Christmas Issue and Last Issue of the 1980's! Wow, eh? Pretty hefty stuff! M M 0000 0000

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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -- Christmas Issue and Last Issue of the 1980's! Wow, eh? Pretty hefty stuff! -- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _ /\ _ _ /\ _ / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ \_____/ () \_____/ MM MM 0 //0 0 //0 S E \_____/ () \_____/ / \ M M M M 0 // 0 0 // 0 SSSS EEEEE / \ / \__/ \ M M M 0// 0 0// 0 S E / \__/ \ /__________\ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE /__________\ DDDD RRRR OOOO PPPPP PPPPP IIIII N N GGGGG SSSSS D D R R O O P P P P I NN N G S D D RRRR O O PPPPP PPPPP I N N N G GGG SSSS D D R R O O P P I N NN G G S DDDD R R OOOO P P IIIII N N GGGG SSSSS A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE M00SE ILLUMINATI Issue #36| Disclaimer: The Editors will place almost anything in |Dec. 16, 1989 ---------- this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill the -------------- issue, so don't blame them for the quality or content of the submissions. Except -ing those they may have written themselves, the enclosed items do not in any way represent the Editors' fnord opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say that as far as this newsletter is concerned, they have no opinions at all. OK? ================================================================================ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ************************************* STAFF ************************************ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Editor - Patrick Salsbury Submissions to: DangerM00se Back issue requests: Max Handelsman and Johnathan Clemens or AND Joanne Rosenshein M00se List updates and changes: Darkling M00se (This space to let): Contact WarM00se -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- **************************** EDITORIALS AND LETTERS **************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho! It's off to tests we go! But now, to relieve the Finals Week Blues, Here's a new issue ...uh... FOR ALL OF YOUSE! :) Why's this in rhyme? I haven't the time, to figure out questions like that! Etc. etc. etc..... Hi all! Well, here it is, the final issue of M00se Droppings for this month, semester, year, and DECADE! (Feeling old? Fnord.) Happy Holidays to everyone! I'll "see" you all next decade! (Of course, THEY are watching you all the time! Fnord.) -Pat - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - From Jonathan Clemens Fellow M00ses: I have a favor to ask. While working on the computer system here in Alaska, I have been constantly pestered by a relatively bothersome user. I keep getting volumes of mail from her saying such things as "Hi Jon!" or "How are you today?" and nothing else. It has gotten MORE than annoying. I wish to call upon my fellow m00ses for a boon. I think the time has come to subject this user to summary "Torture by M00se Mailing." She doesn't have Bitnet access, so she won't be able to respond to the flood of mail we can send her. I would like all m00ses who read this to send at least one (1) mail message to FSEJR@ALASKA.BITNET saying somthing stupid like "Hi Erica!" or "Merry Christmas, Erica!", or "Is is cold up there in Alaska?" Imagine a mail junkie getting dozens of sensless mail messages, and being unable to reply to any of them. Can you think of a worse torture? (if so, send it to FSJPC@ALASKA) Thank you all! I really appreciate this! :) Bl000000000000000000p. ;^) -Jonathan JPC/pgs - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - From WALL@SBCCVM.BITNET he knows when you are sleeping he knows when you're awake he knows if you've been good or bad..... santa sounds like the NSA wall - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - From KRWALKER@AMHERST.BITNET *** The Twelve Days of Christmas (exact author unknown) Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 14, 1986 My Darling, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a "Partridge in a pear tree". What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised. You're an angel. With all my love and devotion, Agnes - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 15, 1986 Darling, Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine "Two turtle doves". I'm delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are adorable and I love you for them. All my love, Agnes - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 16, 1986 Dear Fred, Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one? Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity as "Three French hens". They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind. Love, Agnes - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 17, 1986 Dear Fred, Today the postman delivered "Four calling birds". Now really, they are beautiful but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic. Affectionately, Agnes - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 18, 1986 Dearest Fred, What a surprise! The postman just delivered the "Five golden rings"; one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves. All my love, Agnes - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 19, 1986 Dear Fred, I couldn't believe my eyes this morning as I walked out onto the front porch and there were "Six geese a laying" on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again - huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. I love your thoughtfulness, but - Please Stop! Cordially, Agnes - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 20, 1986 Fred, What's with you and those fucking birds??? Today I received "Seven swans a swimming". What kind of a goddamn joke is this? These birds shit all over the house and they never stop with that awful goddamn racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. Stop your laughing damn you! It's not funny. Just knock it off with those fucking birds, OK????? Sincerely, Agnes - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 21, 1986 OK Buster, I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with "Eight maids a milking"?? It's not enough with all those birds and the 8 maids milking, but they had to bring their goddamn cows! There is shit all over the lawn and I can't even move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass!! Agnes - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 22, 1986 Hey Shithead, What are you??? Some kind of sadist??? Now I've got "Nine pipers playing" and Christ do they play! They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they've arrived this morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over the screeching fucking birds. What the hell am I going to do?? The neighbors have already started a petition to have me evicted. You'll get yours, bastard, Agnes - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 23, 1986 You Rotten Prick, Who in hell needs "Ten ladies dancing"?? I can't imagine why I call these sluts "ladies". They've been balling the pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and all the goddamn racket around here has given them diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit! The Commisioner of Bldgs. has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building should not be condemned! I'm sicking the police on you, asshole! One who means it!!! - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 24, 1986 Listen Fuckhead, What's with the "Eleven lords a leaping" on those maids and ladies??? Some of these poor broads will never walk again. The pipers ravaged the maids, gang-banged the ladies, and now are committing sodomy on the cows. All 23 birds are dead. They were trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious bastard! I hate your guts, dumbshit, Agnes - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Law Offices Badger, Bender & Cahole 303 Knave Street Chicago, IL December 26, 1986 Dear Sir: This is to acknowledge your latest gift "Twelve fiddlers fiddling" which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. As you no doubt have guessed, the destruction of her property was total. You are advised that all future correspondence with our client should be cleared through this office. I feel compelled to warn you that if you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants of that institution have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest. Season's Greetings, J. Frank Cahole Attorney -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ******************************* EVENTS AND NEWS ******************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I've been checking on the mythical M00se Illuminati Shirts, and the guy who was going to do them is in England until Fnord knows when. BUT! I have a friend here in Buffalo who makes shirts, so I'll see if we can whip up something nifty! :) Stay tuned.... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Keep sending in submissions, as I'll need em next mon/sem/year/decade. Else you'll all keep reading stuff I dig out of my subdirectories! Heh heh heh! :) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - HAVE YOU EVERRRRR NOTICED: (for a bit o' holiday cheer) SANTA CLAUS? Yes, Santa is a long-standing tradition in our typically bland American society, and stands as a watchdog of current morality. But think for a moment. What IS this Santa Claus? 1) A pagan tradition. Even St. Nickolas (or however you spell his name) is a pagan tradition adopted by the Catholic Church upon contact with the germanic tribes of the north. He's a PAGAN. 2) He is a capitalist moneymonger. What better way to brainwash small children into blind faith in a capitalistic society than to reward "proper" social behavior with gifts that ultimately do little except feed the capitalist imperialist society more and more--and love of money distracts men from the true meaning of Christmas. 3) He is a voyeur. "He knows when you are sleeping/He knows when you're awake". Need I say more? 4) He wears a red suit. 5) Have you ever examined the letters that comprise his name? S. A. N. T. A.. Rearranged, they give us his true identity: SATAN!!!!!!!! Think about it--red suit? pagan? voyeuristic? capitalistic? claus? It can all mean only one thing. Santa Claus is the devil himself. Watch and beware of his evil influences this holiday season. Merry whatever. :) ---the Talking Drumm00se - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - (From ANTEK@TAMBIGRF.BITNET) For everybody - Christmas greetings in : Armenian...Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand Azeri-Azerbaijan...Tezze Iliniz Yahsi Olsun Basque..Zorionstsu Eguberri. Zoriontsu Berri Urte Bulgarian...Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo. Tchestita Nova Godina Chinese-Cantonese...Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun Chinese-Mandarin...Kung Ho Hsin Hsi. Ching Chi Shen Tan Czech...Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok Dutch...Zalig Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar English... Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year Estonian...Roomsaid Joulu Phui ja Uut Aastat Finnish...Hyvaa Joulua ja Onnellista Uutta Voutta French..Joyeux Noel et heureuse Anne Gaelic-Irish..Nolag mhaith Dhuit Agus Bliain Nua Fe Mhaise Gaelic-Scot..Nollaig Chridheil agus Bliadhna Mhath Ur German..Frohliche Weihnachten und ein Glueckliches Neues Jahr Greek...Kala Khristougena kai Eftikhes to Neon Ethos Hawaiian...Mele Kalikimake me ka Hauloi Makahiki hou Hebrew..Mo'adim Lesimkha Hungarian...Boldog Karacsonyl es Ujevl Unnepeket Icelandic..Gledlig jol og Nyar Indonesian..Selamah Tahun Baru Italian..Buon Natalie e felice Capo d'Anno Japanese..Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto Korean..Sung Tan Chuk Ha Latvian...Priecigus Ziemas Svetkus un Laimigu Jauno Gadu Lithuanian...linksmu sventu Kaledu ir Laimingu Nauju Metu Norse-Danish...Gledlig jul og godt Nytt Aar Polish...Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia i Szczesliwego Nowego Roku Portuguese...Feliz Natal e propero Ano Novo Rapa-Nui (Easter Island)..Mata-Ki-Te-Rangi. Te-Pito-O-Te-Henua Romanian...Sarbatori Fericite. La Multi Ani Russian...Pozdrevlyayu sprazdnikom Rozhdestva Khristova is Novim Godom Samoan...La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou Serb-Croatian...Sretam Bozic. Vesela Nova Godina Singhalese (Sri Lanka)...Subha nath thalak Vewa. Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa Slovak...Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok Slovene..Vesele Bozicne. Screcno Novo Leto Spanish...Feliz Navidad y prospero Ano Nuevo Swedish...Glad jul och ett gott Nytt ar Tagalog (Filipino) .. Maligayamg Pasko. Masaganang Bagong Taon Turkish...Yeni Yilnizi Kutar, saadetler dilerim Ukrainian...Veselykh Svyat i scaslivoho Novoho Roku Welsh..Nadolic Llawen. Blwyddn Newdd Dda -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ***************************** FICTION AND POETRY ******************************* -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'Twas the night before Xmas the lab was quite still Not a bunsen was burning (Nor had they the will). The test tubes were placed in their racks with great care In hopes Father Chemistry soon would be there. The students were sleeping so sound in their dorms all dreaming of fluids and crystalline forms. Lab-aides in their aprons and I in my smock Were sitting, recov'ring from semester-end shock. When outside the lab there arose such a roar I leaped from my stool and fell flat on the floor. Out to the fire escape all of us flew What was the commotion? None of us knew. The flood lights shone out o'er the campus so bright It looked like old Stockholm on Nobel Prize night. My fume blinded eyes then viewed (dare I say?) Eight anions pulling a water-trough sleigh. And holding the bonds tied to each one of them Was a figure I knew as our own Papa Chem. With speeds in excess of most X-rays they came As they Dopplered along, he called each one by name. "Now, Nitrite, now Phosphate, now Borate, now Chloride, On Citrate, on Bromate, on Sulfite and Oxide. Forget what you know of that randomness stuff, Let's go straight to the roof, if you've quanta enough." As fluids Bernoullian behave in a pinch Those ions said, "Alchemist, this is a cinch!" So up to the lab-roof those "chargers" they sped With Pop Chemistry safe in his water-trough sled. Just a micro-sec later Electroscopes showed Charged particles coming to our lab abode. We raced back inside And what do you think? Down the fume-hood Pop Chem fell, right into the sink. He was dressed in a lab coat, quite ragged and old With removable buttons (the style, we're told!) A tray full of beakers he clutched to his heart And under his arm, was an orbital chart. His eyes, through his goggles, I just couldn't see, His hands were all yellow from H-N-O-3. His head was quite bald with a fringe all around Like a ring test for iron, the same shade of brown. He puffed a cigar with a smell not at all Unlike the organic lab right down the hall. The smoke billowed forth from his angular face And with Brownian movement, enveloped the place. He was thin as a match and not terribly tall He wasn't the type I'd expect at all. But a look at his clothes, in the lab's harsh white light, With their acid burned holes- He's a chemist all right! He didn't say much (he had no time to kill) And filled all the test tubes with nary a spill. Then placed them back on the benches with care He dashed to the fume hood and rose through the air. He called to his team and his ions took off And kinetics took care of Pop Chem in his trough. But I heard him cry out as he flew down the street "Merry Christmas to all, may your stockrooms stay neat!" Compliments of my old Chem prof!! Irish DreamM00se - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Poems Written for Chemistry 103 by: The Mad Poet ************************************************************************* Chem. 103 I think that I will never be Awake for morning Chemistry. The monotonal lecturing Could put to sleep most anything. While lofty theorems fall like rain, My concentration starts to wane. As I drift off, I wonder why A lecture beats a lullaby. Ode to a Chem. Prof. A prof. who makes frequent mistakes Likes to think that he has what it takes. So he's made up a ruse To cover his goofs - He's just keeping his classes awake! Classroom Chills Through classes near and classes far, Through classes new and old, I wish that Building Maint'nance Wouldn't keep the rooms so cold! For even though I know the cold Should keep us all awake, Quite groggily I find that I've begun to hibernate. And as I watch my breath condense - In steaming clouds it blows - I realize I have icicles A-forming on my nose. The danger is that, though My being here *might* help me pass, *Survival* may be tough With hypothermia in class! Full-Professorship The Doctor had a lecture class, But he was such a dud That every time he lectured there, His words were clear as mud. He didn't give a syllabus To his befuddled class, And actually he didn't care If anybody passed. If everybody failed - Why it was in all of the rules - He'd just go on next year To fail another bunch of fools. What rule could let him do this? If you said, "It's age!" well then you're Getting close because What our dear Doctor has is *tenure*! The Party Please, oh my friends, please don't veto my plan. Please don't just tell me to stow it. I really don't think the professor would mind. In fact, shucks, he just wouldn't know it. I know you all want to be learning in class About vectors and gas density, But what would it hurt if you took the day off And started a party with me? We would smuggle refreshments inside our bookbags. We'd have walkmans for music galore. We would spread ourselves out there behind the back rows, And party there on the floor! We'd have chips and wine coolers and pretzels and beer, Soda and pizza and wings. We would listen to music and play five card stud - Why, we could do most anything. The professor's so out of it, he'd just teach class To the few die hard students remaining. I really don't think that he'd notice at all That his classroom attendance was waning. So please, oh my friends, please don't veto my plan: You know how much fun it would be To spread yourselves out there behind the back rows And come have a party with me. A Health Hazard For those poor infirm members of our happy little class, For those who carry books of more than half their body mass, For those who, weak of heart and lung, do dwell upon these lines, I have a word of warning you might ponder in your minds. The Surgeon General has said that smoking isn't good, And all of you have heard him, and yes, most have understood. But yet another danger lurks! You should be made aware Of the hazard that exists in climbing much too many stairs. As you climb up, your pulse and breathing rates leap up so high, That you can feel a heart attack is lurking just nearby. Since you abuse your muscles, both your legs begin to cramp; Because you sweat profusely, soon your clothing is quite damp. The stairs outside the lecture hall: a good example, true, And climbing all six flights of stairs cannot be good for you. So all health-conscious students - never mind trying to pass! You shouldn't risk a heart attack - unite and boycott class! The Mad Poet is a creation of Kirsten Anderson, (LoreleiM00se) V123P62M@UBVMS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *************************** M00SCELLANEOUS NONSENSE **************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TWEEZE DENIED BEEF WORKER ISTHMUS (twas the night before christmas) Tweeze denied beef worker isthmus, winnow Trudy how's, Snot agreed juries during, gnaw Tiffany moss. This talking swear unbided Gemini wit cairn Hint opus scenic (alas!) sinewy dare. Unjelled runner nozzle tools smuggling deer butts Well fissions unshoe kerplunks thence endear huts. Anemometer cur chiffon dyeing mayhap, Adjust subtle warp reins fairy loin winger snap. Winnow taunted launderer roast sachet glitter Ice brine bromide bet deucey woodwinds schemata. Await Tudor widower blue lacking flesh, Door roping tier shatters untrue hump these ash. Demonian depressed often knew felines know Gaffe cholesterol metier due abjects elope. Wane wood tummy wandering ice shittah pear, Vital men etchers lay mandate tidy Rainier. Whittle it whole dolt river salival equipt, Sinewy mom aunt isthmus bee-stain nicked. Mere rabbit-torn evils whose gorses became Any weaseled end shuttered, uncool tomboy maim. "Node azure! No Dunce era! No France urine fixing! Uncommit! And cubit! Andante ran vexing! Toady tipoff deport chew detypify well! Gnaw dish aweigh, dish aweigh, dish aweigh awl!" Asked relieves dot beef forty whiled hurry queen fry, Wind emit wooden apse stickle, mountie-desk eye, Sew-up two-deep how stop duck horsers dubloon, Witty slave fallow toils, ascend nickel loss due. Ant tending at weakling - why hurt honor roof? A brain sinning Boeing effete shiney huff. Aside ruin mayhap untwist darning neuron Bounding gym knee-scent knick (alas!) game winning pound. Iwis tressed woolen furze promise etuis food, Anus closed whorled varnished wood asses in suits. Abound olived oils (egad!) flunk honor speck, Any luck lockup addler chest (hope?) nimbus peck. Assai Saudi twin calloused temples amore! Exchequer lachryosis, whizz snows locket jury. Estrual litter mouse wash thrown applique beau, Amdahl biered honest Genesis weight hostess know. Distempered ape pie pea yelled tiding is steed, Undies mocha answer cul de sac lackey reed. Egad! Abroad fastener litter hound bully Achoo! quaintly left, lacking bull feeling jolly. Iwis champion blimp -- arrayed chilly wool delve, Any left whinney sow hymn, enspied off Moselle. An oink office sigh unto whist office hood Swoon gamey tonneau ahead knitting two tread. Ease poke naught award, Beduoin strayed duets orc, Infield eldest tuggings; interned witty chert, End lioness fanger a sight office gnus, Ant gibbon unknot, upon chimpanzee rows. Hasp Rangoon is lay, due esteem guava wistful, Ending weight day elf loo, lacking town ova tassle; Buddy herding explain air hedge rowboat design, "Hopping rich musty woolen due awl incondite!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Hey there! Hi there! Ho there! *SMACK* *SMACK* *SMACK* (The Mickey Mouse Club in the Spanish Inquisition) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why did I just shit in my pants? Did anyone else do it too? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Yes, most people in your area also did -- a low-frequency sound wave } caused sympathetic vibrations that made many people lose control of } their anal sphincters. Don't be ashamed! [ed. note - Hmm! It appears THEY are developing NEW ways to control us! I could envision lots of possibilities for crowd control fnord here! ;^) -Pat] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Every night while she sleeps, my girlfriend slowly changes into a > shapeless blob of pulsating flesh, still wrapped in her own skin. By > morning she is herself again, and apparently none the wiser. Should I > tell her about this? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Nah. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > I hope the Oracle has the answer to this most difficult question: Why > does my 25 year old son keep seeing a girl that he has broken up with > and only gives him grief? A puzzled mother wants to know! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hold it, the Oracle needs to switch modes for this one. What was the } magic word for the German Psychaiatrist again? Oh yes: Goot Zex! Goot } Zex! Goot Zex! Goot.. } } [blur blur blur] } } Ja! Dat ees much better! Vell, ve schall see joost vat ees vrong vit } your son, Frau Vorryvart. } } He ees 25 years old, eh? I vould say dat he is doing just vhat he damn } vell pleases, den! Actually, he ees seeing zis girl solely for der } poorpose of making you und nutzkopf. You should haff never given him } such a vhipping over that broken bowl vhen he vas drei years old. } } Actually, eef you vould just meet zis girl vitout your son around, you } vould see she ain't so bat after all, eh? } } So, quit meddling vit his bizness, unt get on vit your more pressing } matters, like vhen ees he going to produce some grandtchildren ver you } und Herr Vorryvart. } } Now, how vas dat I get back to zee normal Oracle? Oh ja, Veert Answers! } Veert Answers! Veert Answers! Veert... } } [blur blur blur] } } You owe the Oracle a better German accent. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > What would be a good question to ask you? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } To start off, that WAS a good question. } } Other good questions include... } Why is the soap dish always in line with the water in the shower? } What is the correct response to "Thanks for calling!" } What is the correct response to "What's up?" } Do we have the right to an attorney being present on Judgment Day? } Why did Ronald Reagan have to wait until AFTER he left office to } have his brain fixed? } Why do health food fanatics not look so healthy? } Was Manuel Noriega any fun when he was a kid? } If diamonds tasted like chocolate, would people actually eat them? } Why don't acoustic guitars have wa-wa sticks? } Whatever happened to the manned Mars mission Bush promised us? } Why do smokers think they have the right to litter the world with } cigarette butts? } Why are places that are open 24 hours have locks on the doors? } Why does the lighter flame drop to an unusable height every time you try } to do a bong load? } } Just to get you started. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ******************************* MEET THE M00SES ******************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Maybe next decade..... :-) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *************** AND, OF COURSE, THE UBIQUITOUS M00SE LIST UPDATE *************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Will be sent under separate cover, as this issue is quite large already, (And I don't have it yet from Darkling M00se! :) ) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -- Christmas Issue and Last Issue of the 1980's! Wow, eh? Pretty hefty stuff! -- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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