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[-] The Society of "Leeches" in the Telecommunications World [-]
[-] Scribed by: Mister I/O [-]
[-] The Restaurant at the End of the Universe............(609)-921-1994 [-]
[-] The Beach............................................(201)-892-8172 [-]
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leech (lech) n. 1.Any of various aquatic bloodsucking worms, of wich one
species was formerly used by physicians to bleed patients. 2.One who preys on
or lives off others. 3.One who takes, but does not give. [< OE leac]
Many of you are familiar with "The Real Pirate" volumes 1-4, but some still
say we have 5 of them. Most of wich are "Bogus" copies, or immitations of the
original. You also have most likely seen "What Assholes Do", and "AE
Assholes", from the Neon Knights.
This will reveal the "Society" of where these little pricks..."Leeches"...
come from, and hang out. And what YOUR rank in here is, that is, if you are a
leech. This society is almost like the setup of your worst dreaded "Elite
Group", at your local Net-Works II BBS system. If I offend anyone, well, then
my friend you are a true leech.
Their society is set up like a desperate fight to the top. Where they want
to get higher ranks, the Moles will fight like hell to become an AE Leech. And
the people who have higher ranks will try and make you think they are cool,
while spitting on the lower "Leeches", and calling them names, and threats to
"Kick their asses!!!!!", threw E-Mail. And the dead give away is that they
either spell their handle wrong, or they can't spell "PUSSY" correctly, when
calling names. They try "PUSSEY", "PUSSIE", "PUSSE", and after a long time get
so exasperated, they say "PUSS". One last note, before the society chart, they
will always spell "A LOT" as "ALOT".
The society of Leeches is like this:
/ | \
AE Leeches BBS Leeches Assholes
/ | / \
Un-Real Pirates Melvins But-Fucks Homos
/ / \ / \
11 Year-Old Sysops Fensters Urchins Flaming BFs Flaming Homos
/ | \ /
Moles Piss Heads Quibes Pricks
/ \ /
Slimes Scums 9 Year-Olds
/ \ /
Narks Morons 90 Year-Olds
/ \ \
Goofs Peons Hose Heads
Equations work on any example of a leech, these equations can be also applied
Letters typed per minute
------------------------------- = Molarity
Spelling mistakes per paragraph
Times it says "FUCK" in insult letters
--------------------------------------- = Ignorance Quotient
Times it uses multiple "!" after a verb
Times it uses "U" for "you" per paragraph
------------------------------------------ = Grey Cell Count
Times it uses "4" for "for" per paragraph
Leeches have their own type of linguistics, telling each other they are
better then the other. And to not "MESS" with them, or they shall "KICK YOUR
FUCKING ASS!!!!". For example, their numbering system:
I = 1
][ = 2
/// or ]I[ = 3
IV = 4
From then "IV" on, they use normal Arabic numerals, or even invent their own
ways of numbering, such as "FV"=5, "SX"=6, and "ATE"=8.
Leeches also have their own types of sayings like:
K-K00L - Refering to how much they like somthing, like "K-K00L WAREZ!"
WAREZ - Refering to their new software games
2 - Refering to the word "TWO", "TO", and "TOO"
4 - Refering to the word "FOR" or "FOUR", but they will usually use "IV"
L8TR - Telling the person that they will see him at a later date
C00L - A mellow leech, who has'nt cought onto the saying "K-K00L" yet
RAD - Refering to how interesting, or neat somthing is, like "RAD-WAREZ"
HACKZ - Refering to the latest MCI access codes, because they used theirs up
KRACK - Somthing they can't do, however, they say they can, that is DOS BOSS
DUDEZ - Refering to the plural form of "DUDE", which means no god damn thing!
"!!!!" - Expressing an action. Like "FUCK U!!!!!!!". No less then five "!"'s
Leeches have been known to tie their sayings together, like "K-K00L RAD
WAREZ!!!!!", this ties four of thier sayings together at once. That is yet
another way they show off their rank in th society, in the never ending
struggle to become "Supreme Leech".
Where do leeches come from? They come pretty much from Connecticut, New
York, and New Jersey. With New York, and Connecticut being the worst of all
areas for "Leech" infestation. I am not saying all people from those areas are
leeches, most of the best BBS' are located in New York. This does not mean
they are confined to these areas. Leeches are a wide spread species, and come
from all over the US, even from Montana.
The leeches will always cause such things as:
Making the local Greene Machine TRS-80 BBS be busy from 3:30 PM to 10:30 PM.
Why? Because thats the time when they get home from school, and the time they
go to bed with their Teddy Bear, and play "Smack Dong".
Making the AE lines busy. They make the AE lines busy, they call when they
get home, they call from school, they call in the morning, they call Friday
nights, they call on the weekends (24 Hours a day). They call from the dead of
night to get one thing "K-K00L WAREZ". Never uploading.
