It's a m00se file, obviously

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_ /\ _ _ /\ _ / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ \_____/ () \_____/ MM MM 0 //0 0 //0 S E \_____/ () \_____/ / \ M M M M 0 // 0 0 // 0 SSSS EEEEE / \ / \__/ \ M M M O// 0 0// 0 S E / \__/ \ /__________\ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE /__________\ DDDD RRRR OOOO PPPPP PPPPP IIIII N N GGGGG SSSSS D D R R O O P P P P I NN N G S D D RRRR O O PPPPP PPPPP I N N N G GGG SSSS D D R R O O P P I N NN G G S DDDD R R OOO0 P P IIIII N N GGGG SSSSS A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE M00SE ILLUMINATI Issue #1 | Disclaimer: The Editor will place almost anything | June 17, 1988 ---------- in this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill --------------- the issue, so don't blame him for the quality or content of the submissions. Excepting those he may have written himself, the enclosed items do not in any way represent the Editor's opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say that as far as this newsletter is concerned, he has no opinions at all. Okay? Good. =============================================================================== ---------------------- EDITORIALS AND LETTERS ---------------------- EDITORIAL: By Pickle Well, here it is. The first issue of M00se Droppings: A-M00se-ing Anecdotes and Illumination By and For the Pawns of the M00se Illuminati. (Big inhale....long, slow, bl00ping exhale.) With this innovation we move one step closer to confusing the entire world. Just think -- even now, the FBI may be opening a file on you. "John Doe, June 17, 1988, began receiving literature from a possibly subversive organization...." I don't know about you, but in five years, I'm going to write and ask for a copy of mine. I understand they have to give it to you, but they can black out anything they don't want you to know with a magic marker. For a sudden change of topic, the newsletter distribution may be changing soon. This first copy is being sent from me directly to everybody on the list. However, as the list expands, Bitnet may start complaining seriously every time I send an issue. What I'd like to do is send an issue to one m00se at each node, who would then be responsible for sending it on to all the rest of the m00ses at that node. This will be most beneficial with the expansion of the Governor's School chapter to a thr0ng of about 150 chapters, something due to occur in several days. Please let me know if this is satisfactory to everyone. Now, the newsletter itself. It will be divided up into sections, the first being editorials (like this one), and letters from anybody to all the m00ses. Send important news, and letters, to me with 'Editorials' somewhere in the Subject of the letter. The second section will be for non-fiction accounts or announcements of m00se events: Party invitations, reports on how parties went, reports on projects for the promotion of confusion, whatever. Send any mail for this section with 'Events' somewhere in the subject. The third section will be for fiction and poetry. I'd prefer original stuff, and I'm not copywriting it or anything, it that's important. If there's something non-original that you think is really great and want to post, send it along. Whenever possible, list the author with it. Send mail for this section with 'Fiction' somewhere in the subject. The fourth section will be for miscellaneous nonsense. For example, the perhaps slightly tasteless horoscope in this issue. Send anything that doesn't seem to fit into the other three sections to this one, with 'Nonsense' in the subject. The last part of each newsletter will be an updated list of all those m00ses who want to be on the general list, assuming there are any more. One last thing before I go and leave you to the rest of the newsletter. In the rush of adding new chapters to the list, I may have added people without sending them M00se.Info, the basic file. If you receive this issue, and you do not have a copy of the file, let me know and I'll send you one. Well, that's all from me for now. On with issue 1, and the first submission ever received for M00se Droppings! --------------- EVENTS AND NEWS --------------- (Submitted by Sabre) There is now a public csnews forum created by fellow m00se RainMaker called m00se csnotice! This is open to anyone with bitnet access and can be subscribed to by the simple sending of the following message to csnews@maine: csbb subscribe m00se csnotice. Please send this info out to any and all m00ses, and you may just have your job with m00se droppings made that much easier. Bl00p! Sabre! ------------------ FICTION AND POETRY ------------------ 0de to M00seNess --- -- --------- OH! to be a m00se, not an ordinary moose, but an extraordinary m00se! Spreading confusion through peaceful means, I roam the streets, bl00ping softly to myself as I peer into the gloom of the average lifestyle, pitying the trapped souls of those who know not deliverance - the deliverance of the m00se illuminatus, and the Illuminati with which I thr0ng! bl00p I say, and bl00p again! bl00p bl00p bl00p BL00P! In my peaceful eyes confusion reigns, yet I shall not drown, for in confusion I find peace, tranquility, harmony... and in my pocket I find a fully-inflatable four-man (or m00se) raft to keep me above the currents. And now, my m00se stomach tells me it is time to graze, so graze I must, until *munch* *munch* *munch*............. *burp* co. Frank 0rzech0wicz, Villan0va Thr0ng, June 13, 1988 -------------------- (Submitted by Lord Rassilon) If you're an Illuminatus, El M00se won't hassle you. That's his calling. El M00se, Illuminati agent extra-ordinare, was on his sixth absinthe when he finally got tired of tolerating the plebian banter which was indigenous to his locale. He ground out his Marlboro on his left wrist and rose, unslinging his Uzi. He squeezed off a couple hundred rounds, leisurely wiping out the bar's blue-collar patrons. The bartender tried to nab him from behind, but El M00se cut him into two pieces with precise bursts. Re-shouldering his weapon, he sighed and strode from the premises. Hhhmmm, he thought, my boss will have to pay the cops a pile of money when he discovers I wasted a barful of proletarians. ---------------------- MISCELLANEOUS NONSENSE ---------------------- * * * YOUR STAR SIGN HOROSCOPE * * * (Submitted by Lord Rassilon) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a prick. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TAURUS (Apr 20-May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a goddamn communist. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20) You are quick and intelligent and a thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are liars, notoriusly bad lovers, and thrive on incest. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shit-picking is sickening your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores. All Libra's die of venereal disease. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21) You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio people are murderers. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and potheads. People laugh at you a lot because you are always getting fucked. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 19) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PISCES (Feb 20-Mar 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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