+gt;+gt; This brief article was written for ParaNet by Professor Paul Damon, University of
>> This brief article was written for ParaNet by Professor Paul Damon, University of Arizona geochronologist, who will be one of the first seven people in the world to know the true age of the Shroud of Turin. He has been selected by the Vatican to perform a special Carbon-14 dating process called Tandem Accelorator Mass Spectrometry.
HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE,
FOR EXAMPLE, SCIENTISTS
by Paul E. Damon
Scientists are people, you know, and like other people they can be an-
noyed. But why bother to annoy, when it is just as easy to enrage.
For example, choose an elderly scientist who has patiently studied the
evolutionary record for, say, 40 years, and point out his errors to him. If
he persists in his mistaken notion, quote Genesis, Chapter 2, the 7th verse.
If he mutters something about fossils, put it to him straight: "Fossils are
an invention of the devil to confound mankind." If he is obstinate, tell him
that you will believe him if he can turn a frog into a man.
There is a curious notion current among biologists that inheritance has
something to do with genes an chromosomes. You can straighten him out by
telling him that it's all by way of the blood. Incidentally, let him know
all about the dangers of inter-racial blood transfusions.
If he is an astronomer, give him a few pointers on the geocentric uni-
verse. If he argues, don't listen; he's prejudiced.
Suppose that a physicist tries to explain certain fundamental limit-
ations on space travel. He may point out that infinite energy would be
required to accelerate a space ship to the speed of light. Put this pessi-
mist straight - remind him of what they said about traveling at 100 mph.
This is the same sort of guy who worries about a third world war. If he gets
on to the subject of H bombs, chemical and bacteriological warfare, let him
know what they said about the cross bow. This type also worries about the
population explosion. Tell him about your absolute faith in science. Then
tell him about your idea to save the taxpayer by turning all support of
science over to the states.
Chemists and physicists are very interested in energy conversion. Tell
them about your idea for a perpetual motion machine.
Geologists are concerned with geological time, but how many know about
Usher's method for dating the antiquity of man. You know, Archbishop Usher
calculated that man was created on Friday, October 26th at 9 o'clock in the
morning, 4004 BC. See if he can top that for precision.
But if you really want to get a rise, tell him how much Frank Sinatra
makes and ask him, "If you're so smart, why ain't you rich?" These remarks
will really enrage him. But, on second thought, depending on his mood and
temperament, they may be good for a few laughs.
E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank