Subject: Theory of Creation and Proof Many times recently, I've heard various posters comp
From: trygve lode
Subject: Theory of Creation and Proof
Organization: Nyx, Public Access Unix @ U. of Denver Math/CS dept.
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (trygve lode)
Many times recently, I've heard various posters complain that no one has
ever posted a theory of creation to talk.origins. Now, the fact of the
matter is that this charge is entirely untrue--I have, in the past,
posted what I feel to be the best theory of creation yet developed to
this newsgroup. I refer, of course, to the time-honored and respected
Norse Creation Theory (NCT).
The basics of NCT are quite simple and intuitive--it states that the
world as we see it is made up of the fragments of the dead giant Ymir;
his blood forms the oceans, his shattered bones form the mountains and
rocks, the top of his skull forms the sky above, and clouds are nothing
more mysterious than levitating fragments of Ymir's brain.
This theory makes several testable predictions--for example, it predicts
that the chemistry of seawater should be similar to that of blood and,
indeed, that's just what we find: the salinity of seawater is similar
to that of human blood. Now, there are some minor differences (human
blood, when compared to seawater, is surprisingly deficient in porpoises)
but it should be noted in this context that Ymir was a supernatural
being--and quite a large one, for that matter--and could have anything
in his blood that he liked. (After all, would you argue about blood
chemistry with a giant large enough that the top of his head could form
NCT makes several more strong predictions including that the sky is
composed of a solid layer of bone and that the levitating brain
fragments we call "clouds" ought to be starting to go bad about now (a
phenomenon that has so far been observed only in L.A. and parts of New
Jersey--but then, who knows what the freshness date would be for the
supernatural equivalent of head cheese?).
On the surface, it might seem that these predictions are not entirely
supported by meteorological evidence. However, more recent revisions of
NCT have resolved these apparent contradictions by hypothesizing that
one of the reasons that fire giants are so rarely observed anymore is
that, centuries ago, they decided to disguise themselves as humans, at
first taking on jobs in blacksmithing and other forms of metalworking
(as befits their temperment), then parlaying their secret stranglehold
on metalsmithing into a world-wide cartel of metalurgical production and
refinement that has become the most powerful secret society in the
world. This organization of undercover fire giants, known as "The
Aluminati," is so powerful that it can exert its influence over
scientific circles worldwide, suppressing knowlege of the true nature of
the universe for their own nefarious ends.
However, as with all other creation theories, the most effective way to
prove its accuracy is to mention it briefly and then go on to prove that
evolution or abiogenesis never occured. Though I believe I've already
gone slightly beyond what would normally be called "a brief mention,"
proving that abiogenesis never occured is exactly what I'm about to do.
As has been pointed out earlier, the probability of abiogenesis (p) is
bounded 0 <= p <= 1. Therefore, we can safely conclude that the
greatest possible probability of abiogenesis is 1. So, beginning with
this "best case scenario" for abiogenesis, we know
1) p = 1 premise
2) p^2 = 1*p multiply both sides by p
3) p^2 - 1 = 1*p - 1 subtract 1 from both sides
4) (p + 1)(p - 1) = 1(p - 1) factor
5) p + 1 = 1 apply 2nd law of thermodynamics
6) p = 0 conclusion
Thus, even in our "best case scenario" where we assume the probability
of abiogenesis occuring is 100%, we find that the probability of
abiogenesis is actually zero. Proof positive that the earth was created
by Odin whacking the hell out of the giant Ymir.
Trygve (And if you'll wait a bit longer I'll come up with some way of
tying this in with the heat of Venus....)
E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank