This is one of the many Pet Shop sketches. Cleese is the customer and Palin
is the shopkeeper:
C: Good morning, I'd like to buy a cat.
P: I've got a lovely terrier.
C: No no I want a cat really.
P: Ah how 'bout this then?
C: Well that's a terrier.
P: Well it's as near as dammit!
C: What do you mean, I want a cat.
P: Look, I'll tell you what - I'll file his legs down a bit, take his snout out,
stick a few wires through his cheeks, make a lovely cat that would.
C: No no no no no, it's still not a proper cat.
P: What do you mean?
C: Well it wouldn't meow.
P: Well it would howl a bit.
C: No no no. Um, have you got a budgie?
P: Ah no, fresh out of them. I'll tell you what, I'll lop its back legs off,
make good, strip the fur, stitch on a couple of wings, and staple on a beak
of your own choice. No problem, lovely budgie!
C: Well how long would that take?
P: Ooh conversion like that, ah back legs off, stripping, ooh ah Harry, could
you do a budgie job on a terrier straightaway?
Harry (in back room): I'm still putting the tuck in the airedale,
then I got the frogs to let out!
C: No no, I need it tomorrow. It's a present.
P: Oh long job a budgie. Tell you what, a terrier makes a lovely fish. I could
do that for you now. Legs off, fins on, simple metal tube through the back
of his head so it could breath, bits of gold paint, make good?
: You'd need a big tank!
P: It's a great conversation piece!
C: Yes, yes, allright, but um ... only if I can watch!