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------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MAFiA presents... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FUN AT THE BEACH FOR THE TRUE ANARCHISTS! ON YOUR WAY TO THE BEACH ------------------------ Ok, your at your local beach city, and you need a wetsuit, surfboard, fins, boogie board, ect. Have your friend drive around town, in the after noon, and look for any bus stops, when you see one with some kids sitting around (with any merchandise you're interested in) drive up next to the bus stop, and get out of the car and ask the kid with the merchandise you want what time it is, when he pulls out his watch, grab his hand, and throw him down, grab his stuff, and throw them in the back of the truck, or inside the mini-van. If he's one of those wanna be nigger's that is white, clock him in the face a few times just because he thinks he's bad, and then take his stuff. RENTAL SHOPS ------------ If you want a free pair of Rollerblades, beach chair, or shitty boogie board, go to a Beach Rental shop with a fake ID (one with a bogus name on it but your picture, Scott Carter is a good name to have) and rent what ever you want, say thankyou, and leave with your new products! ON THE BEACH ------------ Ever notice those tourists who arent locals, and bring their whole fucking houses with them onto the beach? Well, just comb the beach up and down untill you notice one of those tourist spots, usualy they are dumb fucks and go swim in the water while their stuff is left alone. Just grab what ever looks good and take off. Sometimes there are tourists that want to pose as real spongers (boogie boarders) or surfers and buy the full gear but dont even go in the water, they just stand around in their wet suits and pose. When they go to the bathroom to beat off to themselves in the mirror, grab their boards, fins, and whatever expensive stuff that they dont neeed. SUN BATHERS ----------- The beach where I go to always has a few beach bunnies who are trying to get an all over tan, and usualy take off their tops and lay on their chests. Well, get yourself a cup of ice, and a straw. Walk by the fine bitch, chew up a piece of ice so you have little bits small enough to shoot through the straw, and shoot a piece on her back. I like to do this by a tourist family because the bitches usualy cuss the tourists out. If the ice isnt enough to make the girl jump up and flash her tits, go fill up your cup of ice with water, now go jog by the girl again, like a beach jogger, and when you pass her throw the water on her back..she'll be up in a second! MORE STUFF TO FUCK UP TOURISTS ------------------------------ I dont know about you, but I REALY HATE tourists, they come to our beaches and treat us like they own the place. Well, next time you see one of those realy pale tourists trying get a tan (a burn), the kind that are so pale they make you practicaly go blind, go steal your self a bottle of SPF 30 Bullfrog and spell out DORK with it on their chest while they are sleeping. This way when they wake up as red as a lobster, they have the word DORK written on them in bright white letters! Have you ever gotten asked directions by tourists? You know the ones with the straw hats, Hawain shirts, sunglasses and a rental car? Well next time they ask where the best beach is, send them to Compton, call it Black Bay or something like that. Pretty soon they will be doing an American Express commercial saying how they got all their stuff stolen on vacation. FUCK UP MORE POSERS ------------------- I'm sure you've seen those posers decked out in full beach gear, with like a $300 dollar eliminator body board and a $400 dollar wetsuit. They are the guys you see who cant catch one wave, or try to catch the white water and brag about how awesome they were. Well, when they are floating around in the water trying to let the waves catch them (these fucks dont even know how to paddle) go buy yourself one of those fin caps (you can find em at a few beach surf shop, I know Jack's Surfboards gets them in once and a while) and swim underwater untill your by the surfer, now go down as far as you can, and extend your arm so you can hold the fin just out of the water, and start swimming towards the poser. I guarantee you he will never go in the water again, but he might brag to his buddies how he was "CATCHING SOME GNARLEY WAVES AND A SHARK BIT HIM" ON YOUR WAY HOME ---------------- Well if you dont live by the beach and have a short free way drive home, do this to have some fun. Usualy around 6 there is rush hour, and everyone is stopped dead in their steel coffins. Just have your friend drive by them in the Car pool lane (which are never backed up) and hang your ass out the window at all the dicks who dont car pool and give us that smog that we hate so much. I've heard of people doing this the whole way home. DISCLAIMER ---------- The author of this file takes no responsibility for what posers are given heart attacks, what tourists never visit California again, what cry baby dorks have to get another $200 dollars from mommy for a new wet suit, or what drivers are blinded from someones pale ass hanging out your window. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THIS FILE HAS BEEN PRESENTED BY MAFiA - ALL RIGHTS WORTH JACK SHIT


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