Stark Raving Dad Written by Al Jean, Mike Reiss (and Sam Simon?) Directed by Rich Moore [$

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Stark Raving Dad Written by Al Jean, Mike Reiss (and Sam Simon?) Directed by Rich Moore =============================================================================== [$Id: 7f24 1.4 92/01/30 21:09:04 raymond Exp Locker: raymond $] =============================================================================== > Title sequence =============================================================================== Blackboard :- `I am not a dentist'. `I am not a dentis|' at cutoff. Driveway :- no oil on the driveway. Homer does not shake his fist at Bart. Homer says `D'oh!' when Lisa scoots past. Couch: :- the couch tips over backwards, sending them through the wall. =============================================================================== > Didja notice... =============================================================================== ... guest voices were provided by John Jay Smith (see below), Pamela Hayden (Millhouse) and Kipp Lennon (?) ? ... the man asleep at the safety console on Burns' monitor? ... when Homer did that `bebebebebe' thing, insead of crossing his eyes towards each other (which is easy; just look at your nose), they cross AWAY from each other? ... Homer is the only person in the asylum whose hand is stamped? ... the hat perched precariously atop Marge's 'do? ... Krusty is in costume even when he's at home? (Compare "Krusty Gets Busted") ... Dr. Hibbert was wearing another Cosby sweater[tm]? [Nat Collins (nat@bu-pub.bu.edu)] Actually, two. One on the phone saying, `Michael Jackson?', and another when he actually goes to see Michael Jackson. (It was a `Beat It!' sweater the second time.) {jdb} ... the man with the `John 3:16' sign? Also in the crowd was a football team in full uniform. {dh} ... how much Homer wore his pink shirt? ... we don't see how they got the piano up the stairs? (Or back down.) ... Maggie has a Binky doll? ... Lisa has an Itchy doll on her bookshelf? {scm2} ... Lisa's sax solo on the closing credits was an elaboration of the one she used to serenade Mr. Bergstrom? Dave Hall {dh}: ... the guy counting the workers as they march into the plant? ... Homer was wearing pink slippers? (Once an anarchist...) ... the two cops in Moe's Tavern during the phone chain sequence? ... Homer slept with his `NOT INSANE' certificate? =============================================================================== > Movie references =============================================================================== + America's Funniest Home Videos - Homer watches a startlingly similar show on TV Rain Man - Floyd, the idiot savant + One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - much of the floor plan of the hospital {pmm} - the poker game, one-to-one correspondence with characters in the original game. {jdb} - the dude hitting the punching bag with his cane {jf} - the discussion group - the agoraphobe with the sweater. {jdb} - R. P. McMurphy (Jack Nicholson) talking about dating a nurse. {jg} - Nurse Ratched, Mr. Harding, the Chief, the old man in the blue robe who danced constantly, and, of course, R. P. McMurphy himself. {jwc} ~ Bye-Bye Birdie - the collage of people calling each other {wm} + Silence of the Lambs - Hannibal Lector perched on a two wheeler replete with face mask, tied to a dolly with a straight jacket. {sf2} - In the cafeteria scene, he appears again, being given something to drink through a straw by an orderly. {cpc} =============================================================================== > Animation and continuity goofs =============================================================================== David Hall observes that Maggie spits her pacifier at Bart, yet when Marge sat her down in the high-chair, she still has it in her mouth. [That's because Maggie has a near-infinite supply of pacifiers. See `The Pacifier' on the Tracey Ullman Show. --rjc] =============================================================================== > Freeze Frame Fun =============================================================================== >> The title sequence J.D. Baldwin {jdb} reports: In the title sequence, observe that in true cartoon style, the hole in the wall is a silhouette of our favorite family. Observe Bart's outstretched hand, and that Marge's hair takes a chunk out of the picture, which swings back and forth with the chunk missing. What kind of hair spray she use? We know she has a LOT of it. Also, freeze-frame on the skinhead's bedroom (early on in the ``Michael Jackson!? Michael Jackson?!'' sequence). In the background are, among other nifty things: a) a figurine of the devil on his dresser b) a poster of the Grim Reaper holding a chainsaw labeled `DEATH' >> The Krusty Hotline is 1-909-O-U-KLOWN. {dh} But Bart dialed ``0530350''. {cjb} >> The Take-Home Personality Test, courtesy of Steve VanDevender {sv} Besides the questions read aloud ("Do you hear voices?" "Do you ever wet your pants?"), I can make out these parts of the following questions on my VCR. fly to thin air? n't really there? circles for hours? r father and mother? ything in red? apparent reason? of violence? ng food down? ?? on rewards? >> The New Bedlam Rest Home for the Emotionally Interesting Dave Hall observes that it has barbed-wire atop the outer walls. [So that nobody can break in, I suppose? --rjc] It also has an emergency entrance, (for fast checking-in of patients, perhaps) and an outdoor TV antenna. (Apparently they can't or don't want to have cable.) >>> The telephone Theron Stanford {tws} kindly provides the pre-programmed buttons on the phone at New Bedlam: * Larry King * Oprah * Phil Donahue * Geraldo * Ski Report >>> Signs at New Bedlam You don't have to be crazy to be committed here, but it helps! Your mother isn't committed here, so clean up after yourself! Do not throw food. >> The phone collage (and the episodes the scenes there taken from) {cjb} Convict [7F20] Patty [7F15] Barney [7G10] Dr H [7F14] Scene from a Mall [7F23] Mrs Winfield [7F14] Baby-sitter [7G01] Abe [7F17] Moe [7F22] The `Scene from a Mall' is a man in a little phone-alcove that Bart runs past when he rushes back to the martial arts school. >> The crowd waiting for Michael Jackson Chris Baird {cjb} observes... Mayor Diamond Joe Quimby Apu Kent Brockman Chief Wiggum Nick Riviera Dr. Hibbert Moe Wendel Kerny Jasper Princess Cashmere One of the 'Palmer twins' (with blond hair) Krusty('s paunch) Sherry and Terry Ned & Todd Flanders Prof Lombardo Groundskeeper Willie Ms. Allbright Helen Lovejoy The Teacher from the Enriched Learning Center The Shoe-shop and Bowl-o-Rama attendant (`Eraser Head') Antoine Tex O'Hara (owner of the 'Topes) Red-Haired mother from 7G04 Milhouse Patty and Selma Grampa Simpson Skinner's mother A girl from Bart's class Dr. Marvin Monroe =============================================================================== > Songs =============================================================================== >> Michael sings Homer to sleep... Homer, the two of us need look no more. We both found what we are lookin' for. With a friend to call my own, I'll never be alone, And you, my friend, will see, you've got a friend in me. =============================================================================== >> Lisa's birthday song >>> As performed during the show, with piano and percussion: [Michael] Lisa, it's your birthday. God bless you this day. You gave me the gift of a little sister, and I'm proud of you today. [Michael and Bart] Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa. Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa. [Michael] I wish you love and good will. I wish you peace and joy. [Bart] I wish you better than your heart desires. [Michael] And your first kiss from a boy. [Michael and Bart] Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa. Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa. [Bart] Yeah! >>> As performed over the credits, with full musical back-up: [Michael and Bart] Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa. Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa. [Michael] I wish you love and good will. I wish you peace and joy. [Bart] I wish you better than your heart desires. [Michael] And your first kiss from a boy. [Michael and Bart] Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa. Lisa, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa. [Bart] Take it away, Lis. [Lisa] [does a saxophone solo] [Michael and Bart] Lisa, it's your birthday. [Lisa] [more sax stuff] [Michael and Bart] Happy birthday, Lisa. [Michael] Hoo! =============================================================================== > Who is John Jay Smith? =============================================================================== Listen for the characteristic Michael Jackson grunts at the ends of long notes. (I know this doesn't settle it one way or the other.) Leong Heng Cheong (leong@wam.umd.edu) reports: Like Dustin Hoffman, Michael Jackson agreed to join the show as long as his name is not in the credits. Nobody connected to the show is saying it's Miachel Jackson -- and the credits (of John Jay Smith) does refer to Miachel Jackson. Anybody knows why this particular name is chosen? =============================================================================== > Assorted comments and observations =============================================================================== >> The John 3:16 man Mark Yocom (n9043860@henson.cc.wwu.edu) explains... The John 3:16 man is Rockin' Rollen Stewart, ``a born-again Christian whose mission in life is to get his signs (and his mug) on national TV as often as possible, the better to spread the word of the Lord. Only in America.'' (according to `More of the Straight Dope', by Cecil Adams.) The article goes on to explain that before he was born again, in 1980, his main interest was being ``the most famous person in the world no one knows about.'' For years he was the guy seen on telecasts of golf tournaments (of all things -- Ed.) with the multicolored Afro wig. This earned him the nickname of `Rainbow Man'. >> Lisa's poem The line `Couldn't that Chrysler hit me instead?' refers to the car that ran over Snowball I. Dennis Cleary (dfcleary@ucdavis.edu): For someone just turning eight, this seems awfully advanced. Not that the poem is great or anything, but already feeling betrayed by your parents is something that I wasn't able to put into words until I was the big 1-0, when `your legs start to go, candy doesn't taste so good anymore,' etc. I guess it was just another example of how Lisa feels betrayed by her family. I thought it went nicely with the scene of Lisa singing `Happy Birthday' to herself. I just wonder how the character development is going to be carried through, when they insist on only making 20 shows a year, showing us first and second season re-runs the rest of the time. >> The Environment >>> Marge's hair spray Jym Dyer suspects that there's probably a hole in the ozone layer right above the Simpsons' house. (FYI, Bart uses CFC-free spraypaint in the `Bart Vs. The Space Mutants' video game.) Jeff Meredith (mer@postgres.berkeley.edu) notes that Lisa would be thoroughly disappointed in a mother that had such blatant disregard for Springfield's ozone layer. >>> Lisa's wastebasket And Mark Walsh (beatlfan@leland.stanford.edu) noticed that ``when Bart dumped Lisa's garbage can out onto the floor to use it as a drum, an aluminum can fell out. I'm disappointed. I'm CERTAIN that Lisa would recycle.'' Members of the Abject Admirers of Lisa Simpson the world over are profoundly disappointed. >> Scott Fields (am949@cleveland.Freenet.Edu) listened to it many times and is convinced that the person singing `Crazy' on the New Bedlam wrongly committed hotline is Tracey Ullman. >> Amitava Biswas (ami@leland.stanford.edu) points out that Michael cannot seem to teach Homer how to moonwalk, yet in Dancin Homer, Homer clearly moonwalks on top of the dugout! >> The interrogation >>> Nice, the powerplant has its own interrogation room... {cjb} >>> Smithers notes, ``We must have X-rayed him a hundred times.'' The equivalent of working in a nuclear power plant for five minutes. =============================================================================== > Quotes and scene summary =============================================================================== % Before the 30-Jan-1992 airing, a brief Simpsons clip was shown. % Homer, the kids, and the Gruesome Twosome are watching TV. % (Animation borrowed from [7f02].) It's President Bush's recent % State of the Union Address. (A live-action inset, not a cartoon.) % Bush says that he wants America to be more like the Waltons than % the Simpsons. Hey, we're like the Waltons. We're praying for the end of the Depression, too. -- Bart reacts to President Bush's 1992 State of the Union Address % [end of clip] % % Lisa wakes up Bart by holding his nose shut until he gags awake. Lisa: [wakes up Bart] Bart: Lisa! It's 6am! Something's wrong. Dad died! Lisa: No no, he's fine! Bart: Well, whaddya know, I'm relieved. -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' Lisa: Bart, in two days, I'm going to be eight years old. It's a big number, almost double digits. Bart: Well, enjoy it while you can. Everything changes when you hit the big one-oh. Your legs start to go, candy doesn't taste as good any more... Lisa: Bart, will you please let me pour my little heart out? Bart: Sorry, this old-timer does ramble on sometimes, don't he. -- Pre-life crisis? ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Lisa complains that Bart never does anything for her on her birthday, % until he angrily gives in. She hugs him and says, ``Oh, thank you.'' % At breakfast, Marge asks Bart to watch Maggie while she does the laundry. % Bart sees the Krusty Hot-Line on his cereal box and calls it. Hi, kids! You've reached the Krusty Hot-Line! If you haven't asked your parent's permission, naughty-naughty! But Krusty forgives you. ($2 for the first minute, 50 cents for each additional minute.) [laughs and laughs and laughs] Thanks for calling, kids! A new message every day! -- 1-909-O-U-KLOWN, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Meanwhile, Maggie takes a ride on the ceiling fan. Marge comes % upstairs with the laundry and scolds Bart. Marge: Bart, I asked you to watch your sister [Maggie]. Bart: I tried to stop her, but she overpowered me! -- A likely story, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Maggie spits her pacifier at Bart. Homer comes down to get a clean shirt, % to find that they're all... pink? Aagh! Pink? Marge, I can't wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirts. I'm not popular enough to be different... -- Homer finds all his shirts are pinko, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % The reason is that Bart put his lucky red hat in with the wash. % Marge assures Homer that nobody will notice. At the office, Burns % and Smithers review the tapes of the employees coming to work... Burns: Why is that man in pink! Smithers: Oh, that's Homer Simpson, sir. He's one of your boobs from Sector 7-G. Burns: Simpson, eh? -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' Burns: Well, judging by his outlandish attire, he's some sort of free-thinking anarchist. Smithers: I'll call security, sir. Burns: Excellent. Yes, these color monitors have already paid for themselves... -- Homer wears a pink shirt to work, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Homer's coworkers razz him about wearing pink, and % he is carted off by security to an interrogation room. He tries to explain % what happened, but Burns doesn't believe him. Smithers notes that the % body cavity search turned up nothing, nor did X-rays. Burns recalls % Smithers' penchant for bell-bottom trousers, but that was for the company % performance of HMS Pinafore. (``Oh, yes. Your spirited hornpipes stole % the show, as I recall.'') Burns asks Dr. Marvin Monroe for assistance. Burns: Doctor, what should we do about our freewheeling fop over here? Monroe: Well, Monty, it used to be that establishing a patient's sanity took months. That's all changed, thanks to the Marvin Monroe take-home personality test. Twenty simple questions that will determine exactly how crazy or [makes quotation sign with fingers] `meshuggeneh' someone is. [hands it to Homer] Homer: [reading] Print name? [moans] Oh... -- In triplicate, please... ``Stark Raving Dad'' % At home, Marge applies hair spray, three empty cans atop her dresser. % She finds her can empty and opens her drawer, revealing a dozen cans ready % to go. She grabs one and continues spraying... % % Homer comes home and asks her to fill out the personality test, but she % insists it's something only he can do. He goes to Lisa's room... Homer: Lisa, you like homework. Could you fill out this form for me? Lisa: Well, all right. If you'll listen to the poem I just wrote. Homer: D'oh!! Oh, okay. Lisa: Meditations on Turning Eight, by Lisa Simpson. [reads] I had a cat named Snowball -- She died! She died! Mom said she was sleeping -- She lied! She lied! Why oh why is my cat dead? Couldn't that Chrysler hit me instead? [next verse] I had a hamster named Snuffy -- He died... Homer: [takes his form] No deal. -- Death and Transfiguration, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Homer goes to Bart... Bart: Dad, maybe you should do this. Homer: Son, it's no different than the time I let you vote for me. Remember that absentee ballot? -- On filling out a psychiatric evaluation form, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Homer watches television... Announcer: Our $50,000 home video finalists are... Man Breaking Hip. [sound of bowling pins, followed by a scream] Homer: [chuckles] Announcer: [chuckles] Dog On Fire. [doing a doggy voice] Ruff, anybody order a hot dog? Homer: [laughs uproariously] Oh, look at him! Announcer: And finally, Baby With a Nail Gun. [kachunk] Homer: Aww.... Announcer: Cast your votes now! Homer: Dog On Fire! Dog On Fire! -- America's Stupidest Home Videos, ``Stark Raving Dad'' Bart: Hey, Dad, do you hear voices? Homer: [angrily] Yes, I'm hearing one right now while I'm trying to watch TV... Bart: [checks] Yes. Are you quick to anger? Homer: Bart! Shut up or I'll shut you up! Bart: [checks] Yes. Do you wet your pants? Well, even the best of us has an occasional accident. [checks the remainder of the form `Yes' all the way down] -- Filling out a psychiatric evaluation form, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % The next day, Homer asks, ``So, did I pass?'' The answer is, ``No.'' Careful, men. He wets his pants. -- Smithers' instructions to security, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % He's carted off to the New Bedlam Rest Home for the Emotionally Interesting % and given a Rorschach test. Doctor: [shows Homer an inkblot] Homer: Eh, the devil with his fly open. Doctor: Right. [shows another] Homer: Uh, that's a spill on the floor with bugs going after it. Uh, they're going to eat it. Doctor: Good. [shows another, which looks like Bart] Homer: THE BOY!!!!!! [restrained by two orderlies] -- I'm perfectly normal, really... ``Stark Raving Dad'' Homer: This isn't fair! How can you tell who's sane and who's insane? Doctor: Well, we have a very simple method. [stamps his hand, `INSANE'] Whoever has that stamp on his hand is insane. -- Does that mean he can come back for free? ``Stark Raving Dad'' % They ``put him in with the big white guy who thinks he's the % little black guy.'' Homer: Who are you? Man: Hi, I'm Michael Jackson, from The Jacksons. Homer: I'm Homer Simpson, from The Simpsons... -- Homer meets his cell-mate at the asylum, ``Stark Raving Dad'' [A little meta-humor for your enjoyment.] % [End of Act One. Time: 6:16] Man: I can't believe you never heard of me. I'm a very popular entertainer. Homer: Oh, of I've heard of you! I mean, you'd have to be living under a rock not to know... What'd you say your name was? Man: Michael Jackson. Homer: Doesn't ring a bell. -- I own a mansion and a yacht... ``Stark Raving Dad'' Man: Well, have you heard of MTV? Homer: No. Man: Motown. Homer: No. Man: Beat It. Homer: beat it! Man: Thriller. Homer: What was that last one? Man: Thriller. Homer: Nope. Man: Well, how about this... [sings Billy Jean, complete with wild gyrations, crotch grab, and moonwalk] Homer: Wow! How do you do that thing with your feet? Man: The moonwalk? Homer: No, that thing with your feet! Man: Here, look. Just raise your heel a bit, put a little pressure on the ball of your foot. [demonstrates] Homer: [tries to imitate, but ends up going forwards] D'oh! -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' Man: You seem like a nice guy. Why'd they put you in here? Homer: 'Cause I wore a pink shirt. Man: I understand. People thought I was crazy for the way I dressed... Homer: What'd you wear? Man: One white glove, covered with rhinestones. Homer: [crosses his eyes and does that `bebebebebebe' thing with his lips] -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa watch another absurdly violent Itchy and Scratchy % cartoon, this one with a birthday theme. Lisa: Bart, in the split second before he died, I bet Scratchy appreciated his birthday present. Do you see how this relates to us? Bart: Hey, you want that once-a-year empty gesture? You got it, Sis. - Lisa fishes for a birthday gift, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Meanwhile, The Man shows Homer around the asylum. Man: Homer, this is Floyd. He's an idiot savant. Give him any two numbers, and he can multiply them in his head, just like that. Homer: Okay. Five times nine. Floyd: Forty-five. Homer: Wow! -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % He also introduces the taciturn Chief, who says, `Hello.' The doctors % and nurses rush over excitedly. ``Well, it's about time somebody reached % out to me.'' Homer is too embarrassed to phone home, so The Man offers to % do it. Homer: I gotta call my family. Oh, this is so embarrassing, calling them from a nuthouse. I mean, they think I'm a god! Man: I could call them for you. Homer: Oh great. And uh, try to put a good face on it. Tell them this is one of those places where rich women lose weight. -- HS, Phone Home... ``Stark Raving Dad'' Joe's Crematorium. You kill 'em, we grill 'em. -- Bart answers the phone, ``Stark Raving Dad'' Man: Hello? Who's this? Bart: I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you? Man: I'm Michael Jackson. -- Bart answers the phone, ``Stark Raving Dad'' Man: I'm Michael Jackson. Bart: Michael Jackson? [makes scoffing sound] No way! Man: It's true. I'm with your father in a mental institution. Bart: Uh huh. And is Elvis with you? Man: Could be. It's a big hospital. -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Bart gives him a little interrogation, which the man passes. Man: Your father really needs your help. You don't want him to get a lobotomy, do you? Bart: Hm... lobotomy... [begin dream] [Bart is playing in the house and breaks a lamp] Homer: [stitches on forehead still visible, wearing his pink shirt] [zombie-like] That's all right, son... [end dream] Bart: Well, there's probably a down side I don't see. -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' [Bart jots down a message] Uh huh. New Bedlam Asylum. Loves us. Needs us. Fears he may never see us again. Got it. [hangs up] Michael Jackson, woo hoo! I love you, man! -- A difference of priorities, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Bart relays the message... Bart: Hey, Mom! Dad's in a mental institution! Marge: Oh, my God... Mother was right! -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Bart hums `Beat It' and does the moonwalk. Meanwhile... Man: Don't you worry. Your family's going to be here before you know it. Patient: Forget it, pal. There's only one way out of here, and it ain't pretty. Homer: What's that? Patient: Dating a nurse. Homer: [whining] Oh! -- Escape from New Bedlam, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Back at home... Marge: I told you kids you were going to send your father to the crazy house! Bart: No, Mom, you said poor house. Marge: I said crazy house. Bart: Poor house. Marge: Crazy house. Bart: Poor house. Marge: Crazy house! -- Den of iniquity? ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Marge calls the asylum... Hello, you have reached the New Bedlam ``Wrongly Committed'' Hot-line. All of our operators are currently busy. Please stand by. [Muzak is `Crazy', Patsy Cline's biggest hit (written by Willie Nelson).] -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % That evening, Homer is scared, so The Man sings him a song. % Homer has dozed off, but is talking in his sleep... Homer: [talking in his sleep] pancakes... football... boobies... pork rinds... waffles... Man: [to his stuffed animal] Bubbles, it's going to be a long night. -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % [End of Act Two. Time: 11:01] % % The next morning, Homer joins a discussion group. The nurse tells them % to relax. Behind a one-way mirror, doctors monitor the discussion with % a mind-boggling array of advanced electronics equipment and readouts. Dave: So I was working in an insurance company, right? Youngest VP in the history of the firm, okay? The job was my life. Then one Monday morning, I got up. I got up, I couldn't leave the house. I just couldn't. Homer: Was the door locked? Dave: No, I just couldn't face what was out there. Homer: Was it raining? Nurse: No, Homer, Dave suffers from agoraphobia, a fear of open areas and crowds. Please, Dave, go on. Dave: Thank you. Anyway, that day I just knew I just couldn't make that long drive to work. Homer: Were you out of gas? Nurse: [glares at Homer] Homer: Pffft. Baby... -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Marge talks to a doctor. Doctor: Mrs. Simpson, I'm sorry, but your husband suffers from a persecution complex, extreme paranoia, and bladder hostility. Marge: Doctor, if you just talk to him for five minutes without mentioning our son Bart, you'd see how sane he is. Doctor: You mean there really is a Bart?! Good Lord! -- Springing Homer from the New Bedlam Home for the Emotionally Interesting, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Homer's breakfast of pancakes is interrupted by Marge, and he is released. Doctor: Mr. Simpson, after talking to your wife, we believe you're no threat to yourself or others. Homer: That's the most flattering thing anyone has ever said to me. Can I have it in writing, please? Doctor: Of course. [hands Homer a certificate: This certifies HOMER SIMPSON not insane.] -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Homer is grateful to The Man ... Homer: If you ever find your marbles, come visit us. Man: Well, how about today? I'm only here voluntarily. Homer: You are!? Why? Man: Well, back in 1979, I got real depressed when my `Off the Wall' album just got one lousy Grammy nomination. -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % At home, Lisa and Maggie sit at the kitchen table, and Lisa sings sadly % to herself... ``Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday % overlooked middle child, Happy birthday to me.'' Lisa collapses in tears, % and Maggie toots her noisemaker. Joe's Taxidermy. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em. -- Bart answers the phone, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Homer starts to threaten Bart, then realizes that the doctors are watching. Homer: [on the phone with Bart] I'm bringing Michael Jackson home to stay with us for a few days. [aside] Isn't that cute, he's heard of you. [to phone] Now make sure we have plenty of cold cuts, and put some beer on ice... Man: Um, Homer, I'm a vegetarian, and I don't drink. Homer: Are you you're here voluntarily? -- Checking out of the New Bedlam Home for the Emotionally Interesting, ``Stark Raving Dad'' Bart: [on the phone] Yes, Dad, I solemnly swear I will not tell another living soul. ... No, not even Millhouse. [hangs up] [intense, but brief, mental struggle] [dials phone] Hello, Millhouse? Can you keep a secret? Millhouse: No. Bart: Oh, well, who cares. -- I've got a secret, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Word quickly spreads throughout town. Apu hears the report on the radio % and debates with himself whether he should leave his post. He does so, % turning the `We never close' sign over to read `Closed for the first time % ever'. The Simpsons front lawn is swarming with people (and even a % helicopter), as Mayor Diamond Joe Quimby orates... This is the uh most exciting thing to happen to our uh fair town since the Dalai Lama visited in 1952. And so, I hereby declare that Route 401, currently known as the Dalai Lama Expressway, will be henceforth be known as the Michael Jackson Expressway. -- Mayor `Diamond' Joe Quimby, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % When Homer and The Man arrive, everybody is disappointed that it's not % the real Michael Jackson and quickly wander off. Lisa: Bart, the entire town is howling for your blood, and before I join them, I have one question. Today is my birthday. You promised to get me something and... and... I'm afraid to ask... Bart: You know, maybe you should trust that instinct and not ask. -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Homer tries (and fails) to wash the `INSANE' stamp off his hand. % Lisa angrily writes Bart a letter... Dear Bart, I am using the stationery Mom and Dad gave me to inform you that we are now brother and sister in name only. Perhaps if a professional so advises, I will give you a hug at some far-distant family reunion. But rest assured, it will be purely for show. [sobs] -- Lisa writes a letter to Bart, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % The Man sees Lisa and talks to Bart, and he suggests Bart write Lisa a % song for her birthday. Bart: I can't write a song, I'm only ten. Man: Only ten? When I was your age, I had six gold records! -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' Bart: Looney Toons, this is what Michael Jackson looks like. [shows an album] You're nothing but a big fat mental patient. Man: You'd be amazed how often I hear that. -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % He tells Bart to believe what he wants. Bart asks Michael to sit down at % the piano while he boils some coffee. [to the tune of the Colonel Bogey March] Lisa, her teeth are big and green. Lisa, she smells like gasoline. Lisa, da da da Disa. She is my sister, her birthday, I missed-a. -- Bart's birthday song for Lisa, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % The Man suggests they go look at Lisa so Bart can figure out what his % feelings toward her are. They do so from the treehouse. Man: Oh, she looks sad. Bart: That's 'cause she knows you're looking at her. Lisa: [turns] Although I'm aware you're looking at me, I would look exactly the same even if you weren't. -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Back at the piano... Man: Bart, think. What happens to you when you turn eight? Bart: Well, your training wheels come off your bike... Man: Good. That's good. [plays and sings] Your training wheels come off your bike, You start to notice boy you like. Hee hee hee! Bart: You're just putting that in because it's commercial. Man: [chuckles] -- Bart's birthday song for Lisa, ``Stark Raving Dad'' % The next morning, the newspaper headline reads, ``Michael Jackson a hoax! % Everyone mad at local boy.'' Bart wakes up Lisa by holding her nose shut % until she gags awake. The Man wheels in the piano, and Bart takes an % upended wastepaper basket for a drum, and they play and sing. (Homer covers % his head with his pillow.) Lisa thanks them for the best birthday present % she's ever gotten. Man: [in his normal voice] Well, my work is done here. Bart: Hey, Michael, what happened to your voice? Man: This is my real voice. My name is Leon Kompowski, and I'm a bricklayer from Paterson, New Jersey. All my life, I was very angry. Until one day, I just [Michael Jackson voice] talked like this. [in his normal voice] All of a sudden, everyone was smiling at me, and I was only doing good on this earth. So I kept on doing it. To make a tired point, which one of us is truly crazy? Homer: Not me, I've got this! [shows his certificate] -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' Marge: Bye-bye, Leon. Lisa: You're a credit to dementia! -- ``Stark Raving Dad'' % Leon saunters down the sidewalk, singing Lisa's birthday song. % % [End of Act 3. Time: 20:49] % % [Music for closing credits is Lisa's birthday song. Time: 1:04] =============================================================================== Episode summaries Copyright 1991 by Raymond Chen. Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission. (The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.)

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