[begin exciting theme music]
[looks tough] Champion of unbelievers!
Chastiser of theists! [displays megaphone]
Poster on Usenet! [produces SPARCstation from armpit]
Resister of Flames! [flamethrower from offscreen blasts him with
a WHOOSH! A-Man emerges unscathed, of couse]
Who is that, meandering around toasting random harmless heathens
with his flamesquirter! No.... it can't be... but it is.. its
Conzilla! [pan camera to reveal big reptilian thing that vaguely
resemebles you-know-Bill-Connors-who carrying a some sort of
[Conzilla squirts flames at a passing target, but misses]
But have no fear! Atheist Man is here!
HOLD IT right there, Conzilla! You've no business flaming innocent
bystanders for no apparent reason.
[Conzilla, in a very non-reptilian voice]
"But Atheist Man, buddy, I just wanted some answers... I didn't
mean any harm..."
Well, you did harm! But never mind! Us Civilized Super Heros never
worry about how much collateral damage the Bad Guys do. I know just
what to do with the like you YOU!
[produces a FAQ and hurls it at Conzilla]
"Ha ha! That's what you think, Atheist Man! But little did you
know that I am FAQ-RESISTANT! You can't stop me!"
Hmmm.. I'd flame you to charcoal, but my flamethrowers in the shop.
Can I borrow that squirtgun.
[Conzilla looks at A-Man like he had turned into a mushroom]
Guess not. Well in that case, TAKE THIS!
[A-Man pulls out afore-seen megaphone, takes a deep breath, and:]
ATHEISTS MERELY FAIL TO BELIEVE IN GOD! IT IS UP TO THE THEIST
TO JUSTIFY HIS BELIEFS, AS THEY ARE EXTRAORDINARY!
"ARGH! I'll have you for that!"
[Conzilla produces a small metal box and flips a switch on it, then
places it on the ground. A door opens on it and scarecrows being to
march out of it]
Oh my no God its... its... an ARMY OF STRAW MEN!
"Yes, Atheist Man! You'll never escape now!"
HOW CAN ATHEIST MAN SURVIVE THE ONSLAUGHT OF THE DIABOLICAL
ARMY OF STRAW MEN??!!??
[theme music intensifies, then fades]
Tune in next time for the further adventures of
ATHEIST MAN, the Hero of Those Who Don't Believe in Him
Anyway, Which Is Good Since If They Did They'd Sue Him
For Flattening The City In Various Battles With The Bad Guys.
[deletia- various flames and lots and lots and lots of straw men]
Well, that's about as exciting as I can make a usenet post, Bill.
- Dan Johnson
And God said "Jeeze, this is dull"... and it *WAS* dull. Genesis 0:0