Greetings, boys and girls. I was doing some shopping today and decided to pick up some lig
Greetings, boys and girls. I was doing some shopping today and decided
to pick up some light educational reading materials for my wait at the
check-out counter and I ran into the following.
For those of us who accumulate and archive materials on the Religious
Reich, this MAD Magazine spoof should make an interesting highlight. The
issue should remain on sale for at least another month so if you like
truthful insights into political agendizing, GET A COPY OF THE ISSUE!
W H E N S E S A M E S T R E E T C A V E S I N
T O T H E R A D I C A L R I G H T
(Page 27 to 30)
Artist: Sam Viviano
Writer: Frank Jacobs
Mad magazine number 340, October/November 1995
Our price $1.99 Cheap!
NEWTWORK TELEVISION DEPT.
Let's face it: in today's ultra-conservative political climate,
Muppets have become an endangered species. If Newt "The Pompous,
Egocentric, Revolting Blowhard" Gingrich has his way, Congress
will soon cut the financial lifeline to PBS, putting Big Bird,
Kermit and friends out of work. The sad truth is that in order
to protect their jobs, the Muppets may have to alter their
insidious left-wing agenda of teaching children to read and spell,
and make certain "compromises." Here's what their show may
Kermit: Listen up, gang! With all the anti-PBS flak from the
radical right, we could all end up in deep doo-doo!
Whole gang sings: Anti-gay
Backing the N. R. A. --
Ev-ry day in their class-room seat
'Cause it's time you...got...it...Right
Got It Right
On Sesame Street!
Oscar: Hey, why are you taking my garbage can?
Limbaugh: We're doing away with your entitlements!
Oscar: But it's my home, my source of food, my reason for living!
Limbaugh: It's also your crutch preventing you from being
an upright member of society!
Oscar: [Hanging on Newt's leg] But I have no skills, no
training! I'll freeze and starve!
Limbaugh: True, but now you can do it with pride!
Guy: Guy Smiley here, and it's time for The Muppets' Court!
On trial today is the letter "P"!
RR#1: [pointing at the letter P] Your honor, I accuse the defendant
of fronting for Pinkos, Perverts, Promiscuous Pregnancy and
Putrid Pornography -- all capital offenses!
P's Legal: I object! "P" leads to Public Prayer, Patriotism, and
Profiteering Preachers named Pat! Not only that, without
"P," there'd be no PBS!
Judge Eto: "P," you're Pardoned! But any more of your Pandering
Permissiveness and you'll rot in Prison!
Letter F: [Whispering to letter P] They nailed me for using the
"F" word! Any advoce?
Letter P: Yeah, take the Fifth!
Oscar and Pat Robertson pointing at a pregnant girl smoking a joint
on a corner of Sesame Street beside a sign reading "Dead End."
Oscar: Mr. Robertson, what does "pro-life" mean?
Pat: See that pregnant 15-year old high school dropout with no
job skills and a drug habit? She refused an abortion,
which means she's pro-life and a true Christian!
Oscar: Then I suppose she can count on your support when she
has her baby!
Pat: Heavens no! If we keep handing out money to tramps like her,
we'll never have Welfare Reform!
Count and Donald Wildmon in a library. On the shelf is Ben Hur,
Catcher in the Rye, The Godfather, Magic Fish Rap.
Donald is holding Huck Finn, Winnie the Pooh, War and Peace.
Count: Donald Wildmon, why are we here in a library?
Donald: Count, I need you to count these obscene books! The first
one is Huckleberry Fin!
Count: One obscene book!
Donald: War and Peace
Count: Two obscene books!
Donald: Winnie the Pooh!
Count: Three obscene books! 562 obscene books! 563 obscene books!
564 obscene books! How do I know what I'm finished?
Donald: When you've counted every book in the library --
except Rush Limbaugh's!
Big Bird and Pat Buchanan are in a clothes store.
Big Bird: Pat Buchanan, why am I buying this suit?
Pat: We're cleaning up Sesame Street, Big Bird! From now on,
no more frontal nudity! Kids might see your sexual organs!
Big Bird: But I don't have any sexual organs! I refuse to wear a suit!
Pat: Do you know what this is, Mr. Bird?
Big Bird: Sure. It's a .45 Magnum!
Pat: And do you know what an endangered species is?
Big Bird: Sure. It's a creature endangered of dying and becoming
extinct and... er, how do you think I'd look in navy blue slacks?
Cookie Monster and Jesse Helms; Helms is holding out a cookie.
CM: Cookie! Me want cookie!
Helms: I'll give you a cookie in return for information!
CM: Sure Senator Helms! You ask, me tell!
Helms: We're getting rid of suspected Sesame Street homosexuals!
Do you know any males who live together and have a close
CM: Me know! Me know! Follow and I show!
Earnie: So long, Bert! You're on your own now!
Bert: [Being led away by two cops] This is ridiculous! I'm not
gay! I'm not even slightly happy!
Cop #2: Just shut up and keep moving, swich!
CM: Yum! Cookie good! How I get more?
Helms: Tell me what you know about Kermit The Frog and the
liberal media elite!
Kermit: This is Kermit the Frog! I'm here with a man going to
St. Ives! Tell me, sir, who are all these people with you?
Man: My seven wives and our 49 kids!
Kermit: Er -- isn't that bigamy?
Man: You call it bigamy! I call it Perserving Family Values! If
I hadn't married there seven women I knocked up, all these
kids would be bastards with no father!
Kermit: How do you support such a big family?
Man: Not through any Government handout! They all work for me!
Kermit: In your store or factory?
Man: In my office in Washington! I'm a Congressman!
Unknown: Rosita, let's play a rhyme game! Give me a word
that rhymes with ad!
Rosita: How about glad? Like I feel glad that I have a job on
Unknown: That's too bad! You're being replaced!
Rosita: That makes me sad! Why are you such a cad?
Unknown: It's the latest fad! We're doing away with Affirmative
Action! If we employ any minorities or women, we'll be
pandering to multi-culturalism! Say hello to your replacement!
Unknown #2: I'm a white college grad, so I'm your lad!
Rosita: Now I'm mad! I think I've been had!
Final frame: All the Muppets are dressed, Oscar holding AK-47 with an
N.R.A. arm band. Count wearing flowery shirt, Big Bird
holding an American flag. Cookie Monster holding a Christian
Oscar: Sesame Street has been brought to you today by
the Christian Coalition!
Monster: And by the Committee to Ban the Teaching of Evolution!
MAD Magazine Department 340
1700 broadway, N. Y., N. Y. 10019
FAX (212) 506-4840.
E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank