Simpson and Delilah Written by Jon Vitti Directed by Rich Moore +gt; Title sequence Blackb

Master Index Current Directory Index Go to SkepticTank Go to Human Rights activist Keith Henson Go to Scientology cult

Skeptic Tank!

Simpson and Delilah Written by Jon Vitti Directed by Rich Moore =============================================================================== > Title sequence =============================================================================== Blackboard :- `Tar is not a plaything'. `Tar is not a pla' at cutoff. Couch: :- They do a little dance. =============================================================================== > Didja notice... =============================================================================== ... Homer was having trouble with the questions on `Grade School Challenge'? ... the name Dimoxinil bears a more-than-coincidental similarity to the real-world hair product Minoxidil? ... the sign that says `Honor system coffee refills 25c' over the coffee urn, and nobody paid? ... the on the "I Dimoxinil" T-shirt had hair growing on it? [Jym Dyer] ... the music the doctor used to drown out their conversation was the Mexican Hat Dance, the same music Marge and Homer used to drown out their conversation in `War of the Simpsons'? ... Barney was drinking at Moe's tavern early in the morning? ... Homer was reading `Playdude' in the barber shop? ... when Homer comes into work, he puts his hardhat over a meter that is in the red? Even worse, the sign clearly stated, ``Hard Hats Required''! ... when Burns is viewing the security monitors, one screen has the picture of somebody smoking in front of a `No smoking' sign? ... the musicians in the executive washroom were playing Claude Debussy's String Quartet? [David Halm] ... Maggie didn't fall down? [Chris Baird] ... The graffito of Burns on the workers' dunny? (Anyone able to make out what it says?) ... the IBM PC in the personnel office? [Dave Hall (] ... the sunglasses & pony-tail Homer is sporting when he asks Lisa what she wants? (cf. Don Johnson look from a few years back?) ... the books on Mr. Burns' desk are facing away from him? (He can't see the titles). =============================================================================== > Movie References =============================================================================== It's a Wonderful Life - Homer running through town when he gets his hair. Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? - Homer receives the key to the executive washroom. {gh} =============================================================================== > Freeze-frame fun =============================================================================== >> Homer's medidine cabinet Observed by Chris Baird {cjb} - Hair Master - Hair Chow - Gorilla man - Bald Buster - NU GRO - Baby powder - a `I like to smile' sticker - Soft ????? - U wanna B hair E - A razor + a few other things {cjb} couldn't make out >> The Royal Majesty The store where Homer and Karl went shopping had the sign: Royal Majesty For the obese or gangly gentleman No food or drink in store and inside, the sign `You rip it, you buy it.' >> The insurance form Roger Allen {rla} reports: 1) His birthdate was 5/??/55. 2) He [was born] in either Nebraska or North Carolina, since the form was filled out as State: NE or NC. 3) His sex is Male (yes, really!), but the interesting part is--he checked Female first, then partially erased it. What a Homer! David Albert {da} reports: Full Name: Homer I. Simpson Birthdate: May 10, 1955 SSN: 568-47-0000 (The 7th and 10th digits might be 8's). [Note: SSNs beginning "568" are all assigned in California, so we can presume that Homer was either born or at some point lived in California] Home Phone: 555-6528 Work Phone: 555-7334 (I think; hard to tell on my TV). Finally, notice that the form in his folder is clearly marked "EMPLOYEE COPY" along the right-hand edge. I guess he filed the wrong copy of the form. [Actually, it was marked `EMPLOYEE COMPLETE'. --rjc] [Note that Homer's middle initial is given as `J' in many other episodes, so we can probably assume that the `I' is either sloppy handwriting or a mistake.] ============================================================================== > Inside jokes =============================================================================== When Burns emerges from the bathroom stall in the executive washroom, he says I was watching the DuMont last night, when I happened to catch a fascinating documentary on Rommel, the Desert Fox... Bill Morris reminds us that DuMont was one of the first companies to produce television sets. But the pun is that back in the early 50's, DuMont had its own television network in competition with the big three, much like what FOX is doing now. (DuMont went under because they didn't have the resources to expand.) And to make sure we get the joke, the documentary just happens to be about the Desert FOX. =============================================================================== > Is Karl a Homersexual? =============================================================================== Harvey Fierstein is gay by his own admission. Does this carry over to his character? Marc Conte points out that there were some references to the Gay movement. Karl says that a new suit should say, ``Don't judge me, love me!'', which is a slogan seen at Pride marches. And Karl gets into high gear when he gets Homer to go through an affirmation--Homer yells at the top of his lungs that he is nature's greatest miracle, etc. In `Do the Bartman', Jacques is dancing with a woman, who turns into Karl. =============================================================================== > Other stuff =============================================================================== Robert Lippman points out that Bart doesn't react to the fact that he's ruined his father and his family. What scares him is that baldness is heriditary. Of course, what Homer doesn't say (perhaps because he doesn't know) is that male pattern baldness is sex-linked. You inherit it from your mother, not your father. =============================================================================== > Quotes and scene summary =============================================================================== % Homer, Patty and Selma are sitting on the couch watching TV (with TV dinner % trays in front of them). Bart and Lisa are on the floor. TV host: Okay, the capital of North Dakota was named for what German ruler? Homer: Hitler! Marge: [coming in with food] Hitler, North Dakota? -- watching `Grade School Challenge', ``Simpson and Delilah'' TV host: The colors of the Italian flag are red, white, and what? [all four simultaneously] Bart: Blue! Orange! Red! Purple! Patty: [bored] Green. Selma: [bored] Green. Homer: Yellow! Red! White! Black! Green! Contestant: [pause] Green. Homer: I was right! -- watching `Grade School Challenge', ``Simpson and Delilah'' % then a hair restoration treatment commercial comes on the television... Dimoxinil can help me grow as much, or as little, hair as I want to. -- advertisement for a hair restoration treatment, ``Simpson and Delilah'' For your free brochure send five dollars to Dimoxinil, 485 Hair Plaza, Hair City, Utah. -- advertisement for a hair restoration treatment, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Homer goes to his medicine cabinet... Marge, weren't you listening? This is a miracle breakthrough! Not one of these cheapo sucker deals! [tosses a cheapo sucker hair restoration product in the trash] -- Hope springs eternal in Homer, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Homer pays a visit to the center, to find that it costs $1000. We do have a product that is more in your price range. However, I must assure you that any hair growth you experience while using it will be purely coincidental. -- ``Dr. H'', ``Simpson and Delilah'' Homer: [breaks down in tears] Of all the rip-off, screw job, chip joint... [gets up] Forget you pal... [sobbing] thanks for nothing. [leaves, crying] [at the nuclear plant] Homer: So I say, [angrily] Forget you, pal! Thanks for nothing! And I storm right out of there. -- A matter of perpective, ``Simpson and Delilah'' Dry fish-sticks! This sucks! -- Homer complains about cafeteria fare, ``Simpson and Delilah'' Worker: Quit complaining, chrome-dome. Homer: D'oh! If I had hair, you wouldn't be calling me that! -- ``Simpson and Delilah'' % One of his co-workers suggests putting it on the company medical insurance, % figuring that all it will mean is that Burns won't be able to buy another % ivory back-scratcher, Why should you get nothing, while some guy who loses a finger hits the jackpot? -- One of Homer's coworkers cajoles him into filing a false medical insurance form, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Homer pays ``Dr. H'' another visit. They arrange a shady deal in the alley. % Homer then follows the instructions, including the scalp massage while % hanging upside-down. Dear God, give a bald guy a break. Amen. -- Homer's hairful prayer, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Homer wakes up to find a full head of hair, and runs through town in % his nightgown, saying good morning to the Winfields, Moe's Tavern, Homer: Good morning, Moe's Tavern! Barney: Hey, it's the president! -- Homer gets hair, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % a funeral, and another man who is running through town doing the same thing! % He returns home to his loving family, then pays a visit to the barber. % Marge talks to her sisters... Marge: Just between us girls, he hasn't been this frisky in years! Patty: [grunt] I don't want to think about it. Homer: [from offscreen] Daddy's home, sugar! Marge: [goes offscreen to greet him] Homer: Come here, you.. heh heh heh. Marge: Oh, Ooh! -- ``Simpson and Delilah'' Patty: This is Homer? Oh, my! Selma: [grunt] Patty, stop drooling. Patty: Look who's talking. -- Homer gets hair, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Burns surveys the security monitors... Burns: None of these cretins deserves a promotion! Smithers: It's in the union contract, sir. One token promotion from within per year. Burns: [indicating the security monitor] Wait, who's that young go-getter? Smither: Well, it sort of looks like [chuckle] Homer Simpson, only more dynamic and resourceful. Burns: Simpson, eh? -- ``Simpson and Delilah'' Attention Homer Simpson. You have been promoted. You are now an executive. Take three minutes to say good-bye to your former friend and report to room 503 for reassignment to a better life. -- Smither's PA announcement, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Homer interviews for a secretary... Well, your resume [pronounced ree-zoom] seems good enough... -- Homer interviews for a secretary, ``Simpson and Delilah'' Karl: You don't belong here. You're a fraud and a phony, and it's only a matter of time until they find you out. Homer: Gasp! Who told you? Karl: You did. You told with me with the way you slump your shoulders, the way you talk into your chest, the way you smother yourself in bargain-basement lime-green polyester. -- Homer hires a secretary, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % First order of business is a new wardrobe. The next morning, Marge % wishes Homer a happy anniversary, and Homer realizes he forgot . % But Marge is surprised by a singing telegram (sent by Karl). At the % board meeting... Smithers: Our first issue, sir, is our low productivity and record high worker accident rate. Burns: [expels breath] Any suggestions? Advisor1: A round of layoffs might wake up the idiots. Advisor2: We could put caffeine in the water cooler. -- ``Simpson and Delilah'' Burns: How would you improve the worker situation? Homer: Well, sir, for one thing, we have a problem every Tuesday when