Making MCI extenders busy 24 hours a day. Especially when they get home from
school, they get some milk and cookies, and start phreaking local calls to the
Net-Works II hangout.
You can find these little guys on all Net-Works II BBS systems. No T-Net
systems, because they can't handle 100 lines, and 80 columns to post messages
with. I personally can say "ALL" Net-Works II BBS systems. Some might be
worse then others, but all have them.
How can you find one? You can find them by going to the Trading board, and
look for such titles as "NEW WAEZ!!!", "*APPLE TRADE*", or "<*> C00L N-WAREZ
<*>". Once you locate such a title, read the bulletin, you will see somthing
TITLE: //--APPLE TRADEZ--//
POSTED BY: LORD SAURON
DATE POSTED : 1/25/85
ANY OF U DUDEZ WANT 2 TRADE 4 SOME
C00L NEW WAREZ? I HAVE SEVEREL NEW
NEWSROOM <-- OK
I AM GETTING SOME NEW 1'Z SOON, FROM
MY FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA. SO LOOK 4
LEAVE E-MAIL 2:
P.S.- DOES ANYONE HAVE DUNG BEATLES
PRES. OF MAP
What gives this man (If I could be so descript) away from the start? First,
"Lord Sauron", sounds like some ruler from Europe during the 13th century.
First line, he uses the words "YOU" as "U", and "TO" as "2", and "4" for "FOR".
His then uses "0" for "O" in the second sentence, in describing how cold his
new software is. He uses the term "WAREZ" in meaning software diskettes.
Misspells "SEVERAL" as "SEVEREL", then uses a "Z" for a "S" in "ONES". Then
lists out all of his "C00L NEW WAREZ" in a well organized list, and makes a
comment about one. Then Lord Sauron uses "1'Z" for the word "ONES", trying to
fool us with his quick wit. As always, he will go into how he has connections
in California. If every leech I have seen use this message actually has a
relative in Califoria, California would be one huge leech pile. Lord Sauron
then tells us what his first and last name is, as if we can not split it our
selves. (Notice he does this every place he goes, even T-Net systems, where
you don't have to split a person's name. Assuming all BBS' are run on
Net-Works II, where you have to split names). He then blows all of us away
with "Does any one have dung beatles?", because that was released in what?
1979?. Lord Sauron again shows us his quick wit, in combining numbers with
letters, and says "L8TR", meaning of course "LATER", in refering to a future
act. Now our old Lord Sauron is getting tired of typing, he has been going at
it for atleast 25 minutes now. He signs off, using text graphics, and telling
us two associations he belongs too. "Electoro Elite", and "President of MAP".
What goes on in this poor fellows mind. Does he think we actually care what
group, if any, he belongs to? Does he think we will kiss his feet, because he
uses (as the leeches say) "K-K00L T-GRAPHS" when signing all of his letters?
Lord Sauron is definately a "Net-Works II Rat", he seperates his name into two
words for you, he types in all UPPER case, and has a logic seaker built in that
tells him, when he hits 40 columns, he has to hit carriage return, or he will
not see his typing. Lord Sauron made a total of 22 errors in his message for
traders. And 22 is a small number, compared to the Suprem Leeches. Who can
wing about 30 or 40 errors in a message.
On the other hand, leeches don't always post, theq just read. These are the
wimpy leeches, and the real mental midgets of the leech society.
Then comes the stupid shit leech, who wonders why he can't download the
latest "K-K00L WARE" from a CAT-SEND line, using Smartcom 1, and a Hayes Micro
Of course, we have smart leeches, who read books like, "The Third Rich", and
"Websters Dictionary". The smart ones always back up such software as Dung
We have the scum variety of leeches who think that is they get enough dirt on
them, they can look like an India, and take a magic marker to their fore-head,
and put a black mark. So they can really look like an Indian.
We have the Mole variety of leeches, who are afraid of people's dogs, cat,
birds, and fish.
We have the nervous, and jerky leeches, who will be so tense, that if
somthing goes wrong, their heads will split in half!
The society of leeches is an never ending story. We have so many types of
leeches. Some day these little guys will grow up, and run our nation. Take
Walter Mondale for instance, if he was a computer user, would he be considered
a leech? Let me phrase it in another way, does a cow shit in a field?
I leave you on two very famous quotes from Supreme Leeches:
"Who is on Milliways? I bet it's a leech!!! He Yuk..He Yuk..He Yuk..."
"Don't call us, we will call you!"
I would personally like to thank [><] for some help, and The Vigilante for
his input, however small it may have been, I am still thankfull.
"Remember that guy at the party?" - MIO
Look for more Milliways productions, from your friends at The Restaurant at
the End of the Universe!
Mister I/O -No Leeches!-
The "Leech" Killer
Kill Leeches on Contact!
The Leech Killer
(n)o copyright!, 1985
Leech Burners Inc.
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