** SATINISM.TXT -- Fundie Dudies Against Satinism **
We see you. We know who you are. We have seen your fancy colors. We
have felt your smooth deceptions. We know what you look like. And
now you will know that we know you know we know. Alright already.
We have mortified our resolve across this great nation to do
battle with satin in all its forms. The courts may say that
satinism is legal, but we don't care! We are above the courts and
the laws! Yes! We think we know it all because a little bird told
We have formed an impotent new strike farce known as FDAS (Fundie
Dudies Against Satinism), which intends to stop the imposition of
satinism. (Maybe now we will be able to get some new members.)
We have heard all your lies; that satin is not harmful, that it
is not corrupting our youth and making them soft, that you do
not use satin for the sheer pleasure of it. Such lies may fool
the gullable, the naive, the foolish, but they do not fool us
because we are not that smart. Not at all. Besides, we have our
own lies to believe in.
And so, even though there's only three of us and millions of you,
you will he hearing from us (see next letter).
Someday, after we learn how to spell, we will sneak into your
homes and wrinkle all of your satin! Then you will come begging
for cotton. This country was founded on cotton values, and we
intend to return to them so that we can boss you around.
--Phil Hansford, 7/89.