Separate Vocations Written by George Meyer Directed by Jeffrey Lynch [$Id 8f15 1.3 920316

---
Master Index Current Directory Index Go to SkepticTank Go to Human Rights activist Keith Henson Go to Scientology cult

Skeptic Tank!

Separate Vocations Written by George Meyer Directed by Jeffrey Lynch =============================================================================== [$Id: 8f15 1.3 92/03/16 08:00:53 raymond Exp Locker: raymond $] =============================================================================== > Title sequence =============================================================================== Blackboard :- `I will not barf unless I'm sick'. `I will not barf unless I' ' at cutoff. Lisa's solo:- descending eighth notes . . .. # N- - b N 8___/// 5__4_8438754/321213568868___ Recycled from [8F05]. Driveway :- Homer says `D'oh!' when Lisa scoots past. Homer says `Waugh!' when the car closes in on him. Couch :- Bart leaps into everyone's lap. Recycled from [8F05]. The extra half-beat returns. (Ugh.) =============================================================================== > Didja notice... =============================================================================== Also Starring Maggie Roswell (Miss Hoover) Russi Taylor (Martin, Sherri and Terri) Pamela Hayden (Millhouse) Tress MacNeille (the bad girls? the neighbor?) Special Guest Voice Marcia Wallace (Ms. Krabappel) Special Guest Voice Steve Allen (Bart Simpson) ... the snake under the floorboards? ... when Homer complains about his stupid fingers, he moves them as if he were playing the trumpet? ... Lisa returns to her cool kneel-sit chair? ... the bad girls were smoking ``Laramie Jr.'' cigarettes? ... that I'm too busy to write a decent capsule? =============================================================================== > Reviews =============================================================================== A. Warren Pratten {awp}: I really enjoyed this week's show. Bart reminded me of a few guys in public school that were real trouble-makers until they were made `prefects' by the principal. From that moment on they became `holier-than-thou' and the principal's pets. Andrew Tannenbaum {trb}: I thought it was a great warped episode, full of odd references. I give it a thumbs up. Alan J. Rosenthal {ajr}: Oh well, not one of the best. [Later...] I changed my mind completely when I watched it for the second time yesterday. It's actually quite good! I don't know why I didn't dig it the first time. Joe Kincaid {jk}: I really liked this episode. I was laughing hysterically all the way through Bart's facist period. Yours Truly {rjc}: A good idea that just didn't come together. Probably a victim of bad timing, coming too closely on the tail of ``Lisa the Greek'', so the idea of Lisa gone bad lost its shock value. And let's hope the sappy endings aren't making a comeback. The ``It's funny because it's true'' award goes to Lisa's, ``If you think it's so great, why don't yoooooou join the band?'' A kid with an attitude. =============================================================================== > Movie (and other) References =============================================================================== Bullitt, The Streets of San Francisco, car chase cliches - The car chase scene + The William Kennedy Smith rape trial - the infamous Blue Dot Dirty Harry - Bart's sunglasses as hall monitor [ray-ray@unvax.union.edu] Kojak - ``Who loves ya, baby!'' [ray-ray@unvax.union.edu] + Rebel Without a Cause - ``What are you rebelling against?'' ``Whaddya got?'' (Marlon Brando) {rc} + Batman (the TV show) - Scene change when Bart and Skinner start searching lockers + the song `Axel F' from Beverly Hills Cop - the music as Bart and Skinner search lockers 50's cartoon superheroes (like Captain America) - Bart's pose in the 50's sequence, the sun shining behind him, the wind fluttering his shirt =============================================================================== > Freeze Frame Fun =============================================================================== >> Lisa's classroom Give a hoot! Read a book! Give a hoot! Wash up! >> The Career Aptitude Normalizing Test >>> Bart's form +------------+ | BaRt Simpso|N Bart wrote outside the box, | MRs. CRABAP|PLE and spelled Mrs. K's name wrong | 4th | (no doubt intentionally) +------------+ >>> Lisa's form +--------------+ | Lisa Simpson | Lisa's handwriting is a lovely | Ms. Hoover | flowing cursive script | Grade 2 | +--------------+ Lisa also answered (c) to question 1. >> The path to the testing center Iowa Non-International Airport Bags marked Road sign Building sign STANDARDIZED Welcome to - NATIONAL TESTS Proctorville TESTING CENTER HANDLE Iowa ~ Controlling your destiny WITH CARE Home of the since 1925 ~ National Testing Center >> Names of test scores processed by the grading machine Janet Roberts James Reardon Wesley Smith Debbie Silver Lisa Simpson Bart Simpson (machine breaks down) (after machine starts up again, two more names I can't make out) >> Li'l Ludwig's Music School Picture of diapered Beethoven on sign >> Who's To Know Motel (no vacancy) Picture of an owl Quimby's license plate: I RULE U >> Kwik-E-Mart sign in window: ``Duff Beer suitcase: $2.99'' >> Lisa's disciplinary report * Disrespectful behavior * Derogatory language, i.e.: ``Shove it'' >> Seized Property Room ``Salacious halter tops, complete collections of Mad, Cracked, and even the occasional issue of Crazy. And this fake plastic derrierre.'' girlie magazines cans of spray paint slingshot nunchucks sticks of dynamite cherry bomb dice studded leather wristband Mad Magazine, on the cover, Alfred E. Newman himself, with the caption ``In this issue: Beauty and the Blecch!'' pocketknives black box with skull and crossbones on it Crazy Magazine, on the cover, a man in a straightjacket, with the caption ``Star Blecch VI'' What I want to know is what the girl whose halter top was confiscated wore for the rest of the day. >> Daily Fourth Grader headlines FOODFIGHT FOILED / FISHSTICKS SEIZED picture of Bart and Skinner with the haul (a la a drug bust) =============================================================================== > Animation and continuity goofs =============================================================================== Mrs. Hoover is a Miss again. Although we are led to believe that the kids actually did stare straight ahead for fifteen minutes, the wall clock says otherwise. The lip sync is off for Bart's ``Well, I'll be jiggered!'' Any guesses as to what Bart said? Is it printable? Chief Wiggum's badge vanishes briefly. And once the bad guy's car stops, room magically appears around it. Bart isn't wearing his sash when Skinner discovers the books. {cs} Rolf Wilson {rw}: As Bart discovers the locker with the Teacher's Editions, he takes out 4 books, revealing the family picture. Then Lisa slams the locker shut. In the very next scene, all the books are on the floor of the hall. Oops. Theron Stanford {tws} points out the continuing inconsistency in the placement of Lisa's and Bart's classrooms. In the opening of this episode, Bart's classroom is above Lisa's. But later, Lisa claps erasers out the upper-story window, and Bart does his blackboard punishment on the ground floor. There are additional inconsistencies in ``Bart the Lover'' and ``Lisa's Substitute''. From one angle, Bart's second blackboard punishment is written as one giant paragraph. But when the angle changes, Bart's punishment puts each sentence on a line by itself. =============================================================================== > Comments and other observations =============================================================================== >> References >>> The Iowa Standardized Tests During the late '70s and early '80s, the Iowa Test of Basic Skills was used by many school districts throughout the country. Merely saying the words ``Iowa Test'' to a student would evoke a strong reaction. >>> Previous episodes [7G03] ``I will not skateboard in the halls.'' [7G10] ``Yeah, like I'd want a picture of my butt.'' [7F07] ``Dear log...'' in a cool kneel-sit chair. (Recycled animation?) >> Car chase cliches Car chase music. The chased car loses a tire rim (not a hubcap) going around a turn. Down a San Francisco hill. (The cars leave the ground when they hit a small incline.) An oncoming car (punchbuggy green!) swerves into a parked milk truck, which explodes into flames. (The milk truck looks like a gasoline tanker, except it has the word `MILK' painted clearly on the side.) Crashing through (empty) boxes. Missing: The