Dear Brothers and Sistahs at File 18, This is an article from the Deep Southern Chicken-Fr

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Dear Brothers and Sistahs at File 18, This is an article from the Deep Southern Chicken-Fried Baptist Church #18 newsletter that Ah wrote. Now, this'll be perfect for your paper, to let all them there good cops know just how to spot a Satanist. Hope you find this edifyin'... How To Spot a Satanist!!!!!!! by the Highly Reverend Jethro Schmumpsteads Deep Southern Chicken-Fried Baptist Church #18 Weedpatch, Alabama HallelUUUUUUUyah, bruthas an' sistahs! As Pastor of the Deep Southern Chicken-Fried Baptist Church in the heart of Weedpatch, Alabama, I have been asked by a whole buncha people...Brother Jethro, how do you spot a Satanist? Well, I'll tell you all about it. A Satanist usually doesn't drive a pickup truck with gun racks and an American or a Rebel Flag on his bumper. A Satanist usually doesn't go to church, although between you and me, that there Deep Southern Chicken-Fried Baptist Church #17 down the street is FULL O' THEM!!! And there ain't no Satanists in MY Church, No-how! Here are a few infallable clues: 1.) Any person who doesn't believe in Jesus is obviously a Satanist. 2.) Anyone who doesn't want our little children to get down on their little knees and PRAY in school, or doesn't like nativity scenes in front of City Hall, or doesn't want me to give the invocation at Weedpatch High School's Football Games, or any of that other Atheist bull, is a Satanist. 4.) Anyone with an automatic teller card is a Satanist. 5.) Anyone who drives a dang Furrin car, or likes them baby vegetables, or water with funny names they put in little bottles, or goes to any of them there movies where people talk funny and they put those dang words on the bottom has GOT to be a Satanist. 6.) Anyone who listens to Race Music...ah mean Rock Music, is a Satanist fer sure. Sure, I know that they talk about adultery and alcohol and all that kinda stuff in good ol' COUNTRY music, but they never say that kinda stuff is GOOD! Not like those dang Satanic rock songs. 7.) Anyone who believes in the separation of Church and State is obviously a secular humanist. And ev'ry good Christian knows that secular humanists are really Satanists, right? 8.) Anyone who believes that any of those dang minorities (ah mean Niggers, Kikes, Spics, Injuns, and Towelheads, for starters) should get the same treatment as whites, is obviously a Satanist. An' anyone who thinks them Fag & Lezzie preverts should be allowed to do what they do is not only a Satanist, but a PREVERT TO BOOT!!! 9.) An' THE OCCULT! Even a little interest in THAT is a sign of a Satanist! Even Nancy Reagan is a Satanist, because she listens to one of those Satanic astrologers. 10.) Anyone who thinks that a woman's place isn't necessarily in the home havin' babies an' pleasin' her man is definately a Satanist. 11.) Anyone that thinks sex is fun, and not just for makin' babies, is a Satanist. 12.) An' lastly, anyone who thinks for themselves an' doesn't let their preacher tell 'em what they should and shouldn't do, like the Bible says they should, is ABSOLUTELY a Satanist. Some'll tell you that anyone who drinks a lot of soda pop and is a little overweight is a Satanist. Now that's Hooey! I drink lots of Dixie Cola and ahve got a lil' ole spare tire, and I aint a Satanist. But these are ways you can spot 'em. An' when you do spot 'em, take 'em to me, and I'll show them the True Way. An' if they don't lissen up, I'll put buckshot in their pants, ah mean it! Well, ah hope you liked that there article. And when your'e down in Weedpatch, come on down and we'll give you some of our Southern hospitality, y'hear? Yours in Jesus, Rev. Jethro Schmumpsteads

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