the cafeteria would serve fish sticks... Burns: Fish sticks!? What in blazes are you talking about? Homer: Well, sir, they cut the head off the fish, then chop up the rest of the sticks [sic]. Then they put seasoned breadcrumbs on it... -- Haven't I heard this joke before? ``Simpson and Delilah'' Let them have their tar-tar sauce! -- Burns implements Homer's plan, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Homer's tartar sauce solution seems to have worked... You know, sir, accidents decreased by exactly the number that Simpson himself is known or suspected to have caused last month. And our output level is just as high as during Simpson's last vacation. -- Smithers, on Homer's promotion, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Burns is so impressed by Simpson's work that he gives Homer the key % to the executive washroom. While Homer pays it a visit... Oh, hey ho, men. You know, I was watching the Dumont last night, when I happened to catch a fascinating documentary on Rommel, the Desert Fox... -- Mr. Burns emerges from a bathroom stall, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % When Homer becomes Burns' `favorite', Smithers gets mad and throws the % handtowel to the floor. (Upon which a man quickly dashes out, picks % it up, and backs away, somewhat like a tennis ballboy.) At night, Smithers % sneaks into the files and finds Homer's phony medical insurance form. Hm... $1000? Dimoxinil? ``To keep brain from freezing''? -- Smithers finds Homer's phony medical insurance form, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % The Simpsons yard is loaded with toys, and Marge suggests that they save % some of it for a rainy day. ``Rainy day? There's never going to be % a rainy day, Marge!'' Homer: [kindly] And what does my little girl want? Lisa: An absence of mood swings and some stability in my life. Homer: Uh... How about a pony? Lisa: Okay! -- ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Burns asks Homer to give an inspirational speech to the executives. % Smithers informs Burns of his discovery... Smithers: One of your executives has bilked the company insurance plan out of $1000. Burns: What!? Blast his hide to Hades! [thunder roars outside] And I was going to buy that ivory back-scratcher... -- ``Simpson and Delilah'' % [Apparently, the Simpsons rainy day has come.] Smithers informs Homer % that he's been fired, but Karl takes the fall. Homer is at a loss % and watches Karl leave in the rain. When Karl realizes Homer forgot % his umbrella, he gives Homer his. While Homer panics on the drive home, % Bart dreams of having a beard and splashes the Dimoxinil on his face. % Homer returns, and Bart spills the bottle. Homer: [strangles Bart] Boy must die! Bart: I love you, Dad! Homer: D'oh! [lets him go] Dirty trick. Okay, I'm not going to kill you, but I'm going to tell you three things that are gonna haunt you for the rest of your days. You've ruined your father, you've crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary! Bart: It is!? -- Bart spills the Dimoxinil, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Homer asks Marge if she has any money squirreled away and reaches into % her hairdo, but she stops him. Dad is taking this in less than a heroic fashion. -- Lisa observes Homer, reduced to blubbering when he realizes he's doomed, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Homer arrives at work the next morning and finds a note... Homer: [picks up a note] Karl's voice: Dear Mr. Simpson, I've taken the liberty of preparing your speech on the enclosed 3x5 cards. All the big words are spelled phonetically Homer: Phonanetically. Karl's voice: God bless you. You are one of Springfield's very special creatures. [camera pulls back to reveal Karl is standing there] Your obedient servant, Karl. ... Good luck, sir. Homer: [startles] Karl, so that just a sweet voice I heard inside my head. -- ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Karl tells Homer he succeeded because of himself, and not his hair. Homer: I'm just a big fool. Karl: Oh no, you're not. Homer: How do you know? Karl: Because my mother taught me never to kiss a fool! [smack] Homer: [somewhat surprised] Karl! Karl: Now go get 'em, tiger! Homer: [roar!] Karl: [pats Homer's behind as he leaves] -- ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Homer presents his speech, sans hair. Homer: [ahem] A lot of you would think I was crazy if I did this. [burns a dollar bill] Burns: He's crazy! -- Homer gives a speech, ``Simpson and Delilah'' Some nerve, telling us how to run the plant. He doesn't even have hair! -- Executive watches Homer's presentation, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % They leave one-by-one... [card #56 reads: ``And the long-term benefits more than offset the one-time costs, for a net savings of $526,000.'' Homer: And the long-term benefits more than offset the one-time costs, for a net savings of... fuh, five thousand, two eh hundred and... lots of money... -- Homer's failed speech, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Homer is taken to Burns' office, but he doesn't fire him. Burns: Simpson, how old do you think I am? Homer: I dunno. A hundred and two? Burns: [sadly] I'm only eighty-one... -- Missed it by that much, ``Simpson and Delilah'' % Burns recalls his own hairful days... Burns: I'm giving you your old job back. Homer: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! Burns: Now get out of here before I reconsider. Homer: Oh. Better hurry up. -- ``Simpson and Delilah'' % In bed, Marge consoles Homer and sings ``You are so beautiful''. % This cheers Homer up. =============================================================================== Episode summaries Copyright 1991 by Raymond Chen. Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission. (The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.)


E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank