A MANLY WAGER By Lucillus Dedicated to testosterone There was a pair of warriors Who thoug

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A MANLY WAGER By Lucillus Dedicated to testosterone There was a pair of warriors Who thought they were so cool BBBain and Magnus were their names The king and prince of fools. Now as to which is greater Come listen to my tale And I will tell you of the time These mighty warriors failed. Late one night a bet they made A very manly boast So many maidens each could bed But who could get the most? And so they set out for to prove Who was the biggest prick And just how stupid they could act And get away with it. Bain and Magnus wanted To show who was the best And each man was determined To win this manly test By fair means and by foul Many maidens they would lay Then prove it all by boasting In a very manly way. Bain went into town now And found a likely inn He was sure the maids would swoon As soon as they saw him. He preened and pranced and pampered To show his better side And practiced his sincerity To hide the fact he lied. And sure enough the spell he wove Had all the ladies there Dying for the chance to run Their fingers through his hair. "Please, ladies, take a number!" Pretty Bain he then did say, "For I will serve you all upstairs, Until the break of day." So Bain thinks he's a stud now And many maids agree He cares not for discretion In fact, he charged a fee. All the ladies they were waiting To take their turn in bed Then boast to one another: "I'm his only love", they said. But Magnus thinks he's clever Of that he is so sure He followed Bain to see how he Would all the ladies lure. He saw a lady that he knew Whose jealous husband cruel Would kill to keep his lovely wife As a miser keeps a jewel. So straight away he went to tell This jealous hulking man Of just what Bain was going to do And his wife's part in the plan. And so, he thought, he could be sure To win their manly bet This surely was as clever As any man could get! Now Magnus he is lazy As if you didn't know He thought he had it made now And wished to see the show. So he went into the tavern And waited for to see A very jealous husband And his victim soon-to-be. Upstairs Bain was grooming He made the ladies wait While Magnus tried his best to hide And leave Bain to his fate. Soon the jealous husband Had gathered to his side As many friends as he could find To help him take his bride. But Magnus was impatient And quite horny now as well So he slipped out through the back To stables by their smell. He was sure that he could ream Some very lonely horse Then be back inside in time to see Bain thrashed by manly force. But even for old Magnus Things sometimes work out well For Bain chose for his first lay The faithless wife from hell. She could not wait for foreplay But jumped upon his steed And started quick to ride him To service her deep need. I know now what you're thinking How typical it seems For Bain to end up with a maid While Magnus a horse reams. But justice it soon entered Into this merry tune The husband and his many friends Had come, and none too soon. Up the stairs they charged as one And burst into the room Then looked Bain, and saw right there His own impending doom. And naked as a jaybird He took his only chance: Went leaping out the window Without even his pants. Now Bain had not yet finished His very manly chore His manhood still was rigid And hard now to ignore. But his luck did not desert him For below him now he saw A thatched roof coming quickly Made of soft and yielding straw. And Magnus in the stables Had found a horse to pork Was pounding deep into her tail And leaned into his work. When crashing through the rooftop Came Bain with his stiff spear And found poor Magnus most exposed And fell into his rear. A mighty squeal of pain and glee Was heard for miles around And far away some pigs got hard Just thinking of that sound. And so we have a sandwich Of two men and a horse It's hard now to imagine How things could turn out worse. And Bain, who was stuck deep now Was trying to escape But Magnus had recovered And started screaming "Rape!" Out came the jealous husband Who could not believe his eyes Followed closely by the ladies Who laughed until they cried. Now if a man were able To die of shame alone Then surely now our heroes Would be deader than a stone. But alas, in their position An embarrassment from hell They could not defend themselves And their fate I now will tell. They were taken to the woods And then tied upside down Their clothes were burned before their eyes And all went back to town. You think the story's over But there's one more thing to see Who had won the wager And the greatest prick would be. For as they were a-hanging An argument ensued Bain said: "I'm the winner, And still the coolest dude." But Magnus he retorted: "At least I finished mine, So shut up, Bain, you loser, I hate it when you whine."

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