Star Trek with Dilbert Management After the crew is told they are now empowered, Dr. Crush
Star Trek with Dilbert Management
After the crew is told they are now empowered, Dr. Crusher begins doing
medical experiments on unsuspecting enlisted personnel while Worf slaughters
everyone he considers "weak".
Lieutenant Commander Data fails an ISO 9000 audit because the construction of
his positronic brain isn't properly documented. He curses Dr. Sung's record
keeping as he's stripped for parts.
All members of the ship's maintenance crew are required to be involved in
quality circles. The loss of productive work time causes them to cut back on
scheduled repairs, resulting in a warp core breach that kills everyone.
Commander Riker is fired after a round of "right sizing". Starfleet decided
that it didn't really need someone to seduce alien females and smirk a lot.
As part of the new Dignity Enhancement program, Picard is forced to allow
Counselor Troi to wear uniforms that cover her breasts.
Starfleet decides to adopt the Borg "Team Building" methods and requires all
newborn babies to be implanted with computer interface devices. As a bonus
this cuts down on carpal tunnel disability claims.
The Enterprise finds that it can no longer communicate with Starfleet Command
because they're still running an old version of Windows. After returning to
Earth to obtain the upgrade, they discover that the on-board computer (Majel
Barrett, prop.) doesn't have enough storage to handle Windows 2395 (so named
because it comes on 2,395 floppy disks).
As part of a cycle time reduction plan, the crew is ordered to cut the time
necessary to encounter and escape from new life forms from weekly to daily. A
re-use program is introduced under the nickname RERUNS (Reap Earnings and
Royalties Using No-longer-produced Shows).
Picard is ordered to go to diversity sensitivity training after system logs
indicate that he has repeatedly disparaged the Ferengis, the Q Continuum, and
A ship-wide reorganization results in Lt. Worf becoming the ship's counselor,
Dr. Crusher taking over the engine room, Counselor Troi managing weapons,
Data running sick bay, and Geordi LaForge at the helm. They are conquered by
a Klingon freighter 15 minutes later.
The crew mutinies when they are given their annual performance reviews and
find that, despite saving the universe numerous times, they're still only
getting 3% raises.
E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank