Xref: info.physics.utoronto.ca alt.answers:4830 alt.folklore.urban:164424 news.answers:30432
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Terry Chan)
Subject: alt.folklore.urban Frequently Asked Questions [Part 3 of 4]
Date: 7 Oct 1994 21:00:46 GMT
Organization: Department of Redundancy Department
Expires: 31 October 1994
Reply-To: TWChan@lbl.gov (Terry Chan)
Summary: Urban legends supported, challenged and debunked
Please read before posting to AFU
7 October 1994
This is part three of the four part Frequently Asked Questions
list for alt.folklore.urban. This section contains a list
of various urban legends and related topics for this newsgroup.
If the story you are considering posting to AFU falls under
one of those discussed below, reconsider the posting or at
least ask about it intelligently. Chances are, if it's on
this list, it's been discussed to death. If you still want
to post it as is, youse takes youse chances.
PART THREE: Categories of Frequently Posted Legends:
- The Misappliance of Science
- The 'Plane Truth (What goes up...)
- Does Not Compute
- Twinkie Twitter
- Mad Medicine
- Wind Powered Fantasies
- Stupid Academia Tricks
- Stupid People Tricks
- What's in a Word?
- Reefer Madness
- How Firm is Your Foundation?
- Kill Your Television!
- Astonishing Antipodean Antics
- Lewd Food
- Snuff Movies
- Upstanding Legends of the Penis and Scrotum
- Hide the Salami
- Disney Dementia (and other amusement park legends)
- Question Authority!
- Legal Beagles
- Wild Life in the Fast Lane
- Legends About Natatory Capabilities of Large Anthropoid Primates
- Astounding Avian Anomalies
- Doggie-Style and Cattie-Wumpus
- Other Animal Crackers
- Arthropod Crackers
Key to Listed FAQs:
T = 100% scientific truth
Tb = believed true, but not conclusively proven
F = 100% falsehood
Ft = A legend, mostly untrue, but with a true occurrence or
Fb = believed false, but not conclusively proven
U = unanswered and may be unanswerable
P = Maybe it didn't happen, but it's scientifically possible
(used extremely sparingly, where the opposite is expected,
as it could apply to just about every legend)
There is a comment, "*", on certain lines in the FAQ. This indicates
that there is further information on this point available via anonymous
ftp. See the AFU anonymous ftp sites noted in Part I of the FAQ for
THE MISAPPLIANCE OF SCIENCE
F.*You can make as much ice faster by starting with warmer water.
T.*Boiled water freezes faster than ordinary water at same initial temp.
T.*Hot water evaporates while freezing, producing 75% of ice in 90% of time.
See "Hot water freezes faster than cold water. Why does it do so?",
Jearl Walker in The Amateur Scientist, Scientific American, Vol. 237,
No. 3, pp 246-257; September, 1977 and "The Freezing of Hot and Cold
Water", G.S. Kell in American Journal of Physics, Vol. 37, No. 5, pp
564-565; May, 1969.
F. A penny falling from height of Empire State building will embed in pavement.
[Yeah, yeah, it's mentioned in the _Life in Hell_ books]
T. There is no truth to the rumor that James "T." Kirk's middle name is Terry.
F.*Bath water drains the other way round in other hemisphere, due to Coriolis.
T. Coriolis force affects fluids if you take incredible pains to isolate it.
T. You can also consult the sci.physics FAQ [part 2].
Fb.Microwaving panties kills yeast infections (cold spots in oven...)
F. Coloring your CD's rim with (special) marker will enhance sound quality.
T.*CDs are the size they are because it could hold Beethoven's 9th symphony.
F.*People explode/boil/something in the vacuum of space.
F. Eelskin wallet demagnetizes bank cards (nope, but magnetic clasp might).
F. Daylight sky appears dark enough to see stars from bottom of deep well.
T. Venus and perhaps a few other bright stars/planets can be seen in daylight.
F. Bubbles in bubble wrap contain a cheap, but toxic gas.
U. East German secret police "bug" factory now uses skills to make hearing aids
F. Hot-drying acid-washed jeans "re-activates" the acid(Nope, but might shrink)
F. Ontario Hydro mandated poor installation,so copper fails as often as Alum.
T. Fluorescent lamp will light up when held near high-voltage line.
T. You sure can raise bloody hell asking about physics/chemistry on AFU.
Tb.Fluorescent light will break down vitamins in clear milk containers.
F. Fluorescent lights leach vitamins from your body.
Tb.Leather saddles used to be treated with llama dung to avoid scaring horses
Tb.The spec. for leather saddles got copied for leather jackets...
T. 3M "post-it" notes were invented & marketed as an unofficial project
T.*Subliminal messages in advertising are ineffective, but outlawed anyway.
["Media Sources and Business Legends" in TCD]
T.*...Ted Frank posted cite of USA law.
U. Filamentous phage M13 obtained from lab's letter rejecting the transfer!
T. Long term storage of paper in a PVC envelope is harmful (fumes degrade it).
T. Some combinations of metal tooth fillings can receive radio signals.
F. Printer/copier toner is carcinogenic. [But be careful about breathing it.]
F.*The moon looks larger near the horizon than up in the sky due to refraction.
T.*The above is due to an optical illusion.
T.*Indiana House Bill #246 of 1897 would've set pi=3.2. Killed in state Senate.
Fb.Some state (e.g., KS, OK, etc.) once considered a bill setting pi = 3
(or some other arbitrary, non-transcendental number).
F. US and Russia won't destroy their cultures of smallpox for fear of bio- war.
Fb.People only use 10% of their brain capacity (whatever that means).
F. If the entire population of China jumped up at the same time: a) the Earth's
orbit would be disturbed, b) the entire US would be swamped by a tidal wave.
Fb.If all the Chinese screamed at the same time, people in the US could hear it
U. This message is costing the net hundreds if not thousands of dollars.
T. There was a natural nuclear reaction in Africa long ago [NOT an explosion.]
F. Swimming right after eating will cause cramps and you'll drown.
F. Squeezing out the air from a partially consumed soda bottle will keep soda
from going flat.
F. There are workmen who died building Hoover Dam and were entombed in it.
F. There is a pillar in India made of metal found nowhere else in the world.
Tb.Tomatoes are not vegetables, they're berries. [Thanks, Scott C.]
T.*Women workers in old watch factories got poisoning by licking brushes used
for applying radium compound to watch faces. Thanks to Stan Schwarz.
T. Deckard was a replicant. Damn!
F. Large telescope mirrors often become distorted due to glass flow.
F. You can see glass flow in the windows of old buildings.
T.*MRI used to be called "Nuclear MRI", but "N" was dropped due to nuke fear.
T. Nobody except Doug Spindler came up with any good stuff on the origins
of Daylight Saving Time.
U. "Trekkies" are controlling the minds of everyone on the net.
T. A newspaper once substituted "In the African-American" for "in the black."
T. ...Andrew Steinberg sent a copy of the 19 Jul 90 column in the _Fresno Bee_
which contained the original error and the 21 July 90 column w/correction.
T. ...pvdl nailed this sucker down as a prank which was pulled by a journalist.
F.*Welding while wearing contacts can cause them to stick to your eyeballs.
F. NASA sends Swiss watchmakers very thin threads of gold; they send back
drilled w/holes. [Similar story w/Japan and US.]
T. Marvin Minsky once followed up to a post by Peter van der Linden.
F. Standing a hard-boiled egg on end has something to do with an equinox.
F. There was a "Philadelphia Experiment" that tried to make stuff invisible.
T. Give Bill Nelson an order of magnitude or two.
T. You'll probably die if your skin is completely coated w/paint, but not
T. Helge Moulding is just another weird guy that posts to AFU.
F. Scientists once concluded that bumblebees couldn't fly.
T. There are many stories about musicians and bands, especially after
they die or are dead. Most aren't very interesting or novel.
T. There are male (and female) models in the Victoria's Secret catalogue.
THE 'PLANE TRUTH (WHAT GOES UP...)
T. 800ft diameter asteroid passed within 500K miles of hitting earth in 1989.
T. Confused pilots occasionally land on tiny strip short of correct airport.
T. F51D plane can flip due to engine torque.(A. Frisbie posted pilot's manual!)
Tb.US Govt fixed plane transponders always report positions(catch drug imports)
T. Airforce/manufacturers tests planes by firing chickens from special cannon.
Tb Cessna planes aren't sold in the US anymore due to threat of liability suits
T. Beechcraft and Mooney still make & sell planes in the US however...
T. Pilot can discreetly signal a hijack by setting the transponder to "7500"
Tb.Leave flaps down when off the active as a request for armed intervention!!
F. The Great Wall of China can be seen with the naked eye from the moon.
T. Many manmade structures can be seen with the naked eye from Earth orbit.
F. Shuttle crew did secret experiment on how to make love in zero gravity.
Tb.Jet lag is exacerbated by alcohol consumption.
T. Parachute mishap brought down a Cessna (gently) on a novice's parachute.
F. Airlines use a gas to keep passengers mildly sedated and less troublesome.
U. Similar story of lowering cabin pressure below usual.
Fb.Both pilots on airliner end up locked out of cockpit in lavatory mixup.
["Death and Danger in the Air" in CBA]
U. In 90% of plane crashes, the words "Oh sh*t!" appear on the flight recorder.
Fb.Another passenger arrives for full plane; airline employee Gay must give up
his seat. Someone else answers yes to "Are you Gay?"; Gay says "*I'm* Gay";
more passengers chime in that they're gay and "They can't kick us all off."
F. Bank programmer makes big bux by skimming off or rounding calculations in
a payroll or interest compounding program. [AKA "Salami" method.]
T. Institutions are very reluctant to report frauds so may be difficult to ID.
T. There're lots of stories about how the Challenger astronauts died.
T. Check the sci.space FAQ.
DOES NOT COMPUTE
T. Computers have been stolen.
T. Apple use a Cray to design hardware systems; Cray use an Apple...
T. Prodigy grabs large sectors of the disk, containing data from deleted files.
F. Prodigy slyly reads your disk & nefariously uploads your top secrets to IBM.
F. Stories about Seymour Cray's strange hobbies (annual boat burning etc).
F.*The FCC is proposing a modem tax (Nope, the proposal died in 1987).
T. Bill Gates has $750K Porsche 959 he can't use;no type compliance,no license!
U. New computer system "lost" a Montgomery Ward Calif warehouse for 3 years...
T. "q=q++;" is an undefined statement under ANSI C(same object modified twice).
T. Calling "#" a pound sign as in common US parlance really riles some folks up
T. "#" is frequently referred to as a "hash" mark outside the US.
F. Russian/Chinese mechanical translator translates "out of sight, out of mind"
into "blind and insane". Also "Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"
as "the drink is good but the meat is rotten."
U. IBM ordered a whole bunch of "THIMK" games; but printer changed to "THINK".
...a.B. Mayers claims to have dug up a receipt for same. Getting close.
T. In 1947 a moth was found in a relay of the Harvard Mark II machine, and
taped into the logbook as the "first actual case of bug being found".
T. The log book used to be in building 1200 "K-lab" of the Naval Surface
Warfare Center, Dahlgren Division. Now at the Smithsonian MoAH.
F. Grace Hopper coined the term "bug" as a result of this event.
T. Grace Hopper was a programmer for the Mark II and often told the moth story.
T. "Bug" was used to mean a design defect as far back as Edison's time.
T. If you feel a need to finger a coke machine,try finger email@example.com
T. See the alt.internet.services FAQ for more neat-and-keen stuff.
T. "animal or vegetable shortening" on ingredients list == LARD
F. Hostess snacks (Twinkies, Cupcakes, etc.) aren't baked! They set,like jello
Fb.Twinkies eat mold... If mold grows on a twinkie, the twinkie digests it...
T. There really were chocolate "iced" Twinkies.
F. Singer John Denver served as a sniper in Vietnam (poss. his dad was).
T. Joel Furr likes to increase S/N by reposting boring old ULs.
T. London doctor struck off for inveigling Turkish peasants to donate a kidney.
F.*Dr. C. Drew, a plasma researcher; bleeds to death when hospital turns him
(a black man) away. [Similar story with death of Blues great Bessie Smith.]
U. Hypnosis is a fake! Net says "Yes, no, zzzz". [But does remove warts.]
F. Flowers are bad in hospital rooms because they suck oxygen out of air.
T. (Wo)man takes huge quantity of baking soda as an antacid and ends up with
CO2 rupturing stomach.
U. Woman had "tree in the bedina" -- potato used as pessary, sprouted...
U. Woman had "Smiling Mighty Jesus" -- spinal meningitis.
U. Woman had "sick as hell anemia" -- sickle cell anemia
U. Woman named child "Nosmo King" after sign on delivery room door.
F. There is a special ward for "Newky Brown" addicts in Newcastle General
F.*Person's hair turns entirely white "overnight" from stress.
T. Some people sneeze when exposed to bright light ("photic sneeze effect").
Tb.You can catch diseases (crabs, lice, herpes, VD, etc) from public toilets.
Tb.Patient died when intravenously given Kaopectate.
T. Bo Bradham lives in a "small world" hypothesis.
U. FDA approval causes cancer.
T. Yes, we've heard of Coca-cola as a douche, but if you're that desperate,
you're in big trouble.
Tb.Drinking large quantities of deionized/distilled water over a long period
of time can screw you up due to ion imbalances.
F. Hair/nails continue to grow after death.
T. They appear to as the corpse shrinks.
F. Hair grows back thicker or faster if you shave it.
F. Woman sees doc with irritated eye. Sez a male stripper rubbed his pouch in
her eye. Doc checks and removes a louse from it.
F. "Ear lobe" repair is booming in NYC because thieves rip earrings off women.
F. Thugs hide under cars in malls and cut ankles of women returning to cars.
[Above two in TBT.]
Tb.Rat(s) eat face of child while child is near adult in poor side of town.
F. An autopsy reveals big hairballs in lungs of a man who breathed in bits
of hair while he worked, and thus suffocated him.
T. RT's wife's small hair ball nearly killed her. And she's got a big scar.
F. Girl dies of big hairball in stomach from chewing on ends of her braids.
[Above two in "The Hair Ball" in TMP.]
T. Camilla Cracchiolo is doing some great stuff on the toxic body fumes story.
F. Mime has heart attack during act. People think it's part of act; he dies.
Tb.Reported to have happened to Tommy Cooper.
T. Brian Bringardner emailed a UPI report about this happening to Dick Shawn.
F. B.F. Skinner's daughter died/committed suicide/sued because of she was
reared in a Skinner box/special crib.
Fb.Left-handed people have shorter life spans than righties.
Fb.Women/people shouldn't sit on cold cement or metal 'cause it might hurt
their plumbing or cause piles.
F. You can catch a cold by being chilled.
F. Jamie Lee Curtis is a hermaphrodite.
T. Like with any celebrity, there are lots of rumors about her.
T. There's all sorts of rumors about the AIDS virus being developed by
T. The stories have generally been dull and boring.
T. Fin-de-siecle Frenchman,Petomane,got rich farting as music hall act.Fartist.
U. Blowback (blowforward?) from ignited fart, singed frat-boy's intestines.
U. Vet cut vent-hole in cow's flank, lit escaping gases, burned down barn...
Tb.A patient's intestine explodes from cauterization during surgery due to gas.
T. A patient's intestine exploded during a colotomy.
STUPID ACADEMIA TRICKS
NOTE: Many university-based ULs are passed continually. Before posting, check
out the references below and in Appendix B of JHB's textbook which has a
survey of academe ULs by Barre Toelken.
Most college ULs are now covered in Ted Frank's alt.folklore.college
FAQ, which used this FAQ as a base. If you don't see what you like
here, look there.
T. Prof lists famous unsolved problems;student thought it was homework- solved!
(Student was George Dantzig.) ["The Unsolvable Math Problem" in CBA.]
Fb.Student cheats on exam,asks "do you know who I am?",jams paper in exam pile!
["Bluebook Legends" in TMP]
Fb.Professor jostled; misses watch;grabs back from jostler; later finds at home
[Variation of "The Jogger's Billfold" in TCD]
F. College roommate commits suicide, gets you an automatic "A" for courses.
["The Suicide Rule" in CBA.]
T. Student gets tuition $ by asking for $0.01 from each person via newspaper.
T. Students find rolled-up carpet; take and unroll in dorm room to find body.
Fb.Student kills self during exam by putting 2 pencils in nose and hitting desk
T. People's lawn gnomes/elves stolen; owners were sent letter/pics from exotic
locations with the ornament. ["Roaming Gnomes" in CBA]
T. Famous UL researcher misspells the subtitle of a Star Trek film in a book.
F. Two co-eds alone in dorm; one goes to study; other in room; roomie hears
heavy dragging sounds; blocks door; hears scratches; waits til morning;
opens door to find other co-ed with ax in head who was scratching for help.
["The Roommate's Death" in TVH and TMP]
Fb.Students buy a barber pole and drive the town. Stopped continually by police
F. Girl is alone at home/dorm with dog; sleeps; hears noise and a dripping
sound; is frightened but reaches to dog and feels a lick; goes back to
sleep. In morning, finds dog hanged in shower and note under bed which
says "humans can lick too." ["The Licked Hand" in TCD]
Fb.Prof. gives "announced" quiz to surprised class after putting ad in paper.
Fb.Prof. allows students to "bring in what they can carry for exam"; student
carrys in a grad student" (variation on allowing use of "Feynman").
Fb.Prof. nails exam thief by cutting bottom 0.5" of exam to find longer answer.
Fb.Philosophy prof.'s 1 word exam: "Why?" "A" to student who replies "Why not?"
[Many, many variations].
Fb.Low grading prof. grades same exam in successive semesters; gives higher
grade each time. 4th time around (or so), writes: "Like it more each time".
[Version with drawing of a whale.]
Fb.Prof. lectures class on sugar content of ejaculate. Girl then asks "Why
does it taste so salty then?" Runs out of class amidst laughter.
Fb.Science class students take swab from inside of cheek and examine under
microscope. One group sees odd organisms and calls prof. who looks and
declares that it's sperm.
Fb.Student submits 20 yr old paper for class; prof. gives "A"; says he always
liked it but he only got a "B" when he wrote it. [The above 6 are in
"College Con Artists and How They Operate" in CBA]
T. Prof. Donald "Art of Computer Programming" Knuth's 1st publication was in
MAD mag. (MAD #33 "The Potrzebie system of weights and measures")
F. Frat holds blood drive. Some grossly high % of frat donors are HIV positive.
T. There seems to be quite a few university buildings named after Kresge.
Fb.Prof. demos test for diabetes by dipping finger in several flasks of urine
and then licking it. Then asks students to do same. They do, after which
he says he dipped with one finger and licked with the other.
Fb.alt.folklore.college is dead.
Fb.Co-ed responds to "quizzy" announcement with fear of "testies", blushes.
F. Albert Einstein did poorly in school.
T. If you want to post about some university's swimming tests, go to AFC.
STUPID PEOPLE TRICKS
T.*Craig Shergold, UK cancer kid,sought get-well cards,overwhelmed with 33 mil.
T.*Craig Shergold, UK health plan wouldn't operate;Kluge paid;tumor was benign!
T.*Lousy quality CS GIF courtesy of Phil Kernick available via anonymous ftp.
T. Craig Shergold's 13th birthday was June 24, 1992.From now June 24 is AFUday.
T. His name has been misspelled several times in various pleas.
T. But he sure as heck doesn't want or need any more cards now.
T.*See _The Guinness Book of Records 1992_, p. 207.4 for his listing.
T.*See 19 July 1990 _NY Times_ (p. 24), _People_ magazine 10 June 1991, p. 63.
T. He was interviewed on TV (23 Sep 94) on "Eye to Eye with Connie Chung."
T.*Check the afu anonymous ftp site for sources and references.
T.*Cards that are sent to the hospital no longer go to him.
T. A variation of the above now includes a call for business cards.
[Classic American UL in this genre is "Postcards for Little Buddy" in CBA]
T. There was a version involving bar codes which was a hoax.
Tb.Craig Shergold lives in an "unsalubrious" section of town, but
...John Slater doesn't think Craig live in an "unsalubrious" area anymore.
Tb.Craig voted on the folklore rmgroup from Craig_shergold@vms.cis.pitt.edu.
U. Errol Flynn was invited to "black tie" party; went nude,except for black tie
U. Ed Zotti is Cecil Adams, or Marilyn vos Savant, or Isaac Asimov, or....
T. Some, one, or all of the above reads AFU.
T. Some beggars with "will work for food" signs are just extra sympathy scams.
T.*People have been injured by rocking a vending machine that falls on them.
Fb.Man's house demolished after friend placed ad in paper for a joke.
Fb.US GI captures Iraqi soldier - they knew each other from Chicago.
F. Special chemical for swim pools, turns bright color on contact with urine.
F. "3 Men & a Baby" has a scene with a real ghost in it.
["Psychic Videotapes" in TBT.]
F. In the "Wizard of Oz" film you can see a body of someone who hung himself.
Fb.Wife sprays toilet with flammable bug spray, husband shits, smokes, explodes
Wife sprays toilet with flammable hair spray, you know the rest, etc.
["Hilarious Accidents" in TMP. Variations in TVH.]
F.*Aluminum ring pull tabs are collected & exchanged for dialysis machine time.
["Redemption Rumors" in TMP]
T. ...Some places or people (e.g., The Ronald McDonald House in Rochester, MN)
do collect tabs for their scrap value and raise $$ for various causes.
T. The MN connection has been noted by many people. One of the better and
more recent articles was posted by Sarah Skovronsky.
T. There are two Canadians who collect them for wheelchairs. Ask Fred Ennis.
F. Chanting "Mary Worth" before a mirror summons dead spirit at slumber parties
...Related to famous La Llorona legend? ["I Believe in Mary Worth" in TMP]
Fb.Male athlete cheats drug test with wife's pee; test shows he's pregnant.
T. Infirm, elderly, obese alcoholics have set themselves on fire occasionally.
F. People occasionally spontaneously combust and burn to death. Whoompfh!
F. Cabbage Patch dolls are possessed by the devil.
F. Kid sends broken Cabbage Patch dolls sent back. Death certificate sent back.
["The Cabbage Patch Tragedy" in TMP]
Ft.Couple stays in odoriferous hotel room;informed next day of body in mattress
T. Case reported in Miami, FL in Mar 1994: Posts from Bo Bradham & Len Berlind.
F. Someone is crushed to death trying to shrink blue jeans by wearing in tub.
["Product Defect and Liability Legends" in TCD]
F.*Tourists' room is burgled, later finds snaps of "toothbrush up thief's ass".
Often told of tropical areas (e.g., Hawaii, various countries in the
Carribbean, but there's even one for Colorado).["Indecent Exposure" in TBT]
F. Two guys see kid fishing; kid says fish aren't biting but worms are; on way
back; they discover kid slumped over; worms were baby water moccasins!
["The Can of Snakes" in TMP]
Fb.Child's foot/leg is amputated after pumping Reeboks shoes too tight.
T. For some reason, some folks kill snakes by grabbing tail and "snapping" them
T. "Chicken sexing" is big business. Started by Asian family.
T."little gator" S. Mudgett is mentioned in one of Cecil's books.
F. Folks find casks of wine in cellar of old house. Tap and drank from several
of them. Later, preserved body of original house owner found in cask.
[Body in the cask motif may find some basis in old story of Admiral Nelson
of Battle of Trafalgar. His body was shipped back in wine/rum cask. Upon
arrival in UK, cask was low/empty. "The body in the cask" in TCD.]
Tb.Nautical saying: "Tapping the Admiral" is based on the above.
F. Boyfriend tells girlfriend they're through and she should leave when he
leaves on a long trip. He returns to find phone off the hook connected to
the "time" recording in Japan/some far away place.
["The Lover's Telephone Revenge" in CBA]
F. Helicopter fights forest fires by scooping water from lake. Charred body
of scuba diver found in ashes. ["Death and Danger in the Air" in CBA]
F. Fat person on ship/airline toilet has intestines sucked out due to vacuum.
T. A similar accident happened to a little girl who sat on a wading pool
drain in North Carolina happened on 26 June 1993 [she didn't die].
Tb.Some guy in a foreign country teaches the locals that a certain obscene
handsign (to him) was actually a welcoming gesture. Locals all pose for
pictures while making the gesture.
F. Woman on bus raises a man's hand and asks "Who does it belong to? It was
on my butt." Several red-faced men get off at next stop.
T. Jan Harold Brunvand's son, Erik, teaches at UU and even read a.f.u. Sheesh!
T.*There's a gif of Jan Harold Brunvand available via anonymous ftp.
F. Halloween sadists randomly give poisoned candy to children.
T. A Texas child was poisoned by his father on Halloween in 1974.
[Above two are in "Halloween Sadists" in CBA]
F. Woman frequents tanning salons; develops funny smell; innards cooked!
["Curses! Broiled Again" in _CBA_]
T. A guy goes a-shooting at Saguaro cacti; hits one. It falls and kills him!
["The Plant's Revenge" in _CBA_]
F. Someone couldn't call for help because they couldn't dial the "11" in "911".
["Dial 911 for Help" in TCD]
T. Lots of people comment on the FAQ list without actually reading it.
Tb.People were once frequently mistaken for dead and were buried alive.
Tb.Edison's last breath is kept in a jar in Michigan. (Well, sort of).
Tb.Elvis lives near Palo Alto, works for Sun, and speaks w/an English accent.
Fb.Co-ed loses tampon inside prior to blind date; worried; sees school intern;
is acutely embarrassed. Her date turns out to be the intern!
Fb.Young man buys condom from pharmacist; he's embarrassed so boasts of date.
He picks her up, pharmacist/dad answers the door! ["The Blind Date" in TMP]
F. Bride at big wedding thanks each person, then thanks groom for sleeping
w/maid-of-honor. Then throws bouquet, etc. ["The Bothered Bride" in TMP]
F. Kid in Michael Jackson's commercial breaks neck and dies from: breakdancing,
OD, hit by motorcycle. Kid is Alfonse Ribera. Rumored of many TV kids.
[See "Michael Jackson's Dancing Partner" inTMP]
F. First 7 numbers on bar code of "Thriller" album is Michael Jackson's phone.
["Michael Jackson's Telephone Number" in TMP]
F.*Phil Collins' song "In the Air Tonight" is about a death witnessed by Phil.
T. ...Sheesh! This was even debunked in _Parade_ magazine.
T. Crotch seam rivet in original Levi's dropped due to pain from standing near
F. Several suburban white women visit big city. They nervously enter elevator
which has a black man and a dog.He says "Sit Lady!" They promptly sit on the
floor but he was talking to the dog!
T. ...UL ends w/free dinner, roses, or tickets to concert for ignorant women.
T. ...Guys mentioned include Reggie Jackson, Wilt Chamberlain, Lionel Ritchie,
...Eddie Murphy, O.J. Simpson, Joe Greene and Magic Johnson.
T. ...There is an amusing variant about the English parliament (look it up).
T. ...Older version:woman stuck in an elevator where two black men piss on her.
[Above five are in "The Elevator Incident" in CBA.]
Fb.Some famous artist (Picasso/DaVinci/etc.] wants a new piece of furniture
or furniture to be moved. Draws sketch for workman; who says no charge
for the artist if he can keep the sketch.
F. Couple hires hippie-type babysitter. Later, mother calls and sitter says
everything is fine; she's stuffed the turkey and put it in the oven.
Mom worries since they don't have an turkey; parents rush home and find
that stoned sitter has (or is about to) put baby in the (microwave) oven.
["The Hippie-Babysitter" in TVH.]
F. "Clever" babysitter stops baby crying by holding its head in oven.
["The Clever Babysitter" in TMP]
U. A plain-Jane coed invited to special night out by a BMOC. As she gets ready,
has bad gas from lunch. Date arrives;so plans to fart in car before he gets
in. She farts and quickly rolls down window. Date gets in, says,"I'd like
you to meet Tom and Mary in the backseat." ["The Fart in the Dark" in TVH.]
Fb.Family visits wilderness park. They see bears and want to get "cute pics"
of bear w/child so they smear honey on his cheek. Bear eats child's face.
F. Bride's father at wedding goes to pay band, but wallet is missing and has
to take up collection from guests. Later viewing of wedding video shows
groom's father lifting bride's father's wallet! ["Sex Scandals" in TCD]
Tb.Some guys who make $ recycling aluminum strip a house with new siding.
Tb.People (mostly guys) have been electrocuted pissing on a subway's 3rd rail.
T. Common UL mills include Dear Abby, Ann Landers, and Paul Harvey.
F. Woman lighting fire opens door w/hot poker;robber at door sees and grabs it!
(Var. where woman is holding a knife). ["The Robber Who was Hurt" in TCD]
U. People who feel the need to argue that 1 Jan 2000 is or is not the start
of the 21st century need to get a life.
F. Clocks are commonly displayed at 8:18/8:20/10:10 because that's when JFK
or Abraham Lincoln was shot.
T. The song "Happy Birthday" is copyrighted.
F. ...Paul McCartney owns the rights.
T. "Dave Rhodes" letter asking for money is bogus. If you post it to
AFU, you almost deserve to be mailbombed. Of course, *I* wouldn't
condone it but then, you're not me.
Fb.Some guy who works at a factory takes home a part a day until some time
later he has a Cadillac/tank/truck.
Tb.Putting a sleeping person's hand in water will cause him/her to pee for
some people but not for others.
F. Some famous store is paying money for long fingernails to make false
WHAT'S IN A WORD?
[Bear in mind that AFU is not a dictionary server. Try checking out
the OED and the _Dictionary of American Regional English_ for
etymological history; _The Penguin Dictionary of Historical Slang_,
by Eric Partridge (abridged by Jacqueline Simpson). Penguin books.
For you computer jocks, there's always alt.usage.english.]
F.*The etymology of the 4-letter word "f*ck" is an acronym of old. [e.g.
"Fornication Under Consent of the King.]
T. Lord knows, there're lots of variations of initials/names for "Jesus Christ"
U.*'HAL' in the film "2001: A Space Odyssey" was derived from letters for "IBM"
T. ...Arthur C. Clarke has maintained that it was not.
Tb.The expression "86" (to put the kibosh on), originated in 1920s diner slang.
T. A.J.Balfour appt'd Secretary Ireland by Uncle Bob.Nepotism? Bob's your uncle
T. JF Kennedy said "Ich bin ein Berliner." Could be either "I am a native of
Berlin" or "I am a jelly doughnut." Berliners knew what he was talking about
T. Hebrew was considered as official language of the US. [Guess what happened?]
F.*German was once within one or two votes of becoming the official US language
T. Fijian on the AT&T ad says ""Bula vinaka, beachside!" ("hello, thanks").
T. Many languages don't pronounce foreign words/phrases as they really are.
Fb.US Civil War Gen. Hooker is the source for a common term for streetwalkers.
Tb....Though he may have helped popularize it.
F.*Thomas Crapper invented the flush toilet.
T.*Thomas Crapper did exist and made improvements to modern flushing mechanisms
T. Martin Gardner said Crapper was bogus, but retracted it in one of his books.
F.*The word 'crap' is derived from Thomas Crapper.
F. Otto Titzling invented the brassiere.
Tb.Maddie Boudreaux sure has a funny name for being Scottish.
F.*The words to "Louie, Louie" are dirty.[Thanks to Maiko Covington for lyrics]
F. Eskimos have some megaboss number of words for snow.
F.*"Posh" is from "Port Out, Starboard Home" from Colonial English days.
T.*"Hamburgers" and "Frankfurters" are named after cities in Germany.
T.*"In like Flynn" is from Errol Flynn's acquittal on statutory rape charges.
T.*"Okay" or "OK" is originally from a misspelling fad: "Oll Korrect" (all
correct); popularized by "Old Kinderhook" Van Buren in election campaign.
T. The du Pont Co. has claimed (1940) that "nylon" was an arbitrary coinage,
but also (1978) that it was a modification of "no run" spelled backwards.
F. Jack Kerouac wrote that "Pig" stands for "Protector of Immutable Government"
T. "Futhark" is an acronym.
F. The song "Puff the Magic Dragon" is about smoking pot or Vietnam war weapon.
T. Winston Churchill once said something memorable.
T. There is no good etymology for the phrase "The whole nine yards."
T. Suggestions have included: Volume in a concrete mixer, coal truck, or
a wealthy person's grave; amount of cloth in a man's custom-made (i.e.,
"bespoke") suit, sports games, funeral shroud, kilt, in a bolt of cloth,
square area in a ship's sails, and volume in a soldier's pack.
T.*Studies indicate that the majority of US currency has traces of cocaine.
F.*The childhood rhyme "Ring Around the Rosie" has ties to the Black Plague.
Tb.The Chinese characters for "Coca-cola" could sound like those for "bite the
F. The old Chevy Nova was a failure in Spanish speaking countries because it
translates to "No go."
Tb.Pepsi had a similar episode where "Come Alive with Pepsi!" is rendered as
"Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead!"
T. Lots of people think threads like the etymology of company names such
as "Exxon" are interesting and/or have some relevance.
U. "Kilroy" is a misspelling of "Kibo."
HOW FIRM IS YOUR FOUNDATION?
T. David Johnston read AFU for *9* months before posting. BFD.
F. Building is built backwards. Public criticizes; Architect commits suicide.
Tb.There have been buildings built backwards.
F. Various university libraries sink; books heavier than architect thought!
F. Same as above, but pool not library, weight of water, not books.
Ft.Lots of bldgs (malls, etc.) are sinking into the ground as we post!
[See "Back to the Drawing Board--Some Architectural Legends" in CBA]
T. Some universities, cities are riddled with semi-secret utility tunnels.
T. Clouds and other weather can transpire in the upper parts of high structures
Fb.RC Church building plans reviewed by Pope/Vatican; response was "we are not
angels"; plans had no loos!
Fb.Bldg collapses due to gas explosion from buried dead elephant under it.
T. Soldiers break step when marching over bridges (trivially observed).
U. Bridge falls down if soldiers don't break step when marching over.
Fb.Bridge falls down due to resonance if soldiers don't break step marching
over. Broughton suspension bridge, England, 14 April 1831, fell under
soldiers march, but prob just overloaded, not resonating. Mark Brader
posted Times story!
F. Otherwise sound bridge falls down if soldiers don't break step marching
over. (There have been no documented instances of this)
F. Arizona resorts are prewired for slot machines should gambling be okay'd.
F. Young woman meets beau's family for 1st time. During dinner, she has to
take a leak and asks where the bathroom is. She goes in, but finds it's
a bathroom w/no toilet! She looks around, can't find it. Being desperate
and embarassed, she stands on sink to do it. Family hears loud crash and
run to find that she's unconscious/bleeding/but okay. Sink collapsed!
T. Lotsa university buildings constructed in the 1960s look like prisons.
U. Many manhole covers are round because the holes are.
KILL YOUR TELEVISION!
F. "Newlywed Game" husband televised response that the strangest place they
made love was "That'd be the butt, Bob."
T. Brian Gordon posted Bob Eubanks interview where Bob offers $10K for proof.
T. Dave Filippi posted similar account heard on Boston area radio (WBCN).
T. Many people claim to have seen it. Bill McCauley claims to have a tape.
T. Robert Huss claims to have seen it but says the common quote is "wrong."
T. Chris Johns claims to have seen Chuck Barris say it was true on CNBC.
F.*The UK cartoon series "Cpt. Pugwash" had character names w/double entendres.
T. _The Guardian_ wrote this up in September 1991. They were successfuly
sued and issued an apology/retraction in November 1991.
T. Ian Palmer posted a .wav file he says is from an episode called "Fair
Exchange" supposedly available on a BBC Video called "Captain Pugwash,
Seafairing Tales" where the Cpt. is supposed to have said "I certainly
did Master Bate." Interestingly, this differs from the traditional UL
where the name is often referred to as "Master Bates."
T. Many people claim to have seen and heard these too. What a coincidence!
T. ...Gif of the Captain available at cathouse.org.
T. Woman has epileptic seizures upon hearing Mary Hart's [ET anchor] voice.
F. "Gilligan's Island" was never a real TV show.
Tb.Parents get a video for children. Find it was recorded over old porn tape!
T. CA assembly considering a law to ban the splicing of porn onto rented tapes.
F. Johnny Carson said he'd pet Zsa Zsa's pussy if she'd move her cat.
F. JC said to Jack Nicklaus' wife that her kissing his balls before a golf game
must "make his putter flutter." (Sometimes about Arnold Palmer.)
F. JC gave out his AT&T card number for free calls since he won big settlement.
[Or Steve McQueen/Paul Newman/Sammy Davis,Jr/Robert Redford/Burt Reynolds.]
F. David Letterman tells audience to say "Hi" to Paul Shaffer 'cause his
contract says his butt can't be shown on TV.
[Above four from "Talk Show Tales - 'Dave's Behind' in CBA]
T. Charles Lasner still lives in the '60s and talks turkey.
F.*Kid tells Bozo the Clown to "shove it"/etc. after kid drops egg in game.
F.*Bozo interviews kids on show. One kid says "Cram it, clown!" Is removed.
F.*Some kid's talk show host says "That ought to shut the little bastards up!"
on live TV/radio. [Above three from 'Bozo the Clown's Blooper' in TMP]
T. Yes, yes, I've heard of Uncle Don and Kermit Schaeffer.
F.*Soupy Sales was canned for telling kids to send him pieces of paper with
pictures of dead presidents from their parents' dresser drawers on his show.
T.*He was suspended for a week.
F. Jan or Cindy Brady actress was a porn star.
F. Some muppet on Sesame Street is going to be snuffed.
F. Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie are "gay."
Tb.Barbara Hamel had a brief fling with fame.
[The alt.drugs FAQ list has lots of interesting info.]
F.*"Blue star" or cartoon character (esp. Mickey Mouse) tattoos laced with LSD
is sold at schools to hook kids on acid.
T.*This UL is frequently spread via poorly typed/copied fliers.
T.*LSD has been sold on blotter paper with cartoon characters.
["Blue Star Acid" in CBA and "Mickey Mouse Acid" in TCD. See also Dave
Gross's definitive periodic posting.]
Fb.Person high on drugs stares at sun -- gets partial blindness.
T. Check in Medline in December 1992 shows no such case reported.
F. Aspirin and Coca-Cola taken together get you high. (Nope.May cause insomnia)
T. Phil Kernick thinks it does work on him, but that's Oz for you.
U. More than 4 hits of acid in one month renders you legally insane.
F. Tobacco cos. prepared to market/mfg joints if pot was legalized in '60s/'70s
T. You can beat any drug test (in a Zen way) by not taking the test.
U. Guy on pot pulled over by police. Asked if he knew his speed. Was 5 mph!
F. LSD accumulates in the brain and spinal column and shows up on x-rays.
Fb.McDonald's coffee stirrers changed; they were used by cocaine sniffers.
["Mickey Mouse Acid" in TCD]
F.*Banana peels and peanut shells contain hallucinogenic substances.
F.*"Street" acid (LSD) is frequently cut with strychnine.
ASTONISHING ANTIPODEAN ANTICS
F. Some part of Australia is antipodal to some part of N. America or Europe.
T. Cane toads are now a plague, originally imported to eat cane beetles.
F. Koalas are always stoned/drunk, as they eat alcohol in eucalyptus leaves.
Fb.Koalas, being filled with eucalyptus oil, "explode" in bushfires. [Rats!]
F. Kangaroos deliver the mail in the outback.
U. "Goanna Oil" dissolves muscle protein. Goannas are large native lizards.
U. Driver fools tourists in Milford tunnel bus,says motorbike is oncoming train
U. Dingos eat babies. Australian courts say YES, NO, YES.
Fb.Aussies put vegemite under eyelids to get high. Yum!
T. Some New Zealanders do not think very highly of Australians.
T. There sure are lots of stories about Vegemite. [Why not Marmite?]
F. Rights to "Waltzing Matilda" are owned by an American, hence not anthem.
T. "Chooks" taste like chicken.
T. Tasmanian devils are not extinct. Whoopee.
T. There're kosher Chinese restaurants in and around big East Coast US cities.
T. Most mass-market beers contain "foaming agents" to make them form a head.
U. Eating lots of chicken fast food causes males to grow breasts (from hormones
T. Eggs and chicken are horribly contaminated, and should NOT be eaten raw.
T. Unless marked "dairy", fast food shakes aren't milk: mostly carrageen gel.
T. Lead leaches from lead crystal decanters into drinks; is not good for you.
F. Eating carrots may improve night vision, because of large amounts of Vit A.
Tb.Microwaved food is better (other cooking allegedly creates carcinogens)
Tb.Eating celery takes more energy than its digestion yields.
U. Mick Jagger used a Mars bar as a dildo on nubile pop loon Marianne Faithful.
T. Kim Scheinberg posts her denial in her autobiography,but she would say that.
F,T,T,U.Fast food places use unusual ingredients: worm, 'roo meat, seaweed, rat.
["'The Kentucky Fried Rat' and Other Nasties" in TVH]
F. Stranger at restaurant eats your cookies, you grab, later find you took his.
["The Packet of Biscuits" in TCD. Douglas Adams claims this really happened
to him. Also a variant w/Kit Kat bars.]
F.*Cook cheated into buying Mrs Fields' recipe, gets revenge by spreading it.
["The Mrs. Fields Cookie Recipe" in CBA. This is probably a descendant of
the "Red Velvet Cake" UL in TVH. Another version involves Nieman-Marcus
and many other noted retail establishments.]
F. Green M&M's (also "Smarties" in UK and Canada) are an aphrodisiac.
T. Andrew Welsh has tried them.
F. Red M&M's are a carcinogen (Nope, they used red dye #5,not dangerous #2)
[Both M&M legends are in "Green M&Ms" in TMP]
F. Ingesting a tapeworm will help you slim, so people do this regularly
["'Bosom Serpent' Legends" in TCD.]
T. Many CIA (and other gov't) snackbars are staffed by blind people.
F. They're hired to help maintain secrecy.
F. Grape seeds can get caught in your appendix and give you appendicitis.
T. Steven Bellovin thinks diverticulitis may be source of this UL.
T. British army doses water with bromide (for purification), soldiers say it's.
U. ...to suppress soldiers' libidos. US Army salts their peters with saltpeter.
Fb.Kennedy family made their pile thru a Scotch import monopoly
Tb.Kennedy family made their pile thru smuggling Scotch during prohibition.
F. The red leaves of Poinsettias (aka the Xmas Plant) are deadly poisonous.
["The Poinsettia Myth" in TMP.]
T. Poinsettia sap and leaves are irritants and may harm small children.
T. People have been poisoned by eating food cooked on burning oleander branches
Tb.Asparagus stinks up pee, but ability to smell it is genetically inherited.
T. Fresh seeds from plants of rose family react to form cyanide in the body.
T. Lots of Asian restaurants have humorous names to English speakers.
F. Mikey (Life cereal) exploded from eating Pop Rocks with soda (You wish!)
["The Death of Little Mikey" in TCD]
F.*A popular Mexican beer (esp. Corona) was made with urine.
F.*Snapple either supports Operations Rescue/KKK and/or the ship on the
label is a slave ship.
F.*Tropical Fantasy causes sterility in black men.
T. Some people like to eat the placenta (aka afterbirth) of their children.
F. Shampoos and foreign beauty aids are made from aborted babies.
["The Secret Ingredient" in TMP]
F. Couple travels to exotic locale with pet dog. Eatery prepares it for them.
["Food and Restaurant Rumors and Legends"/"Unfortunate Pet Legends", TCD]
F. Ethnic eateries (Chinese/E. Indian/Italian) use cat/dog/human meat instead
of expected meat.["The Eaten Pets"/"Further Ethnic Stereotype Legends,"TMP]
F. Cantaloupes are infected with salmonella and are thus bad to eat.
F. Snake hidden in imported fruit (bananas, pineapple, etc.) bites/kills some-
one. ["The Snake in the Greens" in TBT]
T.*Woman removes label from "tuna" can, finds cat food label underneath.
T.*The cat food actually was tuna canned 6 years earlier in Canada, declared
unfit for human consumption, allowed to be exported as pet food, and then
illegally relabeled as tuna again. (Toronto Star, March 24, 1992)
Fb.In pre-revolutionary Paris, peasants resold food from restaurant garbage.
T. Vegemite (and Marmite) is made from yeast by-products, salt, and other stuff
Fb.Cannibalism was a common means of sustenance for past cultures.
F. "Instant" ramen noodles are coated w/wax and can cause intestinal blockage.
Fb.Drinking alcoholic beverages through a straw makes one drunker faster.
Tb.Carbonation in whisky and soda makes one drunk faster than a straight whisky
F. Marco Polo brought pasta back to Italy from the Chinese.
T. Spinach has no more iron than other vegetables; UL due to misplaced decimal.
F.*People eat chocolate because it gives them the same feeling as being in love
F. Chocolate makes people horny.
T. Some McDonald's do give free soft drink refills. There may not be signs tho.
F. Peeling labels off a beer bottle means you're: a) a virgin, b) gonna get
lucky, c) sexually frustrated.
F. Eating hot bread is bad for you (alcohol, stomach upset, etc.)
Tb.Don't use fresh/frozen pineapple, Kiwi fruit, or maggots to make Jell-O.
Tb.Certain Eng. documentaries notwithstanding, spaghetti doesn't grow on trees.
T. Some English beers contain fish guts.
F. The "Baby Ruth" candy bar was named for George "Babe" Ruth. Duh.
T. ...It was really named for US president Grover Cleveland's oldest daughter.
T. ...There are those who believe that the manufacturer wanted to avoid paying
...royalties to the "Babe." [Notable AFUers: pvdl and Ted Frank.]
T. But the "Babe" was a pitcher when it came out and wasn't really famous yet.
F. "Bubble Yum" bubble gum is manufactured with spiders eggs.
["The Kentucky Fried Rat" in TVH.]
T. There sure are lots of stories of food service people jacking off into food.
T. Most, if not all, are false though.
T. If you want to know what the "33" on Rolling Rock beer means. Read the
_Straight Dope_ books mentioned at the end of the FAQ list.
F. Eating ice will strip the enamel off your teeth or is somehow "bad" for you.
T. Some people were buying large quantities of baby formula in the US because
it was cheaper than in nearby large metropolitan areas.
T. Yes, we've heard of the story about a woman, a dog, and peanut butter.
F. Putting a spoon in a bottle of champagne will help keep it from going flat.
Tb.The Feds, cops, CIA, etc. have never actually found a real snuff film.
T. Scotland Yard has found no evidence of snuff films in the last 20 years.
F. "Snuff films" actually exist (Nope, tho' there are various wannabe fakes)
T. Some psychotics have taped the murder of their victims.
T. Search in WestLaw in 1991 showed no mention of cases on "snuff films".
F.*"Faces of Death" is a snuff film. [See Larry Doering plot summary.]
F. "Snuff" was the name of a real snuff film.
T. We never saw a snuff film that we didn't like.
T. Dean Lambey in California was arrested in 1989 by an undercover officer
and tried and convicted while planning to make a snuff film. Conviction
was upheld by a federal appeals court in 1992 in Richmond, VA.
F. There were at least two different endings to "Old Yeller".
By definition, a snuff film is one in which the film is the *purpose* of
(rather than incidental to) the murder and with some intent of commercial
distribution (i.e. if they ran out of film, the murder would be postponed
until someone could run down to the 7-11 & get more). Paul Lanning, the
FBI's chief researcher into child pornography was quoted by _The Times_
"In 20 years I have not seen any hard evidence that they have
commercially produced sexually explicit films of murders for the
gratification of other people. Simulated snuff movies using
special effects are so realistic there is no point in risking life
Note to the new reader: please don't send or post e-mail saying "snuff movies
*could* exist, because people are naughty enough" - this is not in dispute;
the point is that no examples have yet come to light. Until someone shows
evidence of their existence, snuff films are in the same category as UFO's,
the Loch Ness monster, and Bruce Willis's hair -- i.e. "believed false."
UPSTANDING LEGENDS OF THE PENIS AND SCROTUM
F. Model's dick showed in a Sears catalog ad for shorts (it was drawstring!)
T. But it looked a little like the model's wiener, and folks thought it was.
T. Nelson Rockefeller died of cardiac arrest while porking the help.
U. Errol Flynn banged out "Star-spangled Banner" on xylophone with his big dong
F. Gangster John Dillinger's long wang is pickled in a jar at/near Smithsonian.
F. In Nigeria, roving gangs of thieves may surreptitiously steal mens' dorks.
T. Groupies took plaster casts of pop singers' schlongs, inc Hendrix's whacker.
Tb.Adolf Hitler only had one testicle. Immortalized in many a kid's rhyme.
T. If you have to ask about Hitler's or Goebbels' balls, try using your
brain instead of repeating that stupid song.
T. There sure are lots of stories about LBJ and his peter.
T. Masturbator's penis in hose chopped by fan blade of Hoover Dustette cleaner.
T. This is dubbed the legend of "the Cleaner and the Leaner Wiener".
U. Woman slits guy's scrotum, sticks straw in, and blows; he gets off on it...
F. Child in mall goes to toilet; is abducted; has willie cut off. [TCD]
F. Drunk joyriding on hood of car, loses parts to hood ornament at sudden stop.
F. Wife seduces cheating husband then superglues his plonker while he sleeps.
["The Superglue Revenge" in TCD]
T. Guy hurts self after sex w/machine drive belt, has self surgery w/stapler.
Fb.Health worker in US/Africa demos condom usage to immigrants/natives w/a
broom/finger. Woman returns pregnant. She had used EXACTLY as taught.
U. Napoleon's wanker was cut off at autopsy and was recently auctioned off.
F. Number of stars on _Playboy_ cover is # of times Hef banged the centerfold.
T. ...It's a distribution code.
T. Public boners are banned in Indiana. Law upheld by US Supreme Court.
T. Couple on UK train had oral sex, then sex, then smoked in non-smoking area,
F. ...nobody complained until they started smoking;
T. ...train crew ignored complaints until couple started smoking.
F. Young man is at dinner party w/future in-laws. His fiance says his zipper
...is unzipped. He attempts to distract them by pointing out the window
...and calling out "Look at that!" Where 2 dogs are doing the nasty, or
...he slyly zips up his fly, but when he gets up, drags the table cloth off
...'cause he trapped the cloth in his fly! ["Nudes and More Nudes" in TVH]
F. Woman reports to emergency room and sez diaphram is stuck. Drs. remove it
to find it's covered with grape jelly. Directions said to "...use w/jelly."
Tb.Andy Wardley puts the "winky" in "Winky-Dink."
HIDE THE SALAMI
U. Cuckolded husband replaces contents of wife's pessaries with lye.
T. Mad doctor in Ohio cut off womens' clitoral hoods while operating on them.
T. People put assorted objects up their asses, get stuck, removed in hospital.
F. Well-known film star et al. put a gerbil up his ass for "wriggly furry fun"
["The Colo-Rectal Mouse" in TMP. Related entries in LEGAL BEAGLES]
T. Search of Medline in December 1993 using key words "anus, rectum, rodent,
gerbil" showed no such incident ever found. Lots of other stuff though.
F. Well-known male pop star rushed from concert, stomach pumped free of semen.
[Said of Elton John, Rod Stewart, David Lee Roth, and Marc Almond.]
F. Spanish fly (Cantharides) is aphrodisiac (actually genital tract irritant).
F. Girl slipped spanish fly at drive-in movie; found impaled on gear shift.
["Miscellaneous Sex Legends" in TCD]
F. Woman tied naked to bed, man in superhero costume with broken leg in closet.
T. Var: guy is seduced by woman, tied to bed, and sodomized by "superhero."
T. ...Similar motif in Stephen King's novel _Gerald's Game_.
Fb.Hetero couple get stuck together while coupling. Separated at hospital.
["The Stuck Couple" in TCD]
F. One night stand, partner leaves early, other partner finds msg "Welcome to
the world of AIDS". ["AIDS Mary" in CBA]
Fb.Female gang initiation ceremony is to screw an HIV+ male member.
F. Student is regularly nocturnally chloroformed by roommate, for sodomy.
Tb....This may have actually happened in the Dutch army. Those officers!
F. `Baghdad Betty' told US army that Bart Simpson was sleeping with their wives
Tb.Would-be rapist steals kisses; one Calif victim bit a piece off his tongue.
F. Man fills wife's lover's convertible with concrete.
["The Solid Cement Cadillac" in TVH]
T. Woman's womb filled with air during cunnilingus; she dies due to embolism.
F. Woman impregnated while swimming, due to sperm loose in pool.
F. Woman impregnated when hit by bullet that shot Civil War soldier's testicles
["Miscellaneous Sex Legends" in TCD]
Tb.Unintentional virgin birth happens occasionally in bizarre circumstances.
Tb.E.g. vagina-less woman,fellates lover, stabbed in gut by boyfriend,pregnant!
F. Silicone breasts expand under low pressure (eg. airline stewardesses on job)
U. Mother threatens to discipline kid;kid threatens to squeal on mom's fellatio.
F. Husband informed that septic tank/toilet blockage due to too many condoms;
but he doesn't use them; confronts wife, she confesses affair w/milkman.
He waits and shoots milkman next day; but it was a substitute milkman!
["The Evidence" in TMP]
F. Couple goes to "love" hotel w/hot tub, mirrors, etc. Make the sign of the
eight legged aardvark. Upon return, call up an X-movie and see themselves!
["Sex Scandals" in TCD]
F. A guy picks up a girl at a party. But is unable to "perform" so asks
a friend at the party to finish it for him. His friend does so and
in the morning, finds that he slept with his sister! Similar motif
happens in a halloween or other costumed ball setting. [This and related
ULs relating to mistaken identities are discussed in "Mistaken Identity"
F. There was a significant increase in NYC births about 9 months after
1965 Blackout. ["The Baby Train" in TBT.]
Tb.A town in Oregon banned all sex.
Tb.Rimming (oral/anal contact) is legal in Utah.
F. Catherine the Great died while trying to have something to do with a horse.
Fb....Mr. Ed was descended from that horse.
F. For some reason, a woman is doing the laundry in the nude. She puts on her
son's football helmet, and is surpised by plumber/gas man who says some-
thing like "I hope your team wins, lady." ["Nudes and More Nudes" in TVH]
F. Some subdenomination of Jews have sex through a sheet. (See soc.culture.
DISNEY DEMENTIA [AND OTHER AMUSEMENT PARK STORIES]
T. Disney parks are riddled with secret tunnels and surveillance equipment.
T.*"Little Mermaid" video cover features good drawing of penis. Prank? Revenge?
T. There is a basketball hoop at the top of the Matterhorn replica.
T. Male Disneyites may not grow beards (& many other petty rules for women too)
[Applies only to "On Stage" cast members.]
T. There is a "secret" "Club 33" serving hard liquor, in New Orleans Square,
T. Clerics in their robes are admitted to Disneyland at concessionary rates.
T. Wheelchairs & 1 attendant go to the front of the line for rides.
Tb.Disney ripped off Orlando county, thru grabbing Federal road funds
T. Woman alleges breast-fondling by 1/3 of 3 Little Pigs; case thrown out.
F. Three little pigs clit-tickled law-suit happy babe, with non-mobile arms.
F. Child disappears from Disneyland, found with new haircut, dyed by abductor.
T. SF writer Harlan Ellison fired from Dismall Studios after Mickey porn joke.
T. Harlan Ellison was ticked to hell at snopes.
T. Lots of people don't know who H. Ellison is. Lots more don't care.
F.*Old Walt Disney's dead body was frozen for later revivification.
F. Child goes for ride on popular ride; feels bites; dies from snake bites!
F. Water in "Tunnel of Love" ride infested with snakes. [Both in "Death in
the Funhouse" in _CBA_.Stephanie da Silva says this really happened to her.]
T. Disney caused people to believe that Lemmings suicide in march to sea.
QUESTION AUTHORITY (AND OTHER CONSPIRACIES)
U. CIA fixed the Anarchist's Cookbook, so explosive blows up as you make it.
T. You may *own* the mailbox, but US Postal Service controls what goes in it.
T. The CIA, NSA and 11 different secret govt organizations tap & bug everything
T. Princess Anne was only female competitor not given sex test in 1976 Olympics
F. Guy/gal wakes up in Big City, a kidney has been stolen from him!
T. ...Common variation now is Americans/Europeans/et al. stealing children
from some poor (e.g., Guatamela) country for their organs.
Fb.Hubbard started Scientology after Heinlein bet he couldn't found a religion.
Bill Van Horne actually posted some useful stuff that I used to change this.
T. alt.religion.scientology FAQ sez "F," but I haven't been converted yet.
F. P&G's logo reflects Satanic or Moonie ties.
["The Proctor & Gamble Trademark" in TCD]
F. On "Oprah" designer Liz Claiborne said her clothes were not designed for
black women because their "hips were too big".
F. On "Oprah" designer Liz Claiborne said she supports the KKK.
Tb.Candy manufacturers sneakily micro-reduce size of product to gyp you.
F. Universal Product Codes (computer readable bar-codes) are marks of Satan.
P. VP Bush persuaded Iranians to delay hostage release to aid Reagan election.
U. Govt has secret plan to replace the currency overnight to foil drug barons.
Tb.CIA radio transmits spoken five digit code numbers to operatives worldwide
T. You can send a coconut thru the mail without any further wrapping. Yowser!
F. Sticking one of those "Postage Paid" reply cards on a heavy object (e.g.,
a brick) will cost the addressee the postage. [Nope, USPS tosses it.]
T. Some change-making machines can be fooled by photocopies of currency.
T. NSA leaned on NIST to propose less secure digital signature standard than
T. After a public outcry, NIST allowed a longer key (up to 1024 bits) which
made it into the digital signature standard FIPS-186
Tb. The reason DSA was used for digital signatures rather than the more proven
RSA algorithm was that NSA opposes easy public access to an algorithm
that can also be used for general encryption. (RSA can/DSA can't).
F. Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns Entenmann's bakery
F. Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns Waldenbooks.
Tb.Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns a fish processing plant in
U. Those guys selling roses on roads are connected with the Moonies.
T. Entenmann's owned by General Foods, Philip Morris bought, merged w/ Kraft.
F.*Ship captains, on their own authority, can perform marriages.
F. Govt cabbage price memo lots longer than var. patriotic/religious documents.
["The Price of Cabbage Memo" under "Government Legends" in TCD.]
F. Govt regularly burns WWII-era hemp fields. Only high officials know where.
F. If you are the first to read this and send me e-mail, you will receive $10.
Fb.Class requests satellite imaging photo; US says "no";(then) USSR says "yes".
F. Compensation paid to kin of Salem witches up to 1957 (per _The Economist_).
F. Alleged witches were burned at the stake in the US during the Salem trials.
T. Alleged witches were hanged or pressed to death.
T. Mass. recanted the Salem trials and freed the witches within a few years
T. Name of last alleged witch was cleared in 1957.
Tb.Whole business is extraordinarily similar to modern accusations of Satanism.
T. Crop circles (at least in the UK) have been shown to be man-made.
T.*Mapmakers place copyright traps in maps (e.g., Rand-McNally, no. Thomas
U. Several noted movies have "death curses" on them.
Fb.Major firms/gov't suppress evidence of a super great product(car,light,etc.)
["The Economical Car" in TVH and CBA]
T. The USA did have a 49 star flag.
Tb.There really is a place called "Wyoming."
F. Some 1963 $1 bills have a 'K' for JFK, 11 for month of death to commemorate
JFK. ["The Kennedy Note" in TMP]
T. Channel 1 for TV existed in the US, but was eliminated by the FCC in 1945.
U. Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
F. An undercover cop must answer yes to "Are you a cop?" to avoid entrapment.
Fb.Guy dodges draft by eating peanut butter/hotdog from rectum in front of MD.
F. There was once a female Pope in the Roman Catholic Church.
F.*Noted atheist Madalyn Murray O'Hair is petitioning the FCC to ban religious
F.*U.S. Patent Office head once said that it be closed because "Everything that
can be invented has been invented."
F. It's illegal to pick Trilliums in Ontario, Canada.
U. Lots of places are supposedly either 3rd or 22nd to be bombed in WWIII.
F. Ads for "free pets" are frequently answered by testing labs for specimens.
T. Gerald Ford did have a vice president(who is mentioned elsewhere in the FAQ)
T. Bank policies on ATMs work differently in different areas.
F. The king of Denmark wore a yellow star in solidarity with Jews in WWII.
T. There were (are?) Japanese soldiers hiding out on isles in Pacific who
believed WWII was still on.
F. The Trilateral Commission is working to take over the world.
F. Ditto for the Council on Foreign Relations.
F. Queen Victoria so loved _Alice in Wonderland_ she requested copies of all
Lewis Carroll's books. Was ticked with copy of _Symbolic Logic_.
F. You can tell if a big op. is happening at US gov't by level of pizza orders.
T. Craig Becker once went nuts and bought a whole shitload of Jack Chick comix.
T. Canadians sure seem to get worked up about this "50-40" business.
T. People can just ramble on about Jehovah's Witnesses & getting rid of 'em.
F. Mary Baker Eddy (Christian Science) was buried w/a phone so she could
her followers from "The Other Side."
U. There may or may not have been an AFU EAST. I need $$ to find out.
T. There are many, many anecdotal stories descrbing why US$2 bills are unlucky.
F. Story involving a page or an elevator operator telling US Rep. Fred "Love
Boat" Grandy "Lido Deck, sir?" or "Promenade Deck, sir?" subsequently being
LEGAL BEAGLES [See also WILD LIFE, STUPID PEOPLE TRICKS, and SNUFF]
F. Guy trims hedges with lawnmower but trims own extremities; sues; wins big!
["The Lawnmower Accident", TMP,"Media Sources and Business Legends" in TCD]
T. Check in various legal databases shows no such case appealed.
Tb.Some people think researching the most trivial legal point is great fun.
F. There are legal limits on how much of your debts you can pay in coins (US)
T. ...Though some Treasury PR flack did imply otherwise for pennies and nickels.
T. ...but there have been legal limits on how much coin a creditor must accept.
T. Woman sued drink co.; she was blinded by bottle cap after opening w/pliers.
F. The US has 70% of world's lawyers.
U. U.S. Supreme Court ruled that "professional wrestling" was entertainment,
T. Gerbils are illegal in California.[CA Reg. Title 14, Sec. 671 (c)(2)(J) 1].
Tb.Gerbils are trained to sniff drugs in Canada. Those Canadians!
F. You must be hit thrice before retaliation can be construed as self-defense.
Fb.Hackers couldn't be convicted because system had "Welcome to X system" msg.
...therefore systems now have legal notices instead.
WILD LIFE IN THE FAST LANE
F. As part of initiation, potential gang members drive around with
headlights off at night and will shoot people who flash headlights at them.
T. There seem to be quite a few warnings about fatal gang initiations lately.
[e.g., flashing headlights, clothing, etc.]
T. Not surprisingly, other ULs (e.g., "Killer in the Backseat", ankle tendon
slashers, etc.) have emerged with "gang initiation" motifs.
Fb.Schoolkid beheaded by road sign,due to sticking his head out the bus window.
Tb.Oregon Highway Div blows up eight ton dead whale, showers town with blubber.
Fb.There is peculiarly little documented coverage of this story other than
D. Barry's column, an *.avi file, and a couple of folks with old videotapes.
Fb.Gas (petrol) engines pollute the same as diesel; diesel just smells worse.
Tb.Diesel engines emit more unburnt hydrocarbons than gas ones w/catalytic conv
Ft.Power windows in cars trap kids' limbs, necks. Kill or maim them.
T. A 2 yr-old girl was killed by a power window in a Fiat in the UK in May 1992
F. Stop signs with a white border are optional. (Oh, I don't think so...)
F. Leaving car radio on when the ignition switch is off will drain battery.
[Exc. VWs, etc. where the radio is not switched thru the ignition switch.]
Tb.Airbag in car can give you a chemical burn when it deploys.
U. Driver sets cruise control, wrongly believes it steers too! Crashes...
["'Cruise Control' Stories" in TCD.]
Tb.Tree-lined French avenue triggers epileptic fits by flickering light at 11Hz
F. The VW Beetle was designed by Hitler. [It was designed by F. Porsche.]
T. Hitler did push the idea of the Beetle as a "people's car" though perhaps
solely for propaganda purposes.
Fb.New car rattles -- note found in door frame from factory saboteur...
["The Rattle in the Cadillac" in TCD.Classic UL always involves a luxury car
T. Montana & Wyoming have a token $5 fine for exceeding Federal 55mph limit.
T. Mongo-power engine installed in weenie-looking car. Blows off Corvettes.
T. John Somebody-or-other built car called "the Beast" with 27lt Spitfire engine
T. It eventually took off, and self-destructed on the A27 outside Brighton.
T. Special equipment can transmit any reading you want to police radar gun.
T. There are traffic lights with green on top in a few US Irish neighborhoods.
T. You can be guilty of DUI on a bicycle, horse, perambulator, etc most places.
T. Guy in Los Alamos labs fitted a jet engine to Honda Civic, ran on salt flats.
U. Person fitted rocket/JATO unit to car, embedded in rockface at first bend.
Fb.Man working on roof ropes himself to car on other side;wife drives off.Splat.
T. The "man on roof" appeared on a home video show in UK. Believed to be staged.
F. Hitchhiker disappears, is ghost of person killed years ago in road accident.
["The Vanishing Hitchhiker" in TVH and TMP]
F. Valuable classic car sold for pittance by (1) grieving parents of war dead
F,U(2) spouse of errant husband (3) heirs of person who died and rotted in it.
Fb.(4) sold by widow who would receive either car or proceeds of its sale.
["The Death Car" and "The Philanderer's Porsche" in TVH. "The Bargain
Sports Car" in CBA]
F. Psycho's handhook hanging from the car door, broken off as couple drove away
["The Hook" in TVH]
F. Carthief squashed dead in stolen BMW by collapsing freeway in '89 SF quake
F. Driving barefoot is illegal most places (Nope, but it's dumb to goad cops)
T. Driving barefoot is illegal in the state of Kentucky.
T. New York car thief stole lab delivery of cadaver heads...
U. Red sports cars generate disproportionate number of speeding tickets.
F. Man crashes into toll booth while receiving fellatio from girlfriend.
Fb.Flashing your headlights will cause a traffic light to change faster.
T. Some people pronounce "Celica" differently. Whoopee.
T. It's really no big deal that there are towns named "Intercourse" and
"Blue Ball" in Pennsylvania. Post it to misc.misc if you can't resist.
Tb.There are some lights w/sensors for emergency vehicles.
Tb.There're lots folk remedies to plug up old radiators: cigarettes, pepper.
T. Lots of places have weird street names.
T. You can find lots of weird msgs on license plates if you try really hard.
T. "SIGAlerts" in the greater LA area are named for a guy named Loyd Sigmon.
F. Couple's car out of gas; he gets help; she hears noise, then cops arrive;
tell her to leave & not look back; she does, sees him hanging or
decapitated. ["The Boyfriend's Death" in TVH]
F. Guy tries to siphon gas from an RV but instead siphons from the septic tank;
found unconscious by RV next morning.
Tb."Maintenance-Free" batteries were invented for cheaper transport of new cars
F. Police officer pulls over female driver. She asks about tickets to a
policemen's ball, he replies "Policemen don't have balls" and he leaves
flustered (or she is totally embarassed). ["Miscellaneous Sex Legends" TCD]
Fb.Woman gets in her car at night; is followed on the way home; calls for help;
husband accosts the guy; guy was trying to warn woman of thug in backseat of
her car. ["The Killer in the Back Seat", TVH]
Fb.Parking spot taken from older woman by two younger women. They tell her
"Sorry we're younger and faster." Woman reflects, rams their car, and
replies "I'm older and richer". [Several variations on the repartee.]
["Old vs. Young" in TMP and also used in the film "Fried Green Tomatoes".]
F. A motorcyclist at high speed hits a fly which goes to his brain via his eye.
F. An auto worker steals parts of a Caddy bit by bit until he has a whole car.
U. Fancy car has "No Radio" sign. Owner returns to broken windshield and "No
Windshield"/"Get One" or "Just Checking" sign.
Fb.Truck gets stuck at low bridge. Noone knows what to do; a young kid suggests
letting the air out of the tires.
U. UK people drive on the left (etc) to allow easy sword access in old days.
F. Someone never gets tickets because his license plates say "NONE".
Tb.Freon can be used to break Kryptonite locks.
F. In great desperation, mother lifts car off and rescues trapped child.
F. Woman picks up elderly woman hitchhiker; sees that HH has hairy arms; gets
HH out on pretense;takes off;later finds cleaver/hatchet/knife in seat.
["The Hairy Armed Hitchhiker" in TCD.]
F. Couple w/baby on long trip stops to switch places; place baby on roof; they
forget it up there! Police cruiser pull them over and baby is rescued.
["The Baby on the Roof" in TCD.]
F. Grandma dies on long family trip; they strap body to roof; car is stolen!
["The Runaway Grandmother" in TVH.]
T. "The Club" is lame because a thief could cut through the wheel in no time.
T. You sure gets lots of junk when you ask about US highway numbering schemes.
T. Not many threads are dumber than [non]funny place and street names...
...except for "names in phonebooks."
F. Rolls-Royce will go to great extremes to fix problems and deny that there
were any problems to protect their image.
F. There are various extremely harsh penalities (e.g., execution) for
drunk driving in other countries (e.g., Turkey, Norway, El Salvador, etc.)
T. ...this story is commonly spread via flyers.
LEGENDS ABOUT NATATORY CAPABILITIES OF LARGE ANTHROPOID PRIMATES
Tb.Gorillas can't swim.
T. Certain tribes of Japanese macaques sift their grain in the sea.
Fb.Many simians hold regular swimming contests; winners mate w/ choice females.
Tb....Losers go on "The Love Connection."
T. Some monkeys prefer not to swim at all; will drown if dropped in water.
P. Chimpanzee muscles are formed in a way that renders backstroke impossible.
T. "Baywatch" proves that apes share at least 95% of DNA with humans.
T. Lee "Cow Pie King" Rudolph is the 100th lemur.
ASTOUNDING AVIAN ANOMALIES
F. Birds cannot sing while on the ground.
Tb.Govt forces commercial birdseed to be irradiated to stop hemp seed sprouting
T. Radar emissions can kill birds, sterilize sailors, fry other small mammals.
T. Chickens are easily mesmerized. Whoopee.
F. Sprinkle salt on a bird's tail to catch it by preventing it flying away.
T. If the bird let you get close enough to salt its tail, you could grab it.
F. Seagulls (and other creatures) explode when you feed them Alka-Seltzer,
rice, or "pop-rocks" - dried coconuts?.["The Death of Little Mikey" in TCD].
F. Birds won't sit on their nests if you touch one of their eggs.
F. The resonance frequency of a chicken's skull cavity is ~7 Hz.
Tb.Some birds get drunk by eating partly fermented berries/fruits.
DOGGIE-STYLE and CATTY-WUMPUSS [See also LEWD FOOD]
F. Dalmatians and humans are the only mammals whose urine contain urea.
Tb.Dalmatians and humans are the only mammals who cannot break down
uric acid into its soluble form, "allantoin."
U. Old/ditzy woman puts dog in microwave to dry it out- it dies gruesome
death/lives to bark again. ["The Pet (or Baby) in the Oven" and "Hot Dog"
in TVH. Also "I Read It in the Paper" in TCD.]
T. Cruel people and other weirdos will microwave pets. This is not a surprise.
T. A Baltimore lawyer was busted for microwaving a kitten in January 1992.
F. A Doberman chokes on fingers that it bit off burglar hidden in closet.
["The Choking Doberman" in, surprise! TCD and TMP]
F. Plastic/glass water bottles on lawn prevent dogs urinating in the area.
["Lawn Order in New Zealand (and elsewhere)" in CBA]
F. The scent of wolf dung terrifies dogs, so disposal by zoos is regulated.
T. Radioactive cat litter found in May 1991 in Berkeley, Calif
U. Source of the litter was radioactive cat food? Cat on radiation therapy?
T. Days-old body in home discovered headless. Was eaten by dog!
T. Cats can carry a parasite (toxoplasmosis) which is esp.dangerous to fetuses.
Tb.Aspirin is very bad for cats (slow removal of salicyates from their bodies).
Tb.Dog gets shock from phone line, urinates, phone rings!
F. Woman's cat dies. She puts it in a shopping bag/box to take it to the
country for burial. On the way, she stops at a store and puts the bag
down. She turns around and bag is shoplifted. ["The Dead Cat in the
Package" in TVH. There's an amusing ending in one of the stories.]
T. Many variations on above with urine samples in bottles and bags of garbage.
Tb.In WW2, Russians fed dogs under tanks, then released them in battle with
anti-tank explosives having an antenna-like trigger on their backs.
Tb.Dogs ran under wrong ones, German tanks didn't smell like Russian tanks.
T. Most Russian tanks were diesel, most German ones weren't.
T. German high command counters by spreading rabies rumors, encouraging
soldiers to shoot every dog they see.
F. Firemen rescue old lady's cat from tree. She invites them for tea. They run
over cat when they leave. ["The Bungled Rescue of the Cat" in CBA]
T. ...it is reported as happening in S. Pile's _The Book of Heroic Failures_.
T. Cats and rabbits do not interbreed, though rabbits will hump anything warm.
OTHER ANIMAL (BUT NON-BUGGY) CRACKERS
U. Every animal has enough brains in its head to preserve its own hide.
F. Dead rabbit next door dug up by dog;washed, put in cage by frantic dogowner.
["The Hare Drier" in CBA.]
F. Killer whales will attack swimming dogs because they stink like hell.
F. Fox frees itself of fleas by gradual immersion, shifting fleas to lintball.
Fb.Driver runs over exotic animal,wraps in coat for fun photo;it revives, runs
off! Similar story: A hunter poses for picture w/deer w/rifle in antlers.
Fb.Farmer asks hunter to shoot mule; other hunter shoots another mule too.
T. Armadillos can contract leprosy.
Tb.Armadillos can spread leprosy to humans.
Tb.Cow-tipping (pushing over a sleeping cow) has happened.
Tb.Cow-tipping is usually just a bunch of hooey to beguile city kids.
Tb.Candiru fish, native to S. America, can swim into your urethra.
T. Fainting goats are real. Crimony!
T. Galapagos turtles do moan and groan during copulation.
F. Guinea pigs' eyes fall out if you hold them up by their tails.
T. Guinea pigs actually *do* have small stumpy vestigial tails. Take a look!
Fb.Horse falls thru bottom of moving trailer, legs ground to stumps.
Fb.Otter, newly-released after $50K Valdez clean-up, is eaten by whale.
T. Rats cannot vomit (the basis for many rat poisons).
F.*There are [albino] alligators inhabiting the sewers of New York City. [TVH]
T. There sure seem to be lots of stories about pigeons.
T. Sewer rats can come into the house and bite one's behind while on the potty.
U. Litter from released balloons choke and kill whales, birds, etc.
F. [Domesticated] turkeys are so dumb,they'll drown if they're out in the rain.
Fb.Trapper ties dynamite to coyote, releases; coyote runs under his car/house.
["The Coyote's Revenge" in TCD. Similar ULs with rabbits, raccoons, fish,
etc. exist and are traced back to an old motif involving a cat in TMP]
F. Woman found a rat in Mexico and brought it home thinking it was a dog.
["The Mexican Pet" in, surprise! TMP]
F. Baby elephant escapes from circus; sits on VW;front/roof dented;later police
stop owner and ask what happened? ["The Elephant that Sat on a VW" in TCD.]
T. Rachel Perkins has seen blow-up sheep dolls.
F. A snake was sewn into a (esp. foreign-made) coat in a store and bites a
BAIT SHOP [THINK VERY CAREFULLY BEFORE POSTING TO THESE THREADS]
T. The etymology of "POSH."
T. Three-sided records.
T. Most anything to do with "Star Trek."
T. Cow tipping.
T. Anything by that forgettable pulp author, Kurt Vonnegut.
T. Really big insects (snakes too) can get imported along with fruit shipments.
F. Bugs congregate in the pointy ends of bananas, so discard before eating.
F. Dragonflies ("darning needles") can sting you very severely.
T. Only hymenopterans sting. A large dragonfly may be strong enough to pinch.
F. If a dragonfly or a ladybug lands on you, you will have good luck.
T. "Killer" African bees are swarming into Texas from down South.
T. A lot of people have found live or dead insects in their fast food snacks.
T. Cockroaches love coffee, live in TV's, too often get in your cup or food.
T. Insect lays eggs in open wound; months later baby insects eat their way out.
Variation: Woman gets bitten, after insects out, she dies/has breakdown.
["The Spider Bite" in TMP]
F. Cactus shakes, then explodes with hundreds of scorpions/spiders.
["Spiders in the Yucca" in TMP]
F. Explorer gets bug in ear; bug eats thru to other ear; gave birth on way...
[Various ULs of this type under "A Bug in the Ear" in _CBA_]
F. A woman w/beehive hairdo is so proud of it she doesn't wash her hair; she
dies from bees/spiders in it. [Variations on bug and ethnicity also noted.]
["The Spider in the Hairdo" in TVH]
Fb.Lobsters,dropped in boiling water, scream.(Nah, it's steam from under shell)
Fb.Moth/butterfly scales from wings will poison or blind you.
Fb.There are US state laws making it illegal to kill/capture praying mantises.
T. The bite of the Brown Recluse spider is nasty.
The Frequently Asked Questions List has been maintained by Terry
Chan since July 1991. Its inception and spirit was due to the
efforts of Peter van der Linden in February 1991.
This Frequently Asked Questions List is a publication of AFU, Inc.,
a wholely owned subsidiary of Old Hat Enterprises, Inc. Please
contact Terry Chan at TWChan@lbl.gov or Peter van der Linden at
firstname.lastname@example.org for licensing and duplication rights.
Copyrighted 1991-94. All rights reserved by Terry Chan (email@example.com).
Energy and Environment Division | Mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory |
Berkeley, California USA 94720 | No, please, after you...