It's a m00se file, obviously

---
Master Index Current Directory Index Go to SkepticTank Go to Human Rights activist Keith Henson Go to Scientology cult

Skeptic Tank!

_ /\ _ _ /\ _ / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ \_____/ () \_____/ MM MM 0 //0 0 //0 S E \_____/ () \_____/ / \ M M M M 0 // 0 0 // 0 SSSS EEEEE / \ / \__/ \ M M M 0// 0 0// 0 S E / \__/ \ /__________\ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE /__________\ DDDD RRRR OOOO PPPPP PPPPP IIIII N N GGGGG SSSSS D D R R O O P P P P I NN N G S D D RRRR O O PPPPP PPPPP I N N N G GGG SSSS D D R R O O P P I N NN G G S DDDD R R OOOO P P IIIII N N GGGG SSSSS A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE M00SE ILLUMINATI Issue #14| Disclaimer: The Editor will place almost anything | Oct. 3, 1988 ---------- in this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill --------------- the issue, so don't blame him for the quality or content of the submissions. Excepting those he may have written himself, the enclosed items do not in any way represent the Editor's opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say that as far as this newsletter is concerned, he has no opinions at all. Okay? Good. ================================================================================ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- **************************** EDITORIALS AND LETTERS **************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fellow m00ses, I'd like to apologize for getting this issue out late. I'd like to say I've been very busy and didn't have time, but the truth of the matter is, I completely forgot about it. Before the actual issue begins, an announcement. Because some people, through faulty mailers, or slow distributors, or undetected holes in the distribution network, are either getting their M00se Droppings very slowly or not at all, Sabre has started a new CSNEWS list: M00SEDRP. This will *not* affect the normal distribution network at all. If you get your issues too slowly, subscribe to M00SEDRP to get them faster. Then, when you receive a second copy via the distribution network, delete it. And now, on with the issue. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - << This letter came to me from Love-Hounds Digest. If it's true, it's very important to all of us. >> Dear Music Lover, In the last few weeks, the freedom of contemporary music has come under new and alarming attack. Lurking in the halls of Congress is bill S.2033, the deceptively named "Child Protection and Obscenity Enforcement Act of 1988," which would allow federal authorities to confiscate the business and personal property of virtually every one of us. This bill would enable federal authorities to obtain obscenity convictions against records (this bill has the same far-reaching implications for all the other arts - films, books, magazines, etc.), then to expropriate the goods, bank accounts, homes, automobiles, and pressing plants of everyone associated with these disks' sales. Artists targeted incidentally include Prince, Madonna, Debby Boone and Bruce Springsteen. Here's how it's being done. Title I provisions of the bill legislate child protection measures against child pornography, while *Title II provisions make obscenity a federal crime via the power of Congress to regulate interstate commerce.* Since the Supreme Court has ruled that there is no federal standard for obscenity...this bill, if enacted, would *empower any local extremist group to sue in federal court* the publisher, manufacturer, or retailer of any material it deemed obscene *according to it's own local standards.* In addition to the provisions mandating seizure and forfeiture of property, Title II provides for *IMPRISONMENT FOR UP TO FIVE YEARS.* This new legislation is the crowning achievement of the ignominious career of former Attorney General Edwin Meese who was forced to resign under fire. As of early July, the RIAA's legislative representatives thought the law had a very low chance of passage. Belatedly, the RIAA has dramatically altered it's opinion. Now it appears that the *Child Protection and Obscenity Enforcement Act* will be attached to a package of 'anti-crime' legislation and rammed through as part of a Fall 1988 election-year ploy. Senators and Congressmen will virtually be forced to vote yes for the bill if they want to demonstrate that they care about crime and the protection of children. This bill has already garnered 237 Congressional co-sponsors, and is drawing an overwhelming volume of mail - all of it supporting the bill. Music In Action fully supports the Title I provisions of the bill. We are strongly opposed to the Title II provisions aimed at denying adults their constitutionally guaranteed First Amendment rights. Our opponents are well organized. So must we be. Our future depends on it. Join us in the fight to preserve our right to creative and artistic expression. Form a chapter of Music In Action on your campus immediately and organize a *Music In Action Is Freedom In Action* campaign. Thanks, Howard Bloom Bob Guccione, Jr. David Krebs Founding members of Music In Action For more information call : Laura Gordon 212/644-8900 > 1) Since Sabre came up with the idea of the separate csnotice (m00sedrp) for m00se droppings, I thought it might be a good idea if Pickle were to send a 1-line bl00p to m00se when a new issue came out, so that fellow m00se would know if they hadn't received an issue that they should have, and could request it from csnews. 2) I'm not sure on the actual mechanics and difficulty thereof, but wasn't LISTSERV designed to alleviate distribution problems such as those that we're having? It's spread all over the net, and we wouldn't need people to log on and forward things.... If this seems like a good idea, let me know and I'll pursue it further and try to figure out just what must be done to get it onto a LISTSERV... shouldn't be all *that* tricky though... bl00pfully yours Sindex -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ******************************* EVENTS AND NEWS ******************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- << Yowzah! A great idea (in my opinion) from Jonathan Clemens. >> I will be attempting to start an Illuminati game over the network, here are the parameters: First 9 People to respond will be accepted. List your group or groups of preference, IN ORDER, with your entry. If there is enough interest, I will be looking for more moderators, so if you have a deluxe set and would like to help, tell me that, too. Deluxe set, all groups, will be used. The Atlanteans, from expansion set #3, will also be used. Propaganda and Brainwashing will not be used. Building up power and resistance will be used. Turnaround time will theoretically be one day per player turn. It will most likely be slower than that, but it'll be a bit faster than PBM. Hidden Illuminati may or may not be used--Vote on this when you enter. All dice will be rolled by my vax, so impartiality is assured. All questions, entries, and misc. nonsense to: Jonathan Clemens JSJPC1@ALASKA P.S. Weekly, I will get updates on victors & action to Pickle for publishing; here's a fast way to increase your stature among the M00ses! P.P.S. No unexperienced players need apply. I know it sounds cruel but I Absolutely refuse to type the entire rulebook into a file. Not only would it be a royal pain, it would be illegal (not that I worry...) Oh, By the way, I know this will put distributors at an advantage. I intended it that way; after all, they need SOME rewards... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - << Some information from Spaceman Biff. This may help some of you, but my mailer still refuses to talk to him. >> Ground control to Major Pickle: Stand by for incoming drivel...... (okay, so it doesn't really rhyme. Haven't youse guys ever heard of an assonance?) Yo, hey, hey! I'm given to unnerstan' that yer having trouble reaching me over bitnet. There is a reason; CHEME is an ARPA host, and does not support bitnet. However, there are ways about this evil antim00sian censorship. All the machines at cornell (well, almost all. The PC's and the dedicated mini's don't count) are tied in a campuswide net, and the I've Been Moved mainframes are, in fact BITNETtable. It gets worse; my account is on a cluster of vaxen (still the only correct plural of "vax") and this tangles the address cluster even worse. Basically, what must be done is to route mail to me at CHEME through crnlcs.... try sending to "ZEMANIAN%CHEME@CRNLCS". This is most certainly simpler than the address wolverine sent you, and may circumvent whatever bottleneck is blocking the mail. Good luck. Spaceman Biff (the preceding message was brought to you as a public service of Sad Little Unlaunchable Grounded Spacers (SLUGS), a subsidiary of Beatrice) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - << This from Mary Beth, about the MegaThr0ng-a-Th0n. >> I recommend having the next throng a thon during the end of January...where we can all sleep on people's floors...and die of strep & other unknown diseases... and drink lots of OJ.... kinda a reunion gathering.... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - << A very important piece of information from Wolverine. >> Guess what I found at 7 Rays this weekend... "The Complete Discordian M00semas Celebration Handbook" written by Andalusia the Heretic..all kinds of neat stuff in it, including: "There are many ways to celebrate M00semas, all incorrect. Actually sleeping or even hibernation are most favored of the Gods, but other possibilities are: * Loafing, lounging, napping, 'veging out', pretending to meditate, drifting in and out of light trances, hanging out, viewing TV (on or off), and low-energy partying with very mellow friends. * Disconnecting the telephone and doorbell. * Playing cards or board games while making love in a tub filled with fragrant warm oils. (if you don't move too fast.) * Feasting on ritual foods, such as a fresh loaf of bread in Bullwinkle's image..fruit juice...roast goose...and of course, chocolate m0usse. * Avoiding taboo activities such as shaving, worrying, weeding, the lawn, housework, and thinking. * Decorating the altar with snack foods, several goblets of wine, furry hand puppets, long rubber objects, and love sonnets to yourself. * Dressing in brown, fuzzy robes and loafers, and invoking the Gods in a hoarse, bugling voice as rarely as possible, from a horizontal postion. So let us all honor the old ways on this day of holy days: with minimal exertion, go forth and M00SE 0UT!" Well? Frank. << Let it be known that the date of the MegaThr0ng-a-Th0n (to be held, you remember, as soon as possible after we get our one-hundredth chapter) will, from that day forward, be known as M00semas. >> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ***************************** FICTION AND POETRY ******************************* -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *************************** MISCELLANEOUS NONSENSE ***************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- << Spaceman Biff was busy this past week. Here are a couple more of his submissions. The first is about mollusks, which begins with the same letter as 'm00se'. >> Bl00p! Howdy illuminati? All is in disarray here, and therefore, hunky dory. I thought I might share with y'all (I'm from the South, dammit! Well, Long Island is in the southern portion of New York State, is it not? Doesn't that count?) a bit of forensic m00siness that Herr Trelf and I have been wrestling with, in hopes of solving some of life's mysteries involving the briny deep. In response to an invite to a pahty near hallowed evening, I made mention that oysters are a disreputable lot, living only to be eaten alive and growing gallstones to be hung about the necks of hair girls. The reply was swift and incisive, and gave birth to The Trelf Letters, below: ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Biffer, Greetings! Knew you wouldn't be able to attend the party, but didn't want you to feel left out, so I sent ya' an invite. AS for druids, I was called a peddler ofcheap silks this weekend by one druid in particular!!! All because I helped you with your Latin grammar! So I guess we're both merchants now....and as for clams.. I once had confab with a clam On the topic of green eggs and SPAM It was quite jolly, talking with Rollie Rollie the Multi-Valved Clam And in the moonlight, Rollie and I went hunting for chicks, keeping an eye out for clam-hunters, who with their devilish sticks would chase down the clams and cut off their----- And just why DID Julia Child spend so much time stuffing ducks? I think it was sexual frustration..maybe we should right to Dr. Ruth Westheimer...she'll answer stuff that Ann Landers* won't. Ciao for niao, See you Thurs. and Sun., M00sepapa Wolfie * - For more on Ms Landers' lack of response to valid questions, see the accompanying letter, which was sent but not answered several months ago. --S.B. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Sept 27, 1988 So! How's it going, Clamrade? Thanks for the response, but I think you missed something crucial in there somewhere. I believe I was talking (and rather kindly, mind you) about oysters, not those lowlife trollops; clams. Actually, I guess clams aren't so bad, they simply come from a broken home (seagulls will do that, you know); having been forced to leave their parents with nothing but the shells on their backs. The ones I really hate are the scallops. (oooh. That word gives me cold shivers down the spine when I even type it, much less say it.) These filthy little buggers are the most perverted swine of the deep. I'm not the only one who thinks so, either. Why do you think Shell Oil uses the shell of a scallop (oooh.) as their logo, huh? I'll tell you why: SEX SELLS!!!!!!!! Those miserable smut-brokers are appealing to man's baser instincts. (and lets face it, what red-blooded American male HASN'T felt sexually attracted to scallops (oooh.) at one time or another?) Notice, however, that they haven't the guts to admit it right out and call themselves the Scallop (oooh.) Oil Company. Oh, no. They'd rather abuse a harmless word like "shell" and then show a picture of one half the exoskeleton of a scallop (oooh.) and send our teenagers' hormones racing. Makes me sick. See you Thursday. If hot dogs are a symbol of all that is American, does that explain why George Bush is trying to be such a wienie? --Spaceman Biff!!!!!!