Introducing... P H R A S E M O N G E R the FASTEST way to FLAME! Yes, PHRASEMONGER, the la
P H R A S E M O N G E R
the FASTEST way to FLAME!
Yes, PHRASEMONGER, the latest in a series of USEFUL yet HARMFUL
products from the creative cesspools of BLAZEMONGER INCORPORATED.
PHRASEMONGER is so AMAZINGLY, MIND-NUMBINGLY FAST that it can flame EVERY
POSTER in the comp.sys.amiga hierarchy in mere SECONDS! Even by E-MAIL!!
Did somebody just post an article that you HATED? Did the poster
tell LIES, HALF-TRUTHS, or just plain BULL?? Did it make you ANGRY?!?!? Do
you want to POST THE MOST VICIOUS, DAMAGING FLAME IN THE HISTORY OF
ELECTRONIC MEDIA, TOTALLY DESTROYING THE REPUTATIONS OF THE IDIOT POSTER AND
HIS MOTHER AND PET DOGGIE FOR ALL ETERNITY??!!!?!??!?!?!
Well, in that case, I suggest that you get serious psychological help
immediately! But for the REST of us, PHRASEMONGER is a quick way to FLAME
without having to work hard. After all, isn't that what computers are for?
Simply feed the offending USENET article into PHRASEMONGER, click on
the appropriate intensity gadget ("Disagree", "Disagree Strongly", "Hate",
"Maim", "Kill Lightly", "Dismember", "Puree", or "REALLY Not Nice"), and let
the program go to work! Instantly, a customized FLAME is ready for your
For example, suppose that Joe Flamebait has posted the following
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Mac vs. NeXT vs. Muhammed Ali
In article <email@example.com> firstname.lastname@example.org
>Which should I buy?
Buy a Mac. It has a cute little trashcan. Much better than
the nasty NeXT "black hole." And besides, I am such an
expert on these two machines that I think I'll post it in an
Amiga newsgroup so everybody can be enlightened.
Joe Flamebait, email@example.com
No matter where you go, there's a stupid quote!
Feed it to PHRASEMONGER, click on the "Half-Intensity" gadget, and
look what comes out!!
Subject: What a JERK (was Re: Re: Re: Mac vs. NeXT vs. ...)
In article <firstname.lastname@example.org>, flamebait@deadbeef writes:
>[totally ignorant ravings deleted]
Mac? MAC?!? Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND!?!??!? You OBVIOUSLY
have NO IDEA what you're talking about! The NeXT?!? GET A
LIFE!! Both of these machines are INEPT at best, incapable
even of picking the CORNS on my TOES. And don't even
*mention* Multifinder... oh, no. What a JOKE.
The Mac *belongs* in the very TRASH CAN that it displays.
The NeXT should get SUCKED into a black hole itself.
And you, Mr. Smarty-Pants, should be fed to rabid wolves.
And next time, buddy, keep it in your OWN NEWSGROUP!!!
Not bad, eh? But that's not ALL! You don't even have to give
PHRASEMONGER the original article! Just type in a few key words or phrases,
and PHRASEMONGER will give you a perfect flame ANYWAY!
Input: Apple, Irving Gould, CDTV
Output: "You misbegotten Apple employees don't know what
you're TALKING ABOUT! This is TOTAL and UTTER
BULLSHIT!!! CDTV can run RINGS around the Mac IIfx
ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!! Get the HELL off of the NET!!!
Output: "WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!!!!!! No matter
HOW you say it, your INFORMATION is COMPLETELY
without content! I refer you to chapter 4 of the
ROM KERNEL MANUAL so you can see how BRAINLESS your
comment was. No, I won't tell you the PAGE NUMBER,
you mamby-pamby little CREEP."
Now that you've seen PHRASEMONGER at work, a natural question you
might ask is: "How does PHRASEMONGER do it?" To answer that question,
let's feed it to PHRASEMONGER (at various intensity levels) and find out!!
Input: "How does PHRASEMONGER do it?"
Gadget: Somewhat Friendly
Output: "BLAZEMONGER INC. has the ULTIMATE programmers.
They can do ANYTHING, you little dweeb."
Output: "We don't give out TRADE SECRETS for FREE, you
MOOCHER. Write your OWN damn program."
Output: "By kidnapping your MOTHER and doing IRRESPONSIBLE
ACTIONS with a garden hose."
Wheee!!! Obviously this program has lots of POTENTIAL. It is hoped
that PHRASEMONGER will provide the ULTIMATE in high-temperature
entertainment for YEARS to come!! Get your copy now at finer software
stores everywhere. But be sure to wear gloves when opening the box....
| Dan Barrett -- Grad student, Department of Computer & Information Science |
| University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA 01003 -- email@example.com |
PS: WARNING! Judging from the content of some of the recent articles in
this newsgroup, it is obvious that some buggy "beta" copies of
PHRASEMONGER have leaked out onto USENET. Beware!
Selected by Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
If you don't need an auto-reply, submit to email@example.com instead.
...End of PHRASEMONGER repost from R.H.F ....
Hey, guys. I bought one! Watch this!
>FROM: Bill Conner
> Ok, maybe you're right; I shouldn't challenge your most cherished
>non-beliefs. Maybe I was wrong to use the tactics of Madalyn Murrey
>O'Hair, after all, SHE's a woman ...
MAYBE!? What a churl. The only thing I cherish about nonbelief is its
spelling, you obnoxious, supercilious ni-twit. That's MURRAY,
Thumbs-for-fingers. Despite earlier corrections by other posters, you
persist with writing sentence fragments, you HE-MAN.
> But if only want people posting here who agree with you, why is this
>forum open? Most of the points I made at the outset have been
>validated by the hysterical attacks they generated.
A grammatical LOUT like you wouldn't notice that "But if..." has no
antecedent. Do you ever proofread anything post? [Can he possibly fall
for this?] You have assumed the truth of an implied premise, but, not
having read the FAQ or much else, you would not know about such things.
To address the error in your implied premise: We enjoy making you [or any
other ACEREBRAL IGNORAMUS] look silly in addition to our other more
Post away -- and blow it out your mule if you can't take a joke.
Wow!!! How 'bout that, guys? Was that fun, or what? Sure beats one of
my hysterical attacks ALL to hell and gone.
E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank