Fruitbat Issue Fruitbat Issue Fruitbat Issue Fruitbat Issue Fruitbat Iss M M 0000 0000

---
Master Index Current Directory Index Go to SkepticTank Go to Human Rights activist Keith Henson Go to Scientology cult

Skeptic Tank!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fruitbat Issue - Fruitbat Issue - Fruitbat Issue - Fruitbat Issue - Fruitbat Iss -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _ /\ _ _ /\ _ / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ \_____/ () \_____/ MM MM 0 //0 0 //0 S E \_____/ () \_____/ / \ M M M M 0 // 0 0 // 0 SSSS EEEEE / \ / \__/ \ M M M 0// 0 0// 0 S E / \__/ \ /__________\ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE /__________\ DDDD RRRR OOOO PPPPP PPPPP IIIII N N GGGGG SSSSS D D R R O O P P P P I NN N G S D D RRRR O O PPPPP PPPPP I N N N G GGG SSSS D D R R O O P P I N NN G G S DDDD R R OOOO P P IIIII N N GGGG SSSSS A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE M00SE ILLUMINATI Issue #40| Disclaimer: The Editors will place almost anything in |Apr. 09, 1990 ---------- this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill the -------------- issue, so don't blame them for the quality or content of the submissions. Except -ing those they may have written themselves, the enclosed items do not in any way represent the Editors' fnord opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say that as far as this newsletter is concerned, they have no opinions at all. OK? ================================================================================ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ************************************* STAFF ************************************ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Editor - Patrick Salsbury Submissions to: DangerM00se Back issue requests: Max Handelsman and Johnathan Clemens or AND Joanne Rosenshein M00se List updates and changes: Herschm00se the Beanmeister Ben & Jerry's VermonsterFest (tm) Coordinator: BlAcKDoG (This space to let): Contact WarM00se -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- **************************** EDITORIALS AND LETTERS **************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hmm. Guess it's time to get another sporadic issue of this stuff out. Sorry they are so irregular this semester. See, I'm on this new diet...and I'm not getting enough fiber...and... Ahem. Sorry! ;^) Anyway, here it is..... -Pat - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - From: agtoa!greyfox@uunet.uu.NET (GreyFoxM00se) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ From: Lynette M. Conrad Date: March 29, 1990 Subject: One Child's Wish Hello. I am passing along a message that I got from a friend who received it from the Children's Wish Foundation in Atlanta. If you can please send a card and forward this information to your friends. It is really neat that doing something as simple as sending a card will make this child's wish come true....thanks.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Please join us in helping to make one extremely sick child's wish come true... This particular child's name is Craig Shergold. He is seven years old and has a very short time to live due to a brain tumor. Craig's wish is to have his name added to the list of "Record Holders" in the Guinness Book of World Records. The record he wishes to be accountable for is the person who has received the most get-well cards --- the record now stands at 1,000,265. This is such a small task for us to accomplish for a precious little seven year old. Let's put a smile on Craig's little face with a get-well card and let him know we all truly care by sending him a card as soon as possible. All cards must be received by Craig by no later than Sunday, April 15th, 1990, and be mailed to him at the following location: Craig Shergold c/o Children's Wish Foundation 32 Perimeter Center East Atlanta, Georgia 30346 Thank you in advance for your contribution to this 'small' request. Please pass the word so that we can all help Craig's wish come true." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please, if you have the time, send a card to make Craig's wish come true. I know it would mean the world to him. Thanks.... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [Ed. Note] We did a bit of calculation, and realized that 1,000,000 letters, at $.25 a pop, equals $250,000 dollars for the Post Office! Can you say "vested interest?" I knew that you could! :) -Pat -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ******************************* EVENTS AND NEWS ******************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >: From: mosley@peyote.cactus.org (Bob Mosley III) >: >: Wednesday morning, Feb. 28, the offices of Steve Jackson Games, inc., >: were raided by FBI and Secret Service officials. The establishment was >: shit down, and all computer systems, including the Illuminati BBS, >: were confiscated. According to Fearless Leader (the SJG-BBS sjsop, reporting on another Austin BBS), not all the computers were taken -- just the BBS, a laser printer (Murphy only knows what the Secret Service thought they could get out of that -- reading the typewriter ribbon?), and some disks and papers. >: As of this writing, the Mentor is reportedly out on bail, sans system >: and network connection. The Illuminati BBS is still down, although SJ >: Games is back in operation, and no charges have been filed against any >: of the employees other than The Mentor. The systems owned by SJ Games >: have not been returned as of this writing. Mentor is Loyd Blankenship, recently made the chief editor at SJ Games. I hadn't heard he was involved, though I'd heard an unofficial report that one SJG employee's home was raided and his system taken. The following is what appears if you call SJB-BBS right now (at 1200 baud or less). (Sorry for the caps and weird formatting, the system they're using is an old Apple II, considered expendable if the Feds decide to come back.) GREETINGS, MORTAL! YOU HAVE ENTERED THE SECRET COMPUTER SYSTEM OF /\ / \ / () \ / ____ \ / / \ \ /__________\ THE ILLUMINATI FRONTED BY STEVE JACKSON GAMES INCORPORATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FNORD NOTE! AT THE MOMENT ILLUMINATI IS AN READ-ONLY SYSTEM. READ THE INFORMATION BELOW TO FIND OUT WHY. USING THE SPACE BAR WILL LOG YOU OFF. YOU CAN STOP THE SCROLLING AT ANY TIME WITH A CONTROL-S. CONTROL-Q WILL RESUME THE SCROLLING. YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT OUR CORPORATE MASCOT, WHO USUALLY GREETS OUR CALLERS WITH A CHEERFUL SMILE, IS FROWNING TODAY. I THINK YOU'LL AGREE HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO. BEFORE THE START OF WORK ON MARCH 1, STEVE JACKSON GAMES WAS VISITED BY AGENTS OF THE UNITED STATES SECRET SERVICE. THEY SEARCHED THE BUILDING THOROUGHLY, TORE OPEN SEVERAL BOXES IN THE WAREHOUSE, BROKE A FEW LOCKS AND DAMAGED A COUPLE OF FILING CABINETS (WHICH WE WOULD GLADLY HAVE LET THEM EXAMINE, HAD THEY LET US INTO THE BUILDING), ANSWERED THE PHONE DIS- COURTEOUSLY AT BEST, PROBABLY ATE A FEW OF THE ORANGE SLICES THAT WERE ON FEARLESS LEADER'S DESK (WHICH THEY WERE WELCOME TO, BY THE WAY), AND CONFISCATED SOME COMPUTER EQUIPMENT, INCLUDING THE COMPUTER THAT THE BBS WAS RUNNING ON AT THE TIME. SO FAR WE HAVE NOT RECEIVED A CLEAR EXPLANATION OF WHAT THE SECRET SERVICE WAS LOOKING FOR, WHAT THEY EXPECTED TO FIND, OR MUCH OF ANYTHING ELSE. WE ARE FAIRLY CERTAIN THAT STEVE JACKSON GAMES IS NOT THE TARGET OF WHATEVER INVESTI- GATION IS BEING CONDUCTED; IN ANY CASE, WE HAVE DONE NOTHING ILLEGAL AND HAVE NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO HIDE. HOWEVER, THE EQUIPMENT THAT WAS SEIZED IS APPARENTLY CONSIDERED TO BE EVIDENCE IN WHATEVER THEY'RE INVESTIGATING, SO WE AREN'T LIKELY TO GET IT BACK ANY TIME SOON. IT COULD BE A MONTH, IT COULD BE NEVER. IN THE MEANTIME, FEARLESS HAS LOANED STEVE JACKSON GAMES THE APPLE SJSTEM THE BBS RAN ON BACK IN THE OLD DAYS BEFORE JOENET. TO MINIMIZE THE POSSI- BILITY THAT THIS SJSTEM WILL BE CONFIS- CATED AS WELL, WE HAVE SET IT UP TO DISPLAY THIS BULLETIN, AND THAT'S ALL. THERE IS NO MESSAGE BASE AT PRESENT. WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE, AND WE WISH WE DARED DO MORE THAN THIS. HOWEVER, WE AGONIZED LONG AND HARD, AND DECIDED IT WAS A COURTESY TO OUR CALLERS TO LET THEM KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING. AT THIS POINT WE DON'T KNOW WHEN THE BBS WILL BE BACK UP FOR REAL. IF YOU HAVE IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR US, SUCH AS PLAYTEST NOTES, YOU CAN MAIL THEM TO US (YEAH, I KNOW, ECCH) OR IF IT'S SOMETHING TRULY IMPORTANT, YOU CAN REACH US AT OUR VOICE NUMBER (512-447-7866). IN THE MEANTIME, FEARLESS WILL BE CHECKING IN ON A REGULAR BASIS ON SMOF (512-UFO-SMOF) AND RED OCTOBER (512-834-2548). IN PARTICULAR, IF YOU HAVE DOWNLOADED THE GURPS CYBERPUNK PLAYTEST MATERIAL THAT WAS ON THE BOARD, PLEASE LET US KNOW RIGHT AWAY SO WE CAN ARRANGE TO GET A COPY. SOME OF THAT MATERIAL WAS NOT EASILY REPLACABLE, AND WE WOULD LIKE TO GET COPIES - IT WOULD MAKE GETTING GURPS CYBERPUNK OUT MUCH, MUCH EASIER (AND IT WOULD COME OUT THAT MUCH SOONER). PLEASE CALL US AND ASK TO TALK TO CREEDE OR LOYD FOR ARRANGEMENTS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING, AND THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS GIVEN US WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT AND SUPPORT. WE HOPE WE'LL BE BACK ON LINE, FULL TIME, VERY SOON. -- STEVE JACKSON GAMES AND THE SJSOPS OF THE ILLUMINATI BBS <> <> The comment about GURPS Cyberpunk playtest material is interesting -- that was the project Loyd was working on, and it sounds like the Secret Service made off with all the copies SJG had. Wonder if they're confusing gaming with reality? Incidentally, I am a frequent user of SJG-BBS, and I've never seen anything there that the government could find remotely interesting, and the sjsops of Illuminati BBS have been *very* careful to run a clean system. About the only place they might find anything would be in the private e-mail system, if that. ---Walter - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - For those of you who remember WAAAAAAY back to Issue 30, Steven "Fruitbat" Foster unknowingly contributed a piece entitled "Daydreams of a Kinky Fruitbat" to our 'Droppings. I've finally located a working address for him, and have sent him some info on the M.I. and such. He has decided to join our illustrious ranks! Welcome, Fruitbat! (And, of course, welcome to all the new m00ses that have joined recently! ....And I see Jimmy, and Charlotte, and Kim, and David, and all sorts of other m00ses through the Magical Romper Room (tm) Mirror....) His address (Fruitbat's), if you care to write, is: IN%"foster@jumbly.enet.dec.COM" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ***************************** FICTION AND POETRY ******************************* -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NATURAL HISTORY OF FRUITBATS Fruitbats: description Fruitbats are small, brown and mildly furry. They have the cutest faces of any bat, little pointy ears that stick out and very sharp teeth designed to be indignant with. There is a great variety of size in fruitbats, ranging from twelve inches in height, to a little over six foot tall. A fruitbat will generally flitter about at great speed making little "meeping" noises. It is pretty much impossible to determine what it will do next. Fruitbats: habitat A fruitbat is a small unassuming bat whose natural habitat is dark forest in some of the warmer places of the earth. For unknown reasons, some fruitbats have migrated northwards and are now living in warm and comfy centrally heated houses in the UK. It is thought that this maybe the result of early explorers adopting them and introducing them to culture. Fruitbats: food The rustic bats will live mainly on rotting mango, which is a good source of essential alcohol. The fruitbat will spot a mango from the treetops and spiral down at great speed making anticipatory happy meeps. Opening its mouth wide it then dives into the mango where it will suck the juice until incapable of moving. Predators are wary of attacking a feeding fruitbat, which will either attack with its sharp teeth, or launch into a rendition of "The Time Warp", depending on how long it has spent in the mango. The main alternatives to mango in the fruitbat diet are Mars bars and Guinness. It is generally not advisable to provide too much of these though, as a fruitbat will eat them whether it is hungry or not. Fruitbats: mating With very little else to do other than meep and get pissed on mango, fruitbats tend to mate fairly frequently, although more scientific investigation needs to be made into what constitutes a breeding pair. This is further complicated by the fruitbat philosopy that "if it's got a big dick and a supply of Mars bars then its as near to being a fruitbat as makes no odds". This leads to problems of aviation. To attract the other fruitbats, most have now evolved to be too well endowed to fly. A fruitbat who attempts to fly is likely to make the following conversation prior to plummeting to the ground: "Meep, meepety meep, meep, ooh, meep, Aaarrrgggh!". A small proportion of fruitbats are heterosexual. This abnormal behaviour is tolerated in the fruitbat community, but is limited to those over 21. Fruitbats: domestic A fruitbat makes a wonderful addition to a household. It is extremely difficult to gain their affections, but when you do, it'll be very difficult to ever extricate yourself from its arms again. A good starting point when attracting a fruitbat is to own a large collection of mars bars and to be able to cook (a change from raw mango is always nice). Fruitbats: language Fruitbats have a rich and varied language - depending more on tone and facial expression than anything else. When the only word in the vocabulary is "meep", this is probably just as well. Beginners in this language have great difficulty in hearing the subtlety of some meeps, so be warned. Here are some examples: Meep (decisive): I want my fur stroked. Meep (murmur): Yes, please carry on stroking my fur. Meeeep(growl): Carry on stroking, or I'll bite. Meeeeeeeeeep(wail): He's not stroking my fur any more. Meepety meep meep meep(excited): He's unwrapping a mars bar Meepfth(indistinct): Thank you for my mars bar. Now stroke. By Steven "Fruitbat" Foster (c) Digital Equipment Corp. PS - I'm currently working on the revised fruitbat (king henry the eighth edition) bible. I'll mail you a copy when it's finished. If you have that sort of mind, then you'll probably appreciate it :-) -Fruitbat. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *************************** M00SCELLANEOUS NONSENSE **************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Welcome to the Splat Factory!!!!! These are the entries to the most wonderful request to Falling Euphisms or Another Name to becoming one with the road in a very Zen-Like way..... You know, Like Street Pizza He pulled an "eat-the-street" from the 15th floor. He did his "dead-bird-flying" imitation. Spatula Surprise Terminal Face Plants Manhole cover imitations Temporary speed bumps Extra-large armadillos (Only for those who have driven on Texas ranch roads) Modern art (perhaps abstract art, depending on how far you fall) Decceleration Trauma Concrete Poisoning Cement Overdose Sidewalk Scrapings Blood Pancake Gutter Puddle Death by Inertia Curb-Diving Street Spatter Millimeter (wo)man roadkill retread resurface material(blacktop/whitetop/top) crow dinner gutter gulash Thank you, Alt.Suicide.Holiday for making this list presentable. Now do we have any euphemisms for Slitting Our Wrists out there? Like Hemoglobin Interior Decorating or Personal Porcelain Finger Painting? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ================================================================= Photocopies of this have been kicking around our office for ages. It has no author's name attached or any publication information so I have no idea where it originally came from. This may be a little out of season but from what I guess, you can plant kuzu any time of the year and enjoy it for generations to come. For those of you up north, yes this is a real plant, and rumor has it that there are odds being taken, on when Georgia will disappear under a cover of the stuff. ================================================================= Gardening Tips from Down South How to Grow Kudzu All you beginning gardeners out there might want to consider growing kudzu as a fine way to launch out into the great adventure of gardenning in the south. Kudzu, for those of you not already familiar with it, is a hardy perennial that can be grown quite well by the beginner who observes these few simple rules: Choosing a Plot: Kudzu can be grown almost anywhere, so site selection is not the problem it is with some other finicky plants like strawberries. Although kudzu will grow quite well on cement, for best result you should select an area having at least some dirt. To avoid possible lawsuits, it is advisable to plant well away from your neighbors house, unless, of course, you don't get along well with your neighbor anyway. Preparing the Soil: Go out and stomp on the soil for a while just to get its attention and to prepare it for kudzu. Deciding When to Plant: Kudzu should always be planted at night. If kudzu is planted during daylight hours, angry neighbors might see you and begin throwing rocks at you. Selecting the Proper Fertilizer: The best fertilizer I have discovered for kudzu is 40 weight non-detergent motor oil. Kudzu actually doesn't need anything to help it grow, but the motor oil helps to prevent scraping the underside of the tender leaves when the kudzu starts its rapid growth. It also cuts down on the friction and lessens the danger of fire when the kudzu really starts to move. Change oil once every thousand feet or every two weeks which ever comes first. Mulching the Plants: Contrary to what may be told by the Extension Service, kudzu can profit from a good mulch. I have found that a heavy mulch for the young plants produces a hardier crop. For best results, as soon as the young shoots begin to appear, cover kudzu with concrete blocks. Although this causes a temporary setback, your kudzu will accept this mulch as a challenge and will reward you with redoubled determination in the long run. Organic or Chemical Gardenning: Kudzu is ideal for either the organic gardener or for those who prefer to use chemicals to ward off garden pests. Kudzu is oblivious to both chemicals and pests. Therefore, you can grow organically and let the pests get out of the way of the kudzu as best they can, or you can spray any commercial poison directly on your crop. Your decision depends on how much you enjoy killing bugs. The kudzu will not mind either way. Crop Rotation: Many gardeners are understandably concerned that growing the same crop year after year will deplete the soil. If you desire to change from kudzu to some other plant next year, now is the time to begin preparations. Right now, before the growing season has reached its peak, you should list your house and lot with a reputable real estate agent and begin making plans to move elsewhere. Your chances of selling will be better now than they will be later in the year, when it may be difficult for a prospective buyer to realize that underneath those lush green vines stands an adorable three-bedroom house. {ed I didn't know what Kudzu was, so the submitter provided the following information.} From "The American Heritage Dictionary": ============================================================================= Kudzu (kood'zoo) n. A vine, Pueraria lobata, native to Japan, having compound leaves and clusters of redish purple flowers and grown for fodder and foiage. ============================================================================= Kudzu was introduced to Georgia earlier this century in an attempt to provide improved fodder for cattle. It worked ALL TOO WELL. Cattle do love kudzu but not nearly as much as kudzu loves Georgia. Georgia provides nearly ideal climate and growing conditions for this rapid growing and hardy perenial (that's "hardy", as in calling nuclear weapons "explosive"). People have been known to leave home on vaction down here only to return a week later to find cars and other LARGE objects buried under it's lush greener. It climbs telephone poles and crosses wires. It's eradication is a major expense to utility companies. The City of Atlanta has used bulldozers to dig up the tubers in vacant lots. It's resistant to most "safe" chemicals although 2,4,D has some effect if used frequently enough. It's sometimes call "yard-a-night" down here because that's how fast it seems to grow. The only question seems to be whether the "yard" referred to is that of "3 feet" or that of "front and back". Rumor has it that some of the roads in the more rural areas don't get enough traffic and will be covered by kudzu after a long holiday weekend. It is a very pretty vine in early spring and summer. It's broad leaves and flowers are quite attractive until you start to realize that the dead stick, that it's sunning itself on, use to be a hugh pine tree. In the winter, the first hard frost turns kudzu into tons of ugly brown leaves and thick vines. It becomes a real eyesore and possibly a fire hazard although I haven't heard of any actual kudzu fires. The plant regrows new vines from the ground up every year, so you can see it's growth rate must be phenominal. I understand that the Japanese make a highly regarded form of tofu from kudzu tubers. It is supposed to be prized for it's nutty flavor (soy tofu is rather bland). The Japanese cannot produce enough to meet their own demand and think we're NUTS for trying to eliminate it. I haven't been able to confirm this use for kudzu, but, if true, they may well be right. We've got plenty of hungery people and LOTS of kudzu! The existance of kudzu in a neigborhood has been known to, adversely, affect property values. The threat of planting kudzu in someone's yard is generally considered an extreme case of "fight'en words", potentially followed by "justifiable homicide". Regardless, you can still obtain kudzu seeds from several major seed companies who list it as a "hardy ornamental perenial". If understatement was a crime they'd be history. -- Edited by Brad Templeton. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- **************************** ANARCHIST'S CORNER ******************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yes! A new area of the newsletter! (At least for now.) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - DMSO := Dimethyl sulfoxide == Methyl sulfoxide == (CH3)2SO 500 ml @ $18.25 from Aldrich Chemical (HPLC grade) Irritates, but not very toxic. Can carry things on your skin into the bloodstream or tissues with great ease. Be cautious about the quality of DMSO used; any contaminants will go into your body too. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I have heard about this stuff, and I guess the "Dead Kennedys" did a song about it a while back. It appears that some guy took some DMSO about 20 years back, and laced it with LSD. Then he put it on the door handles of cop cars in L.A. or San Francisco. DMSO carries whatever it's mixed with through your skin in full-potency! He made an LSD 'contact-poison'! All the cops were tripping out and wrecking their cars and such. Sounds pretty Discordian.... I've been looking through some chemical catalogs, and that price is pretty accurate. It varies from company to company, but averages between $18 and $30 per liter. -Pat -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *************** AND, OF COURSE, THE UBIQUITOUS M00SE LIST UPDATE *************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I haven't heard from HerschM00se the Beanmeister in AGES! I wonder if she's still out there.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fruitbat Issue - Fruitbat Issue - Fruitbat Issue - Fruitbat Issue - Fruitbat Iss -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------

---

E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank