Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington Written by George Meyer Directed by Wes Archer [$Id 8f01 1.6 9

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Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington Written by George Meyer Directed by Wes Archer =============================================================================== [$Id: 8f01 1.6 91/12/17 14:36:51 raymond Exp Locker: raymond $] =============================================================================== > Title sequence =============================================================================== Blackboard :- `Spitwads are not free speech'. `Spitwads are not fr' at cutoff. Lisa's solo:- descending eighth notes .... . . #Nb b # #Nb b N# . . . . 1_______5 5443 1754 4434 31 /346161/3__1 Driveway :- no oil on the driveway. Bart doesn't bounce off the car roof. Homer says `D'oh!' when Lisa scoots past. Couch: :- Homer accidentally sits on SLH. =============================================================================== > Didja notice... =============================================================================== ... guest voices were supplied by (among others) Tress MacNeille and Lona Williams? If you watch the credits, you'll see that Lona Williams is an Executive Assistant. ... Maggie only fell once? When Homer went through the mail. Note that Maggie fell flat on her face. (Usually, she manages to keep her head up while she falls.) Her nose must hurt an awful lot. ... right after Homer says, ``I never read a magazine in my life, and I'm not going to start now,'' he starts reading a magazine? ... Homer thinks Tolstoi's quote originated from Quotable Notables? ... Maggie wasn't paying attention to Homer's reading? ... the music when Lisa goes to the park is very Aaron Copland-like? ... the bald eagle strikes the pose in the Great Seal of the United States? (Complete with arrows in its left claw!) ... the Purple Mountains Majesty in Springfield National Forest? ``I got up and said the Pledge when I first saw it,'' claims {tpm} ... Blinky in the corner of the map of Springfield's state? ... Jasper was one of the local judges? ... when the judge asks Homer to touch his nose, he misses? Twice! ... the promotions for this episode accidentally mirror-reversed the scene where Bart fires his slingshot? [Dave Hall (] ... some of the meatloaf men had sad faces? ... there's only 20 stars, 4 white and 5 black (?) stripes on the flag? ... the outside view of the Watergate hotel shows approximately 11 floors, yet according to the buttons in the elevator that Bart pushed, there are 20 floors? (Yes, including floor 13.) ... the pink bowling ball? (Was Nixon a free-thinking anarchist?) ... Mrs. Bush was wearing a pearl necklace in the tub? ... the date on the cheque was Oct 18, 1991. Cheque no. 788. =============================================================================== > Movie (and other) References =============================================================================== + Readers' Digest - `Reading Digest', with its `How to increase your word power' column. Alice in Wonderland - the painting in the congressman's office. {bsk} The Sting - touching your finger to your nose as a signal Susan B. Anthony - Winifred Beecher Howe + Mr. Smith Goes to Washington - the plot involves discovering corruption in Washington - asking the Lincoln Memorial for advice. {cra} - the representative who asks for the pay raise sounds like Jimmy Stewart Mark Russell - the piano-playing political satirist =============================================================================== > Freeze Frame Fun =============================================================================== >> Home Security Trust reminds us, ``We're not a savings and loan.'' >> Reading Digest: Brevity is... wit. Motoring Ms.-Haps Can we trust Bermuda? They Call Me Dr. Soybeans >> Lisa's bookshelf potted cactus mounted photos of SLH and Snowball 2 mini stereo speakers Etch-a-sketch toy >> Springfield National Forest >> The speech score card, with Lisa's scores Brian Scearce {bls} kindly supplies the card: SCORE CARD Originality _10_ Clarity _10_ Organization __9_ Jingoism _10_ Note that Lisa was awarded five additional points after the judge met Homer; a score of 44/40 must have been tough to beat. >> The plane trip Here's the seating plan... ^ forward | w| |a i| Marge Maggie Homer |i n| |s d| Lisa [empty] Bart |l o| |e w| hapless | businessman >> Dulles Airport J. D. Baldwin {jdb} observes that the family walk by a sign that says `BUS INFO / 213 937 6236.' [It's a real phone number, namely, the home phone of Wes Archer, the director. The number was