cars don't crash through a vegetable stand. (My personal favorite car chase cliche.) And listen to Bart's noises as he fires the gun and throws it aside afterwards. >> Cars noel@umbc2.umbc.edu (no name avail.) identifies the bad guy's car as a 1968 Dodge Charger. Orange, like ``The Dukes of Hazzard''. >> The Army thought that Homer was too heavy, and the police thought he was too dumb. Note that the Army didn't think Homer was too dumb or the police that he was too heavy. {jk} >> That's it. Bart sets the record for having been voiced by the most people. Nancy Cartwright, Daniel Stern, Neil Patrick Harris (sort of), and Steve Allen. >> You'd think Jimbo, Kerny, and Dolph would have dropped out of school. =============================================================================== > Quotes and scene summary =============================================================================== % Springfield Elementary School. Ms. Krabappel begins, ``Now class, I % promised you a surprise today...'' Millhouse imagines a native American % wrestling an alligator. Sherry imagines a Happy Little Elf giving out % ice-cream cones. Bart imagines Ms. Krabappel removing the skin from % her face, revealing her true self to be a purple two-horned alien. % ``I knew it!'' But the surprise is that they're going to take a test. % The kids groan. % % The reaction in Miss Hoover's class is slightly different. Lisa cheers, % ``All right! A test!'' It's the Career Aptitude Normalizing Test (CANT). Some of you may discover a wonderful vocation you never even imagined. Others may find out that life isn't fair... [turning bitter] in spite of your Masters from Bryn Mawr, you might end up a glorified babysitter to a bunch of dead-eyed fourth-graders while your husband runs naked on a beach with your marriage counselor!! [stares from the students] Ahem. -- Ms. Krabappel administers the Career Aptitude Normalizing Test (CANT), ``Separate Vocations'' First question. If I could be any animal, I would be (a) a carpenter ant, (b) a nurse shark, or (c) a lawyer bird. -- Ms. Krabappel administers the Career Aptitude Normalizing Test (CANT), ``Separate Vocations'' % Bart answers (c). Question sixty. I prefer the smell of (a) gasoline, (b) French fries, or (c) bank customers. -- Miss Hoover administers the Career Aptitude Normalizing Test (CANT), ``Separate Vocations'' % Lisa answers (c). % % The test is over. Janey: Well, that was a waste of time. Lisa: Janey, school is a waste of time. Ms.H: Since we have fifteen minute until recess, please put down your pencils and stare at the front of the room. -- Time well-spent, ``Separate Vocations'' % Some time later, two uniformed guards come into the classroom and pick % up the tests, placing them into a satchel which is handcuffed to one % guard's wrist. % % The tests are flown to Iowa Non-International Airport and rushed to the % testing center for computerized grading. When the machine gets to Bart's % form, it gags. % % J. Loren Pryor gives the students their scientifically-selected career % results individually. Janey: architect. Boy: insurance salesman. % Ralph: salmon gutter. Millhouse: military strong-man. % Martin: systems analyst (his wish come true). Lisa: homemaker. % (``It's like a Mommy,'' Dr. Pryor explains.) Bart: Police officer!? Well I'll be jiggered! Dr.J: Heh heh heh. If you'd like to learn more, I could arrange for you to ride along in a police car for a night. Bart: Hey, I don't need you to get me in the back of a police car. -- Bart reads his scientifically-selected career, ``Separate Vocations'' % Dr. Pryor admits that he had Bart pegged as a drifter. Bart daydreams % a bit on that. (``Cool.'') % % At the dinner table, Lisa complains, ``A homemaker? I might as well be % dead!'' Homer: So what are going to be, boy? Bart: Policeman. Homer: [gags on his food] -- Bart's scientifically-selected career, ``Separate Vocations'' Marge: You know, your father wanted to be a policeman for a little while, but they said he was too heavy. Homer: No, the Army said I was too heavy. The police said I was too dumb. -- ``Separate Vocations'' Lisa: Well, going to be a famous jazz musician. I've got it all figured out. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French. I'll avoid the horrors of drug abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs, and I may or may not die young. I haven't decided. Marge: Honey, if that's what you want, we'll do anything we can to help. -- Is she accepting applications for torrid love affairs? ``Separate Vocations'' % Homer interrupts, ``Wait a minute. Isn't anybody going to follow in % footsteps?'' Everybody else at the table (Maggie included) quickly % looks away, pretending not to have heard. A coyote howls in the distance. % % Marge takes Lisa to a music school. Lisa demonstrates her ability to % the teacher, who is impressed. I'll be frank with you Lisa, and when I say frank, I mean, you know, devastating. -- Instructor at music school, ``Separate Vocations'' % Unfortunately, Lisa inherited stubby fingers from her father. Lisa % protests, then realizes, ``My God, they stubby...'' % % Homer answers the door. It's the two cops. Homer nervously tries to % explain, ``I didn't steal that copper wire, I just thought they were % throwing it out.'' But that's not the reason for their visit. They % came to let Bart ride with them. Homer lets Bart go. ``Maybe this'll % straighten the boy out.'' Bart: Wow! Can I see your club? Cop: It's called a baton, son. Bart: Oh. What's it for? Cop: We club people with it. -- Just conduct yourself properly and nobody gets hurt, ``Separate Vocations'' % ``Well, it's about time!'' notes the across-the-street neighbor as she % watches the two cops taking Bart away. Bart: So, you guys like being cops? Cop: Oh, it's great. You get to run red lights, park wherever you please, hot and cold running chicks... -- The perquisites of power, ``Separate Vocations'' % The two cops point out Mayor Quimby's Cadillac parked in a motel. Tonight, His Honor is, heh, polling the electorate. -- Eddie explains Mayor Quimby's presence at a motel, ``Separate Vocations'' % Inside, Quimby % asks his date du jour, ``How would you uh like a street named after % you?'' % % Lisa is at her desk. ``Dear log: This will be my last entry, for you % were a journal of my hopes and dreams. And now, I have none.'' % % While the cops wait for the light to change, the Kwik-E-Mart on the corner % is robbed at gunpoint. The light turns green, and the car continues on % its way. Bart: Do you need straight A's to be a cop? The Two Cops: [laugh uproariously] -- Just checking, ``Separate Vocations'' % Bart asks for some action, but Eddie explains that the life of a cop is % not the way it's portrayed in the movies. Just then the man who held % up the Kwik-E-Mart speeds past, and the two cops give chase. Eddie % radios in his report. ``We are in pursuit of a speeding individual, % driving a red... car, licence number Eggplant Xerxes Criminy Overbite % Narwhale.'' The thief floors the gas, and a wild car chase ensues, % just like on TV. Meanwhile, Apu is tied up in his store. Ooh, they used nylon rope this time. It feels so smooth against my skin. Almost sensuous... -- Apu, tied up after being robbed at gunpoint, ``Separate Vocations'' % After a few more car chase cliches, the cops chase the car into an alley % and block off one exit with the police car. Their backup hasn't arrived, % so Eddie, knowing it's against every regulation, gives Bart a handgun. % ``Would you cover us?'' The two cops tiptoe along, and the bad guy's % car screams down the alley, bearing down on Bart. Bart fires hapazardly, % then chucks his gun when it runs out of bullets. ``See you in Hell, % punk!'' gloats the robber. Bart screams and covers his face. % % ``To be continued...'' % % [End of Act One. Time: 7:38] % % ``Act II: Death Drives a Stick.'' After a brief recap of the final % seconds of Act One, the bad guy's car skids to a halt because the % alley grew too narrow for the car to pass. It stops inches from Bart. % The police backup finally arrives. Wiggum finds a box full of lottery % tickets in the car. Wiggum: Looks like you just bought yourself a lottery ticket. To jail! Eddie: He's unconscious, sir. Wiggum: Ah, they can still hear things. -- Subliminal messages, ``Separate Vocations'' % Bart announces that he's going to be a cop when he grows up, and Wiggum % makes him an honorary police officer. % % The next morning, Lisa comes down to breakfast, grousing. ``Morning, % Honey!'' greets Marge. ``What's so good about it, stuck in the house % by the stove...'' mutters Lisa. Marge tells Lisa that homemaking leaves % opportunity for creativity. Marge shows Lisa how she arranged the bacon, % eggs, toast (and sprig of parsley) into a smiley face on the plate. Lisa % asks, ``What's the point? They'll never notice.'' Marge responds, % ``You'll be surprised.'' Bart and Homer come down and immediately tear % into their breakfast, destroying the delicately balanced food arrangement % Marge slaved over. (The sound of Homer eating here is hilarious.) % % Bart practices fingerprinting Maggie, who then crawls away, leaving % ink stains on the carpet. Marge scolds SLH when she finds him and % a mangled chocolate cake. But Bart shows her surveillance photos % of Homer sneaking up on, then devouring said cake. The last photo % is of Bart taking a picture of his butt in the mirror. % % Marge finds Lisa in her room, reading comics and munching on chips. % She has quit the band, and Marge suggests Lisa stay in band. ``If % you think it's so great, why don't join the band?'' Marge % tells a story about how people who told her what to do were wrong. % A young Marge plays astronaut, but her sisters tell her that a woman % can never be an astronaut. Marge insists that they will, and there'll % be colonies on the moon. Lisa is not won over. % % Lisa watches Principal Skinner polish a statue of a puma in the % school lobby. Janey invites Lisa to quiz her on the vowels, but Lisa % instead heads into a bathroom marked, ``Keep the hell out.'' % Janey warns, ``That's the bad girl bathroom.'' Lisa responds, ``Uh-doy!'' % % Inside are two older girls (fifth graders?) smoking, and discussing % egging Skinner's car. Lisa tells them there's something even better % they can go after... % % Skinner finds his puma egged and toilet papered. I saw some awful things in Nam, but you really have to wonder at the mentality that would desecrate a helpless puma! -- Principal Skinner, ``Separate Vocations'' % Principal Skinner hears Groundskeeper Willie being arrested. Bart % reported him for burning leaves in violation of the town's clean air % laws. Skinner: Bart Simpson on the side of law and order? Has the world gone topsy-turvey? Bart: That's right, man. I got my first taste of authority... [rubs his hands] And I liked it! -- ``Separate Vocations'' % Skinner chats with Bart. Look, let's can the euphemisms. No more bullspit. -- Principal Skinner, ``Separate Vocations'' % Skinner offers Bart the position of hall monitor. Bart isn't so sure, % since it would involve squealing on other kids. He imagines himself % testifying in court (protected by a Blue Dot) against a mobster, his % voice electronically altered to sound like Steve Allen. Bart is won % over when Skinner tells him he gets to wear a sash. % % Bart quickly takes charge. No skateboarding in the halls. No % hogging the water fountain. He saves Millhouse from a ``pink belly'', % though Jimbo, Kerny and Dolph give Millhouse a parting wedgie. % % In bed... Marge: Bart's grades are up a little this term. But Lisa's are way down. Homer: Oh... We always have one good kid and one lousy kid. Why can't our kids be good? Marge: We have kids, Homer. Homer: Maaarge, the dog doesn't count as a kid! -- ``Separate Vocations'' % Miss Hoover's class is doing some artwork with paste, construction paper, % and sparkles. (Ralph eats the paste.) When Miss Hoover asks Lisa to % sprinkle her sparkles, Lisa responds, ``Shove it.'' % % Lisa is called into Skinner's office. Skinner asks, ``Lisa, what are % you rebelling against?'' Lisa answers, ``Whaddya got?'' % % [End of Act Two. Time: 13:55] % % The two girls in the bad girls' bathroom discuss Lisa's latest development. % Lisa comes on, and they congratulate her. Lisa is offered a cigarette, % which she, after some thought, takes. ``Uh... I'll smoke it in class.'' % % Skinner congratulates Bart on cleaning up the school. The school is a police state. Students are afraid to sneeze. And I have you to thank. -- Principal Skinner to Hall Monitor Bart Simpson, ``Separate Vocations'' % He takes Bart to the confiscated goods room (``Madre de Dios! The legends % were true!'') and lets Bart choose one item. Bart selects a crossbow. % % In a '50s-movie style montage... Bart: Seymour, this is an absence slip signed by Nelson's mother. And this is Nelson's English homework. Notice the identical elongated loops on the `d's. Skinner: Forgery! So he have leprosy! -- The alibi falls apart, ``Separate Vocations'' Teacher: This is a great day for me. I thought I could never teach again! Skinner: Oh, things have changed. There will be no mockery of your name, Mr. Glascock. -- I'm not touching this one, ``Separate Vocations'' % Millhouse shoots a spitball at Kerny, who whines, ``Bart, do something!'' % Bart hauls Millhouse away. Millhouse asks, ``Sure we have order, but at % what price!'' % % Miss Hoover goes over last night's homework. Ms.H: Lisa, what nineteenth-century figure was named `Old Hickory'? Lisa: I don't know. You? [snickers from the class] Ms.H: Lisa, if you'd bothered to do the assignment, you'd know the answer is... [flips to answer key] The Battle of New Orleans. I mean... Andrew Jackson. Lisa: Well, you're earning eighteen grand a year. [more snickers] -- ``Separate Vocations'' % Lisa is given eraser clapping duties as punishment. Lisa decides to % take every Teacher's Edition from every classroom and hide them in her % locker. % % In the smoke-filled teachers' lounge... Skinner: Um, ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has happened. Some sick, twisted individual has stolen every teacher's edition in this school. Teacher: What'll we do!? Ms. K: Declare a snow day! Teacher: Does anyone know the multiplication table? Skinner: No, please, don't panic. [peers out the window] They can smell fear. -- Make no sudden movements, ``Separate Vocations'' % The next day... Ms. K: Children, I know this is highly irregular, but for the rest of the uh day, Martin will be teaching this class. Martin: I will? But I wouldn't know where to begin. Ms. K: Just do it, Braniac! -- Somebody stole all the teachers' editions of the school textbooks, ``Separate Vocations'' % Other teachers also try to cope. It proves too much for Miss Hoover. % (``Calm blue ocean... Calm blue ocean...'') Mr. Glascock quits. % % Bart emerges from Skinner's private bathroom. Skinner explains that % the police haven't had any luck finding the teachers' editions... % (Flash to Wiggum announcing that the dogs have picked up the scent of % books. They're standing in front of Old Springfield Library. He orders the % battering ram, which crashes through the doors.) Bart stops Skinner from % picking up the phone and ordering new books. Bart: Seymour, I'll bet you a steak dinner those books are still here. All we have to do is search every locker. Skinner: Oh, Bart, I'm not sure random locker searches are permitted by the Supreme Court. Bart: Pfffffft. Supreme Court. What have done for us lately? Skinner: Let's move. -- Annoyed any Republicans today? ``Separate Vocations'' % With a Batman-style scene change, Bart and Skinner set to work searching % the lockers. They close in on Lisa's locker, and Bart gets there first. % He's shocked that it's Lisa's locker. Bart asks her why she did it. % ``Come on, Bart. In your pre-fascist days, you knew the giddy thrill of % futile rebellion!'' Bart answers, ``Yeah, but even I had my limits. % You're looking at expulsion for this.'' Lisa knows, and cries. % % Skinner arrives and is elated that the books have been found. He asks % who the culprit is, and Bart takes the fall, to the shock of all. % Bart gloats that he duped Skinner once again, and Skinner decides that % Bart's service to the school is a mitigating circumstance in his % punishment. Four hundred days' detention. Bart acts cocky until % it goes up to six hundred days, and Millhouse (the new hall monitor) % takes Bart away. % % Lisa asks Bart why he did what he did. ``Because I didn't want you % to wreck your life. You got the brains and the talent to go as far % as you want. And when you do, I'll be right there to borrow money.'' % % As Bart does yet another blackboard punishment (``I will not expose % the ignorance of the faculty''), Lisa plays her sax on the bench outside % the window. Bart offers some words of encouragement. % % [End of Act Three. Time: 20:48] =============================================================================== Episode summaries Copyright 1992 by Raymond Chen. Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission. (The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.)

---

E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank