[Here begins M.R. excerpt dated Monday, the 7th of March, 1983 e.v.] To me, the Thelemic v

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[Here begins M.R. excerpt dated Monday, the 7th of March, 1983 e.v.] To me, the Thelemic view of the ’ons feels correct, but over- simplistic. From my perspective, the ’ons each have 3 aspects & at each point in Time, there is One aspect of each of three ’ons manifesting upon the outer. The Osirian ’on has 3 aspects which overlap throughout the Time which Thelemites traditionally ascribe to the ’ons of Isis, Osiris, & Horus. In the first aspect, the body of Osiris is scattered throughout the Space/Time Continuum (not just through Space). Emphasis is on disolution & destruction. The formula of the Dying God in the ’on of Isis rarely spoke of physical resurection. In the Christian era (the ’on of Osiris), Jesus formed a direct channel to Godhead via the rememberance of his role of Son of God (note the influence of the innocenct child [Harpocrates] in the simple teachings of Jesus). Emphasis is upon the Resurected Christ (Chrystos means annoint- ed/smeared with semen). Re-memberance is derived from story of the scattering of the hacked corpse of Osiris which was remembered by his wife Isis & her sister Nephtys. But, the phallus of Osiris was never recovered in the original allegory. In the microcosmic sense, Osiris was re-born through Jesus & the link of God with Man was remembered by Jesus. In this present ’on, it is the task of the human raceas a whole to re- member their internal links with Godhead. Upon completion of this formula, religion will no longer be a neccessary external link for anyone -- i.e. the microcosmic Jesus will become macrosmic within the race as a whole. Thus, at the present time there are those who no longer need religion because they are directly linked to Source (the non-theistic term for divinity used by some Amerind Shamans). Such people sometimes find it comfortable to wear the mask of Horus (the belicose punk adolescent who asserts individuality whenever confronted by those who use religion as a club to stifle creative genius). Religion comes from the same latin root as regulation. It is Spirituality mired down by bureaucracy which seems to prefer to follow dead masters than work to provide an atmosphere for the creation of an on- going lineage of living Masters. Religion (as presently practiced) seeks to constrain all aspirants into the straight-jacket of a moral ideal as seen through a very narrow historical perspective by those who fail to grasp that the `Master' whose teachings they follow became a Master only by throwing-off all restraints imposed upon him by the religions of his times. There are those who need such a straitjacket in order to remember who they are. Such is the role of those who feel in need of external salvation. These unregenerate souls follow the resteraining dictates of the clerics in order to search for spiritual ecstacy within the framework of a particular religion. But once these internal links have been forged, the corpse resurects itself in order to becomes a Light to the World. Religion is like a brace which is designed to straighten a twisted foot. When the foot has healed, the brace needs to be removed, else the foot will surely become deformed. Anne Landers once commented that Churches were hospitals for sinners, not museums for saints. As one mechanic I know phrased it --"If it ain't broken, don't fix it." At the present time, the MAATian influence within this ’on is still too new for me to write it about with any degree of certainty. Many diverse people feel its pull strongly, yet most do not seem to have a unified vision Presently, circumstances are much like the six blind men who sought to describe the elephant. Most MAATians & Thelemites feel the Christian legacy is just so much elephant shit to be avoided or disposed of. Yet, even AChAD sought valid magickal links with the Catholic Church at the end of his life --not as a renunciation of his earlier pioneering work with the MAATian Current, but in order to link the ’on of MAAT firmly into the ’on of Osiris as Andahadna has done to link the ’on of MAAT into the ’on of Horus. * * * [Excerpt from M.R. dated Friday, the 11th day of March, 1983ev] Very powerful dream last night. For the most part, it belongs to the Boston cycle, but it touches on another cycle altogether which I shall call (for now anyway) the Voudon cycle. I was in a very fancy hotel. I was sharing a suite with some friends. I think we were attending an SF Convention. All sorts of people began to enter our room. They all seemed to be family members &/or friends of older relatives. Most the new people started smoking & passing lots of cigaretes around the room the way people ususally pass joints. I & my friends were grossed-out (as none of us smoke), but remained polite. One old woman (whom I did not know) was holding my hand as she talked to me, so I was unable to leave without being very obvious. She was telling me how important it was that I was at this gathering & how she knew that I would do a good job. . As she was talking to me, I noticed that she had a small star engraved into one of the lenses of one of her eyeglasses. It was small & off in one corner of the lens, but I could not imagine how she could wear the glasses without being constantly distracted by the faceted engraving of the star (I think the star had 4 major points with 4 smaller points between them -- much like the representations of the Star of Bethlehem). When someone walked toward me waving a dozen or so lit cigaretes between his fingers, I wrenched myself free of the old woman & left my suite to wander through the halls. I was not wearing any shoes, but I knew that if I acted dignified & in-tune-with the spirit of this posh hotel, nobody would notice my bare feet (i.e., I took on the Godform of the King with his new clothes). The halls were all carpeted & very nice to walk in. I went down the stairs & found the swimming pool. I was about to enter the pool room, but I heard a big commotion within the room. I stayed outside & peeked through the doors. There was a young athletic black man (early 20's) being held down & dragged away by some armed guards who were not treating him very kindly. The black man was naked. I became very aware of my improper attire for the pool & decided to go elsewhere. As I walked away form the pool a young girl (about 13 or so) came from the poolroom & began to walk with me, while staring at me. At first I thought she was making sexual advances, but then I saw that she was reading one of the buttons on the strap to my shoulder bag (I cannot remember the message she was reading). We discussed the philosophy of the message as we walked & she introduced me to her aunt (who was the same old woman with the star on her eyeglasses whom I had left back in the suite). We talked about the incident in the pool. It seems that a black man (the only black in the hotel other than servants) went to the pool & took off all his clothes & then lay down & seemed to go into convulsions of some sort. When the guards came & he would not go with them (he seemed oblivious to them), the guards beat him & dragged him away. Both the young girl & the aunt felt that the man was somehow temporarily deranged & that he needed more help than punishment. Suddenly the scene shifted. I was on a desolate stretch of sand in a salt marsh. I heard drums. I saw the flicker of torces off in the distance. I went to investigate. Lots of black people were involved in some sort of ritual. The black man from the hotel (how I knew it was he, I do not know) was laying on his back, buried in the sand. He was being held down by four young men who were wearing ceremonial loinclothes, masks, & body paint. All four were smoking cigars. The man being restrained was wearing a huge iron mask with two pairs of horns upon the brow, boar tusks with the mouth, & a fierce visage (much like a Tibetan demon mask). An old black woman was standing at his feet chanting as some assistants blew cigar smoke into the nostrils of the mask. A young black woman removed the sand from his body & he was allowed to stand up. His wrists & ankles were shackled in iron & the mask was heavy, so he could not move very fast. I somehow knew that the young black woman would offer herself to him sexually, while the four young men would seek to ensure that she was not damaged by the violence of the union. I became aware of the young white girl & her aunt. They came over to me to explain the ritual. The young black man & I had both been guests in the hotel at a time when all the local blacks were preparing for the sacred marriage of good & evil (a festival held once a year). As usual, the devil had no intention of participating in the magickal rituals on the terms of the local priestcraft & so had incarnated in one who was not an initiate & one who was not under the guard of the priestcraft. The locals had known that the devil might attempt such a ruse, which is why I had been used as an unsuspecting decoy. But even when exposed to a room filled with tobacco smoke, I had not been a sufficiently good lure for the devil. Perhaps he had sensed the trap. In any case, he chose the young black man at the pool. But the man was so inately good that he chose to put his body into coma & convulssions rather than become a vehicle for evil incarnate. After the hotel police had taken him away, the Brotherhood (led by the old aunt with the star on her glasses & the young girl) had notified the Sisterhood (the local Voudon priestcraft) of what had transpired. The young man who was possessed by the devil had been taken to the beach where the rite could proceed as planned. As we watched the sexual union on the beach, the young girl told me a story. "A long long time ago, people believed that if evil could be isolated away from good, it could be destroyed. They therefore spent a great deal of magickal energy to evoke the evil present in all humans. To a certain limited extent, they succeeded --much to the detriment of the race. Because of such magicks, evil was no longer imprisoned within beings who were advanced enough to control it, but was free to seek out those who are too weak &/or too short-sighted (i.e., the Hinkleys & the Mansons of the world) to resist the temptations of power being offered by this imbalanced egregore. "It was now the duty of those who saw the fundamental error of excorcism to reverse this powerful magickal current. By conjuring manifest evil into an initiate & allowing it to fertilize a willing woman, evil could be compelled to incarnate in human form. This child could then be raised in full knowledge of its dual heritage & be initiated into the Power of the Light as quickly as possible. Light without Darkness is weak & impotent. Darkness without Light is blind & cruel. When the child of Darkness & of Light is raised in the traditions of Justice & Power, it regains the heritage of the Gods inherant within any balanced Human being. "But the ritual has not yet been a total success. It is performed once a year by each Temple of the Shadow Knights, each in their own way. Over time, the ritual is modified in the light of successes & failures. The race is slowing regaining its health, but more work is needed. I asked what aspects of the ritual have proven themselves to be crucial. I was told that the priestess must be an initiate & be fully aware of what will be expected of her, both during the ritual & for the next 30 years or so of her life --i.e., volunatary rape, bearing & raising a child which is 1/2 demon-spawn. The priest must be chosen by the devil. The priest must be restrained (preferably by those who have played the role of priest in this rite in earlier years) so that he cannot kill or seriously damage the priestess, but the priest must not be restrained so much that the free-will of the demon is abrogated entirely [a very trickey balance to maintain!]. The priestess must be able to take physical, emotional, &/or mental abuse &/or insult without it having a negative effect on her own sense of self-worth. All present must repect & honor the union & respect the god-forms of both the priest & priestess. The demon must not be loathed, nor feared & neither the priest not priestess can be looked upon as `unclean' or `no longer fit' for the inner mysteries of the Light as a result of having participated in such a Union of Light & Darkness. I awoke from the dream thinking of Frater 333 & the Choronzon Working. Is the OTO (in its present state) ready to undertake responsibility for such rites? The Order of the Shadow Knights must formulate itself before such rites can even be contemplated on the physical plane. * * * [Diary entry for Tuesday, 15th day of March, 1983ev] Almost managed to make the dream link I have been seeking for so long. Although `almost' is not good enough, I still feel ebulant. I was in a very chaotic dream state with images flashing past me so quickly that I was unable to sort any of them --sort of like the very `speedy' state which comes at the end of a very heavy mushroom trip. Without warning, I was in a place of utter calm. Before me was a young woman (blond, small frame, ambiguous age) dressed in a flowing robe of lunar blue. She held out to me a carpet bag (which I knew to be stuffed full of hundred dollar bills) in her right hand & a very large crystal ball balanced on her left palm. I knew that I could have either or both of these gifts (symbolic of monetary wealth & magickal power respectively), but that if I would gain both gifts, I would have to transfer both of them into my grasp at once. If I accepted one gift before the other, she would dissapear before I could gain the other. I knew the crystal ball was far too large for me to grasp one-handed, although I was sure that once I had it in my grasp, I would be able to balance on one hand the way she was doing. The carpet bag was easiest to accept, but I was in a quandry of how to do so without losing the crystal ball. I was getting so exited over the wonderful dilema that I woke myself up! I tried (unsuccessfully) to get back to sleep to reify the vision, but was unsuccessful. I see the dream as allegorical to the linkages between my personal Will for money & magic and the Multiverse at large which is now willing to offer me what I say I need, but it will offer only insofar as I am able to accept the gifts. * * * [Diary entry for Wednesday, the 16th day of March, 1983ev] Very wonderful dream last night. So far, I have not been able to interpret most of the dream images, but it was an intriguing adventure. I was being given a tour of some sort of University chemical research complex dealing with mineral crystalography. In the first lab, I was shown some very strange purple crystals which were being disolved & re-crystalized several times in pans of boiling water. The scientist then told me to eat one of the large crystals. He warned me not to expect it to taste like `scrambled eggs' (i.e., like food which I am used to). I ate the crystal & it made my mouth tingle --sort of like Aluminum foil on my fillings (but pleasant!) -- & caused my whole face & head to undulate with vibratory waves. I then asked him about Earth-Butter (the very fine clay which some rural peasant peoples use to spread on coarse bread as a luncheon snack). He had never heard of it, but was very intrigued. He then took me to another lab, where he had me wait outside while he went in to see if I might enter. {I had the feeling that had I not intrigued the man with my tales of Earth Butter, the tour would have ended with the taste of purple crystals.} I was admitted to the second lab. I was at first shown some sort of crystal samples through a very specialised sort of microscope. I could barely see anything & what I did see was meaningless to me. I had the feeling that I was somehow looking through the scopes `wrong', or that I lacked the training to use the instument properly. When I expressed incomprehension of what I was being shown, I was shown a series of two-dimensional purple crystals with very complex shapes (like snowflakes, but nearly an inch in diameter). I was then asked if I knew how such crystals could exist in nature. I knew it had something to do with unusual bonding within the crystal lattice, but I was uncertain as to whether it had to do with un-naturally long bonds, or un-natural bond angles. The researchers smiled at me & then showed me some tenative structural formul‘ which they had worked out. At first I could not sort out the immense complexity of the crystaline structure, but after a while I noticed that some of the bond angles were spirals, rather than straight lines. I then noticed several places where spiral bonds were not connected to other atoms in the structure. I pointed to several of them with a big question mark on my face. The scientists were very pleased that I had noticed the anamolies. They then asked me if I knew of any way to stabilize such a structure. I looked carefully for a pattern of un-paired bonds & noticed that they seem to come in threes, at the vertices of equilateral triangles. I touched three of the `offending' points of the diagram with three of my fingers of my right hand to bridge the gap between them. As I did so, I thought of the essentail tetrahedral structure of the Carbon atom & particularly of Methane. I envisioned a Methane molecule (or a triple substituted Methane if more length were needed to the `legs') bridging the gap, but I could not envision a charge or a co-valence which would stabilize such spiral un-paired ionic bonds. As I expressed my idea aloud, the scientists seemed amazed. They took me back to the original lab. Here they showed me a storage vial in which the molecules of the crystals had been stabilized with Methane & triple- substituted Methane derivatives. I was then shown the boiling process whereby the stabilizing Methane molecules is evaporated away from the metalic crystal in order to expose the un-paired bonds. They said no more, but I was able to deduce that the un-paired bonds were somehow able to stabilize themselves by `reaching' through Time, Space, & Alternity in order to bond with congruent points of other molecules in a quasi-stable communications link. Thus the molecules were able to function as an instantaneous communications link throughout all Time, accross all Space, & among all Alternities. Instantaneous is not really the correct word to describe a link between Past & Future, but I don't have sufficient mathematical background to describe the feeling of `instantaneous' without running into the paradox