placed without his knowledge, so please call it.] >> Picketers' signs outside of White House Also from Brian Scearce {bls}: No Opinion Things are fine No Complaints Here One Happy Camper Everything's A-OK >> The crooked lobbyist The map of Springfield National Forest is labelled, ``Springfield, USA.'' The pre-logging picture included two vultures perched menacingly, and a deer crushed under a fallen tree. Stupid old-growth trees... J. D. Baldwin {jdb} notes that ``the post-logging forest picture had several cute animal scenes, but my favorite was the frogs playing leap-frog.'' It also contained a rabbit and raccoon sharing a spot of tea, using a tree stump as a tea table. >> The contest finals J. D. Baldwin {jdb}: Ted Kennedy is present at the contest! We see him right after Bart's line: ``Cool, a ruckus!'' and later, applauding the winner of the contest. He does not appear to receive `Cesspool on the Potomac' well. (Go figure.) Paul Arthur (paular@kubiki.Eng.Sun.COM) adds: The senator/congressman that talked to the senate page on the phone bore a striking resembalance to Sen. Howell Heflin (sp?) of Alabama. [Note also that Heflin was, at the time, chairman of the Senate Ethics Committee. --rjc] J. D. Baldwin responds: I agree, and note that this adds Alabama to the list of possible locations for Springfield, as a tiny portion of the state motto `Not just another state' was visible behind the senator. Hence, he is the senator from Springfield's state. >> The State Seal Theron Stanford {tws} invites us to take a close look at the State Seal on the congressman's wall. The four corners of the seal are a star an ear of corn a nuclear a beaver power symbol >> Bart's room service tab Courtesy of Mark Ford ( 2 SHIRLEY TEMPLES $ 14.00 2 CRAB SALADS $ 28.50 LAUNDRY $ 8.75 2 PEDICURES $ 75.00 2 MASSAGES $ 150.00 and of course, Bart adds a $20.00 tip. >> The Washington Beacon, EXTRA! Congress Cleans House =============================================================================== > Animation and continuity goofs =============================================================================== >> Washington, DC They generally did a good job of avoiding goofs. Many of the goofs can be explained away by the cardinal rule for cartoons: Because it was funny. >>> Dulles Airport There were no Washington landmarks visible during the shot of the landing at Dulles. (Dulles is about a 30-minute drive from the city.) {jdb} >>> The Watergate Hotel and the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts Staying at the Watergate is logical, since it's right next door to the Kennedy Center. Though the Kennedy Center was missing from the shot of the hotel. [] J. D. Baldwin notes, ``I have it on pretty good authority that the Watergate Hotel does NOT provide `greeting mints' to guests.'' reports that the building had the correct number of floors. >>> The IRS Building John P. Connolly points out that the IRS building is not on the way from Dulles to the Watergate. >>> The National Air and Space Museum The sculpture in front of the building was missing. [] Moreover, The Spirit of St. Louis is suspended above the ceiling a good 15-20 feet out and 10 feet up from the closest railing. No way could Bart get in there. [You underestimate the power of a VIP badge. --rjc] Also missing in that scene was the Wright Brother's first plane and that red one does not belong. [] >>> The Washington Monument They remembered the ring of flags (one for each state) the surrounds the monument. [] >>> The Jefferson Memorial They remembered the quotation that is inscribed around the interior base of the monument's dome: FOR I HAVE SWORN ON THE ALTAR OF GOD ETERNAL HOSTILITY TOWARD EVERY FORM OF TYRANNY OVER THE MIND OF MAN. {jdb} Though the Jefferson Memorial is waaaaaaaaay out there. Lisa must've done a lot of walking! [] >> Punt, Pass and Kick Ted Frank ( points out that they no longer hold the NFL Punt, Pass, and Kick competition. [Nevertheless, it was a great joke. --rjc] =============================================================================== > The Simpsons' address =============================================================================== >> The junk mail Rich McGee (, Supporter of Pork Rinds Lite and dubious state employee, played with his new VCR to report... The Simpsons live at 59 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield, T.A.! Yes, the ``T.A.'' was quite distinct. Sorry, the zip code was fuzzed out. This was confirmed on the `You may be a winner' envelope, and the check itself. [The ZIP code was 192005. Yes, a SIX-digit zip code. --rjc] Finally, when Homie is talking to Marge on the couch, you can clearly