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Biffer, Greetings! I realize that you were talking about Oysters, but you know those mollusks...they all look alike...and I really wouldn't worry about scallops ruining the morals of todays youth... In the latest Reader's Digest poll, 90% of the youth polled said they didn't take scallops seriously, and believed they were only a passing fad, much like Morton Downey Jr. 7% said they believed that the scallops were being prostituted against their will, and these youth planned to write letters to Nancy Reagan about a "Scallops Say NO" campaign. 1.5% believed it was just a bum wrap, 1% believed the scallops were actually hippies re-mutated due to a latent effect in the drug LSD, which, after an incubation period of 10 to 15 years, would cause hippies from the Sixties to degenerate back to some form of oceanic life, and .5% actually Worshipped the Scallop, claiming "...the Scallop shall bring us back to the Holy. The Scallop shall bring us back to the pure. The Scallop shall heal the ills of the materialist world we live in. The Scallop is all-knowing. All Praise the Holy Scallop. Ooommm!" [At which point the youths, who called themselves The Holy Zionistic Scallop Movement, began doing their Sacred Scallop Dance, which included stripping half their clothes and hiding behind large cardboard cut-outs of the Shell logo.] So you see, there really isn't much to worry about scallops. they are basically harmless little shellfish which make a damn good meal. Now, if I were you, and since we are almost the same shape, it COULD happen, I'd worry about that etel symbol of innocence, the baby deer. Think about it...why would they just stand there and let themselves be run over..could they be some form of strange occult worshippers? food for thought from your M00sepapa, Frnak ----------------------------------------------------------------------- So that's the extent of the discussion to this point. Any additions from interested illuminati would be muchly appreciated. Perhaps one day we can accomplish one of my greatest personal goals in life; the formation of a Pangalactic Mollusk Malignment Foundation. Unfortunately, this name does not land itself to any decent acronyms, as "PMMF" sounds suspiciously like the sound made by a m00se upon inhaling (gad!) DORITOBREATH VAPORS!!!!!. I would have liked to have come up with an organizational name that acronymizes (Aaagh! Beware the creeping verbformers!) to OOOH, but there just aren't enough "O" words around to do it. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - << This is another Spaceman Biff submission. >> Oh yeah, about the Ann Landers thing. Youse guys might like the following letter, which she hadn't the guts to answer. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- S. Tickelrod Dept of Ch. E. Olin Hall, Cornell University Ithaca, New York 14853 June 8, 1988 Ms. Ann Landers c/o The Chicago Tribune Chicago, Illinois Dear Ann, Not long ago you printed a letter from a bride-to-be who was concerned that the practice of throwing rice at weddings kills birds who eat the rice. (Presumably, it swells up in their bellies.) Well, yesterday I read an article from an ornithologist at Cornell University who says that rice is okay after all. I thought I'd share a few helpful hints for those who are still worried for the birds' safety: firstly, throw birdseed instead, or, if that's too expensive, cook the rice first. That way, it won't swell up anymore after it's eaten, and you can save money too, since you get three cups of cooked rice to throw from every cup of uncooked rice; a savings of 67%. I hope I've saved a few brides some worry. Keeping the Faith, --S. Tickelrod Ithaca, New York - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - << This one I'm stealing from WEIRD-L@BROWNVM. It's too good not to share. >> Ben Johnson comes to heaven, but in order to be alowed to get inside, he must win a 100 m run against GOD. They both start very quickly, Johnson runs in the incredible time 9.79 (without doping), but GOD runs in 7.03 ... Johnson says : Hey man, havent you doped in order to make it so quickly ? GOD says : Sure man, but this is not the first time ... How do you think I was able to create the whole world in only 6 days ? << Could explain a few things, no? >> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *************** AND, OF COURSE, THE UBIQUITOUS M00SE LIST UPDATE *************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Due to the size of this issue, a m00se list update will follow the issue.

---

E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank