[Here begins excerpt from Diary entry of 21 February, 1983 e.v.] Went back to bed after la

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[Here begins excerpt from Diary entry of 21 February, 1983 e.v.] Went back to bed after last entry (I am fighting off a cold) & spent much time thinking about my letter to Frater ___. As I lay between sleep & mundane reality, I began to feel a presence of power flow about me like a warm & welcome shroud. I was very aware of a nostalgic longing for the mystical reality in which there is no seperation between myself & the rest of the Universe. I invoked the god-form of PAN(NH) as used by me during my second successful practice of Liber Astarte. PAN(NH) is the ultimate vessel of the Universe. S/He contains the body of Nuit within H-is/er round belly. My merge with the godform was not complete, but it did give me a perspective from which to view the Universe. I saw the body of NUIT from the outside. Within the continuous arch of her body was the absolute void of which interstellar space is but the palest shadow. But the void was not empty, for it contained the myriad twinkles of the sisterhood of Stars. [I realize as I write this that a void which is not empty is contradictory in this mundane reality of Malkuth, but from the viewpoint of my vision, there was no contradiction.] I was reminded of Crowley's Star Sponge vision & briefly wished he were with me in the flesh so that we could compare & contrast our individual perspectives. In the center of the Void was a gigantic Star which appeared to be the pivot point of the Universe. I knew instictively that it was the fountainhead of the Order which lies beyond Da„th. As I watched, the Star went Nova & spewed its star-stuff throughout the Multiverse. It was as if the Hadit point of the Order had experienced the ultimate orgasm which destroyed its individuality completely. The star-stuff expanded outward to embrace the Universe & to Unite with the body of NUIT. As each of the little stars passed through the cloud of star-stuff, it absorbed as much of it as it was able. As each of the stars absorbed the ejaculation from the Hadit-point, it became self-aware. NOTE: [Before I get too much further in this little account of my vision, I should point out that all that I write is allegory and analogy. What I `saw' took place in a realm which is beyond time & space and is therefore very difficult to speak of directly using the mundane languages of this planet which were designed to speak of sensory reality. When I speak of stars or planets or comets, I should not be construed to be speaking of astronomical reality. I simply utilize what images I can to convey a certain `feeling' for what I perceived. I do not wish to quibble over linear details of my words, for my words are not my vision.] I saw that each of the stars were alive & that each moved independ- ently of the others, yet in their motion was harmony. Because of the infussion of the jism from the Haditpoint, each believed itself to be the center of the Universe. Each star was correct, yet each was also in error -- for each Star is indeed the center of its own Universe, but insofar as each Star is unable to perceive other Stars as also being the center of the Universe, it is also in error. For the Stars themselves are not stationary centers, but in constant motion. The dynamic pattern formed from the interaction of all the Stars in the Universe is the true center of the Body of NUIT. I saw that the stars were not equal in their self-awareness, nor were they equal in their ability to perceive their place within the pattern of the whole. All contained the seed of initiation from the Hadit-point, yet most seemed uninterested in nurturing the growth of this seed. From my perspective, I saw that the dance of the Stars was an initiatory pattern which nurtured that aspect of the essence of the Fountainhead of the Order which exists within each of the Stars. But I also saw all dances as transitory. Each dance of interaction was capable of initiation, yet no one dance could fully embrace the totality of the Universal experience. I saw/perceived many intertwining themes repeat themselves endlessly as the spiral dances of the Stars sought to reify the Fountainhead of the Order within the personal experience of each & every individual Star. But as I looked closer & closer I saw that the Stars were not alone in the Universe. Most stars had one or more dark companions, whose Will was to follow an intricate orbit about the parent Star. Such dark companions sometimes impeded the orbital dance of the parent stars, for their dance was not yet graceful enough to fully compliment the dance of the stars. It was in those stystems where the orbits of the planets were freeest that the stars were least impeded. When a parent star grew old & finally went nova, it would spew out its star-stuff to those in orbit around it in a microcosmic reenactment of the primal orgasm. Some of the dark planets would then become stars on their own, while others would choose another star to follow. I also saw certain comets which were attached but loosly to a particular star; they spent much of their time in a complex orbit among various stars in the same neighborhood. But here my attempts to communicate this vision begin to break down, for most of these comets were also stars in their own right, whose dance took them through the orbital plane of several other stars. When these comets were in close proximity to another star, they shone as brightly as the brighest of them, but when they were far from any of their companion stars, they took on the appearance of the coldest planet. Perhaps in this phase they might be likened to the Hermits spoken of in Liber AL vel Legis. It seemed to be the purpose of these wandering stars to disrupt the orbital patterns of those overly inert planets who seem to hinder the dance of the stars. From where I stood, it seemed to me that those steller systems which were visited most frequently by the cometary wanderers were the systems with the highest concentration of the life essence from the primal orgasm. In some way which I cannot put into words, these wandering stars regenerated the stable stars so that they could keep up the pace of their intricate dance for far longer before they would grow old & go nova. These wandering stars had no planets of their own (nor did they desire any), but they did travel in the company of other wandering stars, which were neither stars nor planets in any conventional sense of the word. It is the function of these wandering stars to induce planets into Starhood by unconventional methods. My perspective shifted once again & I was able to see that each & every star, planet & comet was involved in a complex dance within the body of NUIT. The center of the circle is nowhere found, yet it could easily be deduced from the intricate dance of Universal Will. Each dancer is aware of the pattern insofar as s/he is in tune with the dance. When the dancer becomes the pattern, s/he is in tune with the Dance. When the dancer becomes the pattern, s/he becomes the embodiment of the Hadit-point of the Universe & becomes a direct link to the Fountainhead of the Order for those who have lost their step in the dance. But the dance of each dancer is unique. One may follow a particular dancer for a while to atune oneself with the dance, but as one becomes atuned with the dance, one ceases to follow any particular dancer, for each dancer must learn to follow the pattern composed of all the dancers, rather than any particular dancer (no matter how skilled any particular dancer may be). Once a dancer is able to discern the overall pattern, and is able to follow it, it then becomes his/her duty to assist in its on-going evolution, rather than simply following it by rote. Each star, planet & comet contains a unique blend of the essence from the primal orgasm & therefore each dance is a uniquely valid expression of the Pattern which re-creates the fountainhead of the Order within each dancer, each according to h-is/er ability to receive, perceive & create the Pattern within as well as without the individual. My perspective shifted back into the dance itself. As I fell back into my body I came to a realization that I am indeed one of the wan- dering stars. I follow the dance insofar as I am able & I follow the dancers whenever I lose my step. I shine when I am in the company of those who shine & I keep my light well hidden (sometimes even from myself!) when I am amidst the company of those who are not yet aware that they are stars. * * * [Here begins the excerpt from my Diary entry of 22 February, 1983 e.v.] Very very strange dreams last night. While they were in progress, I felt like I was in a terrifying nightmare, but once I awoke, I was able to see that my dreams were simply a very intense learning experience. I spent about an hour after I awoke in revery & dream reconstruction. Very useful techniques for getting through the Malkuth overlays of really intense dreams. I shall reconstruct the dreams as best as I can while feeling free to cut thru the maya of the dream images where possible to reveal glimpses of the fabric of the experience insofar as I am able. Note: sometime during sleep my dream crystal migrated from my left hand to under my body. When I awoke from the dream, my crystal was wedged firmly into the base of my spine causing mild displeasure, but very intense kundalini activity throughout the lower chakras (from solar plexus on down). My body was filled with adrenalin (flight rather than fight) & I was covered in a cold sweat, which I worked to absorb back into my body during my dream reconstruction/revery & then cleansed off that which I was unable to re-absorb with a post-revery bath/shower. As usual, I had projected into sleep via VIIIø orgasm. I was wandering amidst the theater district in Astral NYC & I came upon a used bookshop. Anne was with me during this first segment of the dream. As we went into the shop, we saw some members of the Tibetan Secret Police capture a political refugee & haul him off to be crucified. I was slightly puzzled because I had not realized that crucifiction was commonly used for political activists in Tibet. Once in the store I located a four volume set of books which would answer all my questions about Tibet & crucifiction. I cannot remember the title of the set, but it seemed to be some sort of magical encyclopedea which could answer all questions. At first the type in the book was totally incomprehensible, but as I stared at the page, I began to make out many variations on the verb to crucify. I began to read the text aloud (it seemed to be in some sort of barbarous tongue with some latin marginalia) and... The bookstore vanished & along with it vanished Anne & all memories of anything outside of the reality in which I had found myself. I was in a very old house which was decaying around me. Each time I looked into a mirror, I would see myself looking older & more decayed. I knew that I was not aging or rotting, but that the mirrors were somehow causing this illussion (very much like one of the scenes in the movie Poltergeist). As I began to look more deeply into the mirror, I saw another being revealed in its depths. He (it was definitely a he) was wrapping my reflection in old white cotton & mouldy cowbwebs. As he wrapped me up, he mumbled a chant of illussion, fascination, and death. He had three sisters, each of whom had long since died, but yet who lived on in the mirror. He had wrapped them up long years before. When he saw that I could see him, he smiled & drew his oldest sister in front of my reflection, so that I would have to look through her in order to see my own reflection. As I looked I became terrified for my mortal self. The corpse flesh dropped loosly from her face & a worm was crawling out of her half-eaten eye. As she smiled & beckoned to me, maggots and cockaroaches fell from her mouth. I was totally repulsed & tried to run, but instead I fell through the mirror. Again no memory of anything which had transpired previously in the dream or in any other reality. I had been captured by a band of young thugs in their teens & early twenties. Some of them looked punk while others looked like 1950's street hoods. One of them would torture me lightly & then promise even more tortures, describing them in detail. I would go all to pieces & become a sobbing hulk lieing in the fetal position at his feet. I was terrified of him. This seemed to please him, so I acted more & more terrified of him, even when I was not very fearful, for by pleasing him, he would not torture me directly. At one point in the dream he had me totally hysterical & he was so overcome with his own power that he took down his pants & fucked the fold in my leg behind my knee. His semen spread all over me & I remembered who I was & that this was but a dream. I was about to act when I heard a little voice within me to accept the gift of semen & to use it to follow this man back to where he had come from. I awoke in my bed with my heart beating very fast. I was terrified. After much meditation & calming myself down I remembered all of the dream & went back into it as an observer looking for clues, using my dream crystal annointed with the cold sweat from my body as a focus. The four books are a key. I believe that they are written in Enochian, but that they are also blank. That is to say, the four books correspond to the four Enochain elemental realities, but that they contain invoka- tions &/or evokations which we write into them via our unexpressed needs for balance. When I looked into the book, I was looking for information about political martyrdom, ascent of the Tree via the pillar of Severity & the symbols of Tiphareth. Within the mirror were the three Fates & their brother (about whom not very much is recorded). The sister who had terrified me so much was Atropos, the inescapable one, whose magickal weapon is the scissors for she breaks the thread of life. Here was my link to my former master! I return to the mirror. My brother is nowhere to be seen. My other two sisters are very prominant in their roles of weaving & spinning the thread of my life about the image of myself which dwells in the mirror. I see them clearly and know them to be called (in English) Destiny & Chance. My third sister once again dances between my image & myself, thus severing the thread woven by Clotho & Lachesis. I step foward & embrace Atropos. In so doing, I reach behind her & touch the end of the thread she has broken. As I merge with the thread, Atropos becomes younger & younger. She is still a corpse, but a very sexually arrousing corpse. The maggots have made her cunt all sweet & runny & the worms have loosened up her ass for my cock. As we couple, we dance & my brother (now visible) does weave a spell around us both. I am now on board the plane with my former Master. He does not know me, for I am wearing the body of a woman. The plane explodes & I leave the plane to follow the scent of he whom I follow. I am back in the bookshop in Astral NYC. I recognize the shopkeeper as Chozar, the Atlantean mage from the Age of Lizzard-men who became the prototype for Choronzon. He smiles at me in greeting. I am holding one of the four volumes of The Book of Universal Dance. The volume I hold is bound in black leather & has a rose incised on the front cover. The leather rose has thorns of stainless steel. One of the thorns has pricked my finger & the book is now smeared with my blood. I know I am on the Astral Plane. Therefore this text has taken on the attributes of Yesod. This text is the text of Knowledge, which relates to Swords, but here in Yesod, swords relate most easily to Cruelty & Despair through the influences of Mars in Gemini. I put down the book, for I know that it is not for me to attain this book from this Place. Were I in Tiphaereth, this book would be a real prize, but from here, it is a bit too `interesting' (as in the old Chinese curse "May you lead an interesting life") for my present stage of development. Perhaps one day, but certainly not now... and I especially have no desire to take a book such as this back with me to Malkuth! I enter the sleaziest men's room I can find & wipe the crud from the mirror. My sisters welcome me as I gain entrance to their world with the blood from my finger. Beyond the mirror, I have no reflection. Thus there are no weavings of the fates to bind me nor to cut me off from my task. I refresh myself at the Fountainhead & return to my body which sits before the computer keyboard. Here ends this dream research for today. * * * [Here begins the excerpt from my Diary entry dated 3 March, 1983 e.v.] Only fragments of dream memories. The one part which sticks in my mind had to do with a written `test' I was taking in which I had to evaluate both my strong points & my flaws. As I wrote, I saw that my flaws & my strong points were one & the same. It is all a matter of how I am able to use them. The dream also began a series of adventures with a woman whom I met in the dream. She was so different from me that I had a very difficult time suspending judgement long enough to learn from her. It was difficult, but very instructive. There was also a retromingence in Time in which the TV stars of M*A*S*H were re-assigned to World War II, once they had completed their task of humanizing the Korean War. {I was told by my mother that the final episode of the M*A*S*H TV series was aired this past Monday evening after running for 11 years -- I suspect there is a lot of strong feelings for this show on the astral at this time}. [editor's note: frater PVN has not watched tv on a regular basis since the summer of 1963 -- hence the rather oblique reference to the final episode of M*A*S*H.] Somehow the Kundalini Serpent within each Adept must be induced to bend back upon itself in order that the AL-Chemyst will gain the ability to re- vivify the past without being compelled to relive the errors of the Past. As A.O. Spare and Kenneth Grant point out, nostalgia is a key -- nostalgia for that which has not yet come to pass. Thanks to the re- searchers in the field of Quantum Chromodynamics, it is now possible to deduce, explore & mathematically map such a multi-Dimensioned Kundalini Serpent. The OroborO serpent can be seen as far more than a simple concept which aspires to becoming a closed circle through the swallowing of its own tail. This representation of the Fire Serpent can also be viewed as an infinite regression of spirals which continualy fold back on themselves by traversing Time in both directions (Future to Past as well as Past to Future). The OroborO Serpent is the summation of these recursive spirals over all Time & all Space. Each seperate unit within this complex series of spirals is able to act either independently &/or as a cohesive part of the Macrocosmic Risen Kundalini even though the microcosmic units of this Grand spiral are seperated by Time &/or Space. The Serpent constantly overlaps its own coils, refining its essence through self digestion & through a formula which is not unlike that of the Phoenix. With these ideas in mind (but not yet worked out in an articulate manner), I performed my morning VIIIø. In the post-orgasmic swirl, I managed to latch onto a concrete dream object. It was a book. The book intrigued me for it contained that which I perceive as a non- atomic quantum discontinuity within the fabric of Space/Time (i.e., a total non-linear discontinuity which existed upon a Macrocosmic scale rather than upon a sub-atomic scale). While the book seemed to be real in-&- of-itself, I was also able to perceive it as an allegorical representation of a Truth which I was not able to apprehend directly in its pristine simplicity. As I looked more deeply into the book, I saw that it was written in two very different kinds of language (far different from each other than any two human scripts). Although I had never seen either script before & was unable to translate either of them (in the usual sense of the meaning of translate), I was able to intuit much from what I was able to see during my brief glimpse of the book. The title of the book is the Book of Oblivion {I have a feeling that Oblivion is a person (or perhaps an Office) as well as a state of being aspired to by those who tire of the Wheel}. The first portion of the text was written in a cursive script as might be designed by an organic creature & reproduced mechanically via a typrwriter of some sort. As I stared at various pages of the book, I somehow knew that It was an ongoing magickal diary interspersed with a series of guidelines for aspirants. The writer of the text was an advanced adept. Near the end of the first portion, the `tone' of the writing became hesitant, apparently because the great adept became aware that all of his(her?) initiations were but the faintest shadow of true Initiation. Then came the quantum leap. The text changed from an organically derived cursive to a series of non-Euclidean alien symbols which intertwined over themselves all over the page in a decidely disquieting non-linear fashion. The only way I am able to describe the text is to say that it looked vaugely mathematical, yet alive in a non-organic sort of way. It `sort of' moved (without moving) in a way which I found profoundly disturbing. I have seen texts which exhibited this kind of `motion' at other `places' (away from Malkuth), yet I have no conscious recollection of seeing any quite like this one. I am amazed that I was able to glean as much from this book as I did, for I only glimpsed it for an instant as I fell back into my body after the not-very-exciting orgasm. * * * [Here begins M.R. entry dated SUNDAY, the 6th Day of MARCH, 1983 e.v.] Took Shroom Tea on Friday night with Anne. I was pleasantly suprised at how nice it was. Lately (i.e., over the past year or so), the intensity of a lot of my Shroom experiences has been less than pleasant. I seem to be becoming more in line with my Will & I seem to be able to allocate my time such that my Magick & my Malkuth are both being worked on together, rather than one being at the expense of the other. Other aspects of myself (from other Times &/or from other Dimensions) were with me during various phases of the trip. No full manifestations of other entities, but lots of activity just beneath the surface. I saw lots of activity within Anne, but every time I worked to help bring it to the surface, she lost Trust in herself (&/or the experience) and her ego mask went rigid over the Window of her face so I could no longer see beyond Anne. I suspect that if we had both been tripping harder, perhaps I would have been able to get through. I think I was somewhat hampered by `Lust of Result' in that I was trying too hard for a full-blown manifestation of Higher Consciousness. Ever since the UT manifestation, I have sought to be a `midwife' to assist such experiences whenever & whereever I can. I have learned a lot, but sometimes I can still be a bit too expectant & `helpful' -- i.e., my helpfulness is really a hinderance. Anne pointed out an interesting connection for me. Every Man & Every Woman is a Star. The Star Trump is related to the Hebrew letter He, which means window. Thus every Man & Woman are Windows for that which lies beyond. Lucifer was strong within me again during the Trip. The first-Born Son of God as Lightbearer. He who is off on his own in order to solve the problems inherant in the First creation. He who seeks to change the laws of nature. Sometime I must sit down & write-up Lucifer's autobiography. So many people see Lucifer as being against God, while he is really the head of God's Research & Development team with Carte Blanche (from old Long of Nose himself) to experiment with the Universe as a whole in order to seek ways of improving it. In a lot of ways, Lucifer is an `art critic' much like Johnathan Hoag (in the story by Robert Heinlein). I need to get back to the concentrative & distillation phases of alchemy. Mushroom tea is nice, but I am unable to make it as strong as the alcoholic elixir. I need to trip heavy now that I am on better terms with myself. During the trip, I came to a better realization of why Lovecraft would not eat seafood. He had a `contact' (Cthuhlu) who was of aquatic origin. It is next to impossible to sort out the spacial or temporal relationships among various inner-plane contacts. That is to say, Lovecraft had no way of knowing which Planet or which Time Cthuluhu was `from'. Therefore, Cthulhu may have evolved in earth's future from that which is now considered to be seafood. Therefore: why risk eating that which may be a neccessary evolutionary link for your contact. The reverse is also standard practice -- i.e., the Great spider which I sometime commune with does not now eat monkeys, even though they used to be a staple of her diet before we made contact with one another. * * * Thus ends Volume II of ChRySTAL Visions thru the Astral Mirror. While these tales can be entertaining & instructive even to those with no serious interest in magick, I have been asked to provide a few `clues' for those who would like to pursue these adventures on a more serious level. PVN's system of Magick is a rather unique synthesis of Thelema, Science Fantasy & `homegrown' American Shamanism, which can best be understood by those who are well versed in the writings of Aleister Crowley, Kenneth Grant, Austin O. Spare and Howard P. Lovecraft. Crowley's writings are a maze of inter-connected essays, books, poetry, and plays which span over 50 very prolific years. Even a partial bibliogrpahy of the man's work would fill this entire pamphlet. PVN advises those new to Magick to read whatever comes to hand, while keeping good notes & re-reading to synthesize as new material becomes availabale. In some ways, reading Crolwy is like learning a new language & culture without benefit of any comprehensive books on grammar or syntax. The Tree of Life provides the basic dictionary. Beyond that, the student is on his own. Kenneth Grant takes an entirely different approach. His books are meticulous, well thought out, and progress in logical sequence from his earliest (Magical Revival) to his latest (Outside the Circles of Time). To those who would like to gain some insights into the historical development of Frater PVN's personal sytem of magick, I would reccommend a careful purusal of his older magickal records, many of which will soon be on file at the Black Moon Magickal Archives.

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