see the `MG' made out of his right side hairline and right ear. Also, on the mantle, below the trophy, is the same radiation symbol later seen on Burn's (``These color monitors have already paid for themselves'') monitor. >> The map of the US Chuck Collins {cpc} played with his own brand new VCR and reports... The state name on the map was visible in somewhere around 3 fade-frames, but it was clearly readable. The state abbreviation is... `NT'. NT? North Texas? New Tenessee? Never Tell? So in one episode we get 2 different state abbreviations. NT from the map and TA from the junk mail. >> Mount Rushmore? Just because the FBI agent approached Bob Arnold regarding drilling on Mount Rushmore doesn't mean that Arnold represents South Dakota. If the oilman wanted congressional approval, he'd have to bribe more than just the senators and representatives from the home state to get the bill to pass, or at least out of committee. If congressional approval was not necessary, then he would want to bribe somebody with ties to the Department of the Interior, which has juridsiction over national parks and forests. Again, this someone would not necessarily be from the same state the Mount Rushmore is in. In fact the latter is probably the case, since Arnold was also approached on the Springfield National Forest issue. =============================================================================== > Contest essays =============================================================================== >> The judges Former Redskins great Alonzo Flowers, Perennial third-party candidate Wilson DeFarge Senate Page Brad Fletcher Skin-care consultant Rowena, and Wealthy gadabout Chilton Gaines. >> Burn, Baby, Burn (Nelson Muntz, Springfield) So burn that flag if you must! But before you do, you'd better burn a few other things! You'd better burn your shirt and your pants! Be sure to burn your TV and car! Oh yeah, and don't forget to burn your house! Because none of those things would exist without six red stripes, seven red stripes, and a helluva lot of stars!! [wild applause] >> Recipe for a Free Country (Rosemount, MN) Recipe for a Free Country: Mix one cup liberty with three teaspoons of justice. Add one informed electorate. Baste well with veto power... [later] Stir in two cups of checks, sprinkle liberally with balances. >> The American Non-Voter (Mobile, Alabama) My back is spineless. My back is yellow. I am the American non-voter. >> Ding, Dong (Queens, NY) Ding, dong. The sound of the Liberty Bell. Ding. Freedom. Dong. Opportunity. Ding. Excellent schools Dong. Quality hospitals. >> The Roots of Democracy (Lisa Simpson, Springfield) When America was born on that hot July day in 1776, the trees in Springfield Forest were tiny saplings, trembling towards the sun, and as they were nourished by Mother Earth, so too did our fledgeling nation find strength in the simple ideals of equality and justice. Who would have thought such mighty oaks or such a powerful nation could grow out of something so fragile, so pure. Thank you. >> Cesspool on the Potomac (Lisa Simpson, Springfield) The city of Washington was built on a stagnant swamp some 200 years ago, and very little has changed. It stank then, and it stinks now. [gasps from the crowd] Only today, it is the fettered stench of corruption [pounds lectern with fist] that hangs in the air. [Bart: Cool, a ruckus!] [later] And who did I see taking a bribe but the [makes quotation sign with fingers] ``Honorable'' Bob Arnold! [gasps from the crowd] Don't worry, Congressman, I'm sure you can buy all the votes you need with your dirty money! And this will be one nation, under the dollar, with liberty and justice for none... [booed off the stage] >> Bubble On, O Melting Pot (Maria Diminguez) [not read during the episode] >> Lift High Your Lamp, Green Lady (stubble-haired kid) [not read during the episode] >> USA A-OK (Trong Van Din) When my family arrived in this country four months ago, we spoke no English and had no money in our pockets. Today, we own a nationwide chain of wheel-balancing centers. Where else but in America, or possible Canada, could our family find such opportunity? That's why, whenever I see the Stars and Stripes, I will always be reminded of that wonderful word: flag! =============================================================================== > Assorted comments and observations =============================================================================== >> MG speaks In an interview with Steve Kettmann, [TV WEEK, 27 Oct 91, San Francisco Chronicle/Examiner] MG explains... Fun is No. 1, entertainment is definitely the first goal of the show. And there's a little