From ncheshire.cc.oxy.edu!earthlink.net!brian To: firstname.lastname@example.org, dnewm.es_ntsc@xe
From: email@example.com (Brian L. Heess)
To: firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com,
Date: Mon, 09 Jan 1995 23:08:01 -0800
Author: HERBM@gennet.usa.com at Internet
BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk and re-
attaches it. (But that part will never work again)
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to
80 MB and then slowly expands back to 200 MB.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service
you are getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying
too much for the AT&T virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse
around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack -- one if by
LAN, twice if by C:>.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but
instead refers to itself as an "Electronic Microorganism".
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file,
regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it
requires you to first see a counsellor about possible
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system,
just before the whole damn thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident.
It'll be back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child
process without joining into a binary network.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer,
ewe jsut can't figyour out watt.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your
diagnostic software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
people really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds
of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all
of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 38
percent of their data 14% of the time (plus or minus a 3.5
percent margin of error)
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose
"Abort" from the "Abort/Retry/Fail" message.
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM & EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits
erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the
other side for the problem.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive
simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self
destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service
stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it!
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
power supply and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot
up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it
all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places no virus has gone
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing
wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating "Read my docs. .
No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the
free space on your hard drive with new files and then blames it
on the Congressional Virus.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/66 machine perform like
L.A.P.D. VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other
files on your PC and erases them in "self defense".
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in
last in the reviews but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million
dollars, it's programmer will take it back.
Brian L. Heess : ethergod
Main: firstname.lastname@example.org Or: email@example.com
PhHm: 213-256-2227 Fax: 213-256-7303
"Talking to you is like clapping with one hand!" - Caught in a Mosh - Anthrax
"That's like having a little fun with a defective blowtorch!" - Clarissa
--- NetMgr 0.95á
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