--- Following message extracted from HOLYSMOKE @ 1:374/14 ---
By Christopher Baker on Wed May 18 13:58:12 1994
From: Marty Leipzig
Date: 16 May 94 07:55:58
Subj: THE TOP FIFTEEN RIDICULOUSLY LONG BIBLICAL NAMES
THE TOP FIFTEEN RIDICULOUSLY LONG BIBLICAL NAMES
15) Abelbethmaachah: Kings 1 15:20, Kings 2 15:29. A city in Israel.
MODERN USAGE: Euphemism to describe two people you don't know making
love. EXAMPLE: "Yeah, that Earth First! rally was disgusting. Never
seen so much sleeping-bag abelbethmaachah in my life."
14) Almondiblathaim: Numbers 33:46-47. Another Israeli settlement.
MODERN USAGE: Insult. The literal translation out of the Hebrew is
"Place of men who blather about almonds all the time"; thus,
almondiblathaim is used to mean people who go on and on about
something you could give a hoot about. EXAMPLE: "Oh, great, the
programmers are coming over. Don't ask them how work is going;
13) Apharsathchites: Ezra 4:9. Inhabitants of yet another city.
MODERN USE: Geological technospeak. EXAMPLE: "No, you knucklehead.
Apharsathchites do not have yardarm carinae now, do they? Which means
this is? Think... come on... Christ! It's _Archeocyathus_, you
12) Berodachbaladan: Kings 2 20:12. King of Babylon. MODERN USAGE:
Medical assistant techspeak. Used to describe the sound a full bedpan
makes when dropped.
11) Helkathhazzurim: Samuel 2 2:16. Battlefield in Gibeon. MODERN
USAGE: Onomatopoetic description of accidental death resulting from a
stream of urine striking an electrified third rail.
10) Merodachbaladan: Isaiah 39:1. Another spelling of Berodachbaladan,
King of Babylon. MODERN USAGE: Medical assistant techspeak: Used to
describe the sound a full bedpan makes when dropped on a doctor's
9) Ramathaimzophim: Samuel 1 1:1. Samuel's home town on Mount Ephraim.
MODERN USAGE: Stew produced by a collective. EXAMPLE: "Hey, I bet
some crab meat would go really well in this!" "Go ahead, Al! It's a
8) Tilgathpilneser: Chronicles 1 5:6, 5:20; Chronicles 2 28:20. King
of Assyria. MODERN USE: A specific type of potent Czechoslovakian
pilsner prepared with ox tails.
7) Zaphnathpaaneah: Genesis 41:45. Joseph's Egyptian name. MODERN
USAGE: The practice of freebasing mothballs.
6) Bashanhavothjair: Deuteronomy 3:14. The name Jair son of Manasseh
gave to the country of Argob. MODERN USAGE: The practice of achieving
hegemony over a patch of land the size of an olive pit, naming it
after yourself with a five syllable jawbreaker, and then proceeding
straight into historical oblivion.
5) Chepharhaammonai: Joshua 18:24. Still another Israeli city.
MODERN USAGE: The practice of pretending ham is chipped beef, still
practiced by guilty members of the faithful to this day.
4) Kibrothhattaavah: Numbers 11:34-35, 33:16-17; Deuteronomy 9:22. A
cute bit in the wandering of the Jews in the desert. Chapter 11:
Everybody's in the desert. They're getting sick of manna. People
start wondering why they left Egypt; they ask Moses for flesh. Moses
talks to YHVH. YHVH promises 30 days of flesh. YHVH send a great
cloud of quails. People pig out. And then:
11:33 And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere
it was chewed, the wrath of the LORD was kindled against the
people, and the LORD smote the people with a very great
11:34 And he called the name of that place Kibrothhattaavah:
because there they buried the people that lusted.
MODERN USAGE: Fast food meat contaminated with feces.
3) Selahammahlekoth: Samuel 1 23:28. Where Saul laid off the pursuit
of David and went off to beat up the Philistines. MODERN USAGE: the
amount of sexual humor one can make in the workplace without being hit
with a sexual harassment lawsuit.
2) Chushanrishathaim: Judges 3:8-10. King of Mesopotamia. YHVH got
ticked at the Jews because they "served Baalim and the groves" [Judges
3:7] and so Chushanrishathaim got to enslave them for eight years.
MODERN USAGE: A guy who could have been a contender for serious fame,
but wasn't allowed to be evil long enough to ensure his reputation.
1) Mahershalalhashbaz: Isaiah 8:1, 8:3. The child of Isaiah and "the
prophetess." No other mention is made of this woman. The child is
used in Isaiah 8:4 as a measure of time ("For before the child shall
have knowledge to cry, My father, and my mother, the riches of
Damascus and the spoil of Samaria shall be taken away before the king
of Assyria")-- and is never mentioned again. MODERN USAGE: Fruit of a
sexual relationship between a famous person and a bimbo-- when the
famous person SWEARS the relationship was purely a professional one.
... "And man created God in his own image" is at least as likely.
* Origin: A Little Corner in Time BBS (1:106/113.0)