around a lot to keep in touch with the spiritual vibrations and keep the bunco squad happy. I found the small brown man in the big plaid turban holding forth in an abandoned fireworks stand on Hempstead Highway. A Porta-Sign out front said, After-Christmas Clearance! Readings half-price! All-Knowing! All-Seeing! All Credit Cards! "Ah, greetings," Sufi told me as I entered. The place smelled of incense and beer, and his scratchy stereo was playing, "Do You See What I See?" Sufi smiled. "I am knowing you vould come." "I know, I know." "To be obtaining my predictions for 1987. But, vait," the mystic said, staring into my face. "Sufi sees the camel of doubt has left its droppings across your features." "Your predictions last year weren't so hot, O Myopic One. Remember you said Reagan would step down in 1986?" Sufi shook his head, making his plaid turban wiggle. "No, no. Vhat Sufi said vas Mr. President Reagan vould step down ... and then up and then down and then up. In your language, it is called walking, yes?" "You said the Oilers would be in the Super Bowl." The turban wiggled once more. "Still you are mishearing Sufi. What Sufi vas saying vas, `Vould not it be super if the Oilers learned to bowl!' The Oilers in the Super Bowl? Ohmygollygee! Sufi is mystic, not miracle worker." "What about this one -- comedienne Joan Rivers will die in '86?" Sufi's bloodshot eyes widened in surprise. "Goodness me! Have you not seen the ratings on her talk show?" "OK," I said. "But I hope your '87 predictions are more specific, O Evasive One." Obediently, Sufi bowed his head. He began chanting his mantra, ghaveanicedhai, ghaveanicedhai, and his eyes rolled back .... "In 1987, I see ... a revival of interest in the song `North to Alaska,' especially around the White House ... I see South Africa's President P.W. Botha joining the criticism of Ted Turner for colorizing old films, saying, `What's black and white ought to stay black and white' ... I see the price of oil skyrocketing." "That's great news," I said. "Fish oil, that is," Sufi continued, taking another slug of prophet's elixir. "I see ... the guys who've been rubbing minoxidil into their bald heads suddenly sprouting new hair -- all over their hands ... I see Geraldo Rivera doing a TV expose revealing that Pee-Wee Herman is really an adult ... I see Congress cracking down on organized crime's money-laundering schemes, but still unable to do anything about their dry-cleaning ... I see a collapse of one of Houston's tallest structures." "Do you mean Transco Tower, Your Inebriation?" "No, I mean Ralph Sampson. Vhat an overrated crybaby," he said, taking another swig. "I see Bill Clements announce he vas only fooling and trying to give the governor's job back to Mark White ... I see Texas solving its illegal alien problem -- by becoming part of Mexico ... I see a shocking scandal involving the Ayatollah purchas9 I said arms ... I see the FDA approving The Bill Cosby Show as a sugar substitute ... I see Stephen King checking into the Betty Ford Clinic, pleading, "Stop me before I publish again" ... I see Vanna White leaving Wheel of Fortune to do something `more meaningful' -- pointing out letters on Sesame Street ... I see President Reagan naming Teddy Ruxpin ambassador to Nicaragua ... I see your car being stolen." I heard an engine start and jumped up. I saw my heap heading down Hempstead. "Well, &(NU)%!!! and &%$!" Sufi smiled serenely. "I am knowing you vould say that."


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