MOO-COW Released By The Office Of The High Preest of MOO Floyd Gecko Proclamation -1 Carr

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Ŀ MOO-COW -1 Released By The Office Of The High Preest of MOO Floyd Gecko Proclamation -1 Carrot Divination Hi, and welcome to the exciting world of the MOO-COW Gamma series of High Preest revelations, proclamations, stipulations, exacerbations, and aggravations. In this proclamation, we will explore the wonderful new vision of the Carrot deck, as revealed to Floyd Gecko after a hideous tarot-MAO game (if you don't know, DON'T ASK)... Part One: Tarot/Carrot The MOOish peoples will shortly have long had a retroactive tradition of Carrot Divination, using the mystical system of the Carrot Deck, somewhat related to the Tarot Deck of many other peoples. As the Tarot Deck may be related to the Kabbalah, so may the Carrot Deck be related to the Kobbler. However, the Carrot Deck is far more sophisticated than the Tarot Deck, as it allows divination to proceed through the mind of the interpreter, a far more flexible device than a deck of cards. To wit, the reader simply makes up an explanation. Its structure is indicated below, as compared with that of the Tarot. It is clearly more sophisticated: Tarot Structure: Minor Arcana: 4 Suits with 14 cards each Major Arcana: 22 cards with meaning Suits: Cups, Swords, Disks, Wands Made Of: 1-10, Queen, Princess, Prince, Knight Carrot Structure: Short Arcana: 4 suits with 11 cards each Tall Arcana: 23 cards with no meaning Stoopid Arcana: 23 specific predictions Major Inana: 1 Carte Blanche, 1 green card, 2 greeting cards, 1 punch card, 2 credit cards, 2 Jokers, 1 Batman Minor Inana: The 4 of Forks Suits: Cups, Knives, Plates, Spoons Made Of: 1, 6, 7, 8, Dopey, Sneezy, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Doc Part Two: Doin' The Funky Carrot The correspondences of the Carrot Deck with the Tarot Deck are superficial at best. The Tarot Deck is composed of 78 meaningful cards, while the Carrot Deck is composed of 101 meaningless cards, into which the interpreter can read whatever is appropriate. Some readers may find that certain meanings instantly apply themselves to the cards, and start to use those. This is foolish: the Carrot Deck is completely meaningless and utterly useless as a divinatory tool. There are 46 cards not specified in the above listings, those of the Tall Arcana and Stupid Arcana. The Tall Arcana are based entirely on the Kobbler Koncept, and are grouped into five groups. They are as follows: Halfy Group: Happy, Sad, Confused, Alien. Olypmpics: Yes, No, Maybe, Summer, Winter Venn Group: 2A, 2B, Not-2B Pentagon: Anarchy, Bureaucracy, Peace, Nothing, Copyright Lumpy Group: Plaid, Paisley, Taco, Elvis, 401 No Group: Unsociable In order to increase the precision of this deck (if not the accuracy), the Stoopid Arcana consists of 23 specific precictions, quotes, or commentaries, corresponding to fundamental emmanations from the Carrot Sphere. Thus, since there's no such thing as a Carrot Sphere, these predictions, if they come true, do so only by random chance: "Beware Brick Lobbing Beavers", "Gilligan's Island Rerun's On At 7:00", "That Idiot Behind You Has A Gun", "There Is A Loaded GNU Next Door", "There Are Squids Hiding In Your Underpants Drawer", "This Card Is Temporarily Out Of Order", "Never Mind, Too Late", "Elvis Will Pay You A Visit Soon", "Vote For Hellhound >101< In Whatever He Happens To Be Running For NOW", "Ah, Blow It Out Your Ear, Cinnamon Feet", "Quid Pro Quo", "Stop Asking Me Stupid Questions, You Goof", "There Is A Bomb In Your Piano", "Your Head Would Make A Good Paperweight", "Never Play Golf With A Lawnmower", "Contemplate Your Navel... Then Figure Out Why You Have One", "MOO", "The Price Of Linguini Noodles Will Go Up In The Near Future", "DUCK!", "DUCK!", "GOOSE!", "Your Elephant Will Spontaneously Combust In The Near Future", and, of course, "Burrito-12". Part Three: Deck Layout For Divination Lay out the deck thus: Ŀ Ŀ Ŀ Ŀ 15 Ŀ Ŀ 29 6 9 Ŀ Ŀ Ŀ 26 Ŀ 14 Ŀ Ĵ Ŀ Ĵ Ŀ 3 4 5 23 Ŀ 12 Ŀ 1 2 Ĵ Ŀ Ĵ Ŀ Ŀ 10 13 30 24 27 Ŀ Ŀ Ĵ 19 Ŀ ͻ Ŀ Ŀ 12 Ŀ Ĵ 25 Ŀ Ĵ Ŀ 18 20 22 7&8 11 116 7 Ĵ 28 Ĵ Ĵ 21 ͼ Significance Of Positions: 00001: The questioner 00002: The questioner's life 00003: The questioner's mother 00004: The questioner's siblings (if any) 00005: The questioner's father 00006: The questioner's dog's previous owner's goldfish 00007: The questioner's girlfriend/wife 00008: The questioner's boyfriend/husband 00009: The question being asked 00010: The question not being asked 00011: The question that would have been asked yesterday at the same time 00012: The question the questioner REALLY wants the answer to 0012: The answer the querstioner wants to hear 00013: The real answer to the question 00014: The price of rice in China 00015: The... Uhhh, well, actually none, it just looked good up there 00016: The card on top 00017: The card on bottom 00018: The meaning of life 00019: The tensile strength of cotton candy 00020: The number of MOOists it takes to screw in a lightbulb 00021: The number of angels which can dance on the point of a pin 00022: The reason for death 00023: The location of that thing you JUST CAN'T EVER SEEM TO FIND 00024: The plot of the next movie the questioner will see 00025: The average longevity of the questioner's potted plants 00026: The questioner's sex life 00027: The questioner's social life 00028: The questioner should get a life 00029: The questioner's opinion vis-a-vis King Kong's martyrdom 00030: The ultimate truth of all reality. Really. Part Four: Interpreting A Carrot Reading Don't. Part Five: Carrot Designs The design on the back of the cards should be a picture of a carrot, held aloft among floating Knives, Spoons, Plates, and Cups, speared by a fork in the midst of a bright light emmanating from a real huge lightbulb. The pictures on the faces are left to deck designers and other assorted deckhands. The designs should reflect the underlying order and symmetry of the philosophy behind the deck. To wit, none. For this reason, the Carrot Deck has never actually been designed, in keeping with this principle. However, blasphemers and Gnu Popes may wish to create their own decks designs. There has already been a proposal for a Cyberspace Deck of the Carrot system, in which each card is replaced by a floppy disk with a .GIF image of the card on it in 2023x2023x23-bit colour. [1355670306.8264 by floyd.gecko #668 (neighbor of the beast)]

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