The following is an excerpt from Tammy Bakker's autobiography 'I Gotta Be me' (I swear, it

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The following is an excerpt from Tammy Bakker's autobiography "I Gotta Be me" (I swear, it really is - check out the December, 1986 issue of Harper's magazine). I wanted a child so very much, but Jim still wanted to wait. My two dogs Chi Chi and Fi Fi helped me for a while and took care of that mother instinct. One day while we were eating supper, little Chi Chi, who liked lima beans, ate some, and ran into another room. I had noticed that Chi Chi had been losing weight, and I couldn't understand why. When the dog didn't return, I wondered. Jim had seen the dog fall over on the carpet and not get up. He went and checked Chi Chi and then gently said "Tammy, Chi Chi is dead." I thought my world had come to an end, because that was the first time death had ever entered into me. I had never before had anyone die that I loved so much. I wanted to run out on the street and scream. As I started to run out of the door, the Holy Spirit stopped me right in my tracks. I stood in the kitchen and couldn't move. I wasn't thinking about God, only about why Chi Chi was dead. The Holy Spirit began to speak through me in an unknown tongue. I couldn't stop. It helped to keep me from falling apart. God is so good. He is there even when we aren't aware of Him. At that very moment, a real estate man wanted to show our house to someone (he wanted to build a house like ours). Jim handed Chi Chi to the real estate man and said, "Would you dispose of Chi Chi for us?" Jim put his arms around me and I cried and cried. I said, "Jim, have them keep Chi Chi for a couple of days. Please don't let them bury him right away, because I know God can raise things from the dead. Please, don't let them bury Chi Chi." Jim called the man and said, "Don't bury Chi Chi. Would you just put him outside in a box for a couple of days" -it was in the middle of winter- "because Tammy needs to settle something in herself." I prayed and prayed. "Oh, Jesus, please raise Chi Chi from the dead." I expected Jim to bring Chi Chi home any minute. I knew God could do it, and Chi Chi would be all right again. I expected to open the door, and there would be Chi Chi, as usual. The fact was that Chi Chi was a naughty little dog. I loved him so much, but several times I wanted to give him away because he wet on our drapes. He'd chew on everything. We never knew what he would tear up next. But you see, God knew how to take care of Chi Chi for me. God knew that if He took him, that would be the end of the wetting all over the room. One time I gave Chi Chi away, but I called the people and said, sobbing,"I can't give him away. I love him so much." They returned him and I forgave him. But I was still upset over the wetting and destroying of things. God knew what was best for me and Chi Chi was finally buried.

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