Alanson Chronicle - 12-28-96:
The Alanson Littlefield Public School board announced today that it is
declaring "Yooponics" to be an independant language. The strange
dialect, spoken by "Yoopers" (residents of Michigan's Upper Penninsula)
and those living in close proximity to the U.P, has been a source of
much consternation to teachers in the school disctrict, most of whom are
The Alanson school board issued a statement this morning stating that
"the increased funding from the federal government will allow us to
better train our teachers and support faculty," allowing them to
"finally understand the hicks we get in here."
The announcement immediately sparked controversey among local
residents. Joseph Lancaster said "Dere's nuttin' rong wit how we tock,
eh? Deeze folks don' know nuttin'," as he sped through this reporter's
ditch on his snowmobile.
Governor Engler's office refused to comment, however inside sources have
revealed that Engler is reported to have confided that he hopes "those
rednecks get their cash from the feds" so that he could then "choke off
them worthless teachers a little more."