By: Alan Jennings
Re: GOD'S INSPIRED WORD
The Book Star Goat ~*~
The Restored Church of the Star Goat (RCSG)
Reverend Fredric Rice, June 1993.
Five million years ago, humanity landed (crashed, actually) on Earth,
ariving in a huge spaceship which fled their doomed planet. Comprised
mostly of hair dressers, account executives and middle men, those that
fled did so to escape the wrath of the Mutant Cosmic Star Goat which
threatened to eat their sun due to humanities sinfull ways.
Upon seeing the sinfull tremble and flee, Star Goat was appeased and,
pleased by the piety of those who remained, decided to allow the
infidels who made it to Earth a second chance. Star Goat sent to Earth
a prophet (born of a virgin) and His name was Douglas Adams. He showed
those with the intellect to see the ways of the Star Goat. Through His
teachings 'Goatees' (as followers of Star Goat are known) have learned
of Billy Goat -- Star Goats only 'beGoaten' son who was sent to Earth
2000 years ago to save humanity only to die a horrid (but tastefull)
death on the Most Unholy Bar-B-Que of Death.
Upon reading The Ways, believers expressed their bewilderment as to the
continued lack of piety of humanity, watching in disgust as the sinfull
created and worshiped gods and goddesses through the ages, one after
another, corrupting themselves and inviting tyrannies and inhumanities
upon themselves, calling hatred and intolerance 'Holy.'
To address humanities disgracefull downfall, The Restored Church of the
Star Goat was founded and The Ways taught. The signs are clear: Star
Goat will visit his wrath upon the infidels of Earth very soon. We are
reminded of His Threat to eat our sun: scientists, blinded by the lies
of the Unholy Hunter, create complicated explainations for such warnings
and call them "solar eclipses."
The Restored Church of the Star Goat continues its work to make
humanity aware of its disgrace and invite the intellectual among them
to share in Star Goat's Paradise when He finally destroys this world.
THE STAR GOAT MYSTERIES
There is an effort under way to get The Ways written down in a form
acceptable to both the saved and the infidels. The result is The Star
Goat Mysteries and it is a work being compiled by Reverend Fredric Rice
on The Skeptic Tank (818-335-9601.) Much work has been done and a
great deal of work still needs to be done. Contributions to The
Mysteries is welcome.
There are many Believers in the world who have yet to hear of the
formation of The Restored Church of the Star Goat. It is hoped that
those who have found the Trvth register themselves with The Skeptic
More ministers are needed to help save humanity. If you are a Goatee
and you wish to be a minister in The Restored Church of the Star Goat,
you may contact Alan Jennings (504-927-4509) for details. Be sure to
register with The Skeptic Tank (Reverend Fredric Rice) as well. You
will need to specify "The Restored Church of the Star Goat" and then
make sure to register yourself with your State. Ministers should think
about having business cards with Star Goat's likeness etched upon them.
If you wish, Fredric Rice can have them printed for you provided you are
willing to spend the extra money for shipping. All you need do is
contact me at The Skeptic Tank for more details.
Goatees (which include other ministers) who are registered with The
Skeptic Tank will receive "Fields Of Green" -- the newsletter -- if a
mailing address is offered. Articles by Goatees and infidels will be