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Xref: helios.physics.utoronto.ca alt.sex:125099 alt.answers:1834 news.answers:18255 Path: homer.cs.mcgill.ca!superdj From: superdj@binkley.cs.mcgill.ca (David Johnson) Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.answers,news.answers Subject: [alt.sex] FAQ (1/4) Followup-To: alt.sex Date: 15 Feb 1994 04:50:18 GMT Organization: SOCS - McGill University, Montreal, Canada Lines: 997 Approved: news-answers-request@MIT.Edu Expires: 5 Apr 1994 Message-ID: <2jpkaa$n74@homer.cs.mcgill.ca> NNTP-Posting-Host: binkley Summary: frequently asked questions for alt.sex Keywords: Parts Intro to c3-2. Originator: superdj@binkley.cs.mcgill.ca Originator: superdj@binkley.cs.mcgill.ca Archive-name: alt-sex/faq/part1 Last-modified: 14 Feb 1994 THE OFFICIAL ALT.SEX FAQ FILE WITH ANSWERS ------------------------------------------ (dated February 1, 1994) PURPOSE OF THE FAQ FILE Alt.sex receives significantly more traffic than your typical newsgroup. Readers of this group have more than enough to read through without having to filter out inappropriate posts. To help prevent the constant debating of these points, this post serves as a guide to the Frequently Asked Questions. If you are new to this group, please take the time to read through this file, even if only to read the Table of Contents. This does not mean these things are not subject to further debate, merely that they HAVE been considered by the readers here. If you have something significant to add to the subject, then feel free to post. Not every question has a definitive answer. Everyone has different tastes, preferences, and physical attributes, so it is nearly impossible to answer certain questions, such as: is a man's hand or foot size or his height related to his penis size? There are sex-related questions that are not answered in this FAQ. Please refer to section c2-12 for additional sex topics that are covered in other FAQs. Every effort has been made to keep attributions to authors in this FAQ file as accurate as possible when available. In many cases however, the name of the original poster has been lost through repeated transfers. I have corrected typos and other errors as I come across them but some slip through, nevertheless. This FAQ is by no means complete. If you have suggestions as to changes or additions please email me at: superdj@cs.mcgill.ca USING THE FAQ FILE In order to navigate more easily through this file there are: 1) separators "-------------------" after most question-answer sections; 2) separators "================..." after main categories; 3) unique question numbering (i.e., cX-Y is category X, question Y.) Use the search function on your editor (you do have an editor, right?) to jump to ends of sections by searching for "------" or "========", and to questions by searching for "cX-Y". If you're going through this with a newsreader such as rn use the goto function to navigate through this FAQ. (In rn use the g command.) The Table of Contents lists all questions covered in the FAQ. Thank you for your support. Editors of the FAQ file, - David Johnson and Snugglebunny superdj@cs.mcgill.ca [License is hereby granted to republish on electronic media for which no fees are charged (except for the media used), so long as proper attribution is given to the editors and the authors of this FAQ, and the text of this copyright notice and license are attached intact to any and all republished portion or portions.] CHANGES (Feb 1) - added short definition for sodomy - reorganized FAQ FORMER CHANGES (Oct 1) - updated "Where can I get the purity tests?" FUTURE CHANGES - update "STDs", "Contraception" - add section on lubricants - add section on where/how to develop nude/erotic photos - any suggestions? ================================================================= TABLE OF CONTENTS: Category 1. Alt.sex terms and acronyms Category 2. Where can I find...? c2-1 Where can I find this FAQ? c2-2 What versions of the purity test are there? c2-3 Where can I get the purity tests? c2-4 Where can I find alt.sex stories? are there archive sites for them? c2-5 Where can I find binary pictures and/or movies? c2-6 What are good books to read up on? c2-7 What stores sell sex-toys, etc.? c2-8 Where can I find the archives for alt.sex.bondage & alt.sex.stories? c2-9 Where can I find the Index to USENET Erotica? c2-10 Where can I order from via catalog? c2-11 Where can I find sex-related mailing lists? c2-12 Where can I find additional sex topics on USENET? Category 3. Practical and "how-to" stuff c3-1 What should I do to make (the first attempt at) vaginal sex easiest? c3-2 What should I do to make (the first attempt at) oral sex easiest? c3-3 What should I do to make (the first attempt at) anal sex easiest? c3-4 How does one give a hand job? c3-5 What is the Venus butterfly? c3-6 What is and where is the G-spot? c3-7 How can females ejaculate? c3-8 What about oral/vaginal sex during a woman's period? c3-9 What can one do about premature ejaculation? c3-10 What are some good positions to try out? Category 4. Biological stuff c4-1 What are the contents of semen? c4-2 How much semen and how many sperm are in a single ejaculate? c4-3 Does what I eat affect the taste of semen/vaginal fluids? c4-4 What's the average length and width penis? c4-5 What's the average depth vagina? c4-6 What are blue balls? c4-7 Is spanish fly dangerous? c4-8 Is it possible to get pregnant from anal sex? Category 5. Sexual aids c5-1 Should I buy a vibrator? What kind of vibrators are there? Do vibrators 'desensitize' women? Can I be replaced by a vibrator? c5-2 What is a good lubricant to use? (future addition) Category 6. General stuff c6-1 What is circumcision and why is it done? c6-2 What percentage of men and women masturbate? and at what frequency? c6-3 How are the bases defined again? (ie. 1st base = kissing, etc.) c6-4 What is the M-spot? c6-5 How to shave your pubic region (female) Category 7. STDs c7-1 How is the AIDS virus transmitted? and what does a HIV test show? c7-2 What is HPV (human papilloma virus)? treatment? c7-3 The major sexually transmitted disease (STDs) and their symptoms (Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Genital Herpes, AIDS, Pubic Lice (Crabs), Nonspecific Urethritis (NSU), Hepatitis B are covered) c7-4 What are venereal warts? treatment? Category 8. Contraception c8-1 What are the various methods of contraception? and their effectiveness rates? and their associated risks if any? c8-2 What kinds of condoms are there? c8-3 Is the Pill safe? (future addition) c8-4 What about Norplant? (future addition) Category 9. Myths Appendix 1. List of contributors ================================================================= Category 1. Alt.sex terms and acronyms :),:-) - smiley, indicates humor or sarcasm (many variations exist) 69 - mutual oral sex ASB - alt.sex.bondage B&D - bondage and discipline (consensual) BTW - by the way D&S - Dominance and Submission FAQ - frequently asked question IMHO - in my humble/honest opinion IMNSHO - in my not so humble opinion LJBF - let's just be friends MOTAS - member of the appropriate sex MOTOS - member of the opposite sex MOTSS - member of the same sex P&T - Power & Trust S&M,S/M - sadism and masochism, SexMagik (consensual) SO - significant other anilingus - similar to cunnilingus but with the anus bestiality - sex with animals blue balls - see question c4-6 clitoris - the most sensitive external female sex organ (for approximate location, see diagram in c3-6, second article) cunnilingus - oral sex involving the vulva dental dam - a piece of latex placed over the vulva during cunnilingus to protect both partners from STDs fellatio - oral sex involving the penis fisting - inserting a whole HAND into either the vagina or the anus gerbiling - the activity of Urban Legend status regarding the insertion of a gerbil or similarly-sized rodent into the anus ObSex - Obligated Sexual Comment/Reference; inserted at the end of some posts which otherwise have very little to do with sex rimming - similar to anilingus but with the "rim" of the anus safeword - the code phrase or word used in any sort of B&D/S&M activity that really means "Stop NOW." sodomy - often simply refers to anal sex; however, the actual dictionary definition includes anything considered "unnatural or deviate sexual intercourse" which may include everything from oral sex to sex between partners of the same gender water sports - sex involving urine or urination (also "scat", sex involving feces) ================================================================= Category 2. Where can I find...? c2-1. Where can I find this FAQ? First of all, look for it in alt.sex, news.answers, alt.answers If you can't find it there, you can find the (hopefully) latest version via ftp at: rtfm.mit.edu in /pub/usenet/alt-sex By the way: many periodic or FAQ articles, including this one, are available for anonymous ftp on the archive site rtfm.mit.edu in the directory pub/usenet/news.answers. The name under which a FAQ is archived appears is the one that appears in the 'Archive-name' line at the top of the article. If you can't do or don't know about ftp: there's also a mail server on that machine. Just send an e-mail message to mail-server@rtfm.mit.edu containing the word "help" in the body of the message. ------------------------------------------ c2-2. What versions of the purity test are there? The versions: 70 --- Ronnie Geller Immorality Quiz 75 --- "For those with really low scores on the other versions" 