By: David Rice Re: Equal Time Becomes LAW [This is from an old clipping from a National La

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By: David Rice Re: Equal Time Becomes LAW [This is from an old clipping from a National Lampoon magazine from a few years back (1987?) --- JC] In keeping with the Supreme Court's decision to strike down Louisiana's mandatory teaching of "creation-science" in the public schools, which gave the doctrine equal status with Darwinian scientific thought, the Louisiana state senate has passed legislation calling for the mandatory teaching of evolution in church. The landmark bill calls for all religious services to be accompanied by a bonded secular humanist, who will assist clergymen by periodically interrupting their services with irrefutable scientific evidence that everything they say is bullshit. In addition, services will henceforth be translated into appropriate secular language, as demonstrated by "Darwin's Prayer:" Our forefather, Who art in the food chain, Homo be thy name, Thy genus come With opposable thumbs On earth As it is. Give us this day Our naturally occurring assortment of animal and vegetable proteins And select just our best As we select below us. Lead us not into extinction And deliver us from large carnivores. For thine is the kingdom And the phylum and the order Forever Men. Church leader refrained from public comment, instead gathering their congregations for an extended period of chanting, worship of the dead, and collection of donations.


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