By: David Rice
Re: Equal Time Becomes LAW
[This is from an old clipping from a National Lampoon magazine from
a few years back (1987?) --- JC]
In keeping with the Supreme Court's decision to strike down
Louisiana's mandatory teaching of "creation-science" in the
public schools, which gave the doctrine equal status with
Darwinian scientific thought, the Louisiana state senate has
passed legislation calling for the mandatory teaching of
evolution in church.
The landmark bill calls for all religious services to be
accompanied by a bonded secular humanist, who will assist
clergymen by periodically interrupting their services with
irrefutable scientific evidence that everything they say
In addition, services will henceforth be translated into
appropriate secular language, as demonstrated by "Darwin's
Who art in the food chain,
Homo be thy name,
Thy genus come
With opposable thumbs
As it is.
Give us this day
Our naturally occurring assortment of animal and vegetable proteins
And select just our best
As we select below us.
Lead us not into extinction
And deliver us from large carnivores.
For thine is the kingdom
And the phylum and the order
Church leader refrained from public comment, instead gathering
their congregations for an extended period of chanting, worship
of the dead, and collection of donations.