100MF--- Allegedly the original MIT version; one test for guys, one for gals 100a --- Rice Version 100b --- Unknown origin; obtained via CMU 100c --- From a Penthouse column Sept 1989 100d --- Ricket's House Purity Test 100e --- Unknown origin; obtained vi Uga 100f --- Dabney House Purity Test (Cal Tech) 100g --- Official Lloyd House Women's Purity Test (22-Aug-78) 100h --- The Ivory Snow (Job) Purity Test (almost the same as 100a) 132 --- For those who got over 80% on the other versions 200 --- Condensation of the 500; obtained via JHU 225 --- The Unisex Experience Test 247 --- First CMU version 350 --- For those with ***REALLY*** low scores on the other versions 400 --- Apparently, a differently formatted version of the 400a -- but, since it is not formatted as well, I'm guessing it came out first. 400a --- Second CMU version 400b --- Anti-Celibacy League Version 400c --- PSU version 425 --- Third CMU version 500 --- Yale/Dartmouth version 600 --- SUNY Potsdam/Clarkson version 800 --- Purities and Improprieties Test -- from somewhere in the DC area 1000 --- Origin uncertain; Colorado State? 1000a--- Pervert's Anonymous qualification form (Oregon State version) 1000b--- Same as 1000a, minor revisions, easier to print. 1500 --- You thought the 1000 was bad? You ain't seen nothing yet! BBS --- Modified 1000 designed for interactive taking on a BBS bi --- For bisexuals only. Doesn't give you a percentage like standard tests do. It is designed to (quote) "be taken by bisexuals to tickle their fancy" -------------------tests you need software for------------------- HyperCard HyperCard 1000 question test 500.tex --- Needs a (La)tex reader. Reader available via FTP from oak.oakland.edu in /pub/msdos/tex (at the time of making this file) 500.el --- An Emacs lisp program. You need an emac compiler.- -----------------Other purity test related files----------------- brain.damaged -- (are you?) compatibility -- compatibility test for partners decadence -- stolen straight from Cosmo, female oriented hacker.128 -- Computer Purity Test hacker.512a -- The hacker test -- written by Felix Lee, John Hayes, and Angela Thomas, and in the form of a datafile readably by the purity test program (written by Eric Lechner) hacker.512b -- Same as above -- more readable by us human beans jock.100 -- The Jock Test math -- Math Purity Test (Harvard) mundane.100 -- The Mundanity Test -- (as far as I know, credits go to polgara@bucsf.bu.edu) (Rutgers) mundane.200 -- (2.0 -- 12-01-1990) nerd.100a -- The nerd test nerd.100b -- The nerd test -- Squid version nerd.200 -- The nerd test (2.1 -- 3-12-1992) net -- Usenet Purity Test redneck -- application form to live in Festus, Missouri roadkill.232 -- The Unisex, Roadkill Purity Test tree -- Purity test family tree party -- How to have a purity test party ------------------------------------------ c2-3. Where can I get the purity tests? Anonymous FTP sites: You may want to check out the ftp sites from the archie database at archie.mcgill.ca: ocf.berkeley.edu Location: /pub DIRECTORY drwxr-xr-x 1024 Feb 27 03:20 purity quartz.rutgers.edu Location: /pub DIRECTORY drwxr-xr-x 512 Jan 19 00:09 purity watserv1.waterloo.edu Location: /misc FILE -rw-r--r-- 50537 Mar 28 1989 purity deja-vu.aiss.uiuc.edu Location: /misc/fun DIRECTORY drwxr-xr-x 512 Mar 17 16:17 test If the archives do not have the version you are looking for or are not available to you, then you may ask the following people, who have volunteered their services in e-mailing out purity tests. Please do not abuse their kindness. The above list of purity tests is a composite, so not all distributors will necessarily have every test. Ask around. (If you wish to be included in this list, mail me.) When asking for purity tests, specify which versions. The tests will be provided in ASCII format unless otherwise noted. Purity test contacts: 1) blair@cs.columbia.edu (Blair Seidler) 2) smithd@PROFESSOR.ENG.TULANE.EDU (David Smith) (has test in both ASCII and MS Word formats) 3) carlb@inex.com (Carl Boernecke) 4) hagmanti@cps.msu.edu (Tim Hagman) 5) japfaff@miavx1.acs.muohio.edu (Steamed Rhubarb Fondue) (has 1500 point version) ------------------------------------------ c2-4. Where can I find alt.sex stories? are there archive sites for them? If you are just looking for stories in general, check the newsgroups alt.sex.stories and rec.arts.erotica FIRST. Many stories are also cross-posted to alt.sex. As for story archives, well, there used to be a few. Unfortunately, due to misuse by people, they are no longer around. In this section we used to mention a couple but they both shut down for the same reasons: irresponsible, immature, and greedy users over-used their services. When people misuse a service offered to them that service generally shuts down. Therefore, there are currently no known ftp sites for stories or rec.arts.erotica. If any site ever dares to try to set up a ftp story archive again people should definitely learn to respect the system that is offering the archive and respect the wishes of the archive's maintainers. There is a mail-server for alt.sex.bondage and alt.sex.stories right now (see section c2-8), but that service won't last long if it is misused. Don't try to get the whole archive in one night! If anyone would like to offer their services whether to e-mail stories or to set up an archive, tell me. That way we can spread the load around a little. ------------------------------------------ c2-5. Where can I find binary pictures and/or movies? The newsgroups of the alt.binaries.pictures.* (like a.b.p.erotica) are your best bet for X- and R-rated GIFs and binary pictures in other formats. For pictures more along the line of swimsuit models, check out wuarchive.wustl.edu via anonymous FTP, in graphics/gif. The images are arranged alphabetically. Don't abuse the ftp service or it won't be here next month. Also in alt.binaries.pictures.erotica are often binary movies in various formats. Read the alt.binaries.pictures.* FAQs for more info. There is also a list of BBS' containing adult GIF files. The list is posted to alt.bbs.lists and alt.sex periodically. There are several hundred BBS' listed. ------------------------------------------ c2-6. What are good books to read up on? "Man's Body: an owner's manual" "Woman's Body: an owner's manual" "More Joy of Sex" Elf's (elf@halcyon.com) recommended reading list includes: "The New Our Bodies, Ourselves." The Boston Women's Health Book Collective, 1984. I don't care what sex you are, male or female, BUY AND READ THIS BOOK COVER TO COVER! If you feel it is necessary, ignore the feminist attitudes taken in the political sections of the book and rely on the technical details. Although it was written before the age of AIDS, NorPlant, and RU-486, it contains information on every other method of birth control, as well as articles on abortion, reproductive technology, and sexually transmitted diseases. An utterly invaluable book to women and people who love them. "The Joy of Sex," by Alex Comfort Although these two books have a few problems, they are excellent introductory material for people who wish to try a few new things. These books were written in the 1970's and it shows; homosexual and bisexual issues are under the "Problem" header, for instance. "Delicious Sex" by Gael Greene. Since I rarely buy "mainstream" sex manuals any more, this one may be just a typical example. But it does have fun and sexy examples. "Sex for One," by Betty Dodson. The best guide to masturbation ever written. "Bi Any Other Name" Is a useful book for people dealing with their own or a loved one's bisexuality. "Coming to Power" by SAMOIS Although primarily written for lesbians, "Coming to Power" is the most practical guide to SM I have ever had the pleasure of reading. First Aid, physical and emotional safety, personal testimonies, politics (sigh), and a few hot stories to boot! Also useful from the same source, "The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual," not for lesbians only. FICTION: "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty," "Beauty's Punishment," "Beauty's Release." By Anne Rice, the author of "The Vampire Lestat" and "The Witching Hour," "The Erotic Adventures of Sleeping Beauty," is a wonderfully hot and sexy fantasy for anyone willing to spend a few sleepless hours. Excellent bathtime reading. "Exit to Eden," also by Anne Rice. Another sexy SM story, this one is set in modern-day New Orleans. ------------------------------------------ c2-7. What stores sell sex-toys, etc.? From: elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg) There are several different places to buy sex toys. The most common is the typical "adult" bookstore, where dildoes, vibrators, and such can be bought. Typically, though, these places are ugly, dirty, and uncomfortable. The most common place for people to buy sextoys are lingerie stores, which usually have a shelf set up to sell vibrators, oils, body flavourings and paint. (Recommendations- whipped cream and strawberry jelly are better than anything you could buy in one of these places). If you want a _real_ quality vibrator, buy a "body massager" at a major department store, such as Service Merchandiser or Bests'. With wall current you've got all the vibration you could ever need and never worry about battery failure. Just remember to use lubricant! See c2-10 for mail-order companies. See c5-1 for more info on vibrators. ------------------------------------------ c2-8. Where can I find the archives for alt.sex.bondage & alt.sex.stories? From: Richard Shetron multics%acm.rpi.edu@rpi.edu multics@hermes.acm.rpi.edu My email file server is now up and running. This is a heavily modified version of the decwrl package by Brian Reid. The easiest way to get started is to read the rest of this section and then send email to server@hermes.acm.rpi.edu with the word help as the first and only word in the body of the message and no subject. Scanning the subject line will be discontinued. I am currently over a year behind in moving stories into the server. I am (or will be) including alt.sex.bondage, alt.sex.stories, and rec.arts.erotica. I am archiving stories and articles that I believe to be of general interest. Anonymous ftp is not available to this machine and is NOT planned. If you have any questions or problems with the server, send email to server-admin@hermes.acm.rpi.edu. If you have trouble getting email to that address, try multics%acm.rpi.edu@rpi.edu. Anonymous contact via wizvax may be sent to either wi.5203 or wi.4717@n7kbt.rain.com . DO NOT use server%hermes.acm.rpi.edu@rpi.edu for server requests. Requests sent to that address may end up in the bit bucket. Due to circumstances beyond my control, hardware and/or system crashes can normally take several days to resolve. If email to the server or the other contact addresses bounces, please wait at least one week before retrying. I will try to post service interruption reports to alt.sex.bondage and alt.sex.stories. I will also try to spread word on irc in #bondage. Privacy/system logs: The server logs all incoming requests and all responses. This information is retained for a few days before being deleted. I normally check the logs at least once a day to try and find any server bugs/problems as early as possible. I don't care who you are or where you are unless you are extremely greedy in accessing the server. ------------------------------------------ c2-9. Where can I find the Index to USENET Erotica? From: Ed Stauff (ed@stauff.uucp) The "Index of USENET Erotica", also known as the Official Alt.Sex.Story.Index, is maintained by Ed Stauff (ed@stauff.uucp) for his own amusement and as a service to the Net. It is an index to stories posted to rec.arts.erotica, alt.sex, and alt.sex.stories. It contains a fairly complete listing of "vanilla" net.erotica; it does not include much S&M/B&D, bestiality or gay material, due to Ed's own preferences. (This is not censorship; if you want to index such material, please do so.) Each listing includes the title (not a filename), author (if known), size, archive name from rec.arts.erotica (if it has one), and a brief synopsis/review. Now, listen closely: Ed is *NOT* an archive site! Requests for stories will be ignored! Got that? He's not keen on mailing out copies of the Index, either; his net access is limited and he can't handle dozens of request per week. He posts it at irregular intervals to alt.sex and alt.sex.stories; watch for it there. ------------------------------------------ c2-10. Where can I order from via catalog? From: jik@rtfm.MIT.EDU (Jonathan I. Kamens) Here's a list of mail-order companies. The comments in parentheses indicates what the company sells or other notes. Some of them might not accept catalog orders over the phone, but they probably all will by mail. Adam & Eve 1 Apple Court P.O. Box 800 Carrboro, NC 27510-0800 800-765-2326 (videos, toys, lingerie) Intimate Treasures P.O. Box 77902 San Francisco, CA 94107-0902 415-896-0944 (mostly other catalogs) JT Toys Route 2, Box 91 Cobden, IL 62920 800-755-TOYS (That's 800-755-8697) USA and Canada only 618-893-4042 (videos, toys, lingerie) Their catalog is available via ftp at world.std.com as: /pub/jttoys/Catalog Leisure Time Products P.O. Box 827 Gary, IN 46401-9900 800-874-8960 (videos, toys, lingerie) Mellow Mail P.O. Box 8000 San Rafael, CA 94912-8000 415-456-1800 (mostly lingerie) National 96 P.O. Box 35445 Los Angeles, CA 90035 (videos) Night Classics P.O. Box 3916 Milford, CT 06460 203-878-8704 (video, toys, lingerie) Ultra Video P.O. Box 3812 Milford, CT 06460 203-876-9862 Video Bonanza P.O. Box 35650 Los Angeles, CA 90035 (mostly videos, a small amount of toys, lingerie, etc.) (probably the same company as "National 96") VideoMail P.O. Box 1550 Madison Square Station New York, NY 10159 800-334-5474 Volume Video P.O. Box 35268 Los Angeles, CA 90035 (probably the same company as "Video Bonanza") ------------------------------------------ c2-11. Where can I find sex-related mailing lists? You can't. There have been countless rumours about sex lists, but there are none. So please don't ask me if you can get onto my mailing list. I don't have a sex-related mailing list. ------------------------------------------ c2-12. Where can I find additional sex topics