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******************************************************************************* ******************************************************************************* WW W WW AA RRRRRR NN NN IIIIIIII NN NN GGGGGG WWW WWW WWW AAAA RR RRR NNNN NN II NNNN NN GG GG WWW WW WW WWW AA AA RR RRR NNNNNN NN II NNNNNN NN GG WWWW WWWW AAAAAAAA RRRRRR NN NNNNNN II NN NNNNNN GG GGGG WWW WWW AAA AAA RR RRR NN NNNN II NN NNNN GG GG WW WW AAA AAA RR RRR NN NN IIIIIIII NN NN GGGGGG TTTTT H H IIIII SSSSS M M A CCCCC H H IIIII N N EEEEE T H H I S MM MM A A C H H I NN N E T HHHHH I SSSSS M M M A A C HHHHH I N N N EEE T H H I S M M AAAAA C H H I N NN E T H H IIIII SSSSS M M A A CCCCC H H IIIII N N EEEEE I S S U B J E C T T O B R E A K D O W N S D U R I N G P E R I O D S O F C R I T I C A L N E E D! ******************************************************************************* ******************************************************************************* This machine contains a special circuit called a 'Crisis Detector'(or 'CD'). It is specifically designed to detect the user's emotional state in terms of how desperately the user needs to use the machine. The machine, upon measuring this state, assigns a value, called the 'Crisis Detection Level' (or 'CDL'). It has been programmed to subsequently create a malfunction in direct proportion to this CDL, thus rendering the machine totally and hopelessly useless to the user for whatever period of usefulness it may have served. Threatening the machine with violence, curses, obscenities, etc., may soothe the user, but will serve no other useful purpose, as the CD is not affected, and the CDL is not, repeat, NOT reset. Likewise, attempts to use another machine is likely to cause IT to malfunction, since they both belong to the same union(LOCAL #347). Just give up, and come back later, when you have absolutely NO use for the machine, as by then the CD will have noted your absence and will have reset the CDL for its next victim. NOTE: Attempts to go away and come back a few minutes later are not liable to fool the CD, as your level of desperation will only have increased during said period of time. Just give up. It's truly HOPELESS.


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