commentary about politics in there, but there's also a commentary about the way television shows resolve a problem in a half-hour. [Lisa] uncovers corruption and the joke is, every branch of government swings into action and nails this guy in two hours and expels him from Congress. That to me was big satire. >> Free samples Actually, they used to give out free samples at the money-printing plant. But now you have to buy them. (The samples are shredded dollar bills.) >> Forrest Palmer ( found it funny that they took a cab from Dulles to the Watergate. Dulles is (mostly) in Loudon county. The fare must have been outrageous! >> Rich McGee (, freeze-framed the couch scene: When Homer picked SLH out of the couch, SLH first bounced by his collar, then closed both eyes, opened one, then closed it and opened the other, which is really cute in slo-mo. =============================================================================== > Quotes and scene summary =============================================================================== % Homer goes through the sweepstakes junk mail and discards most of it... Homer: [receives a sweepstakes junk mail with a `You may have already won' check] One million dollars! I'm rich! [rushes to the bank] Teller: Mr. Simpson, I can assure you, this check of yours is non-negotiable. Homer: Oh yeah? Well, what makes you so damn sure? Teller: See where it says, ``VOID VOID VOID'' and ``This is not a check'', ``Cash value one twentieth of a cent'', ``Mr. Banker, do not honor''... Homer: Shut up. -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % At home, he gripes... Homer: I had a feeling it was too good to be true. Every time you get a million dollars, something queers the deal. Lisa: I don't think real checks have exclamation points. -- Homer may have already won $1 million, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' Marge: Well, at least we got a free sample of Reading Digest. Homer: Marge, I never read a magazine in my life, and I'm not going to start now. -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' Homer: [reading `Reading Digest'] Hey, a cartoon! [a woman tries to explain a pile of metal that used to be a car] ``Well, dear, you always wanted a compact...'' [laughs] Ain't it the truth! Marge: No, it's not the truth, Homer. It's well-documented that women are safer drivers than men. Homer: Oh, Marge, cartoons don't have any deep meaning. They're just stupid drawings that give you a cheap laugh. [gets up, revealing rear cleavage] -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Homer reads `Reading Digest' at work... Len: Hey Einstein, put down your reading. It's lunchtime! Homer: Ah, you go ahead. Len: Hey, you don't want to eat? What did you do, get one of those stomach staples? Homer: As Tolstoi said in Quotable Notables, ``Give me learning, sir, and you may keep your black bread.'' -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' Burns: Who is that bookworm, Smithers? Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir. Burns: Simpson, eh? How very strange. His job description clearly specifies an illiterate! -- Why is Homer reading on the job? ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % He arrives home to see the kids glued to the television set... Announcer: We now return to Troy McClure and Dolores Montenegro in ``Preacher with a Shovel''. Man's voice: But irrigation can your people, Chief Smiling Bear! -- The wonders of the American cinema, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Homer gripes that the kids are wasting away their brains and should be % reading... Marge: You've certainly taking a shying to that magazine. Homer: It's not just magazine, Marge; they take of magazines, filter out the crap, and leave you with something that fits right in your front pocket. [struggles to shove it into his front pocket, tearing the seams in the process] -- Reading is fundamental, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % He shuts off the television set and forces the kids to listen to him % read to them. Homer: [reading] Then I heard the sound that all Arctic explorers dread... the pitiless bark of the sea lion! [gasp] He'll be killed! Marge: Homer, he obviously got out alive if he wrote the article. Homer: Don't be so... [flips ahead] Oh, you're right. -- Book at bedtime, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % A spectacled Homer reads in bed, and Marge suggests they snuggle. Homer: [reads] Seven ways to spice up your marriage. [ahem] [reads woodenly] Marge, you have a nice body. And if you'd like to see me in a costume, you have only to ask. Marge: Why, thank you, Homey. -- Book at bedtime, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % The next day, Marge makes `meatloaf men', and Bart helps himself to % a particularly hot one, biting off the head. She got the idea from % the magazine, of course. Homer: Wow, `Win a trip to Washington, DC. All expenses paid, VIP tour'... Oh, it's for kids. [throws into trash] Lisa: Wait, Dad. [fishes out of trash] Mm, an essay contest. Children under twelve, three hundred words, fiercely pro-American. Sounds interesting. -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Marge suggests Bart enter, but he tells her that Lisa is ``the pony to bet % on.'' In her room, Lisa studies `how a bill becomes law' and tries to % write her essay... [as tranquil music plays in the background, Lisa writes her essay] What would Ben Franklin say if he were alive today? He'd say... [tranquil music abruptly stops] [erasing] Oh, think of a better opening. -- After all, Ben Franklin was an editor, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Marge suggests Lisa take a bike ride, and Lisa is somewhat annoyed that % Marge isn't sure what's `cool' any more. Lisa rides to Springfield % National Forest (``Smoking really burns me up'') and is inspired by a bald % eagle that perches in front of her. Homer takes her to the regional % competition at the Veterans of Popular Wars building... Lisa: Thanks for driving me to the contest, Dad. Homer: Sweetheart, there's nothing I wouldn't do for that magazine. -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Nelson concludes his patriotic/borderline-redneck essay. Meanwhile, % entrants from Minnesota, Alabama, and Queens compete in their regional % contests. When Lisa reads her essay, the judges nod knowingly to % each other. But one judge thinks it's a little good, and % decides to talk to Homer to see if he was the actual author. We the purple? What the hell was that? -- Father to son on his essay topic, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % After a brief interrogation, the judge is convinced that Homer had % nothing to do with her essay. (In fact, Lisa is awarded an extra % five points.) She wins the contest, and the family wins a trip to % Washington, DC. Who would have guessed reading and writing would pay off! -- Homer, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % [End of Act One: 6:52] % % On the plane, Homer calls the steward ... Steward: Yes, sir, can I get you something? Homer: Playing cards, note pad, aspirin, sewing kit, pilot's wing pin, propeller-shaped swizzle stick, sleeping mask, and anything else I've got coming to me. Steward: I'll see what I can do. -- Flying to Washington, DC, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Meanwhile, Bart harrasses the businessman in the seat behind him working % on his portable computer by repeatedly reclining his seat. % The steward takes him into the cockpit... Pilot: And this control stick is like the handlebars on your tricycle. Now, would you like to see where we hang our coats? Bart: No thank you. I'd rather push this button. [leans over and pushes a button] Pilot: No! [in the main cabin, oxygen masks descend from the overhead compartments] Homer: Aagh! We're all going to die! [screams from the passengers] -- Are you breathing naturally? ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Upon landing at Dulles Airport... [at the airport, sees a chauffeur holding a sign that reads, `SIMPSON'] Look, Marge, that guy has the same last name we do! -- Homer, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % They take a cab, passing by the IRS building (which Homer boos at), % to the Watergate Hotel. Bart pushes all the buttons on the elevator % before leaving. Marge is amazed by all the things that come with % the hotel room. Wow! A shoe horn! Just like in the movies! -- Homer is amazed at what comes with the hotel room, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % He has fun putting on and taking off his shoe, as Maggie watches. % Meanwhile, Bart lets Lisa choose which bed she wants, but when she % makes her choice, Bart acts pleased. Lisa suspects that Bart did % something to the bed, but he isn't telling. Lisa yells, ``Mom!'' % At two in the morning, the phone rings, and Homer answers. It's % Bart pretending to be the hotel wake-up call. He and Lisa get a good % laugh out of this. % % The next day, the family meet Faith Crowley, patriotism editor of % Reading Digest... Ooh, I love your magazine. My favorite section is `How to increase your word power'. That thing is really, really.. really.... good. -- Homer, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Faith introduces Lisa to the other finalists... Faith: Lisa, I'd like you to meet some of the other finalists. This is Trong Van Din and Maria Diminguez. Maria and Trong: Hello. Faith: Maria is the national spelling bee champion, and Trong has won both the Westinghouse Talent Search and the NFL Punt, Pass and Kick competition. Lisa: Have either of you ever run into any problems because of your superior ability? Maria: Mm. Trong: Sure, I guess. Lisa: Oh! Me, too! [embraces them] -- The plight of the superior, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Faith gives the Simpsons their VIP badges. Faith: These are special VIP badges. They'll get you into places other tourists never see. Homer: Miss, what does the `I' stand for? Faith: Important. Homer: Ooh. How about the `V'? Faith: Very. Homer: Oh. And Miss, just one more question. Faith: Person. Homer: Ah... What does the `I' stand for again? -- Short term um, what's that called... ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % The family see the White House bowling alley... Bart: [reading a sign] On this spot, Richard Nixon bowled back-to-back 300 games. Homer: Yeah, right. -- Would he lie to you? ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' Marge: Wow, the President's bathroom... Lisa: [opens a curtain, revealing our First Lady in the tub soaking] Babs: [gasp] Do you mind! Lisa: Barbara Bush! Babs: Ugh, you have those damn badges. Okay... [playing tour guide] This tub was installed in 1894... -- The VIP tour, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Homer drools when they visit a plant where money is printed. Tour guide: Folks, we print more than 18 million bills a day. Oh, and in case you were wondering, no, we don't give out free samples. [tour group chuckles] Homer: Lousy cheap country... -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % At the National Air and Space Museum, Bart plays furiously with an % airplane control stick and makes assorted noises. Homer: Bart! Get out of the Spirit of St. Louis! -- Or is it Looey? ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % While Maggie is dangerously close to floating away on a George Washington % helium balloon, the family admire the Washington Monument. Marge: [admiring the Washington Monument] [chuckles] Homer: Hey, what's so funny? Marge: [whispers] Homer: Oh, Marge, grow up. -- Did he say, `up'? ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Meanwhile, in Representative Bob Arnold's office, a lobbyist presents a % proposal to raze the Springfield National Forest for its timber, supporting % his argument with artist's renderings. Well, Jerry, you're a whale of a lobbyist, and I'd like to give you a logging permit, I would. But this isn't like burying toxic waste. People are going to notice those trees are gone. -- The quandaries of a Congressman, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Jerry offers a bribe. Arnold accepts, and says he's got a little place % that he uses for the drop, but first, Lisa is shown in for a photo session. Arnold: You must be Lisa Simpson. Lisa: Hello, sir. Arnold: Lisa, you're a doer. And who knows, maybe someday you'll be a congressman or a senator. We have quite a few women senators, you know. Lisa: Only two. I checked. Arnold: [chuckles] You're a sharp one. -- Congressman Arnold has met his match? ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % The photos are taken. (Notice Lisa's forced smile in all of them.) Moe: [seeing a photo of Congressman Arnold and Lisa in the paper] Aw, isn't that nice. Now is a politician who cares. Barney: If I ever vote, it'll be for him! [belch] -- Portrait of a Nonvoter, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Way early in the morning... Lisa: I'm too excited to sleep. Anyone up for the Winifred Beecher Howe Memorial? Homer: [half asleep] Who's that? Lisa: An early crusader for women's rights. She led the Floor Mop Rebellion of 1910. Later, she appeared on the highly unpopular 75-cent piece. -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % There are no takers, so she heads there by herself. ``I will iron your sheets when you iron out the inequities in your labor laws.'' Amen, sister. -- Lisa reads the inscription on the Winifred Beecher Howe Memorial, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % She espies Congressman Arnold taking the bribe from Jerry and tears up % her essay, ``The roots of democracy''. % % [End of Act Two. Time: 13:49] % % Searching for guidance, she heads for the Lincoln Memorial... Lisa: [over the strains of the Battle Hymn of the Republic] [sees the Lincoln Memorial in the reflecting pool] Honest Abe, he'll show me the way. [goes to the memorial] Mr. Lincoln? Man: Mr. Lincoln, I need your advice. What can I do to make this a better country? Woman: Is this a good time to buy a house? Woman: I can't get my boy to brush proper. Man: Would I look good with a mustache? Old man: [takes of his hat, revealing his bald pate] So I tried some turpentine but that just made it worse. Lisa: [trying to make herself heard over the din] Mr. Lincoln? My name is Lisa Simpson, and I have a problem. -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % She leaves and talks to the Jefferson Memorial. Lisa: Mr. Jefferson, my name is Lisa Simpson, and I have a problem. Jefferson: I know your problem. The Lincoln Memorial was too crowded. Lisa: Sorry, sir. It's just... Jefferson: No one ever comes to see me. I don't blame them. I never did anything important. Just the Declaration of Independence, the Louisiana Purchase, the dumbwaiter... Lisa: Uh, maybe I should be going. I've caught you at a bad time... [leaves] Jefferson: Wait! Please don't go. I get so lonely... -- Talking heads, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Lisa sits on the steps of the Capitol and envisions the politicians as % cats scratching each other's backs, and pigs feeding from a trough. % She resolves, ``The truth must be told'' and starts writing... % % Meanwhile, Bart gets a massage and has his laundry delivered. He writes % in a $20 tip. Homer comes in and panics, but Bart reminds him that the % trip is all-expenses-paid. Homer joins Bart on the massage table. % % At the Patriots of Tomorrow Awards Banquet at the Kennedy Center, a % piano-playing political satirist concludes his act. (Bart complains, % ``This guy is awful.'' Marge agrees.) Faith introduces the judges, % then calls Lisa to the microphone to give her essay. Lisa storms % in and takes the microphone. She announces that she has a new essay, % and recites a bitter essay on corruption in politics. She concludes by % telling of seeing Bob Arnold taking a bribe, and all are aghast. Word % gets around... Page: Senator, there's a problem at the essay contest. Senator: Please, son, I'm very busy. Page: A little girl is losing faith in democracy! Senator: Good Lord! -- ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Things move fast. % 1:12pm, the office of Bob Arnold: a sting operation catches the % congressman accepting a bribe to allow oil drilling on Mount Rushmore. % 2:05pm, FBI Headquarters, the agent is congratulated. % 2:44pm, House of Representatives... Speaker: We now vote on House bill 1022, the expulsion of Bob Arnold. Representative: Mr. Speaker, I'm all for the bill, but shouldn't we tack on a pay raise for ourselves? All: No! -- Heed my quips... ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % 3:18pm, the White House: The President signs the bill. % 3:39pm, the Kennedy Center: Trong concludes his essay... When my family arrived in this country four months ago, we spoke no English and had no money in our pockets. Today, we own a nationwide chain of wheel-balancing centers. Where else but in America, or possible Canada, could our family find such opportunity? That's why, whenever I see the Stars and Stripes, I will always be reminded of that wonderful word: flag! -- Trong's award-winning speech, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Marge and Homer ask Lisa what's gotten into her, and she explains that % ``I couldn't think of a nice way to say `America stinks'.'' Homer % picks up a newspaper... Imprisoned Congressman Becomes Born-Again Christian -- If it's in the paper, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Lisa is amazed that ``the system works''. Before the awards ceremony, % the singing satirist is back. Faith: Will the winning essay be... Bubble On, O Melting Pot, Lift High Your Lamp, Green Lady, USA A-OK, or Cesspool on the Potomac? Bart: Cesspool! Cesspool! Cesspool! Cesspool! -- Awards ceremony, ``Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington'' % Trong wins with `USA A-OK' and is presented with a $10,000 check. % Trong points out Lisa, ``whose imflammatory rhetoric reminded us that % the price of freedom is eternal vigilance.'' Homer yells, ``Give her % the check!'' and all chuckle. But he was serious... The singing % satirist is back again, and Bart gets him with his slingshot. % ``Lis, you taught me to stand up for what I believe in.'' % % [End of Act Three. Time: 20:48] =============================================================================== Episode summaries Copyright 1991 by Raymond Chen. Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission. (The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.)


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