on USENET? If you're looking for additional topics on sexual wizardry, look in the alt.sex.wizards FAQ (Archive-name: alt-sex/wizards-faq/part*). The following topics are covered in that FAQ: How does one make a simulacrum (artificial orifice)? What other masturbatory aids are there? Is it possible for men to be multi-orgasmic? What are Kegel exercises? How can one increase the force of ejaculation? How does one give the Yoni massage? How does one give the Lingam massage? What is the Sex Magic Reality Creation Process? What is the Tantric Polarity Process? What are some good books on Tantra/sacred sexuality? The Teachings of Kama Sutra If you're looking for additional information on bondage/ dominance or sadism/masochism or many other such interesting topics, look in the alt.sex.bondage FAQ. By the way: many periodic or FAQ articles, including these two, are available for anonymous ftp on the archive site rtfm.mit.edu in the directory pub/usenet/news.answers. The name under which a FAQ is archived appears is the one that appears in the 'Archive-name' line at the top of the article. If you can't do or don't know about ftp: there's also a mail server on that machine. Just send an e-mail message to mail-server@rtfm.mit.edu containing the word "help" in the body of the message. ================================================================= Category 3. Practical and "how-to" stuff c3-1. What should I do to make (the first attempt at) vaginal sex easiest? FOR THE VIRGIN FEMALE: 1) Do it in a place where she feels safe, ideally in her own bedroom. 2) Do it at a secure time, when roommates won't come barging in, a firedrill is unlikely, etc. 3) Simulate it in advance: a. Go almost all the way. b. Practice the thrusting motions of sex while fully clothed. c. Have her give you a "hand job" so that she will know what your body does when you have an orgasm. d. Have a bright lights "show and tell" session, to allow you to feel secure around each other's naked bodies. 4) Plan it, but don't talk about it being planned, on the actual day that you do it. 5) Stretch the vagina out a lot with the fingers in advance. If she feels comfortable with the idea, she can even do this herself when you're not around. 6) Remember that it is her day--everything, within reason, should be done how she wants. 7) Spend the day with her beforehand; do something fun but generic-- if you do something complicated, it will become "your" thing to do together forever, due to the association, so make sure it's something you can stand doing again on any potential anniversaries. 8) Have a special dinner before you "start." a. Nothing that can possibly upset the stomach. b. A moderate amount, even if you're nervous. You should both stay a little hungry and not feel bloated. 9) Use plenty of lubricant. I recommend k-y jelly for the first few times; after that you may want to consider a slightly less slippery but spermicidal lubricant, several brands are available commercially. 10) Entry should be "missionary" style, this leaves the vagina as wide open as possible. Some women find that placing a pillow under the buttocks enhances this effect, others have said it doesn't matter. 11) If she can do it, she may be best off to do the actual entry herself, but many women would rather not. 12) There's no point in getting it over with right away, since it will only hurt the next time, but there is also no need to draw it out. I'd say 10-30 minutes is a good range, but it is actually going to vary a lot depending on the particular couple involved. 13) Take forever, if necessary, before putting it in. Only when the woman is really ready should this be done. I'd recommend asking verbally, and then interpreting that to see if she really means it's time. 14) Stay with her afterwards. Spend the night, at least. If possible, take her to do something spontaneous the next day. Discuss what happened if she wants to, many women won't want to until some later time. 15) Encourage her to talk to other women ahead of time to give her some idea of what to expect. The unknown means fear, fear leads to tension, tension leads to difficulty relaxing, and difficulty relaxing leads to pain. 16) A useful technique, for guys who can do this, is to keep the erection soft, at a sort of middling state, and then push the penis in with a finger. Then slowly let it harden. This will produce a stretching rather than a sudden opening of the vagina. If you can't do this, then at least go in slowly and gently, "getting it over with fast" is not likely to be better. 17) Be more or less "in love." This is something you can't just decide to do, but it can help to wait until you love each other. FOR THE VIRGIN MALE: (from: Carole Ashmore) OK. This is on the assumption that he's told you it's going to be his first (some men tell you *afterward*) and that the two of you are not first-timers fumbling together. In the both-first-timers case I recommend strong egos, mutual respect and affection, and a great sense of humor. Also theoretical knowledge *helps*. Read the fucking manual. (Sorry I just couldn't resist the play on words.) I recommend anything by Alex Comfort; THE JOY OF SEX and THE FACTS OF LOVE are very good. But on the assumption that he is a virgin and you are experienced: 1. There is a socially prevalent notion that men make love and women are made love to, so an experienced woman with an inexperienced man is going to be gritting her teeth enduring his fumbling ineptitude. *Actively counter this notion.* Tell him the thought of his being a virgin makes it a special and especially delightful encounter for you. Tell him the thought of initiating him into the joys of love-making is *very sexy for you*. Strongly convey the notion that you expect to have a great sexual experience based on his attractiveness, his enjoyment, and *your* skill. Make him believe that he has no responsibility for 'making this work' and can just enjoy it. 2. Take the initiative physically. You kiss him, don't wait for him to kiss you. You start undressing him. You make the move in the direction of the bedroom. ETC. On the other hand, don't insist on the initiative if he takes it eagerly -- be appreciative, encourage it, but don't go limp and assume he'll take it from here. 3. Tell him you find at least one thing about his body particularly attractive. Stay away from "You have beautiful eyes.", but almost anything else will do: Tell him you love men with hairy chests, or tell him he has a great ass, or tell him men with strong hands particularly turn you on, or tell him you love the way he smells, or tell him running your fingers through his hair is *so* sensual, or... something *specific*, not just, "You've got a great body." or "You're so sexy." After you tell him this, *show* him -- run your fingers through his hair, enjoy grabbing the sexy ass, etc. as appropriate. 4. Tell him you find at least one thing he does particularly attractive -- again, it is the *specific* thing that is believed and appreciated. "I love the way you kiss." or "Yes, touch me exactly like that." beats the hell out of "You're a great lover." 5. He's going to be convinced he was either too fast or too slow -- the chances of simultaneous orgasm after whatever the culture has led him to believe is the 'proper' amount of time are just about nil. So be prepared ahead of time to convince him that this: A. isn't a problem B. happens to just about everybody. For 'too fast' tell him the first time just takes the edge off and he (not you) will have more time to enjoy the next session of lovemaking -- and meanwhile he has this wonderful opportunity (of *unspecified* length) to learn what pleases you while he's not so distracted. Assure him that you consider 'not being too distracted while learning' an *advantage* in lovemaking. For 'too slow' tell him you *enjoy* prolonged lovemaking -- either it gives you a chance for more than one orgasm or it gives you a chance to enjoy the wonderful sensuality of post-orgasmic sex. If it's obvious that it's too slow for him, that he's not going to make it if he keeps at it for the next two hours, let him know that he gave *you* a wonderful time and that everybody's nervous the first time, he'll be more relaxed and ready to enjoy it in the morning. 6. Tell him you want to sleep with him again; don't assume he knows it -- don't make him ask, you ask. ------------------------------------------ c3-2. What should I do to make (the first attempt at) oral sex easiest? (See questions c3-4 and c3-6 for the related topics, hand jobs and the G-spot) From: hurd@fraser.sfu.ca (Peter L. Hurd) Message-ID: Date: Sat, 7 Mar 1992 05:46:19 GMT So I asked the expert, she said: 1) really like the penis that you're sucking 2) don't let any air in through the back of the throat, big vacuum. 3) Horizontal strumming with the tongue across the base of the head on the underside to get limp penises up 4) Use the top of the tongue to make friction on the head, pressing it up against the roof of the mouth. I'd add: watch the teeth & I know this isn't anything new or exciting, it's really difficult to describe how to perform oral sex on a man, just as it is very difficult to describe to someone how to tie shoelaces or bowties. But for the good of the species, I think it's worth a try. From: sesharp@happy.colorado.edu The best way to learn is to experiment and learn from feedback. Different people like different things. There are some general comments that might be worth making. At the least it will get someone to contradict me and start a useful discussion. FOR HIM: Deep-throating apparently requires handling the gag reflex by swallowing when it happens. In my opinion, it isn't that important. Complete enclosure isn't the strong point of oral stimulation. If that is important to you, try something else. She may be able to help by using her hands on the part of the shaft she can't enclose. The advantage of oral stimulation is the control and variety it provides, which are only available with shallower penetration anyway. From others.somewhere.edu: I find that it helps if you are hungry when you do it. Never attempt going down on a guy if you've eaten a big meal recently. Make sure that you're not thirsty when you start. For some reason thirst closes up the back of your throat. Also, concentrate on breathing through your nose deeply while doing it. (This is the only way I can hold off chocking on my toothbrush every morning.) According to Linda Lovelace of "Deep Throat" fame, the most comfortable way to give a blow job is if your throat is straight. In order to achieve this, try laying on his chest. She also suggests that you practice by sticking your fingers down your throat and wiggling them around til you feel the gag reflex and then ease off. Repeat until you've defeated the reflex, it'll take time she says. From sesharp@happy.colorado.edu: FOR HER: First of all, recognize that women prefer gentler and more rhythmic stimulation than men. An advantage of using the tongue instead of the fingers is that it naturally produces about the right amount of pressure. Stimulation inside the vagina needs to be firmer and also requires more reach, so it is better handled with the fingers. If she is sensitive internally, there is no reason to be a purist and insist on using only your mouth. Trying to apply firm pressure or get too much reach with my tongue is the only way I've ever had it get tired. Otherwise it seems to be inexhaustible for hours. The tongue and lips are obviously the source of most oral stimulation. I have read descriptions of using the teeth for stimulation but I don't recommend it. The tissues are very sensitive and one uncontrolled body movement from her could cause a lot of pain and leave a scratch. This can also occur with fingernails, so keep them short, with no rough edges. The only use I've found for teeth during oral sex is pressing their front surface through the cushion of the upper lip to apply firm pressure to the buried root of the clitoris at the base of the pubic bone. If she really wants hard pressure on the clitoris, you might try using your teeth with your lips rolled inwards to cover the surfaces (a technique borrowed from nipple stimulation). The clitoris is your main area of concentration. Some women don't like it to be stimulated directly because it is too sensitive. It also may disappear under its hood at some stages of arousal and stopping to try and locate it again disrupts the stimulation. In both these cases, the hood and labia (lips) nearby should be stimulated to indirectly stimulate the clitoris. The labia are sensitive themselves as well. Trying to stimulate the vagina orally is difficult and not very effective except for a little variety. I've always found the 69 (mutual oral sex) positions give the wrong angle for best access, though that might be due to less experience with them. They definitely make it more difficult for the female to stimulate the male well, since they place the sensitive underside of the penis away from her tongue. It is usually better to take turns giving and receiving anyway, just to avoid distraction. There is a wide variety of types of stimulation that can be used. The tongue can be used flat to broadly stroke areas or pointed to tease a small area. Linear, circular or any other imaginable motions can be used. The lips can apply suction, press something between them, or have their wet and outward rolled inner surfaces used for broad strokes like the tongue. The nose can provide some interesting stimulation when the tongue is occupied lower down. Mustaches and beards can be used to tickle with. You can blow a narrow stream of cool air at a spot or breathe warm air over an entire area (just don't try to inflate the vagina; it may be dangerous). Experiment and find out what works best for you and your partner. It may change at different times and levels of arousal. Light teasing and varied stimulation are good for early arousal, but steady rhythmic stimulation is best for bringing her to orgasm. You just have to learn her responses to avoid changing stimulation too quickly for her to get excited or staying with the same stimulation after it has lost effectiveness. ------------------------------------------

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