The following is quoted in its entirety, without permission, from the v8#44 issue of the W
The following is quoted in its entirety, without permission, from the
v8#44 issue of the WEEKLY WORLD NEWS, available now at your local 7-11:
REVENGE OF THE GOOFY GURU
Motorcycling swami mows down pilgrims
Slaphappy swami Khalid Jha barreled his souped-up
Harley-Davidson right into a crowd of praying pil-
grims--trying to run down a rival guru who claimed
he could fly higher than Khalid!
Ten terrified worshipers were battered and bruised
when the hotheaded holy man, wearing a homemade
crash helmet, roared into a mob kneeling at the
feet of bearded swami Sunil Pillai.
The bizarre incident occurred at a remote mountain
retreat in northern India, where the goofy gurus
have spouted outrageous claims and counterclaims
for months in a battle for control of their tiny
``One swami claims he can turn people into dogs and
the other says he can turn people into airplanes,''
said journalist K K Seedharan.
``Then one says he can crack 500 coconuts over his
head and the other says he can crack 600 coconuts
over his head.
``One claims he can walk across five miles of hot
coals and the other says he can walk across 10 miles
of hot coals.
``They've split the sect into two camps with their
silly bickering, but as far as I know no one has
ever seen them perform even one of these feats.''
The wacky spat remained relatively peaceful until
the day the squabbling swamis fought over who could
fly the highest.
``I had just told my followers that God had given
me the power to fly over rooftops,'' kooky Khalid
``That swine Sunil heard me and later in the day
I overhead him tell his followers that he could
soar as high as any eagle.
``I was enraged. I know he can't fly that high. I
got my motorcycle and I was going to run him down.
I thought, `Let's see you fly away from this Harley.'
``Unfortunately I couldn't get to him without run-
ning over many people and my motorcycle was wrecked.
I never did reach Sunil but I made him squeal like
a scared pig.''
Shook-up Sunil dashed into a nearby village and
asked police to arrest his hot-rodding rival. Cops
investigated the incident but so far have taken no
``They must do something. That man is a menace,''
Sunil said. ``He hurt all those innocent people
and tried to kill me. But I wan't afraid. If he
had gotten too close I would have simply flown
ucbvax!brahms!weemba Matthew P Wiener/Brahms Gang/Berkeley CA 94720
E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank