From The Devil's Dictionary: Air, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Provi

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From The Devil's Dictionary: Air, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor. Christian One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbour. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistant with a life of sin. Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. Fiddle An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail upon the entrails of a cat. Fork, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. Formerly the knife was employed for this purpose and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many advantages over the other tool, which, however they do not altogether reject, but use to assist in charging the knife. The immunity of these persons from swift and awful death is one of the most striking proofs of God's mercy to those that hate Him. Harbour. A place where ships taking shelter from storms are exposed to the fury of the customs. Hand, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. Impartial Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing eitherside of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions. Politeness The most acceptable hypocrisy. Positive Mistaken at the top of one's voice. Pray To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. Prophecy The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. Rational Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection. Reasonable Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion. Religion A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. Saint A dead sinner revised and edited. Self-esteem An erroneous appraisement. Yankee In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States, the word is unknown (See DamYank). As you can tell, there are many potential taglines there! Unfortunately, Bierce didn't include entries for evolution, science or scientist. But I love his definition of "Pray"!


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