Dead Putting Society Written by Jeff Martin Directed by Rich Moore +gt; Didja notice. . Ba

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Dead Putting Society Written by Jeff Martin Directed by Rich Moore =============================================================================== > Didja notice... =============================================================================== ... Bart's potato experiment log say `Still just a potato' since 11:30? ... the beer mug at Flander's house is labelled, `Macho Mug'? ... Ned's note paper is labelled, ``From the `noggin' of Ned''? ... when Homer misses a put, he hops and waves his arms just like the big mechanical ape that is the obstacle he's trying to clear? ... when Todd waves `Hi Bart!', the pose is identical to the picture that Bart was growling at? ... Bart's award shelf includes a ribbon labelled `Participant', and a trophy labelled `Everbody gets a trophy day'? ... Lisa and Bart are yanked off a pool table by Krusty? ... a Duff truck drives by the golf course? ... Todd's name is engraved on his putter? ... the date on the checks that Bart and Todd receive for winning the golf tournament is Nov 8, 1990, even though the episode first aired on 15 Nov 90? [David Goldreich] ... the checks were made out to $25 each, even though they really ought to have been $30 each, since the first prize was $50 and the second prize was $10? ... the tournament was held on a Saturday, but 8 Nov 90 is a Thursday? [David Tamkin] =============================================================================== > Movie references =============================================================================== Full Metal Jacket - Homer names Bart's putter `Charlene'. The Karate Kid - Bart poses in the `crane' position. =============================================================================== > Freeze Frame Fun =============================================================================== >> The golf course gmt@cs.arizona.edu (Gregg Townsend) provides the golf course. Course Layout: Sir Putt-A-Lot's Merrie Olde Fun Center The Simpsons, November 15, 1990 Here is one possible layout that is consistent with the show. Some holes are missing; "X" means that hole number is unknown. 1. Alligator, standing, with boxing gloves. Split-level; center hole leads to parking lot. X. Giant skull. Shoot through missing front teeth. X. Windmill. X. Lighthouse. 5. Eiffel Tower. 6. Big ape. Arms move, mouth closes; ramp leads up to mouth. "So difficult that Jack Nicholson himself couldn't make it." 7. Pirate, with sword and hooked arm. Treasure chest on island. 8. "Aim for the octopus, third tentacle." X. Dinosaur eating a caveman. Rectangular zig-zag between legs. "Finally, a practical use for geometry." X. Great Sphinx. Pyramidal obstacles. X. Large shoe. (The old woman who lives in a shoe?) 12. Graveyard with revolving Angel of Death. "Bank it off the pink tombstone." X. Itchy and Scratchy in the explosives factory. X. Twin cooling towers with atom decoration. 18. Abe Lincoln swinging his legs. >> Ned Flanders' telephone du4@mace.cc.purdue.edu (Ted Goldstein) reports that Flanders' phone buttons were programmed for: Reverend (home) Reverend (work) Recycling Center Bookmobile =============================================================================== > Quotes =============================================================================== One o'clock. Still just a potato. -- Bart, about his Science Project, ``Dead Putting Society'' There's nothing wrong with crabgrass. It just has a bad name, that's all. Everyone would love it if it had a cute name like, eh, `elfgrass'. -- Homer defending crabgrass against Flanders, ``Dead Putting Society'' Homer: Marge, Where's the Duff!?! Marge: Ohh, uh, we're all out, Homer. Homer: Doh! Marge: Would you like some fruit juice? Homer: Don't toy with me, woman!! -- Homer needs refreshment while mowing the lawn, ``Dead Putting Society'' Homer: All right, knock it off! Ned: Knock what off, Simpson? Homer: You've been rubbing my nose in it since I got here! Your family is better than my family, your beer comes from away, than my beer, you and your son like each other, and your wife's [gasp] is higher than my wife's butt! You make me sick! Ned: Simpson, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask to leave. I hope you understand. Homer: I wouldn't stay on a bet! [finishes his beer] -- a friendly visit to the Flanders rumpus room, ``Dead Putting Society'' Homer: Lousy bragging know-it-all showoff... Marge: What exactly did he say? Homer: Get this. He said, uh, he said... Well, it wasn't so much what he said; it was how he said it. Marge: Well, how did he say it? Homer: Well, he... Marge: Was he angry? Homer: No. Marge: Was he rude? Homer: Okay, okay, it wasn't how he said it, either. -- Homer sore about Flanders, ``Dead Putting Society'' Mrs. Lovejoy: Honey, wake up. Honey, it sounds like Ned Flanders. And some sort of crisis. Rev. Lovejoy: Oh. Probably stepped on a worm... -- Flanders calls in the middle of the night, ``Dead Putting Society'' Mm. I going to wash my hair... -- Marge, after Homer suggests the family go miniature golfing, ``Dead Putting Society'' Lisa: And I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll bring home a brand new protractor. Homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm. -- Homer suggests the family go miniature golfing, ``Dead Putting Society'' Play it where it lays, Homer. -- Bart after Homer botches a putt, ``Dead Putting Society'' Give up homeboy, there's a six stroke limit. -- Bart after Homer botches a putt, ``Dead Putting Society'' "The Toddmeister" (Todd Flanders): Hi Bart! Bart: Get bent. -- friendly greetings at the miniature golf course, ``Dead Putting Society'' Ned: Oh say, you look like you were having a little trouble there. Homer: That shot's impossible! Jack Nicholson himself couldn't make it! -- at the miniature golf course, ``Dead Putting Society'' Bart: Final score. Bart, forty-one. Homer... let's see... six plus six plus six plus six plus six plus... Homer: Never mind! -- leaving the miniature golf course, ``Dead Putting Society'' Todd: Wow! First prize fifty dollars! Bart: Wow! Free balloons for everyone who enters! -- seeing a sign announcing a miniature golf tournament, ``Dead Putting Society'' Flanders: So, my little Bartly, thinking of entering the tournament? Homer: Yeah, he's entering. And what's more, he's going to win, aren't you, boy? Bart: I guess it's possible... Flanders: Hey hey, I like that confidence. Oh yeah? Well I think the fruit of my loins can beat the fruit of your loins any day of the week! C'mon boy! -- Homer tells off Flanders, ``Dead Putting Society'' Bart: But Dad! I've never won anything in my life! Homer: Son, this is the only time I'm ever gonna say this. It is okay to lose! -- The ghost of Vince Lombardi? ``Dead Putting Society'' Keep your head down, follow through. [Bart putts and misses] Okay, that didn't work. This time, move your head and don't follow through. -- Homer giving putting advice, ``Dead Putting Society'' Homer: What are you doing! That putter is to you what a baseball bat is to a baseball player! What a violin is... to the... the guy that... the violin guy! Now c'mon! Give your putter a name. Bart: What? Homer: C'mon, give it a name. Bart: Mister Putter. Homer: Doh.. You wanna try a little harder son? C'mon give it a girl's name. Bart: Mom. Homer: Your putters name is Charlene! Bart: Why? Homer: It just is, that's why! Now this, is a picture of your enemy, Todd Flanders. Every day, I want you to spend fifteen minutes staring at it. And concentrating on how much you hate him, and how glorious it will be when you and Charlene annihilate him! Bart: Who's Charlene? Homer: I'll show you who Charlene is! Now start hating! Bart: Grrrrrrrr... rrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! -- a pep talk, ``Dead Putting Society'' Marge: Homer, I couldn't help overhearing you warp Bart's mind. Homer: And? Marge: I'm worried that you're making too big a deal of this silly little kiddie golf tournament. Homer: But Marge, but this is our big chance to show up the Flanders's. Marge: Well, I'm sure it is, but why do we want to do that? Homer: Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves! -- Marge concerned over Homer's tactics, ``Dead Putting Society'' Bart: Hey Lis, whatdya call those guys in chess that don't matter. Lisa: Well, a blockaded bishop is of little value, but I think you're referring to a pawn. Bart: Right. I am a pawn. Lisa: Hmm... I know. It's times like this that I'm thankful Dad has little to no interest in almost everything I do. Bart, I think I can help you. -- Lisa offers some sisterly advice, ``Dead Putting Society'' Golf... `Anecdotes'... `Eisenhower and'... `fishing'... `humor'... `Japanese obsession with'... Ah, here it is... `Putting'. -- Lisa, looking through card catalog under `Golf', ``Dead Putting Society'' Bart: Lisa, we can't afford all these books! Lisa: Bart, we're just gonna borrow them. Bart: Oh... heh, heh... gotcha! [wink] -- in the library, ``Dead Putting Society'' Lisa: But Bart, how can sound exist if there's no one there to hear it. Bart: Wooooooo... Lisa: It is time. -- Bart finally gets it, ``Dead Putting Society'' Lisa: The basis of this game seems to be simple geometry. All you have to do is hit the ball... here. [Tap] [Clunk-clunk] [Clunk-clunk] [Duh-dunk] Bart: I can't believe it. You actually found a practical use for geometry! -- at the miniature golf course, ``Dead Putting Society'' Homer: Keep your left arm straight, Bart! Rotate your shoulders! Lisa+Bart: DAD! Homer: Look son, all I'm asking is that you try. Bart: Ok, I'll try. Homer: Doh! Anybody can try! I want you to ! Lisa: Eighth hole. Bart: Aim for the octopus, third tentacle. Lisa: Twelfth hole. Bart: Bank it off the pink tombstone. Lisa: Nirvanha. Bart: A state of bliss obtained through the extinction of the self. -- pre-game drills, ``Dead Putting Society'' Lisa: Oats are what a champion thoroughbred eats before he or she wins the Kentucky Derby. Homer: Newsflash, Lisa, Bart is not a horse! -- the breakfast table the day of the contest, ``Dead Putting Society'' Lisa: Bart, having never received any words of encouragement myself, I'm not sure how they're supposed to sound. Here goes. I believe in you. Bart: Thanks, man. -- pre-game pep talk, ``Dead Putting Society'' Homer: Remember what Vince Lombardi said: If you lose you're out of the family! Marge: Homer! [slap] Homer: Ow. -- words of encouragement during the golf match, ``Dead Putting Society'' This is the most stirring display of gallantry and sportsmanship since Mountbatten gave India back to the Punjabs. -- Tearful announcer, ``Dead Putting Society'' Mm. My best dress... -- Marge watches Homer mow the lawn in her Sunday dress, ``Dead Putting Society'' Why do I get the feeling that someday I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist? -- Lisa watching Homer mow the lawn in Marge's dress, ``Dead Putting Society'' =============================================================================== Episode summaries Copyright 1991 by Raymond Chen. Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission. (The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.)

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