inherant in the English language when describing information transfer from Future to Past. At this point the dream shifted to a very complex scenario of interconnected events which seemed to be happening on different levels of reality. Perhaps it was the crystal I had eaten. Triple bonding (in a sexual sense) has always appealed to me. Ionic (i.e., charged pairs of + & -) is much stronger than co-valent bonding, but, it is also much easier to disolve with the correct polar solvent. This `new' bonding which transcends Time, Space, & Alternity seems to have the advantages of both ionic & co-valent, with several new twists of its own. Thiotimoline is probably in this class of molecule. From the subjective feelings I experienced in viewing the pretty purple snowflake-like crystals in the dream, I would also tenatively place halucinogens like psilocin & psilocybin in this class of crystal. * * * [diary entry dated 21 March,`83ev] VIIIø working early this morning after a full night's sleep & over 24 hours of abstinance (only 2 hours sleep the night before coupled with a need to get up & moving very quickly). Did working in my temple in Astral NYC. Enthusiastic new priestess who wants magickal power & therefore has her heart & soul in the work. Projected outward through Ur-Skek Time spiral painted on her tummy (over the uterus). Saw three black balls or globes forming an upright equilateral triangle suspended in darkest space. As I watched, the lower two spheres moved downward parallel to the altitude of the triangle, thus converting the figure to an isosceles triange. I then noticed a chord which joined the three spheres into an open chain (uppermost triangle in the center of the chain). The two end spheres began to vibrate & to humm. The balls turned from black to silver (lower left), gold (lower right) and electric violet/purple (top, center). The chord began to lengthen & became a vibrating electric crimson in color. The two lower balls came together & when they touched, the chord bowed outwards, so the figure turned from a very accute isosceles triangle to a Vescica Pisces. I peered into the vescica & attempted to pass through the portal to the dimensions which lie beyond, but I was unable to pass. The vibratory buzzing was very loud & I began to get a headache (right top of my frontal lobe). It was at this point that I climaxed. I heard myself speak the words "Father of Ra, father of Ptah, All Hail Nuit Queen of Heaven" as the Vescica rushed at me, expanding to fill the Universe. As I was hurtled through the infinitely wide portal, my flesh became patterned with the brightly colored ever-shifting mosiac which I am sometimes able to perceive while tripping heavily. Space turned from deepest black to pure white with an overlay of some of the brightest colors I have ever seen. On the physical plane I have seen colors nearly as bright, but they were seen against a black background in a room lit entirely with ultraviolet lamps. On this plane, I do not think it would be possible to duplicate what I experienced without the use of both full-spectrum lasers & very strong halucinogens. I blacked-out for an instant & found myself back in bed, breathing heavily, covered with sweat, & feeling weak, yet refreshed. I still have a throbbing in my head (about 4 inches over the outer corner of my right eye --aproximately where a satyr would wear one of his horns). In a way which is difficult to describe, the throbbing is spiral in nature, rather than painful (although it does hurt a bit, too). It somehow `reminds' me of a rapidly reversing polarized spiral force, with a node of the vortex located just under my skull at that point. As I sit here at the computer groping for words to describe the feeling, I perceive an image of the young woman who offered me the crystal globe & the carpetbag of $$ a while ago. But now, she is naked, with long blond hair down to her waist. She holds the pulsating globe in both hands straight over her head. Her firm breasts with errect nipples formulate the other two spheres. Her arms form the Vescica which join all three globes into a pattern. It is from within her mouth that the vibratory humming & the bright colors emmanate. The carpetbag stands open between her feet as her vagina discharges sweet kalas into the bag, bathing the money therein. [Tense interaction over clean-up & buying supplies has broken my mood & concentration for this entry. Will go take & nap & continue this entry at a later time. I just wish that I could devise a mode of interactions in which my increased sensitity was not a liability in my non-magickal life.] Rather than take a nap, I spent the morning doing work. Karma Yoga is good for me when I am feeling pissed at the world. I certainly accomplished a lot today & it isn't even sunset. Perhaps this business of getting up before dawn isn't all bad after all! We shall see how my natural body cycles react to this new schedule. I did take a brief nap around noon. Performed an VIIIø with same priestess in same temple setting. Imagery of three spheres returned, only not so clear & without the spectacular colors. During first experience (noted above), I saw the three spheres as Sun, Moon, & Daath with the chord being a convoluted analog of the Middle Pillar. During second experience, the Triangle first formulated itself as very squat isosceles, rather than as equilateral. Intuitively, I equated it with the Supernal Triad, even though the colors are not traditional. If I focus real hard, I can still feel a slight tenderness & throbbing when the `spiral-force headache' appeared during the first experience, although the discomfort has subsided to nearly the sub-liminal level. I don't quite know what to make of it all, but I will keep track of any further developments. * * * [Extract from Magickal Record: Tuesday, the 22nd Day of MARCH, 1983 e.v.] My body seems to be in the mood for naps rather than long sleeps. Went to bed about 10pm last night & it is now 3am. I have been up for over an hour doing free associative dream/trance meditations. No definitive mapping of any single region, but lots of flitting about on the inner planes. [I have always wondered why the unmapped lands have been called the inner planes or the upper planes. Perhaps if I began to call them the outer reaches or the alternative realities, I might be able to see them differently!] Began with VIIIø using the temple in Astral NYC as I did twice yestderday. I kept getting bored & losing my focus. Briefly fell asleep once during the VIIIø, so I changed Priestesses twice until I found some energy I could work with. I envisioned sigil of 3 spheres suspended in space. As I reached for the spheres, they became a design engraved upon a large oak door. The door opened as I touched it & I was ushered into a large formal ballroom by a creature with the hind quarters of a goat & the fore quarters & head of a cat. It was about my height & walked on hind legs. Thumbs were opposing/prehensile & tail was lizardlike, & also prehensile. Ballroom was filled with strange composit & alien creatures all behaving like humans at a cocktail party. Image was far too bizzarre for me to hold. I was on a truck which contained barrels of resinous exudations from the ground at Serpent Mound. It seemed to be a pre-cursor to crude oil, but it had not aged for enough millenia in the earth to be fully transformed into petroleum. As the truck sped down a steep hill, I willed it to stop (nobody was in the driver's seat) & I got out at a crossroads with one 5 gallon jerry can of the oil. I took the left road & went to a farm which I somehow recognized as home (it was some sort of a cross of the Abbey in Ohio, my mother's place in Newburgh, the Math of the ChRySTAL HUMM, and my uncle Henry's old place in Flushing. As I entered the barnyard, a dog & a cat came up to me. Both had open gangrenous sores on their hind legs. I rubbed all of the sores with the holy oil & the sores were healed. I went into the house. All was dark. I reached for a light switch & turned it on. I found myself in my old bathroom at 210 Stewart Ave. There were a few other people milling around (all human). A very powerful woman walked into the room & all but me bowed to her presence. She began to sprinkle everyone with holy water from a gold aspergillum shaped like a bull cock. She went to the closet door & sprinkled a big lump in the corner which was covered with a bedsheet. Anne (the lump under the bedsheet) began to moan & lament that nobody wanted her around. The regal woman (priestess?, Goddess?) took Anne by the hand & led her out into the bathroom smiling. Anne asked me why she was such a terrible person. I replied that she was not a terrible person, but that because she was not being firm with her bad habits, she was allowing herself to slip into irresponsible & lazy behavior which was no longer acceptable to her. I was not able to induce her to make eye contact with anyone in the room or acknoledge them in any way. The others began to get uncomfortable, so they left the bathroom, one by one. Back of the closet began to glow (like in the movie Poltergeist) & I went to investigate. I began to feel quite a bit of vertigo & I stumbled through the back wall of the closet. I found myself back in bed & awake with a throbbing on the left side of my skull over outside edge of my eye (about 3 inches farther back than the pain on right side of head after opus yesterday). I finished my VIIIø & annointed all my chakras from anus to crown (in that order) as per usual. Strong odor of steamed corncobs in the air. At first I thought that Anne was making up the compost which she did not get to yesterday, but I soon realized that Anne was in her bed asleep. Probably an astral odor left over from my working. The working compost is probably an indication that it it is time for me to get up & get to work. * * * [SUNDAY, the 27th Day of MARCH, 1983] I have just finished a busy week. Up until last night, I have functioned quite well on less than 8 hours of sleep per night & have generally gotten up in the early AM & retired at or before midnight. I certainly get a lot more accomplished when I am on such a schedule, but I do not seem to be able to accomplish much dream magick --or perhaps I simply am not as able to remember what it is I do while sleeping. Last night Anne & I spent a good long time on farm chores, & I was really wiped by the time I finally got to sleep. Much complex dreaming, but no common thread with which to link the pattern into a tale which I can commit to paper. I will relate interesting fragments & see if they build themselves into a tale in the telling or not. I was walking through Willard Straight Hall (Cornell's magnificent pseudo-Gothic Student Union) carrying 2 copies of Analog magazine. I met two young women who worked at WVBR (Cornell's student radio station). We spoke of science fiction as a facinating artform in its own right, but one which is especially useful to those who explore the frontiers of the Universe via magic(k) & shammanism. One of the women recommended to me a new woman author (whose name I do not remember). The other woman walked with me for a while & began to lead me around very complex curves among the interstices of the manifest Universe. As we moved between the spacemarks of the Universe, we carressed each other in a sort of cosmic foreplay. [Much later, when I was awake & ready to greet the day, I managed to get back into this place via VIIIø orgasm. At the point of orgasm, my mouth formed the following words, which I did not consciously compose or speak with premeditation: My sperm is a gift to the Universe, Its particles do formulate the Milky Way; The stars of the veil of Heaven are my gift to adorn the Body of NU. Let my Life as a gift be a token of my Will, And a gesture of my passing through. As I am taught to unfold the veils within my body which shield me from the light within, The Khabs does manifest from within the Khu of my Magickal Form. My diaphanous prismatic Wings Do reflect & focus the Khabs from within so that the Khu is bathed in the nimbus of a God. I have found the Secret Door into the House of Ra & of Tum, of Kephra & of Ahathoor. I fumble with the masks of a God as a child does when s/he mimics the actions of an adult. I am neither Theologian nor Mathematician; Warlord nor Peacemaker. By what right do I aspire to the Thrones of Heaven & Hell? But , The veils continue to unfold into Wings. Let the Office seek the Man, NOT the Man, the Office. Does a bird ask if it has a right to fly? Does a flower ponder whether it has a right to beauty? Does the Behemoth aspire to Buddah-hood, or does it strive to become the most exemplary monster in the Sea? I am a Wordsmith & a Thinker. I acquire interesting ideas & forge them into working models which tend to horrify & scandalize those with a need for refined Art. I am a Midwife to technology and a godparent to Teratomas. I care not whether my offspring be graceful or whether they be of sufficient refinement to fit into the current scheme of things. My offspring are intended to function as useful tools upon the frontiers of the Multiverse, not as mere decorations upon the pyramid of accepted Truth. I know that if they are useful, they will survive, and if they remain useful over time, they will prosper. ----->Refinement comes only with prosperity.<----- If a tool is functional, it is {by definition} beautiful. But if the function is new or poorly understood, then so is its beauty hidden from the eyes of they who lack understanding. As the function becomes understood & the beauty made manifest, then ---->& only then<---- can the tool be refined. For now, I am but a child who experiments/explores as S/He wears the masks of the gods. My aspirations are high. I bow neither to men, nor to their gods, nor to the laws of nature. I seek the company of Ptah ; of `UM-UR-`ATWIEL ; of Mictlantecuhtli & of Xochipilli . * * * Extracted from Diary entry dated Saturday, 14 May, 1983ev I awoke with my usual VIIIo this afternoon, & received glimmers of a very strong ritual with 718 in a coffin being carried thru subterannian passageways under a big old Victorian house by me, Tanith, Andahadna & a male whom I did not know (I had the feeling it was either AION or Michael James. Later today I shall reconstruct the vision via dream crystal working & shall write-up the working in this record. [note: I have moved text around in this record in order to place all material having to do with this working in the same place.] Now to get to my crystal working. I am seated at my altar of the West, Cthulhu presiding over the computer (usual configuration). Meditation to relax & to center. I move inward & I am within my temple in Astral Boston. I descend the spiral shaft of air & light within the multidimensional parking garage and come to a cavern which I know leads to 718 (how I know this, I do not know). I wander in darkness, following the sound of hammering. I come to a blank wall which is illuminated by a glowing sigil of Aossic written in firey slug-slime. I press my forehead to the sigil & I begin to feel very nausious (like with ether). I persist & the nausia turns to vertigo & I fall thru the wall. I am in a dimly lit room. It is a very large study with many books & manuscripts piled high all around me. On one wall is a very large drapery with a representation of the Stele of Revealing painted on it. It has the smell of Crowley, although it does not look like his style of art. The furniture has all been pushed aside & in the center of the room is a large black coffin with brushed silver handles. It has a very prom- inant crest on the lid. It is the crest of the House of Dracula. Tanith & Andahadna are nailing the coffin shut. There are muffled screams coming from within the coffin. I somehow know that the mortal being of Kenneth Grant has been placed within the coffin while he still lives. There is someone else in the room. He is a brother of the Order, yet I am unable to tell who he is. Perhaps I do not know him, or perhaps he is a composit figure of several brothers. Frater AION, Frater QADATHION, and Michael James all come to mind, but I cannot be certain. Tanith hands me the hammer & I drive home the final nail with the old Norse prayer: "Father, Son, & Holy Ghost, "Nail the Devil to a Post; "One for Wod, One for Frey, and One for Lock, "Keep him there `till stone shall rot." The four of us then pick up the coffin & move out of the study towards the stairs. We begin to ascend the stairs, but find the way blocked by an angel with a Firey Sword. He points to a shimmering void which materializes at his left hand. All four of us get very queasy as we look at the void, feeling intensly repelled, yet drawn to it as a moth to a flame. I know it to be the Abyss wherein the shells of the black magician are shattered, rather than purified. It is the only Path to the supernals for those who work the Paths on the Tree known as the Way of the Angels of Destruction (i.e., those who travel rapidly up the pillar of Severity thru seeing God as an adversary). The voice from within the coffin screams hiddeously & the spell of entrancement is broken. We close our eyes to the Void Place of the Spirit & go back down the stairs. Off the kitchen is a narrow flight of stairs which leads to an unfinished basement. We go down the stairs with the coffin & come to a narrow damp passageway. The floor is covered with pools of stale water & rat eyes stare at us out of the gloom. We continue. A dank fog arises from the cracks in the old stone walls as we continue onward. From time to time there are more flights of narrow stairs, always leading down & always turning to the left. There are many side passages, whose entrances are filled with mourners from every race of Nightmare. As we pass, they file in behind & join our procession. Ahead of us is a young virile man with large erect penis, and the head of a red hawk. He carries a torch with a black flame. A large black spider sits atop the coffin, weaving a web over the sigil of Dracula. The web begins to look more & more like the sigil of Aossic. We come to a subteranean city of tombs. As we pass each tomb we hear the mutterings of madmen from within. This is the City of Dis wherein are entombed those living dead who are unable to recognize the genius of any save themselves. We come to an open vault. We place the coffin down on a slab before the open maw of a tomb. The nameless frater picks up a trowel as a demon holds a brick & a bucket of cement for him. He gestures for the coffin to be placed in the tomb. For a brief instant I feel that I am within the coffin & I know that to be entombed here is the closest thing to eternal damnation possibe, for I will lack all possibility of movement or interaction with others. I am back into my astral form once again. I hold the coffin back from the maw & gesture onward. Andahadna smiles at me in malicious glee & helps me pick up the coffin. The faceless frater is at first upset, but then he seems to `space-out' briefly. When he returns, he is visibly shaken. He puts down his tools & takes up his place as pall bearer. The procession continues downward thru the subterannean vastness. Only our direct path is lit by the searchlight glare of the Black Flame. All else is shrouded in fog & darkness. We come to a lake of boiling blood. I know it to be a place where murderers and slavetraders are thrown. The boiling blood eats the flesh from their legs & they are unable to move. They never fully dissolve & they never lose consciousness. It is a place for those who misuse their authority in order to prevent others from soaring to realms which these leaders feel are `too dangerous', or `not worth the bother' or `may lead to results which are confusing to those new to the path'. KG can smell the blood & he begins to shriek horribly. Andahadna gestures to a long dock which we can use to `launch' the coffin out into the lake of boiling blood. Once again, I find myself transported to within the coffin & am horrified at the prospect which awaits me. I am back in my astral body. The faceless frater & I hold the coffin firmly in our hands as we gesture onwards. Andahadna looks disapointed at first, but then she seems to space-out. When she returns, she too is somewhat shaken & she joins in gesturing onward. Tanith looks to where I am pointing & her eyes light up with a fire from hell itself. Our procession continues ever downward accross the broad subterannean landscape. We cross a broad plain under a heavy rain of flaming ambers. The ambers pass thru us with only slight pain, but from the shrieks which emmanate from within the coffin, I can tell that the free travel of the ambers are blocked by the denseness within KG's body. This is the plain wheron dwell those who are either adamant homosexuals or homophobes. The densities & the closed-ness within their beings block the purifying fires & causes the the ambers to stick to their beings so that the impurities my be burned out. We come to a great wall, which we cross thru a series of deep & circuitous tunnels. The temperature falls rapidly as we near the other side of the wall. We exit the tunnel & come upon a vast wasteland of solid ice. From its color & its slipperiness I can tell that it is not water ice, but pure solid Helium -- the coldest substance in the physical Universe. As we go, we pass many beings buried up to their necks in the ice. They are no longer capable of screaming or even moaning. They just stare into space (their eyes, like raisins, dried by the wind & glazed in the frost) quaking with the soul chilling cold. This is the dwelling place of traitors. While there are some political & religious traitors here, it is not for betraying some amorphous `cause' they they have been entombed here. This place is reserved especially for those who have betrayed their friends & those who have loved them. They are doomed to remain here until those whom they have betrayed come here to melt the ice of entombment with their tears of love. Most who have ever been entombed here are still waiting. We come to a vast hole in the ice. Demons lurk nearby with shovels to fill in the hole. We put the coffin down. When it touches the ice, KG groans as the cold begins to penetrate his prison. Tanith gestures to the hole in the ice. There are tears in her eyes. Wherever they fall, the ice hisses & steams, setting free tiny homonuclei, incubi, and succubi which were totally covered by the ice. I do not have to transfer my consciousness to KG's reality to know what it is like within the coffin. The cold, the solitude, the bitterness of revenge gone sour are all within me. I know that if KG is buried in this ice, there will all of us oneday go too. Tanith also knows this. She shakes her head in negation at the demons who wait to finalize the burial. We pick up the coffin & turn to go, but the demons bar our way. We are in the innermost ring of hell. None may come this way & return. We put down the coffin & pull out the nails with our teeth. KG arises. He is very angry & bitter for what he feels we have done to him, yet he is also very thankful that he was not walled-up in the City of Dis, and that he was not drowned in the Lake of Boiling Blood, and that he was not entombed in the Ice of the frozen heart. He knew that he deserves all of these fates for what he had done to various members of the Order. We continue to walk deeper into the final ring of hell. Ahead is a huge patch of fog. KG feels it may contain a Gateway to the plateau of Leng. We walk in the cold for days. The funeral procession has evaporated. We are no longer lead by the Horus-headed male bearing the Black Flame. As we approach the fog, it seems to grow larger & larger. Eventually we come to a wall of fog. As we pass through the wall, our perceptions seem to shift & the fog becomes quite transparant. Ahead of us is Baphomet, unmistakeably androgenous, and larger than a mountain. S/He is not a statue, but a living entity. S/He is buried up to his/her waist in the Ice. S/He is an aspect of the mundane form of the trans- mundane intelligence who was sent to guide the spiritual growth of the Race towards God-hood. Baphomet is the aspect which descended into Hell with the Logos of the Last AEon, but chose to remain here as a guid-post to those whose Will is not aligned with attainment via the formula of the Death/Resurection of the Middle Pillar. His/Her ever-erect Phallus is bigger than the empire state building, whose elixirs have melted a shaft down into the ice around the phallus. We climb down the phallus into the solid ice, for there is nowhere else to go. After much climbing we finally get to the base of the phallus. The Tunnel continues down thru the ice, but we can see that it leads to that same Void Place of the Spirit which we encountered when we tried to carry the coffin upstairs. Purification thru dissolution has never much appealed to me. I want to `Cross-over' entact, despite that most traditional magical literature tells me that `only a black brother would attempt such a blasphemy & (besides) none can ever hope to make it, so why bother to try'. We are now under the scrotum. We look up & see the anal sphyncter of Baphomet. It is pulsing rythmically. A small worm appears at the edge of the sphyncter. Small compared to the sphyncter -- but compared to us, it was as big as a subway train. I recognised it as one of the larval forms of the Kundalini Serpent. I had not realized that such entities had a material existance on any plane of reality. As the larva approached us, I had the distinct feeling of approaching one of the giant sandworms on the planet Dune. Andahadna suggested that we hitch a ride on it up thru the esoteric nervous system of Baphomet. KG was both horrified & repulsed by the notion of ascending the esoteric nervous system by means of the `Hershey Highway'. I was intrigued. Tanith was willing to go along with Andahadna & I. The nameless Frater split into several beings. Some of them joined us on the upward journey, some of them jumped into the void, and some of them stood around complaining that `had we dumped KG back at Dis, none of us would be in this place now'. We left KG contemplating the purifying void of the Abyss as we mounted the larva & began our journey upward. Of the journey itself, my mind is almost totally blank. The more I contemplate the journey, the more dizzy I become. I get a very slight head pain (just under where my right horn would be, if I were a goat), and my stomach begins to do flip-flops like I just sniffed ether on a full stomach. The next clear memory I have is being back in the shaft of light & wind in the transdimensional parking garage. Tanith & Andahadna & some of the nameless Fraters are hovering in space, dividing up a pouch of gold. An angel holds the pouch & gives us each a coin. We begin to sink from the weight of the gold. We stabilize & begin to rise once we assimilate the gift. The angel gives us each another. This time, some of our group do not stabilize, but drop down the shaft of light/wind. If they drop the latest coin, they are able to sabilize & make their own way thru the intricacies of the multi-domensional Alternity. But if they refuse to drop the coin, they continue falling till they reach the edge of the Void below Baphomet's asshole. The angel continues to give out coins until none of us are able to take any more & still maintain stability. The angel smiles & puts away the pouch of coins. I look at my coins. All are covered with bits & pieces of sigils & fragments of different maps. None are complete in & of themselves. I smile & look up at the others. They smile also. We know that the Power to formulate & rule an Order in Malkuth will require a complete set of Sigils as well as a complete roadmap to the Fountainhead of the Order which can be followed by those yet to come. I am about to undertake the Godform of Harpocrates & merge with my physical being, when I see Frater 718. He approaches us from below. Whether he finally undertook the ordeal of the Hershey Highway, or the Abyss, or some other path, I do not know. He sees the angel & sees each of us with a small stack of coins. He floats up to our level. He offers Darshan to each of us in turn. Some are not able to look him in the eye & therefore miss his gift completely. Others seem entranced in his gaze. I sense that he is not longer looking for `extensions to his Will', so I accept his offer. I look into his eyes & fall thru a funhouse of moving mirrors. I see the recursive formula of initiation & am able to `hold hands' with Spare, Mrs. Patterson, Black Elk, and on back thru a very Shamanistic tradition to the caves of paleolithic North America. I turn my gaze but slightly & I am able to grasp the hand which Crowly holds out to me. Thru his eyes I grasp Mathers, Soror Sprengel, and back thru various masonic traditions to Joan of Ark & then to the Knights Templar & back to the High Mages of Atlantis. Again I twist my head & I see HP Lovecraft. This link is very tenuous, for he does not want physical contact with me or anyone else. I look into his haunted eyes & see the creatures of unbridled Nightmare who offer their tentacles & slimey pseudopods to me eagerly. I accept with glee & the linkages are made. Indian Shamans merge with High Adepts of Atlantis merge with beings from beyond the portal. The bright burden staggers me & I fall back out of 718's eyes into the shaft of Light/Wind in the parking garage. 718 smiles & he reaches into his tunic to pull out a wafer. He blesses it, breaks it & offers it to all of his disciples. The wafer has the OTO seal stamped upon one side & an AO Spare sigil upon the other. Along its edge is a chant written in a non-human script which I recognize as a variation of one of the better-known verses from the Necronomicon: "That which eternal lies, cannot die; with passing AEons, even Death can die." After communion is distributed, 718 floats near to me & gives me the lead crystal lustre from Allan Bennet's blasting rod. He gives the Batique of the Stele of Revealing to another. When he is finished distributing the talismans & symbols of his various attainments, he receives Darshan from the angel who gave us all the coins & then he simply evaporates. Whence he goes I do not know, nor do I care to follow him at this time. The angle then comes back to our group & begins to distribute more coins. Those of us who received Darshan from 718 are now able to accept many more coins than before, because we are not bearing the `weight' of the gold alone. The mass is distributed thru time amongst all in the catena of initiation. I now comprehend why Madwands do not seem to have the ability to reify their Current nearly as easily as their (often less-gifted) counterparts who worked their way up thru the ranks of a magical Order. I bid god-speed to my companions & formulate the egg of blue about my astral form. I open my eyes & am back in my physical body. [end of Vision Working]


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