The Dead Bishop on the Landing sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus. Mother (turning o

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5 *** The Dead Bishop on the Landing sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus.*** Mother: (turning off radio) liberal rubbish! Klaus! Klaus: Yeah? M: Whaddaya want with yer jugged fish? K: 'Alibut. M: The jugged fish IS 'alibut! K: Well, what fish 'ave you got that isn't jugged? M: Rabbit. K: What, rabbit fish? M: Uuh,'s got fins.... K: Is it dead? M: Well, it was coughin' up blood last night. K: All right, I'll have the dead unjugged rabbit fish. voice over: one dead unjugged rabbit fish later: K: (putting down his knife and fork) Well, that was really 'orrible. M: Aaw, you're always complainin'! K: Wha's for afters? M: Rat cake, rat sorbet, rat pudding, or strawberry tart. K: (eyes lighting up) Strawberry tart? M: Well, it's got *some* rat in it. K: 'Ow much? M: Three. A lot, really. K: Well, I'll have a slice without so much rat in it. voice over: One slice of strawberry tart without so much rat in it later: K: (putting down fork and knife) Appalling. M: Naw, naw, naw! Son: (coming in the door) 'Ello Mum. 'Ello Dad. K: 'Ello son. S: There's a dead bishop on the landing, dad! K: Really? M: Where's it from? S: Waddya mean? M: What's its diocese?S: Well, it looked a bit Bath and Wells-ish to me... K: (getting up and going out the door) I'll go and have a look. M: I don't bringin' 'em in here.... S: It's not me! M: I've got three of 'em down by the bin, and the dustmen won't touch 'em! K: (coming back in) Leicester. M: 'Ow d'you know? K: Tattooed on the back o' the neck. I'll call the police. M: Shouldn't you call the church? S: Call the church police! K: All right. (shouting) The Church Police! (sirens racing up, followed by a tremendous crash) (the church police burst in the door) Detective What's all this then, Amen! M: Are you the church police? All the police officers: (in unison) Ho, Yes! M: There's another dead bishop on the landing, vicar sargeant! Detective: Uh, Detective Parson, madam. I see... suffrican, or diocisian? M: 'Ow should I know? D: It's tatooed on the back o' their neck. (spying the tart) 'Ere, is that rat tart? M: yes. D: Disgusting! Right! Men, the chase is on! Now we should all kneel! (they all kneel) All: O Lord, we beseech thee, tell us 'oo croaked Lester! (thunder) Voice of the Lord: The one in the braces, he done it! Klaus: It's a fair cop, but society's to blame. Detective: Agreed. We'll be charging them too. K: I'd like you to take the three boddlabin into consideration. D: Right. I'll now ask you all to conclude this harrest with a hymn. All: All things bright and beautiful, All creatures great and small, All things wise and wonderful, The church has nigged them all. Amen.


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